CHAPTER TWO
All The Tired Horses
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Syaoran hadn't changed at all.
That was Sakura's first thought when the boy arguing with Tomoyo turned around. She didn't have to think about who the youth hovering on the cusp of manhood was, she just knew, just as she would always know.
He'd grown well. He'd managed to shoot up in height but still fill out enough so he looked lanky instead of awkwardly gangly. His hair was still that mess of brown locks, and his eyes were still that brilliant, sharp brown. But he looked so tired, standing there in her living room, towering over Tomoyo with his rumpled clothes and wary frown.
But his face changed when he saw her. The wariness switched from relief to worry and back to wariness so quickly that she would have missed it if she wasn't staring at him so intently.
"Sakura," he murmured taking a step towards her.
"What are you doing here, Syaoran?"
She heard the suspicion in her own voice as the words shot from her mouth, and almost cringed at the look it brought to Syaoran's face. He looked as if she just slapped him. But she felt so numb. God, she felt so numb from it all.
"Sakura, I… You… How… I…" He stopped and just breathed as he stared at her staring back at him.
She looked like hell, and she knew it. She stayed up late last night, so late, because she was afraid something else might happen in those early morning hours if she went to sleep. Tomoyo had finally convinced her to rest only when the sun was just starting to lighten the sky.
And she cried.
Kero had stayed with her the whole day, not saying a word. Then Yukito had come, eyes just as red and filled with grief. Then Yue came. She related the story through tissues, tears and snot. Yue had nodded, and then turned back to Yukito so they could cling together and grieve.
Now Syaoran was here.
"I can't take any more surprises here, Syaoran. Why did you come now? After all those pathetic cries for help? All my letters and calls?"
Syaoran shook his head as he started towards her.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Sakura."
She backtracked until her back hit the wall.
"Stop! Just stop."
Syaoran stopped, his surprise raising his eyebrows.
His being here threw her. She didn't know how to feel about it. Angry? Upset because he'd cut off all communication? Indignant because he'd cut off all communication? Or still just tearful over Touya's… Touya's…
The image of her brother's torn, broken body flashed in her mind and she pushed it as far back into the recesses of her mind as she could. She didn't need to see that right now. She didn't want Syaoran touching her right now. She couldn't fall apart. Not now.
"Not now," she whispered.
"What?"
Sakura snapped back, eyes focusing on Syaoran.
"That's bullshit. I must've sent you hundreds of letters after all my calls kept getting cut off. Or blocked." She closed her eyes, feeling safer with the wall still pressed to her back. "Why, Syaoran? Why now?"
Syaoran ran hands through his already messy hair, a sign of frustration.
"That's bullshit! I must've sent you thousands of letters and even more cut off calls." His voice was rising, temper edging in. "I didn't get shit from you."
Tomoyo stepped in then, raising her hands and stopping both parties from speaking.
"That's enough. Enough," she reinforced when Syaoran opened his mouth.
All movement stopped. Tomoyo's word was law.
She jabbed a finger at Syaoran. "You. Look at Sakura. You are not going to yell at her here. And you can't just show up on her doorstep four years later and not expect to answer a few questions."
Her expression softened when she turned to Sakura.
"I'm sorry. But I believe him. You both look so worn down… So… Can we just sit down and talk? I don't want to argue anymore."
The quiet worry and weariness in Tomoyo's words made Sakura stop, breathe, and begin to re-evaluate.
"All right. Okay. I think Dad left some cake. I'll make some tea."
She escaped the room before anything else could be said.
And for the longest time, Sakura stood in the kitchen and stared a hole in the wall.
What was she doing here again? Right. Tea. Her mind on auto, she found her hands holding the teapot, pulling out teabags, and pouring hot water in. All mindless acts as her head reeled.
She could feel the lump in her throat now, hot tears burning her eyes but refusing to spill down. And her hands were shaking.
Four years. How was she supposed to feel? He made a promise…
She set the teapot down with a clatter.
"Sakura?" Tomoyo called from the living room. "Do you want me to help?"
"No," she called back, voice sounding choked. "No, I'm fine."
She arranged a tray set with the teapot, cups, saucers, cream, and sugar. She carried it into the living room and stared down at it in dismay when she set it down.
"I forgot the cake."
"Forget it. Its fine," Syaoran said, voice quiet.
Sakura eased herself down on the couch and stared at her hands.
"Okay…" Tomoyo started, "Lets start over then. Where's Kero, Sakura?"
She shrugged. "He was still sleeping when I heard your voices down here. He should still be sleeping. He stayed up with me all night, and sleeps like a rock. I don't think he'll be awake anytime soon."
For a while, the room was silent, still, and just a little cold. No one reached for the tea.
"How did you find out about Touya?" Sakura asked, the whisper sounding like a shout in the quiet.
She looked up in time to see the colour drain from Syaoran's face.
"Touya?" He stood so abruptly that Sakura jerked.
"I thought… Is he all right?"
"He's dead."
Syaoran stared at her, hisface asickly white.
Her words had been empty, and she knew her eyes were flat of any emotion. She didn't want to break down now. There was so much to do. Don't fall apart now.
"My God." Heavily, he sat back down, stunned. Slowly, he lowered his face into his hands. Sakura realized he was trembling.
He was saying something under his breath. Cursing, murmuring, trembling.
"What, Syaoran?"
He raised his head enough to meet her eyes.
"I thought it was you. Shit, Sakura… I thought it was you."
This time, it was Sakura who shot up from her seat., shaking so hard she had to clench her hands into fists to control some of it.
"What do you mean you thought it was me?"
"I had a dream. I can't even remember the dream. It was a feeling from a dream. I felt something."
Syaoran was standing now too, and they were shouting again, this time over the coffee table.
"A dream? Why didn't you come any sooner? Like, maybe after getting my letters from three years ago?"
"Maybe you should stop hurling accusation at me andtry out this skill called listening. I didn't get any of your letters. I didn't hear from you at all! I hopped on a plane and flew all the way out here on a feeling. What the hell do you want from me?"
"I wanted you here. Here! Before Touya died. Before that thing got to him! Before… Before… I never wanted you to leave."
There were tears blinding her vision now, none spilling down her cheeks, and silence on Syaoran's side. When her vision cleared enough, she could see how her words had affected Syaoran. His eyes were wide with shock, looking huge on his pale face. His mouth was opening and closing with no words coming out, and his hands were at his sides, grasping at empty air.
She'd sucker punched him.
And Tomoyo was quietly crying into her hands, forgotten in the corner.
"Shit," she whispered, "Shit. What's happened to us?"
Her eyes were just closing in exhaustion when she felt it.
The cold was back. That cold, black presence was coming back, rolling through the room like an invisible mist, creeping towards her. It swirled dangerously and crawled up her legs. Then it sank claws into her. She could feel that cold prick through her skin and draw no blood. She could feel it wrap itself around her and squeeze. And she could feel it burrow right into her. Down to the bone and settle in like a disease.
"Not now." Then she said a few words she knew Syaoran never heard come from her mouth by the way his eyes widened. Tomoyo had stopped crying and was staring at her.
"Is it…?"
Sakura nodded. "We have to leave. Now."
Syaoran shook his head.
"This is moving too fast. You can't drop that bomb and run away. What just happened?"
Sakura didn't answer, she was already sprinting up the stairs for Kero. She came back with an oddly alert Kero for being just woken up.
Syaoran was waiting at the bottom of the stairs with Tomoyo.
"You!" Kero cried out when he caught sight of Syaoran, which was surprising considering Sakura was nearly crushing him in her fist. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Not now, Kero," Sakura said with a rather vicious shake. She pointed at Syaoran. "You stay here or you come with me." She paused. "No, you stay here. And don't go anywhere."
But Syaoran was already shaking his head in disagreement.
"There's no chance in hell I'm staying here with you running off to danger."
"You have no idea what we're dealing with."
"Do you?" Syaoran shot back.
"Better than you."
"No. No. You're not going anywhere alone."
"I won't be alone. I have Kero." She gestured and he saw Tomoyo on her cell phone. "And I have Yue. That's all I need."
Sakura felt little paws batter at her fist. When she looked down she realized she was squeezing Kero just a little too tightly. She found relaxing her fist took a bit of effort, and Kero began to wheeze for air.
"I'm sorry, Kero."
"It's that kid's fault."
When she looked back at said 'kid', he was aiming one of the most intense glares in her direction.
"I'm coming."
"Fine," she hissed. "Arguing with you is obviously just wasting my time. I'm tracking it. Keep up."
Sakura didn't wait for any affirmatives before she dashed out the door, vaguely hearing it slam shut behind her.
She was running down the street at a dead run, not really knowing exactly where she was going. She learned to track it with feeling. She never stopped to question her direction. It got to the point where her feet carried her to the destination.
And she thought she knew where they were headed seconds after leaving the door. And it terrified her.
She noticed everybody kept up, but otherwise didn't think much of anything else. When she finally stopped in front of the house, she could hardly breathe.
"Sakura…" Tomoyo whispered, her breathing sounding harsh in her ears. "Is this it?"
Sakura nodded, mouth dry.
"Where are we?"
She heard Syaoran shift behind her and he studied his surroundings. She knew what he saw. She'd been here hundreds of times before. It would've been a cheerful looking house. A compact one-story with just budding flowers in the small plot of land. The harsh yellow police tape took that cheerfulness away.
"We're at Touya's house."
She took a step forward and stopped.
Tomoyo came to her side and gently took her hand.
"Are you sure, Sakura?" her voice dropped, "You don't have to do this."
Sakura closed her eyes and felt the cold harden in her bones. Yes, it was definitely emitting from Touya's home.
Turning away, she found comfort in her oldest friend's arms, and burrowed her face into Tomoyo's neck.
"I don't want to go in," she whispered in her ear.
Tomoyo nodded as Sakura pulled away. Her eyes were dark with worry.
"But you will anyways."
Sakura steeled her shoulders, perfectly away that Syaoran was watching her.
"Yes. We can't disturb anything though. It's still a crime scene." Sakura ran her hands through her hair as she contemplated the possibilities. "Okay. All right. I'll use the Through card and let you guys in. Okay?"
Syaoran made a move to stop her, but checked himself before he carried through. "We... You should wait for Yue."
Sakura shook her head. "I'm going in now."
She walked to the door and prepared herself for what she was going to do.
Focusing her thoughts, she tapped into the presence of the Through card, poured her magic and her will into it, and walked through the door.
She learned a long time ago that the wand was just a tool, not a necessity.
When she unlocked the door for the others, she was trembling again. Yes, it was definitely here. The cold had seeped into the walls, the floor, leaving its ugly marks in what was once her brother's beautiful home.
And Syaoran was staring at her like he'd never seen her before.
She pushed away the initial hurt that ached in her, and focused.
It was coming from the kitchen.
Slowly, dreading what she was going to see, Sakura started towards the spot she had to be dragged away from just the other morning. Heart pounding, she stopped at the kitchen doorway with Tomoyo, Syaoran, and Kero at her back. Her heart stopped.
Touya was lying on the floor again, just asbroken andbloody as the other day. His ribcage wasn't the only thing showing this time. This time, his entrails strewn out from the gaping hole.
She realized her breath was hitching, head spinning. The room stunk of death.
"No. No. No. No," she realized she was repeating under her breath. "They took you away yesterday. You're not Touya!"
In horror, unable to tear her eyes away, Sakura saw those empty brown eyes begin to wheel in its sockets. Then they stopped, twitched, and then pinned its gaze on Sakura.
His head turned slowly in her direction, eyes never leaving her face. The sound his neck bones made with the movement reminded her of a sick, wet-sounding snap, crackle, and pop.
Slowly, Touya's lips stretched into a grotesque grin that split his face.
"Good morning. Late morning, Sakura?"
But nothing really matters much, it's doom alone that counts
And the one-eyed undertaker, he blows a futile horn.
--Bob Dylan
