Embrace Your Fate
Part 5: A Birthday Present
Hisoka sat back on his haunches and admired his work. In the snow there was a meticulous drawing of his latest plan to kill the dreaded Jabu-Jabu. It was quite a good plan now that he thought of it. Sure they'd have to go on a bit of a scavenger hunt to find some of the things that the plan required, but all in all it was a concrete piece of work. And it looked pretty, that was the important part. Perhaps when all this was over he'd send it to an art museum.
"Illumi!" he called. "I'm ready to show you my plan."
Illumi groaned and roused himself from the quite comfortable patch of snow he'd been laying on. He was about to throw away the snowball he'd been playing with, but paused. He looked at Navi, then at the snowball. With a shrug he chucked the white missile at the fairy, praying that Navi didn't like the cold. The snowball passed through the fairy and hit an unsuspecting artic fox, which yelped and scurried off. Illumi sighed. Well, it had been worth a try.
He walked over and looked down. "Hisoka, that's a bunch of scribbles with some pebbles thrown in for texture."
Hisoka frowned. "It is not just a bunch of scribbles. This is a highly complex work of genius."
Illumi studied it closely. "It's scribbles and some rocks."
Hisoka sighed. "Just sit down; I'll explain."
Against his better judgment, Illumi sat next to Hisoka and tried to pay attention to what he was saying.
"Ok, this orange rock is me, and that black rock over there is you. The whale is that fat twig, 'cause whales are fat. And that kind of blue rock way over there is Orlando Bloom."
"Wait, what?" Illumi interrupted. "Why the hell do we need Orlando Bloom?"
"He's a vital part of my plan."
Illumi's eyebrow rose. "Uh-huh. And how do you propose that we get him all the way up here?
Hisoka waved his hand dismissively. "Oh, we'll think of something. Now then, the first step is to put Orlando Bloom here in front of the whale. The whale is a Lord of the Rings fan, so of course he'll want an autograph. Then-"
"Wait a second. How do you know that he's a Lord of the Rings fan?"
Hisoka tapped the side of his nose knowingly. "I've got an eye for these things."
Illumi's eyebrow disappeared into his hairline. "Right."
"Now, while the whale is trying to get an autograph, we take a net made out of banana peels and duck tape, and throw it over the whale. Then you run around and weight down the sides of the net with bricks. In the meantime, I'll run in and skewer the whale with the Master Sword, save Princess Zelda, and become a hero!"
Hisoka beamed. "So, what do you think?"
Illumi stared at him in shock. "That has to be the dumbest plan I've ever heard. Including Milluki's 'I shall kill Ron and make Hermione as my own' plan."
Hisoka pouted. "What's so bad about it?"
"For one thing, there is no way in hell that we're going to be able to get Orlando Bloom here. For another, there's no way in hell or anywhere else that we're going to be able to make a net out of bananas and duck tape that will hold a whale. And I'm not even going to go into how many bananas we'd need to create a net that big."
"Hmph. I don't see you coming up with any ideas."
"At least the ones I have are vaguely plausible."
Hisoka stuck his tongue out at Illumi. "You're just jealous because my plan's so awesome."
"Jealous? There is no possible way that I c-"
"Hey listen! You needa go fight Jabu-Jabu!"
""Illumi, make it go awayyyyy!" Hisoka wailed.
"You needa go fight Jabu-Jabu!"
Illumi grasped his head as a headache attacked his brain. It was all too much. Between Hisoka's wails and Navi's shouts, he couldn't even hear his own thoughts. No money in the world was worth this. He just wanted this job to end!
Suddenly, Illumi froze. He straightened up from his hunched over position, a smirk on his face. Hisoka forgot about wailing and watched with curiosity as Illumi walked over to a bag with their supplies. He rummaged around for a bit, then produced a jar.
"Come on, Hisoka. We're going to the post office." Illumi walked off. Hisoka followed.
They came to the small brick building that the artic town called the post office. Illumi came to the double doors, and then paused. Quick as lightning, he ripped off the lid of the jar and trapped Navi inside. He screwed the lid on tightly, smiling happily. Hisoka wasn't sure if he should be cheering for his hero, or running away from an insane assassin.
Whistling, Illumi walked into the building. He got a box from the pile by the door, and placed the jar inside a long with a lot of packing paper. He then produced a piece of paper and some ink. He sat down at one of the tables and scrawled something on it, which he then placed in the box. He sealed the entire thing up with some tape, and set it on the desk of the receptionist.
"Express mail to the Republic of Padokea. P.O. Box 1293." He slapped a hundred jenny bill down next to the box. "Keep the change."
He walked out of the post office, grinning. Hisoka followed him, a puzzled expression on his face.
"Illumi, why'd you send it to your home?"
Illumi just smiled. "Milluki's birthday's tomorrow."
KUKURU MOUNTAIN
Milluki was surfing the Internet when there was a knock on his door. He sighed and minimized the window he had open.
"Come in!"
Kanaria walked in with a box in her hands. "Excuse me, Master Milluki, but this just came for you in the mail. It's from Master Illumi." She placed the box on a small space of his desk that wasn't taken up by computers or junk food.
Milluki grunted his thanks and she left the room. He ripped off the tape that was sealing the box, and opened it. Inside there was a glowing blue jar, and a note. He read the note first.
"Milluki-
Happy Birthday.
-Illumi"
"Hm. Wonder what he
sent me." Milluki lifted the jar and scrutinized it. He couldn't
tell what was in it because of the blue glow. Curiously, he opened
the lid. Something zipped out and hovered in front of his face.
"Oh shit."
"You needa go fight Jabu-Jabu!"
THE END
A/N: Hey! Thanks to all y'all who read and reviewed. It means a lot to me. . Also, if you care, I've gone back and corrected the errors in the earliter chapters. There were more than I thought. . I'm feeling really embarrassed right now. Heh, but seriously, I'm grateful for all your support. I'd also like to thank my beta/inspiration Pi. And Illumi and Hisoka of course. Give 'em a round of applause!
Disclaimer: I do not own HunterxHunter or Zelda, or Lord of the Rings. However, I do own this fanfic, kay? .
