Summary: "Hello! I'm here to destoy this facility. Thought I'd warn you so you could update your resumes, or whatever it is you have on this planet. Though if I were you, I really would've gotten on that as soon as I'd heard the blaster fire. You knew this couldn't last."

Notes: This is about the time, incidentally, that Lyssa dropped a bombshell on me. This was so good to write; it surprised me, it was often fun, it came pretty easily, it actually got finished (miracle of all miracles), and also, it really turned out pretty well. Good days.

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Chapter Seven: Misdirection

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A quiet tangle of events. Actions, reactions, bouncing off each other, crossing, joining, seeming haphazard, but sometimes joining in such perfect and elaborate circumstances that he couldn't help but wonder if it was tending to some end, if there was some grand purpose for the universe, if there was some grand purpose for him.

It was a terrifying prospect, but it would explain a lot.

But whose purpose was it?

The eternity that dozed within the center of his ship hummed slightly louder, as if to comfort him-- or maybe just to remind him that he had more urgent matters to deal with.

"So we're clear on the plan?"

Lyssa nodded. "I get past the guard and unlock the cells. You create a diversion of some sort you refuse to elaborate on. You join me whenever you can and help me take everyone out. To be amended as needed."

He nodded. He didn't like leaving her to deal with the prisoners, especially since he wasn't sure what shape they'd be in. But someone had to cause a diversion, and he'd always been wonderful at that. Sometimes even intentionally.

"Seems pretty simple. Let's go."

"Lyssa--" He hesitated. "Lyssa, it's a laboratory. I don't know what you're going to find. Just be careful, all right? Try to be prepared."

Lyssa blinked. "What do you mean, a laboratory? Why would they take prisoners to a lab?"

He couldn't think of anything to say. Not anything that he wanted to tell her.

"What use would they have for prisoners in a lab? They couldn't be janitors, what else could--" Something flickered in her eyes, but she quickly pushed it away. "What else could they be? I think someone was lying to you. It couldn't be a lab."

If she wasn't going to have to face the reality, he'd have gladly let her keep her delusion. "Lyssa. It's a lab."

"Couldn't be."

"I don't know what you're going to find in there," he repeated. "I don't know what they're doing to them. There isn't any way to prepare yourself for it, but try to be strong."

She took a deep breath. "I don't believe it. It's not possible. Not here."

"As impossible as the government secretly employing magicians to kidnap 'undesirables'?"

"Shut up!" she screamed, looking around for something to throw at him. "You don't understand!"

"Oh, really? You sure about that?" He glared back at her, running out of patience. "I have a friend in there too, you know! I don't know what they're doing to her, either! I'm not sure I'm getting her back, either! That's just the last two days of my experience, and I obviously understand. Want to go back any further?"

He could tell from the look on her face that something in his eyes was making it very clear she didn't. He just wished he had more control over that "I am a nine-hundred-odd-year-old Time Lord who has seen more devastation in one year of my existence than you ever will in a hundred years of yours" look. It could be very useful.

Still, it usually appeared on its own whenever it was really needed.

"I'm just worried," she said, looking down. "I'm just terrified to death. Almost everyone I know is in there."

"Yeah. I know."

"Yeah." She sighed. "Let's do this. I mean it; let's do it now. I don't want time to lose my nerve."

"The shift change is in fifty minutes. If you can get your way past the guard without attracting his attention, and he isn't gone in half an hour, don't wait until he leaves before you start. We want a few tired guards waiting for the end of their shifts, not fresh guards surveying the area for the first time, or especially not both sets at once. Best case scenario, this is over before the new shift even comes in."

"Worst case scenario?"

"Pretty obvious, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah, now you mention it." She winced and let out a shaky breath. "Let's just hope that doesn't happen. Today would be a bad day for me to get captured for experimentation."

"Yeah, you could say that about pretty much any day, though, couldn't you?"

"Yeah." She nodded, with a faint smile. "Right. So let's not waste any more time! Let's get going."

"Remember, when the guards all leave--"

"That's your diversion. It better be a damn good one, too, or I swear to gods I will haunt you for the rest of your life."

You'll have to join the queue, the Doctor didn't say. "Good luck. Let's go."

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The paperwork the Doctor was looking for was sitting on the table, in front of the Laboratory Admin receptionist. There was no way he could get to it without being seen.

Fortunately, he wanted to be seen today.

So he walked up to the front desk and took the file away from the receptionist, leafing through it. "H, S, here's T. Ta, To-- ah, here we are. Tyler, Rose. That's who I'm looking for, you know. I'm going to break her out of here. I wonder what you've done to her? This file is remarkably uinformative. 'Mild Salsa Project'? 'Project Highflight'? 'Project Bad Wolf'? You people are bad at naming things." He shook his head, apalled. "It's almost as bad as another planet, quite a bit like yours, that calls the creation of all matter out of a speck the head of a pin the 'Big Bang'. A six-year-old could come up with a more evocative name. Pathetic, really. Oh, I see you called the guards. How delightful."

The Doctor ducked behind a corner and pulled out a blaster, firing cheerfully at random vases. "Do get out of the way. It's a rescue attempt, y'see, and I would hate for any of you to get caught in the crossfire. I do abhor violence." He ducked across the corridor, avoiding blaster fire. "Oh, you people have perfected laser-type guns! That's new. I imagine the government's kept that a secret from the general public, like everything else. Ah, the surveillance room! Fantastic." The Doctor drew his sonic screwdriver from a pocket and fiddled with the lock. "Right. Be back in just a sec."

He threw open the door and went inside. "Hello! I'm here to destoy this facility. Thought I'd warn you so you could update your resumes, or whatever it is you have on this planet. Though if I were you, I really would've gotten on that as soon as I'd heard the blaster fire. You knew this couldn't last. Oh, is that the video of the hallway? Excellent. Looks like my video loop worked perfectly. Shouldn't you people be watching the video instead of staring at me like that?"

On the monitors behind them, Lyssa was busy finishing installing the real video loop. "Not that it matters. My plan's over. Did you know that there is a vast number of armed guards right outside this door? Did they care enough about you to make it blast-proof?"

There was a bang on the door. "Magician! Come out with your hands up!"

"That wouldn't really help them any," the Doctor confided to the security officers in the room. He raised his voice to talk to the armed guards outside the door. "I'm in a room with people. I have a gun."

There was silence for a moment. "What do you want?"

The Doctor grinned. "Oh, I could talk about that for hours. But, since you bring it up, I'd like a professional hostage negotiator to come here. I'd also like three pizzas and a pony."

The two security people stared at him. "...Why aren't you pointing your gun at us?" one asked.

"Why should I bother with that? Not like you're hostages or anything."

"But-- but you just said you wanted a negotiator--"

"Only 'cos they asked first. Amazing how you can give people two unrelated facts, and they'll draw whatever conclusion they want."

"So..." said the other. "You're saying you won't hurt us?"

"Not if I can avoid it, no," he answered cheerfully. "Though I'd prefer it if you didn't try to leave the room."

"But... why?"

He just beamed at them. "If I told you, then it wouldn't be a secret plan, now would it?"

They edged slowly away from him, the way people usually did when he beamed like that. It was probably, he didn't mind admitting, a very good instinct.

Lyssa was on her own now. He didn't know what she was facing, but he was pretty sure she'd manage to face it, one way or the other. And if their plan did succeed, she would have plenty of time to cope with whatever she'd seen. But he wasn't worried, because she was no hothouse flower and that side of the affair was out of his hands. All he could do was give her time.

"What is a pizza, and where can we find one?" a guard yelled through the door.

"How is that my problem?"

If this plan depended on his ability to ramble, this might wind up being the easiest prison break he'd ever concocted.

For him, at least.

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