A/N Don't hate me I swear I'll update sooner next time! Lol. I'll keep this short and sweet….go read and review my minions! Lol jk :-) R&R, please!
Disclaimer: Oh my gosh…I don't own Harry Potter….Oh my gosh…deal with it.
Okay while I was very tempted to do the Hermione orgasm thing…I think I'm gonna go with this one instead just because it seemed perfect for her, lol….hey wait! Dude, I just got an idea! Haha I can combine this with the orgasm thing…oh lord I have a sick mind. Lol please don't hate me for this chapter I think things are definitely gonna get even more sick and freaky, lol. ;-)
WINNNER IS……………………………………………………. major issues 4 life! Aka Mary!
C.O.N.G.R.A.T.S!
Anyway on with the chapter…
"Well I don't know," said Hermione quizzically, promptly ignoring the fact that Ron was giggling and playing with his new bunny slippers, "What would be the philosophical thing to do?"
"Hermione…what the fuck?" said Danielle very bluntly, "Truth, or dare. It's simple. Pick one."
"Aww you guys are soooo cute!" Ron cooed at his bunny slippers, "I'm going to take you home with me over the summer! Yes I am! And I'm going to feed you lots of pop-tarts you adorable little critters! Yes, you're sooo adorable, yes you are! Yes you are! Yes you are! Yes you—"
Professor Snape chucked a large axe at Ron, who dodged it but shrieked as it chopped off the bunnies' ears.
"OH MY GOD!" screamed Ron, "MY BABIES!"
"I'LL HAVE YOUR BABIES, RONALD!" cried Dumbledore, "TAKE ME NOW!"
"WHY IS EVERYONE GAY?" moaned James being chased into the room by a horny Nearly Headless Nick.
"Why are only the guys gay?" pouted Sirius.
"Why doesn't Sirius like cookies!" demanded Peter.
"OF ALL BLOODY BODY PARTS," cried Draco, "WHY MY BALLS?"
"WHY WON'T YOU ALL SHUT UP?" shrieked Danielle, but it was to no avail, she gestured exasperatedly at Rachel who offered her a seat sympathetically and handed her a pina coloda as the two hostesses observed the pandemonium.
"I WANNA GET LAID!" whined Peter.
"I'M A SCHITZO!"
"I WAS A DUNG BEETLE IN A PAST LIFE!"
"MY BUNNIES ARE EARLESS!"
"I'M NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!" shrieked Snape, triumphantly, "IN YOUR FACE, BLACK!"
Everyone silenced and stared at Professor Snape. He had his arm around a rather attractive young girl in a tight black dress.
Sirius, James, Remus and Peter all blinked.
"….Has she been there this whole time?" Rachel spoke up finally.
"Umm…yeah?" said the girl giving her a very strange look, "I'm MG25C, Snape's girlfriend?"
Considering most people have had really spastic names…no one commented on this one.
"How have we been ignoring her this whole time…" muttered Sirius, "And how the hell is she with Snape?"
"Look," said Snape satisfied, "We had wild and crazy sex last night."
"…Mom?" said Remus to 'MG' in disbelief.
"HOW THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE?" shrieked Danielle, "Everybody SHUT UP and Hermione: TRUTH OR FUCKING DARE?"
"Well if you're going to attach the second option with a curse…"
"PICK ONE!"
"Dare!" cried Hermione, throwing up her hands, "Don't eat me!"
Rachel snapped her fingers and another girl appeared instantly by Hermione's side. Danielle stared.
"How the hell did you do that?" she cried, "This my show…how come I can't do that?" Rachel grinned.
"Um, hi people?" said the other girl confusedly, "What's going on?"
"And you are?" prompted Rachel.
"Mary…" said the girl cautiously.
"You. Dare her. To do something. Before I go insane," said Danielle shortly, pointing at Hermione.
"Hmmm…" Mary said thoughtfully, "Here you go." She handed Hermione a copy of Hogwarts, A History and grinned wickedly, "Burn it. Have fun!"
Hermione blinked and stared down at the book.
"Excuse me?" she said in a you-must-be-kidding-me voice.
"Burn…it…" said Mary very slowly, as Draco sauntered up to her and slicked his hair back suggestively.
"Hey…" slurred Draco, in a husky voice, "How you doin'?" Mary blinked at him.
"Dude, where's your penis?" she asked, "And why are you naked?"
"GOD DAMNIT!" roared Draco, "I DO NEED THEM!"
Mary gave Draco a very frightened look and vanished.
"I'VE NEVER BEEN SHOT DOWN BEFORE!" wailed Draco.
"Hey Rachel," said Danielle randomly, "I dare you to make out with Ron."
"…Why?" asked Rachel raising an eyebrow at her.
"So he'll stop mourning over the god damn slippers..." muttered Danielle, annoyed.
Ron perked up, abandoned his slippers and slipped an arm around Rachel's waist.
"Now this is one heck of a fine woman," he growled, and him and Rachel started furiously making out…in Dumbledore's lap.
"YEAH, BABY, YEAH!" cried Dumbledore bouncing up and down.
"Ok….images…" shuddered Danielle turning away from them and focusing on Hermione while Harry and Draco started dancing to Ciara's "1, 2, step" in the background.
"Hermione just burn the god damn book," she said impatiently.
"No," said Hermione firmly, "I won't do it."
"Hermione, you have to."
"NO!"
"HERMIONE!"
"NO!"
"Hermione, I'll take away your dildo!" threatened Harry. Hermione whimpered.
"Fine!" she spat, "But you're a monster!"
Hermione gazed lovingly at her book.
"Okay…but before I do…there's just one more thing I have to do…" Hermione stroked the book with a tender finger, and then caressed it. Suddenly she bit her lip in longing and pressed her hand vigorously into the book's cover….
"Yes…" she moaned, pressing the book up against her chest and rubbing furiously, "YES! TAKE ME MAN-MEAT!"
"Hermione! It's a book!" cried Lupin, looking rather horrified. Hermione threw him a dirty glare.
"Race means nothing to me!" shouted Hermione as she threw the book down on the floor, lay on top of it, and started thrusting her hips into it.
"Yes…" she cried out in passion, "I don't care if you ARE a teacher, and me a student…I don't care if it's wrong! Oh, YES! OW! OW! Minerva, please! This is my first time! AH! YES! FUCK ME HARDER! PLEASE MINERVA, DON'T HOLD BACK!" she let out a scream of pure pleasure and Harry started cracking up.
"You like McGonagall? THAT'S who you masturbate to with your dildo…and all this time I thought it was Ron…or Snape…"
Snape's girlfriend MG glared at them and started snogging her lover, while Sirius took the liberty of walking over to them and vomiting in their laps.
"I just had to give you my blessing," he said solemnly as Hermione climaxed on the book and let out an elated sigh as she collapsed alongside it.
"BURN IT ALREADY!" shrieked Danielle, making a mental note to erase her memory after this game.
Hermione closed her eyes, took out her wand and set the book ablaze…barely noticing it burn as she rolled over, her eyes still glazed with pleasure, and fell asleep, whispering, "Oh, Minerva…truth or dare my love…"
"Uhh…didn't McGonagall leave?" asked Rachel, pulling Ron off of her for a moment.
"Oh well I guess we'll have to get her then," shrugged Danielle, "YO, PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL! GET YO ASS IN HERE!"
"I'm coming…" came a deep, husky and slutty voice as McGonagall sauntered into the hall, "Truth."
Everybody stared at her.
A/N haha mini cliff hanger. W/e it's all humor so you guys won't die waiting lol. What should Miss "I sleep with the headmaster to keep my job" be asked? I'm thinking of putting up just two more chapters then ending this. :-( so you guys better help me make them good! lol Now REVIEW OR ELSE…NO UPDATE! MWA HAHAHA! Lol I'm review-crazy. :-)
And within these next two chapters im going to try my best to squeeze everyone who wants to be thrown into the story in for a little bit. I'll try my best to get as many people who've been wanting to be put in as possible. )
REVIEW!
Special Thanks To…DawnAurilain, lil miz pureblood, sweet raptured light, Lorelei Star, Padfootz, GingerNCeline, ronisasexybeast, myself...duh, ezza, modestgoddess, HP Fanatic5, divinething, WheezingGhost, nameless, crackerdoodles, randomchik, Tay'slilgal, Rockergirl, Krispykreme1468, rehgothrhrj, ginny-rules-the-world, blehk, MG25C, Michael Grand, Escritor, Kate, major issues 4 life, PiecesofDecember, bloggart, Weasleylover35753, theLastBLACK17, ballababy91, hi, han and obviously major issues 4 life!
