-1"for
god's sakes Tanya…..stop driving at the f speed of light"
I screamed…..screamed to no avail that is as Tanya drove at full
blast, causing my ear drums to put in and out of my ears just as they
did when planes took of and I just happened to be unfortunate enough
to be inside them…….
"breath in and out girl you'll be
alright….I mean, what are you going to do when I marry a rich
geezer with faster cars…..this is just practice…honey so
chill!"….I sometimes struggled to read my best friend….we where
entire opposites, she was a mananiser(does that exist, I don't
think so???), and I was an innocent potential as she described me
best, well a far stretch from the virginity tattoo which when Tanya
and I fest met, she set a task for herself to figure out what it
stood for….
"Venus, varsity, …………..??v-I don't
know?" she asked the first time we met over two years ago…since
then she had made it a task for herself to get me laid…..
"no
it stands for my most prized possession!" I replied….
"uhuh
and what's that…?"she asked, a clueless imaginative facial
expression appearing on her face…
"my virginity" I replied
proudly!…
"uh….well anyways.."
Since the first time we
met , Tanya always some qualities that I admired…..her confidence
and independence…..she was so gratefully defensive of the thing
that meant a lot to her most and I admired that….I, you could say
looked up to her, she was like a big sis to me judging by the two
year difference that separated our mortal bodies….
"what from
here byotch?" she asked….infectiously…..we had things of giving
each other pet names…it could get tiring once you do every time
instead of each other's names though….
"I dunno….whatever
ho!" I exclaimed like a young child lost at sea….literally as we
were on the beach (bad joke)
"how bout the pub later?" she
asked, throwing sand all over my body….I was going to have to into
the dirty sea water so that I could reapply my sun lotion
again…..
"definitely not after that attack!" I
exclaimed….
"oh come on…and you say you're Irish!" she
moaned…
"uhuh and you're point exactly?" I asked, pursing
my lips into a drunkard exclamation..
"someone seriously needs
to get laid pronto!" she retorted, grabbing my arm and dragging it
towards the sea…..
"aaaaaaaaaarrrrhhhh get off….get…..off
me!" I screamed as I grabbed her arm in reply and dragged her into
the cold sea water…
"omg, you're actually capable of being
fun?" she rhetorically asked as she looked up at me in fake
shock…..
"uhuh and omg, I'm so surprised you aren't ogling
at some poor old bloke right now…."
"uhuh, this beach's
full of mingers…..yourself included!" she joked….
"burn!"
I yelled, tapping my finger in my mouth and then tapping my shoulder
as if it where as hot as fire…..
"Mai?" she asked…
"uhuh?"
I replied….
"you boob is popping out!" she
exclaimed…..laughing as hard as she'd ever done…..before she
screamed at the blokes playing some football down the beach…..
"nice
tits!" one of them yelled before I had the time to cover what was
left of my decency!
………………..
" that was not funny
you sad cow!" I retorted as I looked at Tanya with the most evil
stare I was capable of coming up with, much to get fits of heavy
laughter in return, she looked as if someone had out sulphuric acid
in her acid as tears of laughter started pouring down them like rain
drops in this hot sunny summer..
As we approached our streets,
Tanya poked her head out of the window and screamed….
"the
80's called, they want that mullet back love!" at an undeserving
passer-by……god if she wasn't so funny I'd have ditched her
sorry ass back at the beach ha-ha….
"so….?" she stated as
she stared at me intensely…
"so what you big freaky man
beast?" I replied….
"so how about we party?" she
asked…..
"party is a no no in our house….don't you
remember how we almost burned down our house last time we invited
those fools we call our buddies over?" I moaned….
"uhuh….so
it's either going out to party….or partying at da house!" she
exclaimed like an Ali G impersonator…
"uhuh girlfriend you
have serious problems…..you need to get help…." I added as I
laughed my head off….I might be a virgin but sad wasn't in my
vocabulary, after all I had an excuse to go out and get wasted
!
"whatever!" I moaned….
"omg….I think we have
finally cracked the Mai code if you ask me…..maybe we might even
meet Jesus if we get you laid tonight!" she yelled at the top of
her lungs as I parked, causing the nosy teenage missus in the house
opposite us to stare outside window…….
"god I swear I'll
kill the little brat if she ever comes out of that house…!" she
retorted….Tanya was under this belief that the house opposite ours
was haunted…..because the girls that lived inside refused to party
like her sad ass……
"I believe she would have an advantage if
she was a ghost" I retorted at Tanya….
"uhuh is that so….and
what is that!"
"well….she would have the one and only god on
her side!" I exclaimed…..
"depends on who you ask…..I'd
probably assume that in her case it would be the devil!" she
added…..
"I don't think there is anyone out there as
peculiar as you that you could ask!" I replied…
"nope but I
find solace in the fact that you're a big freak mi chica!"
"honey
the spanglish getting old so get your fat ass of that seat now before
I'm forced to go in there!" I joked….
"mm…kinky!" she
joked in return as she made her way out of her smooth
convertible….
"girlfriend have you switched sides?" I asked
in anticipation…..
"hehe I love man too much sir!" she
laughed as we stepped into our houses, but before we could step in
there was a sudden noise coming from the house next to ours…..more
of a yell by a group of people….
"what was that?" I
asked….looking in the direction of the yells….
"probably
those guys we met earlier having hot passion sex!" she
drooled….sometimes I swore she was a bit too horny for her own
good!
"come on, let's go and find out…..maybe those people
need help at something!" she added….
"honey….calm
down…..I'm supposed to be the teenager here!" I retorted as I
turned to go into our house but Tanya ran towards the house next to
us like a puppy lost at night and before I could scream out for her
to come back she had already knocked on their door….when Tanya
wanted something she got it…..simple as that!…. I was forced to
rush towards her naughty body before one of the guys staying there
opened the door….
"what do you think you're doing?" I
asked…..
"having fun….!" she said….
"perdon me?"
the house owner asked, I hadn't even realized he had opened the
door….
"um….hi!" Tanya said…..
"hello….." there
was such a long awkward silence, with the guy looking Tanya and I
both up and down then up again as if he was inspecting……
"um….we're
here to….?" Tanya started….but sadly couldn't finish!
"we're
here to wish you a warm welcome….since….since you're new to
this house….neighbourhood….and we're you neighbours….so we
are perfectly obliged to welcome you warmly to our , I mean yours and
my neighbourhood….ours in fact…"I moaned before Tanya stumped
on my feet to shut up…..
"well si….yes…..I'm
Feliciano….and you?" he asked, looking at Tanya then her
blindingly large boobs…
"I'm Tanya…..this my byotch Mai!"
she replied…
"oh…..do you want to come in?" he asked….and
both me and Tanya answered back at the same time….
"yes!"
Tanya said….and me no…..
"si…" Feliciano said as he led
the way inside with his arm….I mean what kind of guy did
this…..what kind of guy let random people inside his house…..well
I took that last sentence back as son as I stepped into the living
room…..Feliciano or whatever was a god gawd I was so thankful that
because of him I had been allowed to set my eyes on such
perfection….such beauty….
"Feli…..que pasa?" he
asked….looking at me and then at Tanya with an annoyed expression
on his face…..he was looking so disturbed….
"what?"
Feliciano asked…
"look no sex before a match!" he replied…is
that really what he thought….he thought we where some kind of easy
hos…..well maybe Tanya (lol)….
"look maybe we should leave?"
I suggested as I looked from Feli as the moody guy had called him to
his royal surliness…
"no…no…..what's the rush?" Feli
announced….only to hear the moody guy wince at him….
"yes we
can stay…." Tanya exclaimed before anything else could come out
of my mouth……
"so what's up ladies….what will you have
to drink?" he asked….
"what do you have?" Tanya asked in a
flirtatious manor,…
"that will be two vodkas for you both
then!"
"I don't drink!" I lied…..I mean, I didn't even
know these guys and I wasn't going to risk getting drunk and doing
anything I didn't want to do….
"ok…..so a juice for you
then" he retorted as if I had broken his man ego….
"why
don't I come and help you with those drinks…"Tanya added to his
reply and as she said that they both disappeared…
There was an
awkward silence between me and the moody boy….before after what
seemed to be hours of standing on the corner of the room he suggested
I sat down and in doing this I sat in the sofa opposite the one he
was seated on…
"so what's you're name?" he asked….
"Mai"
I answered…only leading to an even longer awkward silence….
"so
we're neighbours…" I said…..
"yes…." he
replied…..looking glum….
"you're very happy!" I
asked…
"you would be to if your country won a match in the
world cup no!" he replied, not noticing the sarcasm in my
sentence….
"uhuh" I replied…..and just rested on the
corner of the sofa out boredom….this guy was unbelievably
blunt…
"you never asked what my name is?" he said….
"so
what is it then ?" I asked with my head still down at my
feet…
"it's Rafael, but you call me rafa no!" he said and
chuckled….honestly I couldn't see what was so funny but he had
such an infectious laughter that I joined him and chuckled
along…..
"god we're such freaks!" I said …..
"I'm
sorry!" he said….
"for what?" I asked…
"for
thinking you where one of those girls!" he responded….
"I
mean sometimes guys only want to hang around people like me to get
five minutes of fame…!"..
"what are you smoking?" I
asked….
"huh?" he replied….
"what do you mean some
girls only want you for fame…..I don't see you in any music
videos!" I replied…
"no I'm playing Wimbledon" he
chuckled…
"oh…." I replied…..so he must have been some
kind of big time tennis player, which explained why he was leaving
next door to us….it was near the noisy grounds….I was just paying
someone bought that shriekapova girl a gas mask…..to take her out
before she could do my head in with her shrieking….even from that
far a distance I could still hear her loud record breaking banshee
shrieks…
"good for you then" I answered……
"um…ok"
he replied….
"so…" he said….
"well those drinks
where certainly refreshing…." Tanya suddenly said walking out of
the kitchen which the door happened to have been locked as soon as
they went in there…..
"mlut" rafa said trying to disguise it
with a cough….
"shut up you big freezer…..I swear one of
this days I'm going to have to hire a stripper for you!" Feli
responded tapping rafa on the head, his face the colour of crimson as
he stared back at me….
"me too god….I'm going to have to
start taking notes from you genius….ok…..get Mai laid before
Christmas…..get mai laid before Christmas….that's my mantra!"
added…making my face as crimson as rafa…probably outshining him
in that department…..
"well looks like we have something in
common girl!" feli responded…
"certainly!" she replied….I
swear it seemed like they were actually doing it in front of us…..all
we could do was stare at the ground and hope the peep show would soon
be over….but to my dismay that's how the rest of the night
was…..feli and Tanya drowning in each other's faces…
I was
so glad the night was over when I was stretching in bed after being
blinded to death before my time….
"are you decent?" Tanya
asked after she knocked on the door….not even caring for an answer
before she swung the door open…
"uhuh…"
"look what
lover boy told me to give to you!" she said handing me a parchment
of paper…
"what is it!"
"well I think it's a phone
number…..judging by the numbers written in a simple kind of fashion
recognizable to the simplest of minds…"
"shut up!" I
requested…
"well are you going to call…"she asked….
"I
don't know!" I exclaimed…..kicking her out of my room….
"I
didn't know if I was going to call…I mean….at the start of the
night he looked as if he wanted to rip my head off and now he wanted
to be friends….well whatever…I'll call him anyway I said to
myself as I added him to my phone numbers….
