DISCLAIMER: I don't own Boy Meets World, so please don't try to have me contact Rider. I don't know him. Yet. -winks-

Author's Note: Topanga was hard so it doesn't make any sense and it sucks. I tried rewriting but nothing. So, I hope you laugh at how bad it is and keep reading. Cory might be better.


Chapter 2: Topanga Lawrence (Matthews)

I'm perfect. I have to be. My parents didn't teach me it, they were it. So I tried to be like them. I know that I succeeded. I have great grades in a great college. I have a great job in New York. I have a great husband, who loves me like no one else.

But I'm not happy.

No one ever told me that being perfect didn't guarantee happiness. If I would have known that, I would have given up on it and spent more time having fun. Not to say that I didn't have any fun. I mean, my honeymoon... lets just leave it at that, if you know what I mean. But I didn't have as much as I should have before my "grown up life" started. Cory had fun. Not me.

He always tried to include me but I was too busy worrying about anything and everything. It's just the way I am.

I did get better at having fun, though. I realized how I was and I changed... a little. Not enough though. I'm still not happy.

Cory and I are so different, it scares me sometimes. I see things how they are; he sees what they could be. He's nuts (although he's not as bad as Eric) and I'm completely sane.

I never used to be.

The worst part is that I'm afraid that being perfect didn't help me at all. I'm not in high school, or even college, anymore. I don't know if I'm good enough for the real world.

When did this happen to me? When did I become this person who has no faith in anything? When did I lose the person in me that was confident in myself and my abilities? It seems like that person is a million miles away and she'll never come back. I'm always scared now. I'm always worried. It's like everything I do is for a reason and for nothing else. My actions must have a purpose, or else what's the point?

I know there has to be a reason for not having a reason.

I just don't know what it is.