OKAY I'm super sorry guys! I really had so much to do and exam week is starting so don't expect a chapter very soon!

BTW, one of the reviewers said it's close to ending? NO WAY. :) Reviews, please.

Chapter 11: What am I Doing!

When Syaoran woke up on that bad morning, he smiled at the memory of musical night. A kiss. Finally. And he got it right this time. Maybe soon they didn't have to be so shy anymore, maybe soon they could be together in that way, maybe—

Then the next memory came, and the smile drained from his face.

She was going.

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Sakura woke up at 6 am and stared at the phone long and hard, because it reminded her of him. She didn't know what to think anymore. He'd done something wonderful and now she felt as if… as if she had to do something like that too, just to continue their little drama.

But then she'd lost her chance, right?

I'm leaving him, she thought, and only then did it sink in. Her knees threatened to buckle under her, but she made herself go to the kitchen and grab a glass of orange juice.

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Maybe this is all going to get better somehow. Maybe she'll stay. Or maybe her parents will move back here somehow and we're all going to be happy and normal again…

Somehow, even as he pulled on some decent clothes and tucked his keys into his pocket, Syaoran couldn't imagine going to school and not seeing her there.

A few months…

It was better than moving there permanently of course, but he had a feeling things wouldn't be the same when she came back. There would be new places to talk about, new people…

Hah, you're jealous, you big idiot.

Syaoran started up his parents' car, tossed his students' license into the glove compartment, and took a deep breath before easing it out of the garage.

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Everything packed? Yes, here, just the handcarry… oh, almost forgot!

She picked up the little glass bird and fingered its carved surface, smiling a little. She'd wrapped her favorite ones in newspaper to bring, but this one was going in her jacket pocket. It was too special to hide away all that time, and besides, she needed something to play with on the plane.

I have to sleep on the plane, she thought in a way that was almost-but-not-quite practical. So that I don't start thinking. Or even worse, crying. God.

Then she heard his two short beeps outside and she did grin, because Syaoran's car sounded even more beat up than it looked. And that was saying a lot.

He always beeps like he's afraid to wake the neighbors or something.

She took both of her bags and clattered down the front steps with her backpack looped over one elbow. Syaoran met her halfway to the car, and Sakura locked the gate before looking around for the tenant who was supposed to keep her parents' house safe while she was gone.

"Going, Kinomoto-san?" A slim and confident-looking woman stepped out from the back door of the house. Sakura had almost forgotten she was inside, cooking something in the kitchen. As she always did with strangers, she felt a little shy.

"Yes," she said. "Thank you very much."

"No problem." The tenant gave them a little wave and then climbed up the steps again. Sakura quickly turned away from the house—no sentimental keep-this-image-in-your-heart crap for her—and let Syaoran help her carry the bags to his car. She was terrified.

"Thanks for driving me," she said, trying to make noise. Syaoran nodded. "It's the least I can do."

They got into the car and drove.

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At first Syaoran thought about not saying a word, since that would be easier, but then he decided she'd be hurt by that.

The things I do for love, he thought, and that made him lighten up a little because it was so cheesy. He kept one hand on the wheel and then reached out with the other and tapped her on the shoulder.

"What?" Sakura looked up at him.

Syaoran grinned. "Let's pretend we're going to the mall."

She smiled a little, and it was a sad smile, but it was an improvement. "I hate the mall."

"Exactly. Which is why right now you'd be telling me all the reasons why we shouldn't go."

She laughed a little, and then nodded. "Okay," she said. "Let's say I told you that I wouldn't buy anything at the mall anyway, because I think looking at different clothes for hours on end is a complete waste of time."

They could see the airport from the road by now. Syaoran talked a little faster. "I would say that all the normal girls I know like to shop and therefore you are abnormal, assuming that you are a girl."

"I would say…" She glanced toward the airport too, and he saw her fingers tighten around her bag strap. "…that you can't just assume all girls like to shop because the only girls you know are mindless sheep, excluding present company."

"I would say you were contradicting your don't-judge-people thing by classifying all the other girls in the world into your newly created 'mindless sheep' category."

"I would say you were using a cop-out to slip past the fact that you are losing this argument of ours."

"I would say this is not an argument but a way to get you to enter the mall so that I can buy you a birthday present."

Sakura turned and looked at him, surprised. "I would say my birthday was yesterday and your present was the surprise party after the musical."

"Then I would say that that was Takeshi's idea all along, and I want to give you a better one."

"I would ask you what this better one was." Now she was smiling in that teary-eyed way people smiled when their friends did something touching for them.

Syaoran stopped the car outside the national airport and took something out from the glove compartment. "I would show you this."

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Sakura closed her eyes and prepared herself for a beautiful, thoughtful, perfect gift from the person she trusted the most, and then opened them again and saw a book in Syaoran's hands.

"A book." She said it jokingly so he wouldn't get hurt, but there was no need for that. Syaoran shook his head and pointed to the ribbon tied around the book.

"See this?" he said. "This is so you don't open it until you're on the plane. So you get a surprise." He shrugged and then unlocked the car doors. "That is, unless you cheat."

Sakura tucked the book into her bag, noting how it had been custom-leather-bound somewhere. "Hey, you're the shortcut-taker, not me."

Syaoran helped her unload her two suitcases and then set them up so she could pull them along easily. Sakura watched a little, thinking, What the hell am I doing?

I'm walking away from everything just when things start to feel right.

But no! It's not that bad! I'll be with my parents…

Sakura let herself look at his face as he fumbled with the bag handles, a slightly amused smile telling her that he was getting pissed with her suitcase and laughing at the fact that he was pissed.

Let's face it, she told herself. He is the only real family you have ever had.

What am I doing!

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"Right, let's go then," he said, locking the car and taking one of the suitcases for her. They passed the security guard and went to line up behind all the other people who were going to leave the country that day, but Syaoran was trying to pretend that he was escorting not Sakura but some other person, someone who wouldn't make him sad when she was gone.

Sakura nodded. "Why d'you think there are so many people here today?"

"I think there's some World Cup or World Meeting or whatever that a lot of us are going to," Syaoran said, looking around. There were a lot of college students, and he realized that going with Sakura like this was making him look like her...

…her boyfriend, yeah, that was it.

And is that so bad?

You wish you were.

He decided to sit down at a nearby bench and Sakura laughed when he left her behind to stand in line alone. She put her hands on her hips and tilted her head to one side and gave him an impatient look, and Syaoran wished he could pull out a camera and capture that right now.

Because soon she's going to be—

"What? You're the one lining up," he said, shrugging his shoulders. She shook her fist at him and then had to move forward in line, so Syaoran went to show the guard his Visitors' Pass so he could go farther into the airport with her.

"'Morning, kid," the security guard said. "You're accompanying your sister?"

"Oh no, she's not my sister," Syaoran said, smiling.

The guard nodded and winked comically. "Ah, I see. A heartbreaking goodbye, eh?"

It's all nice when you joke about it that way, huh?

He tried to look a little hurt. "Yeah. I guess so."

The guard clapped a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. "Hey kid. Don't worry. It's not the end of the world." Syaoran looked up at him, surprised. Then the guard said, "There'll be other girls, 'kay?"

Syaoran smiled and shook his head. "No," he said. "I don't think there will be."

He walked back to where Sakura was standing and knew the guard was watching him as he helped her get ready to leave him behind.

What am I doing!

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They reached the Waiting Area and decided to get a quick snack, since Sakura's flight was delayed. She ordered a plain hotdog and put her hand into her bag to get her wallet, stopping when her fingers brushed against that book Syaoran had given her. She smiled. What was in it? Maybe it was a story or something that had them? Could Syaoran write? She didn't know. She didn't know a lot of things about him, yet.

"Hey, hurry up!" he called from their seat, surrounded by her bags. Sakura paid for the hotdog and hurried back to eat it while he stared. She laughed.

"You sure you don't want me to get you something?"

Syaoran smiled. "No, I'm not hungry, you're just eating so fast."

Sakura stuck her tongue out at him. "This is how I always eat. You're comparing me to other girls again."

"Nah," he said, a little softer. "I don't think I could ever do that, since you're so different and all."

"Y-yeah." She looked down.

So maybe we really do have to talk about it?

About what? About the kiss, duh, oh my God how can I talk about something like that? Am I just supposed to tell him that it was different from anything I've ever felt before? I don't want to go all mushy on him.

It's Syaoran, for God's sake.

"Listen, Syaoran, about the musical…"

Okay, so it just came out. I do not know how I just said that.

He blushed a little, and it was so cute that she felt better. "Yeah… what about it?"

"Wh…"

What will happen now?

Why is it hard to talk about?

Why couldn't you just kiss me another time?

"Where… where was Mizuno-kun?"

"Oh." Syaoran grinned sheepishly. "He slipped and fell, and injured his arm. Remember? So they rushed him to the hospital, and Eriol made me go and play the Prince, so I went onstage and…"

"…And kissed me." Sakura nodded.

They were silent.

I made things awkward. I always make things awkward.

I have to tell him! I have to tell him it meant a lot. I have to tell him… that I like him? Corny.

Love him?
I don't know!

"Syaoran, I…"

"Attention all passengers on flight number AT675. Boarding starts now. Please proceed to Gate 7." Sakura shut her mouth and stood up, dropping her hotdog stick as she fumbled for the luggage straps.

Syaoran stepped forward and put a hand on hers. "What were you going to say?"

She looked up at him, into those brown eyes that she'd seen when he'd kissed her, and decided it was too late now.

"I… I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," he said, and then smiled. "But cheer up. You're going to see your parents, right?"

"Right." She tried a smile, and it worked. "So… I'm going now?"

What am I doing What am I DOING?

"Yeah…" He stepped forward and hugged her.

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He was acting on impulse, but he could tell she was too surprised to do anything about it or to make everything sad again. It was short and sweet and a simple friend-hug, so it left a smile on both their faces.

"Don't forget to email," he said.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" she said quickly. "My parents said you might be allowed to come stay with us for a weekend if you want." That cheered her up a lot, he could tell, and Syaoran started feeling a little excited.

"Really? That'd be great!" He nodded. "So just email me when I can, okay? Nothing much to do around here anyway."

"Okay."

"Last call for passengers of flight number AT675."

"See you, Sakura." He gave her a pat on the shoulder, smiled, turned, and walked away.

No kiss?

Shut up.

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Sakura bolted onto the plane and walked down to her seat, slamming into the chair and immediately reaching into her bag for the book. Her fingers tore away the ribbon and then it was open in her hands and she was staring at the page she'd opened it to.

It wasn't a book, it was a notebook.

And on every single page, the background was a black-and-white translucent picture of Syaoran and her, with Syaoran grinning widely and Sakura unsuccessfully trying to block the camera with her hand. It was so cute, and so Syaoran, that she had to smile.

Sakura thumbed to the front of the notebook. There was a short note on the inside cover, with the hurried but artsy scribble that she knew to be Syaoran's handwriting.

Hey Sakura,

Don't fall for any American guys. They all watch wrestling and football on Saturday nights, and you'll get bored because I won't be there to make jokes out of those 40-IQ jocks. Right?

About the night of the musical…

I'm sorry. Okay?

--Syaoran

Sakura closed the notebook and hugged it to her chest, closing her eyes briefly as the plane rolled forward and started to take off.

"Don't you dare be sorry…"


Waaaa, exam week here I come.