Chapter 3

Dream a Luna Dream

Luna figured she wasn't asleep after that strange outburst during dinner. She wasn't tired, and even if she was, going to bed when there was light out always felt so gosh-darn wrong. In the end, she was glad she got over it, and managed to find her way down to the couch, where her whole family was enjoying themselves during an apparently-nice afternoon.

And everyone looked so normal too! Lola with her magnificent steed, Lana having dragon wings, Lucy who was now half-skeleton, Lori who was both a slime and inexplicably home from college, Leni... had slightly less-blonde hair; the rest were outside doing something interesting, but that wasn't anything to write home about. Luna was with her typical family, grooving out with her acoustic while one of those "super ranger" shows played a marathon on their flying tv.

She didn't mind the show; actually, don't tell anyone, but she really loved them. Even if they were cheesy and full of puns like Luan, she couldn't help but get invested, and all that could be blamed on the brother who sat beside her. Sitting like he always did, Lincoln tapped his foot against the carpet beside her, both cheering for the team on screen, as well as investing his focus on her bizarre tune. Seriously, what was she playing? Didn't sound like anything she came up with. Then again, she wasn't complaining.

She smiled at him, taking a brief moment to stop and rub a hand through that white hair of his. "Heh, liking the tune, little brah? Didn't think you'd be so excited to hear it. You hate when I play with the TV on!"

Her little brother was always the strange type. Both an adorable little kid, as well as an obnoxious pest when things got rough. Two traits that were just too endearing for the rocking teen. She watched as he didn't even grimace at her motion, instead folding his arms with a sly smile budding against his lips. "Why would I hate it? You're the best musician in the whole world! I kinda feel guilty listening for free!" As he spoke, an explosion played off in the show. Both she and him stared in awe at the tremendous carnage appearing before them. "Woah, and anytime you play, something awesome happens! You really are the best!"

Luna felt like shrinking down by a few inches. It was nice to get praise, but wow, was he in a good mood. Lincoln was one of the few in the family who consistently liked hearing her play, but never before did he praise her that much. Was it the ticket? Perhaps that really was the best thing she ever received. Seeing that smile plastered over his goofy face made it all worth it. With another rub of the hair, she leaned back and looked to the ceiling. "Tch, come on. You know I'd never charge family! I'm... glad you like it."

With another explosion signifying the end of the monster of the week, Lincoln hopped out of his chair, accidentally knocking back the coffee table in front of him. "Bam! No one defeats the Ancient-Timeline-Jungle-Dino-Monstrosity Rangers! They're the best!" He looked back down at a flummoxed Luna, before laughing sheepishly. "You know, the music on this show's all about rock. I think you'd be perfect composing for it!"

She perked up. Indeed, the show was known for its oftentimes out-of-place metal rifts, but that's why she was drawn into it in the first place. Even with all her knowledge on the product, however, she was never able to perfectly capture those chords on her ax. Try as she might, they were just too fast for her fingers. Struggling against them made her feel squeamish, and for once the compliment Lincoln gave her left a sour taste in her mouth. "I don't know... I mean, I'm not that good..."

Lincoln wasn't athletic, but in the totally-real world, he was known for being the fastest thing alive. He placed his hands on his hips and blocked her vision, staring deep into her soul. "Come on, don't say that! If it wasn't for Mick existing, I'd assume you were the greatest guitar player who ever lived! You'd totally kill it!"

"... You think so?" She asked like a shy little wallflower.

He patted his chest with a powerful thumb. "I don't think, Lunes. I know, and I know everyone knows! We know so much, we know that... we know," he struggled at the end there, but the message was received. This time it was he who frolicked a hand through her hair. It was a nice gesture, but she really wished he didn't get sweaty from all the cheering. "You're not just the greatest sister of all time. You're literally right beside Mick on the ultimate pedestal of... I guess Rock? Do rocks count as pedestals? Well, that!"

Always had her back. It's amazing she got angry with him every other day. Then again, that's just part of being a sibling. She chuckled at his attempts at being knowledgeable, and brought the guitar back up on her knee. "Thanks, little brah. I knew giving you that ticket to ride was the right choice! You'll love that show for sure!"

He slicked back his hair, looking off towards the mirror in the corner. It screamed back; everyone's a critic. "Hey, maybe one day you'll headline alongside those guys! Oh man, I can't wait!"

While he couldn't, the world around them could. Their happy little moment was broken up by the sudden arrival of Lincoln's immediate-older sibling. Lynn charged through the front door, panting and heaving as if she ran thousands of miles to get her. Guess it made sense for her to be tired; running with three heads couldn't be good for the lungs. Even still, she wiped the sweat from her brows and looked at them both cautiously.

"Guys, he's coming!" Cried head one.

"He's gonna judge and fludge our mudge!" Screamed head two.

"And that's wiggity-wiggity whack!" Shouted the final one.

Her warnings were clearly heard, but they came way too late. Her body flew into the room along with all the other sisters, forcing everyone to crush Luna and Lincoln underneath their tornado of bodies. Their groans of pain were massive, but not as massive as the fear placating their hearts upon the sound of familiar footsteps approaching the stairs. Everyone tensed up as the house shook, with the door seemingly screaming for air.

The window provided none. "Looks like you guys are about to be Dad-ed!"

Luna, managing to crawl through her siblings, could only shake her head in confusion. "Dad-ed? The heck's a Dad-ed?"

Lori, melting well with her slime exterior, couldn't help but shudder. "Oh, fairest dames of all, dear Luna... if only that amnesiatic clown didn't block your memory holes! You would understand just how screwed we all have become!" Did she always speak so fluttery?

And did Luan always have thirty ponytails, while also sharing the voice of man who narrated about a bunch of penguins once? "We have lived our lives until now. Hopefully he makes wordplay pun! Ha ha... did you happen to understand my conventional humor?"

Maybe they would've laughed somehow, but only after their fates were clear. The door creaked open, before suddenly blasting its way up the stairs, chomping away at the wood. It cried and cried, but its anguish wouldn't be met with any pity. Instead, the killer of its poor hinges revealed himself to the rest of the family, who all gulped and tried sinking into the couch's crack.

Lucy was the closest, but even she couldn't disappear this time. "Oh, by Davey Jones, family of Loud! We be harkin' for a brusin'! Aargh!"

"Scientific explanation," Lisa screamed, hiding herself in Leni's chest. The young off-colored hair woman shook her head, unable to stop because apparently she was a bobble head.

Luna couldn't believe her eyes. By the way everyone acted, she assumed a dragon or some sort of filthy creature was after them, but all she saw was, well, her dad. Still wearing the tacky green sweater, with a balding head that was both endearing as it was sad. There was nothing particularly threatening about him, either. He just had his hands on his hips, and maybe a thicker scowl than before. Was that really enough to frighten them all?

Well, who knows, but when he spoke at last, even she had to admit being caught off-guard by his power. "Stop lying about, family! Line up in formation!"

Lola eyed him weird. "Does that included Mister Majesty-Horse III?"

Their father wasn't the patient type. "Get that hairy beast out of my living room, before I find out how to convert him to glue!"

Mister Majesty got the message, nuzzling his owner affectionately. "I agree with the window, Princess. You guys ain't making it. I'll remember you!"

With his leave, the Loud children lined up just like they would when Lori lead the pack. They watched as their father nodded his head, arms behind his back as if he was some sort of hot-shot army general. He even had the shades over the eyes, which somehow just came to be (Was reality always this twisted?) He didn't waste time, stomping his foot once he saw them nodding off. "Kids, we have an emergency! One that may just impact our very lives as we know it!"

Lincoln rose his hand. "Is it a mete-"

"No talking while Daddy is home!"

With his lips sealed, Lincoln slumped beside Luna, who gulped. Who was this man, and what did he do to their father? The man continued regardless. "I checked my account. You know, the account keeping us all alive and with a roof over our heads?" He pointed a finger towards it; it waved back. "Well, I just checked and found out we're in a deficit! A really bad one at that! We might not even have enough to pay the mortgage, and we are always on time with that!"

Luna's blood froze. That word again; deficit. Why did it attack her so violently? Lana rolled her eyes back-and-forth, as if trying to get her brain back into position. "A deficit? Don't they have a cream for that?"

"Oh, they do, which we can't afford!" He stomped even harder, making slime-Lori lose her form. "And if I don't do something now, we will lose our home! Thus, I have to take drastic measures!"

Head one of Lynn wasn't having this. "Oh jeez, Pops, you can't be serious! Maybe you slipped up!"

He smiled at her. "Oh yeah, I most certainly did!" He sounded so sincere, all three heads complimented each other. For once, they defeated the Patriarch of the Louds. Of course, their three brains were apparently no match for sarcasm, being blown away by another angry stomp. "I slipped up by having greedy children, but maybe that'll solve my problems now!"

Luan shuddered. "Ah, a slippery slope, based on the words you mentioned that now shall make us chuckle. Did you understand my humor?"

"I most certainly did! Right now, I'm gonna judge!" He clapped his hands, and suddenly all Loud children had chains grip them from around the wrists. Everyone screamed, to which the father nodded. "Let's see which one of you's the greediest of them all! Who wastes more money than the entire cabinet of the President!"

Luna felt even paler than Lucy. Waste, greed, deficit; each one was like a knife against her spine. She hated hearing them, but trying to block them as far as she could only strengthened the chains around her wrists. In fact, they became quite heavy, with something apparently dragging her back from the rest of the crowd.

"You see, children," Lynn senior continued, "These chains hold all the money you spent last year, and whoever has the most greed will be dragged down to their...," he looked over at Luna, prompting all to do the same. He smiled in relief. "Woo, thank goodness, that was fast! Had a bad feeling we'd be here all day!"

Luna was confused, until she finally caught a glimpse at what was happening. Behind everyone were stacks of money, representing the money they wasted up until now. Some had nothing, while others (especially Lola) had quite a few. She, however, was quite the frightening story. Hundreds-upon-hundreds of stacks dragged her down towards the dining room, making her scream. "Woah, what the heck? Stop! I... I can't stop moving!"

Their father folded his arms. "Well, why would they let you go? You know the rules, Luna! You overspend, you get dragged to hell!"

Leni shrugged. "Don't you remember the last sibling meeting? We all agreed to this! The Devil wants his dues, and I guess you're the due! Good job!"

Luna tried yanking at the chain, but to no avail. The rest could only look at her in disappointment. Especially Lincoln, who looked like he was ready to cry. "Lunes, how could you? I thought you were better than this, but you're just... a pig!"

Lana shook her head. "Nah, pigs are useful! All big-sis amounts to is a really big amount of money!"

Their rocking sis began to cry. She looked at all the money she apparently wasted. Just like what her father said in his room. The music was to blame; she was to blame. The ground below her began to open up, revealing a terrifying hole filled with hellfire and ash. A giant demon awaited her down there, where he laughed and ushered her in. "Come, come!" He spoke to her, "I have muffins... bran muffins!"

Luna screamed. "No! I didn't meant it! I'm sorry!"

Everyone turned away from her. "And here I thought all my kids weren't so worthless! Whelp, look at the bright side, Louds! One less mouth to feed!"

"Yay!"

Luna reached for them, but before she had any chance of trying for Lincoln, hell swallowed her up. A hell reserved only for those that were greedy and worthless to society.

Two labels that apparently defined her well.