"But you've always been good enough. You've just been giving the best parts of you to the wrong people." - R.H. Sin
Hockey season-the most dreaded time of the year for Lacey, but her best opportunity to show her support for Max.
It was the first pre-season scrimmage, a series of competitions leading up to the actual games. The Rockets always began scrimmaging toward the end of September, and on this particular night, their rival would be Eden Hall.
Fan-damn-tastic, Lacey thought. She especially disliked games against Eden Hall. Max would either spend the rest of the night gloating over his successful plays against them, or whining because the Rockets had lost. Eden Hall is his team's toughest rival, so this is probably to be expected.
Lacey was huddled in one of the seats at Eden Hall's rink, arms folded, shivering under Max's letter jacket, which was draped over her shoulders. She vowed to him she would try to make as many of his scrimmages and games as she could, even if she had to bring her homework with her. For all Max's faults, she knew his hockey playing had little support at home - his dad had preferred he played football - so she tried to encourage him.
Looking up every so often from America in the Twentieth Century, she would spot his number thirty-seven on the ice. He skated across the rink at a dizzying speed, skillfully guiding the puck toward the goal when it came to him. Hockey always looked so easy to play from this vantage point.
But as good of a player as Max is, there were two people who thwarted him when he played against Eden Hall: the Ducks' goalie, Julie "The Cat" Gaffney and, of course, Adam Banks. Adam was twice as fast as Max, and Lacey noticed the manner in which he sailed alongside her boyfriend menacingly, usually managing to finagle the puck away. He was deft at dodging defense and completely unafraid of checking guys that were bulkier than him.
However, something was different tonight. Adam skated more slowly than usual, and each check he took seemed to take him longer to recover from. Finally - for the first time Lacey had ever seen - Coach Orion benched him. She could tell Adam was not happy. He took off his gloves and slammed them down on the bench, pacing restlessly until Coach Orion came over and spoke, what looked to Lacey like, a few harsh words before placing a hand on the young man's shoulder. As little as Lacey knew about hockey, she had to admit, Coach Orion seemed good for the Ducks. Davy told her he had begun as their JV coach a few years ago, but the team's bond was unbreakable, and Coach Orion moved up to Varsity with the team he had become so proud of - the Mighty Ducks.
Lacey felt a little guilty paying more attention to Adam than Max during the game, but she felt driven to figure him out. She knew that as an eleven-year-old, she'd probably been naive to put the boy on a pedestal simply because he'd offered his scarf to her when her nails were bleeding. But the way he had brought the kittens to the shelter instead of taking them to the pound, even staying long enough to help feed them, all showed he had a sense of compassion. It was an interesting thing to see in a guy who could show such aggression during gameplay.
Soon, the scrimmage ended without Adam ever getting a chance to go back out on the ice. Without his toughest competition, Max soared, his success hampered only by Gaffney. In the end, the Ducks won anyway, but Max was quite full of himself for the goals he had scored.
It usually took a while for him to take off all his padding and gear and then get a shower, and Lacey was tired of sitting on the bleachers to wait for him, so she made her way into the cool night air, tossed her history book into the back of Max's newly repaired car, and decided to walk around the campus of Eden Hall a while.
The buildings stood tall and proud, covered with ivy in places with huge, well-lit walkways. What would it be like to go to school at this place? Or more to the point, to have the money and influence to be able to?
Lacey's mind wandered as she strolled along, trying not to venture too far from the car so she would be able to tell when Max was ready to go, but she wanted to explore every square inch of this place. She saw a fountain in the center of a nearby courtyard, closed down for the winter but she could just imagine how beautiful it would be in the summer sunlight.
"Um, excuse me!"
Lacey was jarred from her tranquility by the sound of footsteps running up behind her. She couldn't see well enough, even by the streetlamps, to identify the girl, but her voice was friendly.
"You dropped this." As the girl approached, she held out a pink-and-purple koosh ball, half the rubber strands missing from it.
Lacey's face felt hot as she reached out and grabbed the ball quickly. "Oh, it's my little sister's," she forced a smile. "Thank you. I guess it fell out of my bag. I was holding it for her and forgot to give it back." She tucked it into her purse, as far down to the bottom as possible.
"Oh, you have a little sister?" the girl beamed. "I do too, back in Bangor. I miss her like crazy, being this far away."
Feeling responsible to be at least a little friendly, given how abrupt she was in retrieving the koosh ball, Lacey forced a pleasant tone. "You're here from Maine?"
The girl nodded, holding out her hand. "Julie Gaffney."
Lacey's brows shot up in surprise. The goalie for the Ducks? She'd never seen Julie before in person, underneath all the pads and face shields. She wasn't sure what she'd imagined Julie to be like, but certainly not like this: normal and friendly with long, blonde braided hair and a sweet, girl-next-door face.
"Lacey Primmer," Lacey returned the introduction.
"Are you a student here?"
"Oh, no, we're from R.C. Driskell. My boyfriend Max and I," Lacey replied.
"Max Shipley?"
"The very one," Lacey chuckled.
"Oh gosh, no kidding! Right defenseman for the Rockets." It was Julie's turn to raise her brows. "He's really good! Stiff competition."
Lacey nodded, smiling. "Yeah, hockey's his life."
"I'm just as guilty," Julie grinned. "Since I was old enough to skate. Have you ever played?"
Lacey shook her head. "I'm no good on ice, or any kind of skates, actually. But it is pretty fascinating to watch you guys."
"Yeah, it's fun," Julie sighed fondly. "That's something Coach Bombay really taught us back in the day - have fun, above all else. It is a little nice to win, though," she chuckled. "I almost thought we weren't going to pull out, though, when Adam was benched."
"Yeah, I saw that. I'm sorry it happened," Lacey commented carefully. "But you guys still did very well."
"Thanks," Julie smiled, rubbing her hands together briskly before wrapping her scarf around her more tightly. "Well, it was nice meeting you! I'm glad I could give you back your sister's koosh."
"Yeah, she'd really miss it," Lacey smiled. "Thank you. Maybe I'll see you at the next game."
Julie laughed. "Sure, that would be cool. It's good to know Shipley's girlfriend isn't a total snob."
Lacey returned a light laugh. "Right. Well…take care, and good game."
As Julie walked away, Lacey realized it had been a long time since she and another girl had a real conversation. But Max was out of the locker room now and making his way to his car, looking around in the dark for her.
"I'm here," she jogged back to him. "Good job tonight, babe." She went around to the driver's side and gave him a long kiss.
"I know," he grinned when she pulled back. "Here." He opened the door, and she jumped in and scooted over to the passenger's side.
"I'm glad you got your car fixed, by the way."
Max snorted, getting in after her, "yeah no joke." He started the car to get the heat going. "Oh right, we gotta wait for Davy, don't we?"
"Yeah, we do."
Max rolled his eyes. "I hope you know your brother barely made the team this year. He's really not that great, Lace. No talent, just a pine pony rider. I mean, I guess it's cool he keeps trying out, but he really ought to make better use of his time and go join the marching band. He'd make an excellent tuba player."
Lacey took a deep breath to stuff down her irritation. The fact was: she and Davy weren't all that close, despite being practically step-siblings. He spent most of his time with his mom and stepdad, visiting Stuart very little, and going out with friends a lot when he did. But she still felt a sense of familial protectiveness over him.
"Actually, you know what I like about Davy, Max? He might not be a great player, but he loves the game. And I think that's pretty cool. It's not about winning for him."
Max looked at her like she'd sprouted an extra head. "Uh, well he's wrong. It is about winning. If not, why play?"
Lacey just shook her head and went silent. Max did too, reaching to scan radio stations. She hoped Davy would hurry up and come outside already. But even as she waited, Lacey realized maybe this time alone would be a good opportunity for her to broach another topic with her boyfriend.
"Max?"
"Yeah?" He reached out and slung his arm around her shoulders.
"What do you think will happen after we graduate?" Lacey let the words drop.
"What do you mean?" He glanced over.
"I just…I mean, I don't know. You're going off to Minnesota State on a hockey scholarship, and I'm still going to be here."
"Yup. Good ol' community college," he chuckled.
Lacey felt a stab in her chest. "Max, why do you do that? You know it wasn't my choice."
"Come on, Lacey. Why would you ever want to stay in this place? I mean, get out and see the world! Take out loans and come to State with me."
"You know it's not that simple," she took a deep breath. "I don't want to take out loans. I'll be paying for them forever. And I've tried every way I could to get financial aid, but somehow I still don't qualify. Plus, there's Mom."
"Your Mom will be fine, Lacey, good grief. She's got Stuart. Aren't they ever getting married?"
"I have no idea. But until then, if that even happens, she needs me to work, help them with the rent and utilities. You know how Phil Banks is about rent, and they've been late a lot."
Max snorted. "Well yeah, what do you expect out of a Banks? Ruthless jackasses. Anyway, if that's what you wanna do, I mean, whatever. But Lacey, I gotta be honest…"
Lacey inconspicuously reached into her purse to squeeze her koosh.
"I don't know if I can do the long distance thing. It might be nice to find some girls to just talk to at school, you know? Not that I want to break up," he added quickly. "I wouldn't take anyone else seriously, just…I don't want to get too lonely. And I'll be missing you." He tightened his arm across her shoulders.
Lacey paused for a moment, trying to register his words. "So in other words, you want to date other girls because you can't be alone, but you don't want to break up. Right?"
"Well saying it that way makes me just sound like a jerk," Max answered heatedly. "I mean, we could maybe take a break, but I wouldn't just dump you," he chuckled as though they were talking about which gallon of ice cream to buy at the grocery store.
"Well, thank you for that," Lacey smiled sarcastically.
It completely went over Max's head. "Of course, babe."
The next words came out of Lacey's mouth before she could stop them - a bad habit she was adopting lately. "Then Max, I don't know if I want to give myself to you at Homecoming. I mean, if we're not more serious than we are, why should I?"
At the letdown she issued, Max stiffened. "I thought you wanted to, Lacey. I mean, you told me you did, and…it's just sex, right? Not like it really means all that much anymore, even if I do go off to school and we decide to take a break. It'll be a good time. We can experience it for the first time together, so why not?" He shrugged and glanced over, but his face betrayed the fact that he knew he'd messed up with his flippancy.
"Well, it's good to know you're keeping it casual," Lacey murmured. Not wanting to continue this conversation, she reached down and turned up The Verve Pipe's depressing "The Freshman." She despised the song normally, but right now she just wanted to drown out anything else Max might say. At this point, given both of their personal resentments, it would be a miracle if their relationship even made it to Homecoming.
"Alright." She flung open the door, getting out. "I'm going to find Davy." She shut it behind her quickly before Max could comment. Wrapping her arms around herself tightly against the cool night air, Lacey began the trek to the arena. When she entered the front doors, it took her asking a few directions to finally make her way down the hallway leading to the locker rooms. Feeling drained from the tense conversation with Max, she sat down on the ground against the wall just outside of the guest team's locker rooms. She leaned her head back, watching the various players bustle past her and smelling the stale popcorn drifting down the hall from the concession stand, closing for the night. Just as she was about to get up and boldly go bang on the locker room door, she glanced the opposite way and saw Davy's dark hair as he headed toward the exit.
"Davy! What the heck!" Lacey jumped up and jogged after him. "We've been sitting out there wai-"
But the admonition died on her lips as the boy turned around and she realized it wasn't Davy, but instead, Adam.
Adam and Davy look nothing alike, but she realized Adam's hair was wet, likely from a shower, which had caused it to match Davy's shade.
"Oh!" She took a step back. "Sorry about that. For some reason, I thought you were my stepbrother."
"Davy McBrayer's your stepbrother?" Adam asked, glancing behind her as though waiting to catch sight of Davy, too. "I played with him on the Hawks way back when."
"Yeah, he…well, he's not actually my stepbrother. Our parents aren't married, but…" She shook her head, realizing Adam wouldn't care about all this. She was rambling. "Anyway, good game tonight."
Adam's eyes darted away, and Lacey knew he was probably embarrassed at having been benched. "Yeah, thanks. Hey, how're the cats?" he changed the subject so quickly it took Lacey a moment for her brain to catch up.
"Cats? Oh! The kittens, yeah. They're really good! Veronica's more affectionate than Violet, but they're both pretty sweet," she smiled. "Thanks again for bringing them to us. I'm glad you found them when you did. They could have died if no one had gone by there."
"Yeah, I guess they could've. And you're welcome." He shifted his duffel bag, wincing slightly as he did so. "Okay, well I'd better get home. I've got a ton of homework." Adam was polite enough, but seemed distracted.
"Right, okay. Um…take care," she gave him another quick smile before he turned around.
"You too," he called over his shoulder.
Lacey watched him leave, able to tell from his stiff gait that he was, indeed, hurting. That's when she glanced down and saw the pill container.
She reached down quickly to retrieve it, afraid of who else might have seen it. She didn't want it to get lost in the shuffle of players still emerging from both locker rooms. Lacey took a few steps forward and opened her mouth to call Adam back, pretty sure he had dropped them when he shifted his bag, but she couldn't seem to follow through with it.
Looking back down at her hand, she popped open the container and stared at the pills inside. She had no idea what a Percocet looked like, but she guessed it could look like this. If these were Adam's Percocets, wouldn't she be an idiot to give them back to him?
You should. He's in pain, a voice echoed in her mind. But she didn't make a move to listen to it, instead staring down at the five tiny blue pills.
"Hey."
Lacey jumped, shrieking and nearly dropping the pills as Davy had stepped up behind her. She snapped the container shut and stuffed it into her pocket. "Davy, for God's sake. You scared me. Where have you been?!" She was afraid for a second that he'd seen the pills, but clearly he hadn't.
"Talking," he replied, smirking.
"To who?" Lacey walked slowly down the hall alongside him.
"To a girl. You don't need to know who yet," he leaned over and bumped into her playfully. "But just wait. In good time, all will be revealed."
Lacey chuckled, rolling her eyes as she and Davy made their way out into the cold.
Davy let out a girly squeal. "Gaaaah! It's freezing out here!"
"Well yeah, definitely when you're wet, you doof." Lacey opened the backseat door for him so he could toss in his bag. Max was looking back at them, wordlessly.
Max's silence lasted the entire car ride home, and Lacey couldn't tell if it was because he was annoyed with her, annoyed that Davy was with them, or something else entirely. And frankly, she didn't care. She was all too happy when Max pulled up outside her house, throwing the car in park and leaning over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll call tomorrow," he murmured out of habit.
Davy and Lacey headed inside, and Davy immediately dropped his stuff inside the door and went to the kitchen. The house was mostly dark, and Lacey figured Stuart, ever early to bed, was already asleep, and the twins were either asleep or reading in their room. She made her way into the living room, from which she could hear the canned laughter coming from a Seinfeld episode, and found her mom lying on the couch, eyes glued to the TV.
Lacey dropped onto the couch beside her. "You're up late. Can you not sleep again?"
"No," Darlene sighed, rubbing her face. "Stuart's snoring. I'm going to grab some Unisom tomorrow from the drugstore."
The two of them sat quietly for a few minutes, staring at the TV. Seinfeld, Friends, and Roseanne were the three shows her mother would never miss. Lacey didn't really care for any of them, but she often came down and watched them alongside her mom just because she suspected it meant a lot to her even if she never said it.
"Mom?" Lacey finally spoke on a commercial break.
"Hmm?"
Lacey took a deep breath. "If you knew someone was doing something wrong, and you were able to help prevent it on some level, even if they didn't know you were doing it…should you? Or should you just let them sort it out on their own?"
Darlene raised her head and blinked uncomprehendingly at Lacey. "What?"
"Sorry, I'm not making sense. I guess what I'm saying is…" Lacey lowered her voice, considering her words carefully. "I have a friend. Well, not really a friend, but someone I admire and who I think is a pretty good person. And this person's taking pain pills. Not to get high, but to manage some actual pain. Thing is, they're getting them from someone illegally, and I worry they'll become addicted to them without a doctor monitoring how much they're taking, or they could get into trouble. But tonight, they dropped the pills and I grabbed them. And I'm thinking I don't want to give them back, because…well, you know. It's not good for them to have them."
Her mother continued to stare at her for a moment, obviously digesting all that Lacey had just said. "Have you talked to them about it? Why won't they go to the doctor?"
"I really don't know. I mean, I haven't gotten into that with them. I guess I probably should, but I'm pretty sure the answer is that they don't want to make a big deal out of it and would rather just continue on living life."
"Yeah, well, people shouldn't screw around with pain pills. They're dangerous. But if you're asking whether or not you should give them back, I say yes," her mom shrugged.
"Yes? Are you serious?" Lacey asked incredulously.
"I mean, Lacey, you can't solve the world's problems. And if this person you're talking about has made their decision, who are you to get involved? The pills are theirs. What if they figure out you're the one who took them? And besides...they'll just go buy more, so are you really helping?"
Lacey paused, her head spinning. Should she give the Percocets back to Adam, really? And just let him face the consequences of his actions, despite how much she wanted to steer him in the right direction?
"Thanks, Mom," she replied wearily. At that moment, Seinfeld came back on, and her mom's attention was riveted back to the TV screen. Lacey patted her leg in a goodnight gesture and got up to go to bed, trying to push the pill container out of her head for now. Maybe what to do would become clearer to her after she'd had some rest.
"Red hair."
Portman was stretched out on the couch in the varsity dormitory dayroom following the scrimmage, along with the few others who were unable to go straight to bed after the tight competition. Due to having been benched for the first time ever in his hockey career that night, Adam was among their ranks, despite knowing he needed to do homework. But instead of driving home, he found himself lounging alongside the guys who were discussing, predictably, girls.
"You get a woman with red hair and green eyes, you know she's gonna have that sassy 'tude. So make it that, for me. Red hair, green cat eyes and a sweet a—. Oh wait, can't say that word. It would hurt Kenny's virgin ears."
The guys laughed, and Kenny Wu turned red, rolling his eyes.
"Banksie, your turn."
They all looked over at Adam, who had known this question would come around to him eventually. "Let's see." He looked at the ceiling. "I don't really care what color, but long hair, for sure. And brown eyes."
"Brown?" Charlie turned to him, interested. "Let's think about who has brown eyes. Maybe we'll finally narrow down who Adam's got on his radar," he smiled at his friend.
Adam shook his head. "No, I guess I was just thinking," he reached over for the bag of Fritos, a food he usually didn't permit himself to have. "Shipley's girlfriend has big, brown eyes, and they're kind of…hooded in the outer corners. Reminds me of chocolate drops," he added, thoughtfully. He should have counted on the whole room cracking up the minute he uttered the last sentence.
"Oooh, 'chocolate drops.'" Jesse tossed his dirty jersey at Adam. "Banksie's a romantic, you guys. Come on, we always knew it!"
Adam caught the shirt, smirking as he threw it back.
"Whoa, whoa. You got your eye on Shipley's girl?" Luis' eyes went wide. "That the latest play you've got against the Rockets?"
"When did you ever see Shipley's girl up close?" Goldberg inquired, his expression serious.
Adam shrugged. "She works at a cat shelter. I had to take a couple of kittens over there after they were left at my dad's rental property on Green Street. I just recognized her."
"You've been talking to Max Shipley's girlfriend?" Fulton was incredulous, reiterating the question everybody was flooding Adam with.
"No! I just said she has nice eyes. Jeez," Adam replied, feeling defensive. "And by the way, her name's Lacey."
Averman whistled. "Classy."
"She is pretty," Guy remarked. "Can't deny it, even if she is a Rocket groupie."
"Yeah, we'll be sure to tell Connie you said so," Portman chuckled. "But nah, nah, I hear you. Nice full lips, too. Like, just enough."
"Alright, alright," Adam laughed, trying to ignore that last part. "Averman, your turn."
Not that Adam didn't legitimately want to hear what kind of person Averman might like - it was bound to be entertaining - but his thoughts turned inward. Obviously he wouldn't make a play for Lacey, but even just thinking about it for a minute was a little disconcerting.
And this was why Adam didn't date or allow himself to even think very seriously about it. Everything he had was going toward being drafted for the NHL, and that meant no distractions. Plus, what his brother Travis had always told him might be right, even if he hated it: when it came to girls, he was a little shy. He wouldn't know exactly how to go about pursuing one. Charlie had done a much better job of this with Linda, and he'd felt a little envious at the time.
But no time for all of that right now. Lacey Primmer was just another pretty face. In the meantime, it was time for homework, bed, and the IcyHot he'd filched from his mom's medicine cabinet. She didn't use it anymore, so he didn't feel too guilty.
He hadn't been able to find his Percocets after the game. He'd been over and over in his mind where he possibly could have left the pill container or dropped it, because he wouldn't get more money from his parents for another week. Until then, he'd have to do whatever it takes to roll out of bed and move normally despite the constant, agonizing pain that overtook his entire body like a cancer.
