Chapter 2
Decisions
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Miss Pony and Sister Lane looked at each other in the light of the oil lamps they had lit, while Candy wrung her hands in anticipation of their words. The evening ritual of their reunion in that room that night seemed to Candy like some sort of examination. She was no longer a nurse in the morning and the assistant manager of Pony's Home in the afternoon. She was simply Candy who needed to confess her innermost secrets to the women who had brought her up.
"Candy, dear, are you sure of your feelings?" Sister Lane asked. "That man has been so generous to you that he doesn't deserve to delude himself and suffer. You understand that, don't you?"
"I..." Candy attempted to speak, but Miss Pony's affectionate voice interrupted her.
"Come on, Sister Lane, we have seen how long she has known him. Candy has been able to ask her heart for more than ten years. She must know what she feels. Am I right, dear?"
"Yes, but...What about that Terrence? Do you remember the time Candy rushed in here hoping to find him and didn't even greet us?"
"Oh, but that was a long time ago and..."
The person concerned cleared her throat, wishing to intervene in that conversation, but trying not to be rude. The good women stopped and looked at her. "Excuse me; I'll give you some explanations. At least the ones I gave to myself."
They settled more comfortably in their seats and Miss Pony poured some tea into their cups. "You know that Uncle William, Albert and my Prince on the Hill are the same person. And you know that I met him when I was only a little girl and I was afraid I had lost Annie forever."
They nodded smiling.
"Well, you also know I have always considered Albert as a brother, regardless of the personalities he was hiding from me, albeit in good faith. There was a period, the one during which he had lost his memory, when we lived together and I took care of him. I couldn't bear the idea of him wandering around alone, trying to find himself, with no one by his side; and not just because I owed him his unconditional friendship and support. I really loved him, but probably my feelings were still new back then, when I went to New York to see Terrence."
She paused for a moment, recalling that time and focusing on what she had felt.
"We remember very well how bad you had been after your separation
from Mr. Granchester. You told us you got sick and Mr. Albert took care of you. But, Candy...you were a man and a woman living under the same roof. Didn't you say yourself that you had some problems with the landlord because of the rumors going around?" Miss Pony intervened in a tender tone.
"We've always behaved like brother and sister, and I hope you never doubt that, although I have to admit that perhaps something in me began to change just in that period. The thought of going back home and cooking for him...or at least trying to cook because he was the best cook of the two of us, filled me with joy. Maybe I was crossing the fine line between considering him a dear friend and a husband, but Terrence's thought was still so strong that I didn't realize it. At the end of the day, it was thanks to Albert that I finally managed to get on with my life. Everything that happened later was a painful process of moving away from that feeling which had been so strong but also unfortunate: now Terry belonged to Susanna." Candy took a sip of her tea, enjoying the warmth the cup transmitted to her hands. That simple gesture allowed her to catch her breath and put her thoughts in order.
"Who was in your heart at that time, Candy?" Sister Lane asked gently, leaning forward a little.
She let out a bitter chuckle. "Albert had become a major part of my life. We exchanged constant letters and met several times in Lakewood, as you may recall, including my birthday. In short, I had really moved on, and staying with him and sharing my thoughts with him had become my new routine. The truth is that I simply accepted to be beside him and to look forward to his return from his business trips, without questioning myself too much. At least until Susanna died and Terrence sent me that letter."
Silence followed, and Candy was grateful to the two women for not interrupting her, because that was the most important part of her change, and she wanted to explain it clearly. If she managed to open up to them, maybe she could open up to Albert as well. Whether he would reciprocate her feelings was another story, but she had to do things one step at a time.
"I realized," she began slowly, "that what I felt for Terrence had faded. I didn't jump for joy knowing he was still in love with me. Far from it. I felt a sense of...bitterness, because I was afraid I wouldn't be able anymore to give him what he expected of me. And my thoughts... went back to Albert."
She was silent, unable to add anything else.
After a long minute, Sister Lane intervened. "Candy, there is a slight difference between what you just said and the fact that you are sure you are in love with Mr. Albert, right?"
"That's why I want to see Terry. I know it may sound cruel, but only by having him in front of me can I really understand whom I love, and if it's not him, at least I'll be able to tell him face to face and not through a cold letter."
"And what will happen if you realize you are wrong and he's the one you have on your mind? Will you stay in New York?" Miss Pony asked, putting her empty cup back on the table.
Candy shook her head. "I don't know, but I certainly can't talk to Albert about my doubts until they are cleared. I'm not at all sure he sees me as a woman. As a matter of fact, it's more likely that he considers me a dear friend. But I don't want to trigger mechanisms that are hard to rewind. Can you understand me?"
Sister Lane nodded. "I completely agree with you. In any case, it wouldn't be right to deceive him. When are you leaving?"
Candy drummed on her cup with her fingers, pondering. "I think it'll take a few days. I have to inform Terrence I need to talk to him and arrange things with my job. Besides, Albert wants me to attend a charity reception this weekend and I don't want to disappoint him."
"Yes, but what will you tell him? He's well aware of your movements now..." objected Miss Pony.
Candy slapped her forehead with one hand. "Blast, I hadn't thought of that!" she exclaimed. "I'll tell him I have to go there for work. There's a large hospital there, so...that's it! I can tell him that a very dear colleague of mine asked me to support her because she has to be absent and nobody can relieve her, so I..."
"Candy..." said Miss Pony and Sister Lane in unison, in a firm tone that didn't allow any reply.
She shrugged her shoulders and let out a sigh. "Those are lies, right? And I shouldn't be telling lies, especially to Albert."
They nodded smiling.
"But if I tell him I'm going to Terrence he'll think..."
"Candy, you said he treats you like a sister. If it is so, you won't hurt him but neither will you let him know that maybe you have feelings for him. Maybe it will be enough for you to inform him of your intention to see the duke of Granchester again to clear things up between you, without getting into any details."
"Oh, Miss Pony, what a mess!" complained Candy, throwing herself into her arms and seeking comfort. She would certainly follow her advice, but she wasn't sure she could pretend to be indifferent in front of her prince. Unfortunately, what she felt always transpired and was especially visible to Albert who knew her even better than Terrence did.
"Now, now, come on. What happened to the brave little girl who used to climb trees and face every difficulty? Always follow your heart, my
little Candy, and you'll see that everything will be easier."
"Thank you, Miss Pony; I'll do as you say and try not to seem different than usual to Albert. But I suspect that if my feelings are confirmed after visiting Terry, I'll have to try hard to make Albert see me as a woman and not as a crybaby," she concluded, wiping away a furtive tear.
"There is time enough for that, dear. If his heart is ready it won't take him long to fall in love with you," said Sister Lane.
"I really hope you are right."
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"I'm ready to confess my feelings to Candy," declared William Albert Ardlay, putting the documents back in the drawer with a decisive gesture and beginning to walk back and forth in his study. He undid his cuffs and pulled up the sleeves of his shirt, enjoying the sense of freedom after so many hours of work.
"Pardon?" George's astonished face was priceless, and he burst out laughing.
"Don't tell me you've never noticed! Of course, it took me a while, but..."
"Certainly I've noticed. It doesn't take long to distinguish the difference between the devotion of a guardian and the adoration of a lover," remarked George.
"I knew you would understand! And what about her? Have you noticed anything in her behavior?" Albert asked hopefully, putting a hand on the other man's arm. He felt more elated than he had ever felt in his life before.
"But, Sir William, what can I say to you? I can only give you a personal opinion. I can't declare an irrefutable truth," George replied defensively.
"Well, do it anyway. You know how much I trust your judgment. You rarely give me the wrong advice. Or rather, you never do," he resumed fervently.
George cleared his throat and Albert thought he looked somewhat embarrassed. But he wanted to hear his opinion. He was like the father he had lost when he was just a little boy. "Well, I have certainly noticed a profound change in Miss Candice. When you are with her, from what I have seen, she always seems happy and calm. I have the feeling...that she is in the right place when she is close to you."
Those words filled Albert's heart like a beneficial manna and he caught himself smiling like a teenager having his first crush. "I've got the same feeling myself. And I fully agree with you. My heart has been ready for her since the time of our living together, and I don't want to wait any longer."
"But...Sir William, what about the duke of Granchester? Are you sure
that..."
Albert felt the muscles of his face relax into a more serious expression. He began to stroll around the room and went to the window, staring at some distant point. "I don't know, George. Candy let me read her diary as Great Uncle William and I returned it to her as Albert. We haven't talked about him since that day. I know she was very sad about Susanna's death, but I have no idea what happened between them afterwards, whether they wrote to each other or...whether they saw each other."
"I understand."
He closed his eyes, reflecting for a long time, and then turned to his faithful assistant and added: "I have also taken her refusal into account, even though I won't hide from you the fact that the hope she will choose me prevails in me. If she doesn't...Well..." He sat on the sofa, smoothing his hair out of his forehead in frustration. "I'll still be by her side and support her. But it will be difficult to be the same as before and forget about her. Maybe I'll take another trip."
George raised an eyebrow warningly. "I remind you that your trips have led to considerable delays regarding our business partners, and finance has no feelings. At this point I wish Miss Candice will decide to be engaged to you, or we could have serious problems."
Albert laughed heartily, got up from the sofa, and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Well, thanks for the thought, but remember that we also have capable Archibald Cornwell in the family..."
"...Who is very busy with the preparations for his wedding to Miss Brighton..." George interrupted him discreetly.
"...And who has an exceptional flair for business, and also loves this world much more than I do. I could say he's my right hand." He saw the disappointment in George's eyes and hastened to correct himself. "OK, after you. Let's say he's my left hand." He winked at him and left the room, humming an old Scottish tune which he would have liked to try on the bagpipe at the upcoming reception.
He didn't know why, but he was really optimistic about his future.
