Not this time.

Disclaimer; Not mine, but will be in my next lifetime.

John stared at the still form of his son. He listened as the machines whined and beeped life into his firstborn. And he remembers.

"You fight and you fight for this family, but they don't need you, not like you need them"

If Dean dies, he'll die believing those words. But who was John kidding. He saw his son's eyes through the yellow haze, he saw the belief there when the demon spat those words out to him.

"Sam is clearly John's favorite. Even when they fight he shows more concern for him than he's ever shown for you."

John heard himself say those words. He watched as Dean's pallor paled even more. Then the smirk, Dean lashing back at the demon, the demon taking his vengeance.

"Dad…dad, don't you let it kill me!"

If Dean dies, then John has let the demon kill him. And he can't do that. He can't let the demon kill his son.

"Dad, please." Broken, Dean begging. Dear God how had it gotten so out of hand?

John stares at the still form of Dean. His thought going back to the cabin, his sons, his past. Little Sam in his crib staring out innocently. Dean coming up to him, small hands on John's shoulders.

"It's ok dad, it's going to be ok"

He'd forgotten about that. He's been caught up in the hunt, he's forgotten a lot. The stay at the hospital, the quiet hours in the night, the look of desperation on Sam's face, it was bringing John memories of moments in the past he had forgotten. Dean bandaging him up, fixing supper for him and Sam. Dean taking care of them. Who took care of Dean?

John felt tears in his eyes. Tears for a past he regretted, for a future that looked darker still, for two sons who deserved so much more. He can't let Dean die, he can't lose him. Sam can't lose him.

John didn't know how to stop a reaper. But he knew someone that might be able to. He wasn't going to let the demon have this one.