-1"for god's sakes Tanya…..stop driving at the f speed of light" I screamed…..screamed to no avail that is as Tanya drove at full blast, causing my ear drums to put in and out of my ears just as they did when planes took of and I just happened to be unfortunate enough to be inside them…….
"breath in and out girl you'll be alright….I mean, what are you going to do when I marry a rich geezer with faster cars…..this is just practice…honey so chill!"….I sometimes struggled to read my best friend….we where entire opposites, she was a mananiser(does that exist, I don't think so???), and I was an innocent potential as she described me best, well a far stretch from the virginity tattoo which when Tanya and I fest met, she set a task for herself to figure out what it stood for….
"Venus, varsity, …………..??v-I don't know?" she asked the first time we met over two years ago…since then she had made it a task for herself to get me laid…..
"no it stands for my most prized possession!" I replied….
"uhuh and what's that…?"she asked, a clueless imaginative facial expression appearing on her face…
"my virginity" I replied proudly!…
"uh….well anyways.."
Since the first time we met , Tanya always some qualities that I admired…..her confidence and independence…..she was so gratefully defensive of the thing that meant a lot to her most and I admired that….I, you could say looked up to her, she was like a big sis to me judging by the two year difference that separated our mortal bodies….
"what from here byotch?" she asked….infectiously…..we had things of giving each other pet names…it could get tiring once you do every time instead of each other's names though….
"I dunno….whatever ho!" I exclaimed like a young child lost at sea….literally as we were on the beach (bad joke)
"how bout the pub later?" she asked, throwing sand all over my body….I was going to have to into the dirty sea water so that I could reapply my sun lotion again…..
"definitely not after that attack!" I exclaimed….
"oh come on…and you say you're Irish!" she moaned…
"uhuh and you're point exactly?" I asked, pursing my lips into a drunkard exclamation..
"someone seriously needs to get laid pronto!" she retorted, grabbing my arm and dragging it towards the sea…..
"aaaaaaaaaarrrrhhhh get off….get…..off me!" I screamed as I grabbed her arm in reply and dragged her into the cold sea water…
"omg, you're actually capable of being fun?" she rhetorically asked as she looked up at me in fake shock…..
"uhuh and omg, I'm so surprised you aren't ogling at some poor old bloke right now…."
"uhuh, this beach's full of mingers…..yourself included!" she joked….
"burn!" I yelled, tapping my finger in my mouth and then tapping my shoulder as if it where as hot as fire…..
"Mai?" she asked…
"uhuh?" I replied….
"you boob is popping out!" she exclaimed…..laughing as hard as she'd ever done…..before she screamed at the blokes playing some football down the beach…..
"nice tits!" one of them yelled before I had the time to cover what was left of my decency!
………………..
" that was not funny you sad cow!" I retorted as I looked at Tanya with the most evil stare I was capable of coming up with, much to get fits of heavy laughter in return, she looked as if someone had out sulphuric acid in her acid as tears of laughter started pouring down them like rain drops in this hot sunny summer..
As we approached our streets, Tanya poked her head out of the window and screamed….
"the 80's called, they want that mullet back love!" at an undeserving passer-by……god if she wasn't so funny I'd have ditched her sorry ass back at the beach ha-ha….
"so….?" she stated as she stared at me intensely…
"so what you big freaky man beast?" I replied….
"so how about we party?" she asked…..
"party is a no no in our house….don't you remember how we almost burned down our house last time we invited those fools we call our buddies over?" I moaned….
"uhuh….so it's either going out to party….or partying at da house!" she exclaimed like an Ali G impersonator…
"uhuh girlfriend you have serious problems…..you need to get help…." I added as I laughed my head off….I might be a virgin but sad wasn't in my vocabulary, after all I had an excuse to go out and get wasted !
"whatever!" I moaned….
"omg….I think we have finally cracked the Mai code if you ask me…..maybe we might even meet Jesus if we get you laid tonight!" she yelled at the top of her lungs as I parked, causing the nosy teenage missus in the house opposite us to stare outside window…….
"god I swear I'll kill the little brat if she ever comes out of that house…!" she retorted….Tanya was under this belief that the house opposite ours was haunted…..because the girls that lived inside refused to party like her sad ass……
"I believe she would have an advantage if she was a ghost" I retorted at Tanya….
"uhuh is that so….and what is that!"
"well….she would have the one and only god on her side!" I exclaimed…..
"depends on who you ask…..I'd probably assume that in her case it would be the devil!" she added…..
"I don't think there is anyone out there as peculiar as you that you could ask!" I replied…
"nope but I find solace in the fact that you're a big freak mi chica!"
"honey the spanglish getting old so get your fat ass of that seat now before I'm forced to go in there!" I joked….
"mm…kinky!" she joked in return as she made her way out of her smooth convertible….
"girlfriend have you switched sides?" I asked in anticipation…..
"hehe I love man too much sir!" she laughed as we stepped into our houses, but before we could step in there was a sudden noise coming from the house next to ours…..more of a yell by a group of people….
"what was that?" I asked….looking in the direction of the yells….
"probably those guys we met earlier having hot passion sex!" she drooled….sometimes I swore she was a bit too horny for her own good!
"come on, let's go and find out…..maybe those people need help at something!" she added….
"honey….calm down…..I'm supposed to be the teenager here!" I retorted as I turned to go into our house but Tanya ran towards the house next to us like a puppy lost at night and before I could scream out for her to come back she had already knocked on their door….when Tanya wanted something she got it…..simple as that!…. I was forced to rush towards her naughty body before one of the guys staying there opened the door….
"what do you think you're doing?" I asked…..
"having fun….!" she said….
"perdon me?" the house owner asked, I hadn't even realized he had opened the door….
"um….hi!" Tanya said…..
"hello….." there was such a long awkward silence, with the guy looking Tanya and I both up and down then up again as if he was inspecting……
"um….we're here to….?" Tanya started….but sadly couldn't finish!
"we're here to wish you a warm welcome….since….since you're new to this house….neighbourhood….and we're you neighbours….so we are perfectly obliged to welcome you warmly to our , I mean yours and my neighbourhood….ours in fact…"I moaned before Tanya stumped on my feet to shut up…..
"well si….yes…..I'm Feliciano….and you?" he asked, looking at Tanya then her blindingly large boobs…
"I'm Tanya…..this my byotch Mai!" she replied…
"oh…..do you want to come in?" he asked….and both me and Tanya answered back at the same time….
"yes!" Tanya said….and me no…..
"si…" Feliciano said as he led the way inside with his arm….I mean what kind of guy did this…..what kind of guy let random people inside his house…..well I took that last sentence back as son as I stepped into the living room…..Feliciano or whatever was a god gawd I was so thankful that because of him I had been allowed to set my eyes on such perfection….such beauty….
"Feli…..que pasa?" he asked….looking at me and then at Tanya with an annoyed expression on his face…..he was looking so disturbed….
"what?" Feliciano asked…
"look no sex before a match!" he replied…is that really what he thought….he thought we where some kind of easy hos…..well maybe Tanya (lol)….
"look maybe we should leave?" I suggested as I looked from Feli as the moody guy had called him to his royal surliness…
"no…no…..what's the rush?" Feli announced….only to hear the moody guy wince at him….
"yes we can stay…." Tanya exclaimed before anything else could come out of my mouth……
"so what's up ladies….what will you have to drink?" he asked….
"what do you have?" Tanya asked in a flirtatious manor,…
"that will be two vodkas for you both then!"
"I don't drink!" I lied…..I mean, I didn't even know these guys and I wasn't going to risk getting drunk and doing anything I didn't want to do….
"ok…..so a juice for you then" he retorted as if I had broken his man ego….
"why don't I come and help you with those drinks…"Tanya added to his reply and as she said that they both disappeared…
There was an awkward silence between me and the moody boy….before after what seemed to be hours of standing on the corner of the room he suggested I sat down and in doing this I sat in the sofa opposite the one he was seated on…
"so what's you're name?" he asked….
"Mai" I answered…only leading to an even longer awkward silence….
"so we're neighbours…" I said…..
"yes…." he replied…..looking glum….
"you're very happy!" I asked…
"you would be to if your country won a match in the world cup no!" he replied, not noticing the sarcasm in my sentence….
"uhuh" I replied…..and just rested on the corner of the sofa out boredom….this guy was unbelievably blunt…
"you never asked what my name is?" he said….
"so what is it then ?" I asked with my head still down at my feet…
"it's Rafael, but you call me rafa no!" he said and chuckled….honestly I couldn't see what was so funny but he had such an infectious laughter that I joined him and chuckled along…..
"god we're such freaks!" I said …..
"I'm sorry!" he said….
"for what?" I asked…

"for thinking you where one of those girls!" he responded….
"I mean sometimes guys only want to hang around people like me to get five minutes of fame…!"..
"what are you smoking?" I asked….
"huh?" he replied….
"what do you mean some girls only want you for fame…..I don't see you in any music videos!" I replied…
"no I'm playing Wimbledon" he chuckled…
"oh…." I replied…..so he must have been some kind of big time tennis player, which explained why he was leaving next door to us….it was near the noisy grounds….I was just paying someone bought that shriekapova girl a gas mask…..to take her out before she could do my head in with her shrieking….even from that far a distance I could still hear her loud record breaking banshee shrieks…
"good for you then" I answered……
"um…ok" he replied….
"so…" he said….
"well those drinks where certainly refreshing…." Tanya suddenly said walking out of the kitchen which the door happened to have been locked as soon as they went in there…..
"mlut" rafa said trying to disguise it with a cough….
"shut up you big freezer…..I swear one of this days I'm going to have to hire a stripper for you!" Feli responded tapping rafa on the head, his face the colour of crimson as he stared back at me….
"me too god….I'm going to have to start taking notes from you genius….ok…..get Mai laid before Christmas…..get mai laid before Christmas….that's my mantra!" added…making my face as crimson as rafa…probably outshining him in that department…..
"well looks like we have something in common girl!" feli responded…
"certainly!" she replied….I swear it seemed like they were actually doing it in front of us…..all we could do was stare at the ground and hope the peep show would soon be over….but to my dismay that's how the rest of the night was…..feli and Tanya drowning in each other's faces…
I was so glad the night was over when I was stretching in bed after being blinded to death before my time….
"are you decent?" Tanya asked after she knocked on the door….not even caring for an answer before she swung the door open…
"uhuh…"
"look what lover boy told me to give to you!" she said handing me a parchment of paper…
"what is it!"
"well I think it's a phone number…..judging by the numbers written in a simple kind of fashion recognizable to the simplest of minds…"
"shut up!" I requested…
"well are you going to call…"she asked….
"I don't know!" I exclaimed…..kicking her out of my room….
"I didn't know if I was going to call…I mean….at the start of the night he looked as if he wanted to rip my head off and now he wanted to be friends….well whatever…I'll call him anyway I said to myself as I added him to my phone numbers….