For Good or Bad, The Memories Remain.
Chapter 18
Disclaimer- I don't still own Buffy and crew, I just use them in my writing, just for fun, never for profit "Because that'd be wrong!"
Spoilers- mid 4th season then everything takes a left turn off the charted path
Rating- May get to R eventually
She woke to the sound of her own stomach grumbling. The dirt of the cave was soft under her feet, the direct contact with the earth was soothing to her disoriented soul.
"Gods will you just shut UP!!" she screamed aloud to the voices in her head. It was all a sea of raw naked emotion, jumbled in with a small quiet corner that was her original self. Her body felt like it had been lovingly caressed with a cheese grater. She knew she needed to try and put everything in some semblance of order in her mind, otherwise she would drown. She had to take stock of what was here, what was usable and what was excess. But first she must get food....and a shower. She was still covered to some extent with blood and mud. She walked from the cave out into the sunlight. It felt warm on her face. She hoped Sunnyhell residents were as blind as normal, otherwise she would be hospitalized or arrested. It was quite a long walk back to the dormitory, especially without her shoes, which were somewhere in the cemetery from last night if she recalls correctly. The whole way she keeps repeating to herself 'I'm Willow Rosenberg, I'm Willow Rosenberg, I'm Willow Rosenberg" in a more than half hearted attempt to keep herself from becoming lost in the morass of Buffy memories and emotions. She knew she would feel better after she got all the slime and gore off her body. She knew she had to collect her thoughts. She finally made it to her room. She started stripping the blood and mud encrusted rags that were once her clothes from her battered and bruised body. She then did something she rarely did, she stood in front of the full length mirror and looked at herself, trying to take an honest appraisal of her damage, her physical condition, and such. With all her newly acquired knowledge giving her a different perspective, she realized that she had a nice figure, and maybe could show it off some. Her fingers traced the puckered skin where she had been stabbed. She was going to live forever. Never in her wildest dreams did she think of that all. All these years on the Hellmouth, all the friends dieing around her, she always wondered if she would make 12, then 16, then 20 seemed old. Now she was going to outlive all of them. Except Buffy. Just thinking of the little blonde viper brought a whole storm of emotions to the surface. She knew why Buffy thinks she did the things she did. Not all of it makes sense. The burdens of 700 years of watching your friends die, facing the worst that hell could throw at her. It still doesn't excuse some of the other things. She stepped into the shower, the hot water loosening muscles that had been all in knots. She started to scrub away the grim and gore. After 20 minutes, she still feld 'dirty' and kept going, the loofa long since having rubbed the skin raw. She wasn't sure when she had slumped to the bottom of the shower, the water cascading over her raw and bleeding skin. Evidently long enough for it to heal back. It was morning when she went to the dorm; it was evening when she managed to pull herself up from the floor of the shower. She went to get dressed and stopped at the mirror, her reflection drawing her attention. She ran her hands through her auburn hair. "Wasn't it brighter" she asks no one in particular. None of her clothes fit her mood. "I guess it's time to go shopping, then I'll go to Giles'."
To Be Continued
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