Chapter 2: Was I Ever Alone?


Why was she nervous?

She'd never been this uneasy for a sync test before, even as a kid. So why now? It wasn't the sync test or the break between now and her last time in an entry plug that had her nervous. It was who she was going to be with during the sync test.

It wasn't really going to be like seeing her in person, but she knew her soul would take care of her inside Unit 02. She always had.

That thought filled Asuka with a sense of happiness, yet she was still anxious. The last time she actually spoke to her mother, it was in that strange place she still did not understand. They were told it had been in the cores of their respective Evas. The last thing she remembered during the actual battle was seeing Shinji in a weird…crucifix thingy. Was that even the right word for it? All she could remember from that moment was how terrified she was.

Almost as if she knew she was about to lose him.

Next thing she recalled was how she cried out his name from the top of her lungs, prompting her unresponsive Eva to reactivate in what she was later told was due to Unit 02 "going berserk."

Then, there she was. Her elated suspicions from right before the fight were true. It was her mother, standing in a bright field full of sunshine and sunflowers. Just as beautiful as Asuka remembered; right before she got sick.

Smiling at that memory, Asuka allowed her excitement to wash over her and subdue her nervousness as she all but ran to her entry plug.

"I'm ready for her," Asuka blurted out to the confused technicians. Clad in her plug suit and A-10 connectors, she adjusted her white eyepatch and jumped into the pilot's seat and let the bridge crew do its thing.


Back on the bridge Misato tried to tune out the techno-babble that the bridge crew was spouting. She had long since given up trying to understand it, instead she just stared out at the entry plug. Despite the long break, the crew and technicians seemed to show no signs of rust as they went through their tasks flawlessly.

Hyuga turned to Commander Katsuragi, "All initial baselines cleared. We're ready to begin the test."

Misato felt butterflies in her stomach as she was overseeing her first test as commander. Moreover, her first sync test without her deceased friend, Dr. Akagi. If she could still even call her a friend at this point.

Sighing at the memory, Misato asked Hyuga to open a comms channel to Asuka.

"Hey Asuka, how are you feeling?" Misato couldn't help but notice the smile her ward was wearing. One of the few smiles she's seen on her in months. The commander's joy manifested in a smile of her own.

"Ready as I've ever been. Any reason why you're interrupting? I was starting to get in a groove, Commander." Her tone sounded playful.

Misato was caught a bit off guard. While she expected her to be excited for her sync test, Asuka had only showed marginal enthusiasm over the last week, all the while being suddenly distant towards Shinji.

They didn't make idle chit chat like they usually did. Whenever Shinji was in the living room watching TV or playing a game, he would immediately get up and retreat to his room upon Asuka's arrival.

She also hadn't seen the futon or any signs of Asuka sleeping next to him all week. A week in which Shinji slept exclusively on the couch. She wouldn't even eat the breakfast he made for them or take the bentos for lunch.

Something must have happened between them. I know it. Was it a fight? Or something else? Misato mused. Snapping back to reality, she addressed Asuka.

"Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. What's got you in a good mood? Did something lift your spirits?" Misato wasn't sure if this was the time to ask that question given Asuka's demeanor as of late. She instantly regretted it when she noticed Asuka open her eye and frown at her.

"What are you talking about?! I was dying to start these sooner, but you just had to listen to Idiot-Shinji like always! What are you insinuating?!"

"I'm not insinuating anything Asuka. I just wanted to make sure you're okay." Misato quickly defused the conversation before Asuka got too flustered to the point that it might affect her synchronization with Unit 02. Heaven knows they didn't need that to happen again.

Asuka sighed before surprising Misato with her attitude once again. "I'm fine Misato, really. I don't need you worrying about me." Asuka shot a small smile her way with determination in her one good eye, "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got someone very special I'd like to spend time with right now."

Misato nodded and smiled. "Alright, good luck and we'll go to dinner afterwards. Just the two of us."

"No Shinji or Kaji this time? Eh who am I kidding. It's not like those two dummies even bothered to show their faces today," she grumbled. "Okay but you're buying. Later." Asuka closed the comm channel and the techs began preparations for the test.

Was that disappointment I heard? Misato thought to herself before immediately brushing that thought off. She stood up straight and nodded. "Alright Hyuga, Maya, Aoba, you heard her. Let's do this."


Once the kaleidoscope of colors receded, Asuka closed her eye and cleared her mind, eager for her time with her mother to finally begin. She remembered the last time she participated in a sync test her world had been unraveling, the pressures of her failures slowly becoming too much to bear.

However, now that she was here, it became easier to lean back, grab the control yokes, and keep herself focused despite the storms of thoughts and feelings weighing on her.

Uhm, hi Mama, Asuka finally thought to herself as she opened herself up and let her mind drift into focus with the Eva. Almost as if summoned by those words, the girl felt a warm presence wrap around her like being swaddled tight in a heavy blanket. She was here with her. Asuka smiled.

Upon learning the true nature of the Evas, she understood why it made her feel so comfortable. She never considered anywhere her home or safe haven outside the bright red mech. And this feeling of comfort with her mother's soul in was the first time she felt this at peace since…a week and a half ago.

Asuka internally broke out of her tranquility as soon as her mind drifted to that memory for comparison. Unbeknownst to her, it had been reflected back on the bridge the drop in her sync rate.

A week and half ago was the last night she slept on the floor next to Shinji. Why did her mind immediately go there when recalling feelings like she had now?

Before she could get more agitated, a sensation of warmth akin to a hug washed over her, almost as if someone was trying to hold her tighter. Another smile found itself on Asuka's face as she got lost in her mother's celestial embrace. Time began to flow as the test continued with Asuka simply leaning back and enjoying every moment of her time with Unit 02's core tenant.

She reflected on everything her mother and her had been through together from the first time she synchronized with her Eva as a child back in NERV Euro to this moment. It wasn't long before she remembered her battle against the Sixth Angel and the one who helped her beat it.

Wait, how was Shinji even able to sync with Unit 02? How did that get our sync rates to climb so high? If anything it should have been me carrying us since Shinji never even knew Unit 02 existed…let alone been inside its entry plug before. Did you know him Mama? Did he open himself up to you too? But how ca-…oh right.

Asuka couldn't help but smirk at the irony. Kyoko did meet Shinji once before when they were toddlers back in NERV Euro. Just like how she in turn met Yui Ikari.

Why am I thinking about that now?! I'm sorry Mama I didn't mean to bring him up in my thoughts. If you saw how much of a dummy he is now, you would have teased your "genius" scientist friend over having such a dull moron for a son.

Asuka once again regained her concentration and continued to open herself up to her Eva as she thought more about the Angel War. She pondered on all her triumphs, failures, and battles she sortied alongside her teammates. She fought sadness when recalling her troubles syncing with Unit 02 leading up to the Fifteenth Angel.

How all her insecurities and painful memories were pried out of her heart for her to see. At the first fleeting to release the yokes and curl up, she felt the reassurance once again.

It felt like a sign nudging her to continue sharing what was on her mind. Whether good or bad, it was okay. Someone who cares is here. She no longer had to shoulder this alone.

She was reminded that she wasn't actually alone, despite being the only person in the plug.

She was never actually alone.

She always had help. No matter how much she wanted to believe otherwise.

Asuka had always felt alone. All her successes and failures in life and as an Eva pilot were hers alone. She didn't need anyone, and her mother's presence didn't change that.

But if that was true… why was she scared of losing those around her?

From, Hikari, who was supportive and showed her kindness when she really needed it, to the boy she tried to hate. For the first time there were people she clung to.

While she spent the last several months wallowing, self-conscious of the scars from her injuries, thinking she was the helpless little girl she had always feared being viewed as, he was still there.

Even when she noticed how she bothered him, he never brought it up or used it against her.

Shinji never got angry when she shot down his clumsy conversation attempts. No, instead he would stay quiet and sit there with her. When she did want to talk, no matter how mundane or trite she was, he listened, and talked with her. Despite everything they had gone through, he was just…there for her.

The thought of him amplified the calm surrounding her. Asuka let the feelings flow through to her mother's presence, sharing all that had transpired since she came to Japan. How she had friends, a home, and guardians who cared for her, despite her distrust in all of them.

She could tell her mother was happy for her and the life she had found. Asuka felt herself instinctively wanting to hug her back, loosening the controls… but reality came crashing down.

There was nothing.

She scowled at herself for forgetting. She couldn't touch her mother, there was no physical form to hold. Her mother would never hold her again, never caress her cheek, or ask her about her day. She could never cook her breakfast or walk with her.

She couldn't do anything for her.

"Asuka what's going on in there? Your sync rate is declining!"

No.

Never again.

She would never think that way again. There was nothing for her without the Eva, without her couldn't lose her again. Worse still, Asuka couldn't fathom beginning to let anyone else so close.

She couldn't just let him in and open herself up. That would just lead to them hurting each other. They always do. It seemed that all they have are those simple moments of neutrality followed by pain.

They haven't even talked since their fight last week. Besides, who did he think he was throwing her lowest moment right in her face like he did? That was just a taste of what her letting him in would be like.

It didn't matter that he was the only one who could even begin to understand what she'd been through. It didn't matter that they saved the world together. It didn't matter that he'd saved her before either. He'll just end up hurting her. As will Misato, Kaji, and the others.

I'm sorry for thinking that way Mama. I don't need anyone or anything else. I just need you and Unit 02. That's it. You'll never hurt me or leave me again. I can't leave you either. I won't, I promise! That just means my forever is with you, just like I always wanted. Please forgive me for thinking of moving on from you!

Before the tears of her closed eye began to seep into the LCL, the warm feeling made itself as pronounced as it possibly could without causing the Eva to go berserk. Asuka could feel its heartbeat, as if Mama was there, pressed against her. She calmed down and leveled her sync rate once more.

"Asuka, everything alright in there? How are you feeling"

"Never better. What's my sync rate?" Asuka said in a semi-surprised and disappointed tone. She wanted that "hug" to last forever.

"You held steady at 82.4 % for a while. Even with that momentary drop you picked up again well enough. Nice work Asuka! Looks like this long break didn't affect you." Misato said with a wide smile.

"Of…course it didn't! Need I remind you who's the best pilot after all?" Asuka poked her chest with her thumb and shouted for everyone to hear, unaware of the audience she had on one of the gantries above the Bridge Crew.

"I wish Idiot-Shinji and Wonder Girl were here to remember just who that is. Me, the one who saved all your butts! And don't you all ever forget that!" Asuka proclaimed in as loud and high-pitched a voice she could muster.

Misato and the rest of the crew all broke out into some small fits of laughter before the commander responded. "Alrighty then, that's the spirit! We do owe you the world, but for now, some dinner on me will have to do. So how about we wrap up and get ready to go dig in after you clean-up? You can even pick the place too."

"You better have withdrawn a lot of cash because I'm starving. See you in a bit." Asuka cut off the mic as Misato looked up at the gantry. Standing there in workout clothes leaning against the railing not too far from the threshold was Shinji.

He came to support her? Aw that's adorable. But why didn't he just come down here? Did he not want to ruin Asuka's concentration? That doesn't matter, at least he's here unlike the other doofus. Misato gripped the cross on her necklace and sighed in content. She thought about calling out to him but decided against it. He probably didn't want Asuka to know he was here.

"Oh Shinji." Misato said to herself smiling.

See you next time Mama. Asuka thought to herself as the crew began the process of ending the test. She was in the best mood she had been in a long time. Not only had the test gone well, but she felt as if she released a heavy burden off her shoulders that she'd been trying to get rid of for some time. Why would I even have to open up to the others when I have Mama for that. She'll never hurt me like they would. She understands me.

Then just as she regained a view of the chambers in front of her, she saw a familiar lean figure begin to turn and make their way through the entrance from which they came. Before he turned the corner, Asuka zoomed in and looked closer, getting a glimpse look at those sad, dark blue eyes, somewhat messy hair and dumb yet cute face that belonged to Shinji Ikari.

"He…came?!" Asuka said to herself in shock. "He really came? Well why did he have to watch away from the bridge like a coward?!"

Asuka switched from temporary happiness to instant annoyance. Somehow this felt all too similar to the 'visit' she paid him after the Twelfth Angel.

"He probably just wanted to suck up to Misato and look like the bigger person. Idiot, you're already her favorite. And now you're Kaji's favorite too. Why do you have to rub it in," Asuka said in a low yet venomous tone.

Despite this, she felt herself deflate at those words. Shinji isn't malicious or out to get her, he even said so himself. He didn't even need to say that. Asuka now knew that much was for sure no matter how many times she tried to convince herself otherwise.

Then why was he there? Why was he always there invading her thoughts and gracing her with his presence? Asuka started to think about some of her feelings she shared during the sync test. This did nothing to ease her confusion. If anything it exacerbated it.

She was still mad at him over things that run deeper than just their fight last week. However, another part of her was happy that he was there as moral support for her. She felt that he backed his words up from last week and seemed to show that he in fact did not hate her at all. He was there for her again. After the LCL drained and the hatch opened, Asuka hopped out of the entry plug, adjusted her eye patch, and marched over to the locker room.

"Dammit Shinji, why are you always there?"


Day of the Siege on NERV

As they wheeled Asuka's bed over to the cages, Shinji fought the urge to stop several times. It was hard to take in everything Misato was telling him as they moved.

NERV, Second Impact, his father's role in it…all of this came right after Misato told him that the Japanese government had assumed complete control of NERV after stripping it of its legal protections.

Everything Kaji told him the previous night was true. He'd never been more fearful at a person being right before in his life. The return-fire from their armed escorts and what looked like corpses of JSSDF personnel in the distant background only served to amplify his fear.

Once they reached the cages, Shinji was able to finally speak. "But Misato, why are they shooting at us?! What do we have to do with this?! Isn't the government on our side?"

The boy couldn't resist putting his hands around his head.

"I wish I could tell you Shinji, but I don't know. None of us do." She tried to maintain a soft tone to help calm Shinji down despite the dread growing inside of her as well. Her time to be scared could wait. Right now she had to get these kids… her kids… to safety, inside their Evas.

Shinji simply backed away into the nearest railing and crouched down into a ball.

Just as Misato was about to go over and encourage him, a tech ran over to her with two distinctly colored plug suits in hand.

"Major Katsuragi, the entry plugs are ready for the pilots," The young man was shaking. "It may not be my place to say, but I highly recommend we move fast. Word from the bridge says there are multiple units closing in on this location."

Nodding and taking the plug suits, she cautiously approached Shinji, who was still sitting down and grasping his head. His face told her all she needed to know, the boy was overwhelmed, and who was she to judge? He was a just a kid, one they had asked so much of already.

"Shinji," Misato tried to speak softly but her anxious tone betrayed her. "I know this is all scary and a lot to take in, believe me. But you have to get back in the Eva and fight. Only you can put a stop to this." Misato placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze even as he tensed up.

"What about," Shinji dropped his arms and did not look up as he spoke, "What about her? Where are you going to put Asuka?"

Looking at the plug suits, she moved her hand from his shoulder and gently placed two fingers under his chin. She slowly rose his head up so that he was looking at her, ignoring the expression on his face.

"I'm going to go behind there and get Asuka changed into her plug suit. Then I'll put her in the entry plug and have them launch her Eva to the bottom of the lake above the GeoFront. Even if she can't wake up or activate Unit 02, we both know that she'll be safer in there than down here," Misato looked away and wore a scowl for a second before recomposing and looking back at Shinji.

"You heard and saw what the armed forces are doing. Even if I don't know why, I don't need Ritsuko's brain to understand that them shooting at NERV personnel is a bad thing." She tried to chuckle and lighten the mood to no avail.

Shinji was paralyzed with fear once again. It wasn't that he didn't trust what Misato just said. It was the "why" that got him unable to move. As Misato placed the plug suits on the floor and brought that hand to his cheek, just like she did with the one under his chin, she started caressing his face.

"Shinji, please," She looked him in the eyes, "It's up to you to decide on your own, I can't force or make any decision for you. But promise me you'll show us all that you're the person we can rely on again. Just like you've always done."

Shinji gasped. It sounded like something a certain someone had told him not long before. A certain someone Misato would love to know was still alive. Shinji grabbed his plug suit and looked up at the small smile and imploring eyes of his guardian.

Her hands did not leave his face.

Remembering what Kaji told him the night before, Shinji got the feeling it was time to tell her.

"Misato," Shinji's voice calmed down as he pondered on how exactly to break the news, "Last night…I sa-"

"Major Katsuragi! There's a hostile unit closing in fast! They're minutes away!" One of the technicians shouted. The armed NERV unit and Section 2 agents got into a defensive posture and readied their firearms.

Misato let go of Shinji's face and pulled him up to his feet. "There's no time to go to the locker room. You five," Misato pointed at a group of techs who had just finished getting the entry plug for Unit 02 ready. "Make a wall so Shinji can stand behind you to change."

Turning to Shinji, who's face grew redder than Asuka's plug suit, she calmly explained, "I better get Asuka ready. Shinji please," With that last cry for help, she moved over to Asuka's bed as her and one of the female technicians moved her behind a console out of sight so they could change her with privacy.

Shinji meandered over behind the techs who made a "wall" for him to change as well.

Despite the trembling of his limbs and hopelessly confused mind, Shinji shed his school uniform and put on his plug suit. It was automatic at this point. He squeezed the button on his wrist and waited until he heard Misato come out and try to carry Asuka on her own.

Shinji glanced at this from over one of the tech's shoulders and trotted over. Relieved at his sudden determination, Misato began.

"Good, you're ready. I'll take that as a 'yes'," Misato gave him a confident smirk before shifting gears. She looked at Asuka, arms hooked under hers, and moved her to the entry plug, "Shinji, head over towards Unit 01 now. I've got her."

Kaji's words came barging into his mind again.

'She will need you sooner than you think.'

'Do you want a chance to make things right with her and everyone else you think you've wronged?'

He looked at Misato after a few seconds of silence before speaking.

"Let me help you put Asuka in the plug first. I…it's the least I can do for her." It was now Shinji's turn to have pleading eyes. Misato looked shocked for a second before nodding.

"I got her arms, you lift her by the ankles. Let's make this quick."

They both carefully lifted Asuka and got her to the entry plug. Once she was inside, Misato gave the thumbs up to the techs to insert the plug and get Unit 02 ready for launch.

As the plug was crane lifted and inserted into the red Eva, Misato looked at Shinji and gave him a reassuring pat.

"Thank you for the help Shinji. I'm sure Asuka would appreciate this too." Shinji looked down and blushed.

"Now come on and get to Unit 01. We should expect to be ambushed any minute and there's no way I'm watching you die today," Misato got serious and nudged Shinji over to the direction of his Eva. He quickly remembered what he wanted to tell Misato. Stopping in his tracks, he turned to the woman.

"Misato, I have something to tell you about Kaji."

"Shinji, wh-"

She couldn't finish that sentence due to the gunfire that started raining over the chambers.


Present Day

Kaji sighed as Shinji Ikari moseyed his way over to the plug to begin his first sync test in months.

It was Misato's idea to have his test the day after Asuka's so that both of them had NERV's undivided attention on their respective days. She partially did it upon noticing the more pronounced tension between the two over the last week. The Third Child hadn't spoken to him nor Misato about he and Asuka's most recent scuffle.

He had actually been somewhat distant towards Kaji the past week as well. Their only interactions being some brief small talk during their workouts and the nights Kaji was home early enough for dinner. A shift in tone that did not go unnoticed by the boy's mentor.

Kaji mused some more over the boy's sudden withdrawal. He thought he had made a breakthrough with him a week before, only for him to be the same boy he was when he came home from the hospital in the battle's aftermath.

He noticed how slumped the boy looked as he reached the end of the gantry. Glancing over to Misato on his right, they both frowned and wondered if they should push him to go through with the test. It was concerning that he didn't even mention anything about his mother or the test at all week.

"What are you two so gloomy about? Thinking about how to coddle the baby out of his test?"

Both turned to the shrill voice of Asuka, wearing a red jacket and gym clothes. She adjusted her eye patch as she strode over to Misato.

"Actually, we were waiting on your arrival. You know, to cheer on your knight in shining armor before beginning." Misato had the widest grin on her face upon her teasing remarks. Asuka showing up was just the comedic low hanging fruit she and the crew needed to lighten the mood.

The blush on her face could not come fast enough.

"Excuse me!" Asuka grew even more flush with anger, "If you recall, I was the one who fought off those freaks! The idiot would have caused Third Impact without me! Do you think I got a 'thank you'? No! Instead he thinks I'm nothing but a helpless little girl!"

Asuka's voice grew louder and angrier as she "corrected" her guardian. Misato sighed and replaced her playful smirk with another frown. She should have seen that reaction coming.

"Asuka, you know he doesn't think that."

She scoffed, "What do you know? Just go on with the test before he looks over here and gets cold feet."

Kaji finally spoke up after watching the two roommates argue, "Either way, we're glad you're here Asuka. I'm sure Shinji is too."

At that remark, Asuka glared at her former guardian with a look of disgust, "Why don't you just keep pretending that you want to be here and go back to ignoring me. It's all you're good for anyways."

The man opened his mouth to protest but once again stopped himself. It was hard to deny her words, given that she wasn't entirely wrong.


As Shinji waited for the technicians to finish readying the plug, he allowed his eyes to wander around the chamber and take in the remodeling that was still underway.

It's amazing how much of the GeoFront has been rebuilt since that battle. It almost looks as good as the first day I set foot in here when…, he stopped upon recalling that memory. It was the first day he saw his father after he abandoned him. Shinji felt some anger boil up inside of him.

Nobody knew anything about Gendo Ikari's whereabouts after SEELE was stopped. He could be dead for all they knew. A small part of Shinji certainly hoped that was the case.

His mind then drifted to the memory of Rei, the sight of her mangled body, eerily remanent of how she looked now. The girl had been comatose since they found her unconscious after the battle.

It was a miracle she was even still alive. A miracle that he questioned was even possible given what she was like when Asuka and he saw her in that strange place in the…core?

Rei…what happened to you? How were you even able to talk to us? In the core or wherever we were? How was I able to reach Asuka too? Will you even remember anything? I have so many questions to ask you. But that can wait…I just hope you wake up soon. I'm sorry I haven't visited you as often as I should. Maybe I'll go after this test. It's just so strange to me how alike you and her lo-

"Ikari, it's ready," the tech's words broke Shinji out of his thoughts.

Shaking his head, he gave the tech a puzzled look before finally remembering why he was here in the first place. How ironic that he was musing about Rei just as he was about to commence a sync test with the soul of his mother.

"R-right. I think I'm ready for her." At those words, the tech raised an eyebrow and mirrored the same confused look Shinji had a moment ago.

"Man, you pilots sure are a peculiar bunch. The Second Child said something similar yesterday."

Shinji felt his cheeks lightly color at the mention of Asuka's title. His head then turned to the bridge, where he saw the Bridge Crew and all three of his housemates, including the red head herself.

She's here? But why? I thought she was…she hates me. Why would she be here at my sync test? Well…she did eat her bento at lunch today for the first time all week. Heh, Toji wasn't too pleased with that, with a newfound smile on his face, he took his seat in the plug.

After passing all the baseline parameters and exchanging a few quick words over the comms with Misato, the butterflies in his stomach spread throughout his body. Now that he was alone in the LCL grasping the control yokes, he could feel that distinct familial presence he always felt when he sortied. He could feel the warmth of her "touch" on his face as his body started to release tension a little bit. The boy wondered if she could sense his thoughts and feelings.

With his eyes closed and mind open as possible, he tried to remember Yui Ikari's image as best he could. Green eyes, brown hair, taller than he remembered, and the one thing he felt while in the Eva despite his mostly negative feelings toward the mech: comfort.

Completely lost at how much time had passed, Shinji once again felt the warmth on his cheek. Except now, he felt a burst of sentient tenderness pass through him as if being accosted by an apparition.

Mother, Shinji's mind immediately recognized what that sensation was. The cheek caress and the burst, it brought back memories of how he got out alive against the Twelfth Angel.


Misato tapped her foot while waiting for Maya to explain why exactly she had been staring at a painfully low sync rate for the last half hour.

"Everything checks out fine. I don't know why his sync rate is still so low," Acting Sub-Commander Ibuki stated after practically feeling the woman's stare for quite some time. She wasn't Dr. Akagi, but she was more than capable of doing this.

Shaking her head in confusion, Misato glanced at Asuka as if she would have an explanation. The girl simply shrugged and continued to stare at the mech disinterestedly.

"Relax Katsuragi. Just a little rust is all. Give him a chance. The kid's done this enough times already," Kaji broke the tension in a confident yet almost smug tone, which earned him an annoyed look from both girls.

"That's 'Commander Katsuragi' to you, first off. Second, you're not even technically authorized to be here 'Visitor' Ryoji," Misato tried to sound stern and professional around her peers. A façade that was slipping fast as Kaji's smirk never left his face while they met eyes. "I suggest you keep your com-"

"MOTHER!"

Everyone in the bridge jumped at the distressed scream coming from the Third Child. Before anyone could register what was going on, Unit 01 began thrashing against its testing restraints. The only thing heard outside the Eva and it's pilot's sudden agony was Maya's own shouting.

"His sync rate went from 21% to 89% and climbing! Any higher and it's going to go berserk in here!" she said, as they all recognized the shear panic in her voice. "If the Eva goes berserk, we're all-"

"Dammit Maya I know! I don't care about the 'what-if' right now! Give me Shinji's status!," Perhaps she shouldn't have let her emotions get the best of her right now, but there was no way Misato was losing her ward. She had a promise to keep.

"Other than an accelerated heart rate, his vitals are fine but…," Maya's hands made their way around her head. "His sync rate is now at 92%!"

Before Misato could think of something, Shinji began shouting over the comms again.

"No! Get out of the way! Stop it!," the purple Eva was now banging it's head forward and back while getting dangerously close to ripping the restraints off the wall, "The Spear! I stopped it! Life Support! Oxygen! Stop! But how?! How did that spear…Asuka!"

Shinji continued on his tirade, melding two nightmares into one. Except those weren't just nightmares, they really happened.

At the mention of her name, Asuka snapped out of her bewildered trance.

"Shinji…" mumbling into her hands over her mouth, the reality of her situation setting in. It would be like that month he was trapped in the core all over again. Despite how sour they had been lately, she most definitely did not want that to happen again.

Everything in that moment caused her to freeze, the shouting, the screaming, she felt petrified. She didn't even have time to scold herself, she had been trained for things worse than this, so why wasn't she able to move?

He's talking about the second spear isn't he? The copy that the MPEs had. Why would he think about that? Especially right now! Is…that what he sees in his nightmares?

"Of course he blames himself for…Narcisstic dummy!," Asuka snapped back into the chaos as the realization hit her like a bucket of cold water.

"Shinji!," she yelled from where she stood, "Shinji stop! Are you trying to kill us all! Shin-" the girl suddenly felt someone tug on her arm. Turning around and scowling, she found herself glaring at Misato.

"Asuka get back now! That's an order!" Misato pulled her back and pushed past her, making a beeline to where Maya was.

Anger and frustration boiling over, she on an impulse yelled the first thing that came to her mind in the hope that he'd somehow hear her.

"Idiot-Shinji, do something!"

"Kaji! They won't stop coming! They're supposed to be dead! We smashed them already!"

Three heads swiveled to the direction at the end of the console where Kaji spoke into an open comms channel directly to Shinji. The thrashing from Unit 01 died down a little bit.

"Shinji, listen to me. The siege is over, you won. You aren't in the Sea of Dirac anymore either," Kaji maintained in as calm a voice as possible, despite their circumstances.

"Kaji!," Shinji uttered in a frantic tone, as if it were a cry for help.

"Ryoji Kaji what the hell are you doing?! This is my operation and my command!," Misato barked, fuming at the man.

He ignored her and pressed on, "Shinji it's okay. All of us are here. We'll all be okay if you just remember where you are," Kaji maintained his leveled tone. The ex-spy had fooled everyone with his demeanor. He almost lost it at the thought of losing Shinji as well. "Again Shinji, the siege is over, and you aren't inside an Angel. Asuka is okay too, she's right here. Ayanami isn't too far either."

Of course he says Wonder Girl's name to calm him down, Asuka bitterly thought to herself, completely oblivious to the fact that Kaji mentioned her name too. Her scowl mirrored Misato's.

The commander was ready to rip her partner a new one for disrespecting her place of work and position by overstepping his boundaries like he's doing. However that'd have to wait. Unit 01 was calming down as Shinji's sync rate began to drop.

Kaji continued to talk to the boy and calm him down until finally, Shinji was able to hold his sync rate and the Eva steady for about 10 minutes once he snapped out of his post-traumatic stress episode. As soon as he began to relax, the operators started to shut down the test, earning a shout of protest from the pilot.

"No, I can do this!" Shinji pleaded after hearing their plans over the open mic.

"You heard the boy, let him finish," that damn smirk on Kaji's face was back and Commander Katsuragi was all but ready to pistol whip it off his face. He had no idea of the impending hurricane that was about to hit him once this test was done.

They all watched with bated breath until final, Shinji's sync ratio leveled out, leaving him with a steady score in the upper 60s.

"Alright Shinji, that's enough for today."

"Roger, see you soon Misato," Shinji said in a shaky voice as the feed disconnected. He bowed his head and gripped his control yokes so hard that he was sure his knuckles were pure white.

Everything had been so vivid before he regained his composure. The memories of both being trapped in the Twelfth Angel and fighting off hordes of MPE's hit him at once. How trapped and petrified he was, how Asuka had screamed in pain, and how…useless he had felt. He could have done more. No, he should have done more.

He shouldn't have listened to Asuka when she goaded him into taking the lead against the Twelfth. Off all the opportunities, he just had to choose that moment to show her that he wasn't the spineless coward she thinks he was. Maybe she would have finally recognized that he was someone she can rely on and didn't have to chastise constantly…so he thought. All that faux bravado lead him to was what might have been the most agonizing twelve hours of his life.

He should have had her backside instead of charging the group of white demons by himself. It might have saved her eye and prevented the bite mark on her shoulder.

Maybe then he wouldn't have to relive those painful memories in his nightmares. Or his conscious sync tests.

Forcing his eye lids shut and fighting the urge to immediately slam his fist into the center console, the boy felt the realization of what just happened come crashing down on him. He nearly lost control, but more than that, it almost endangered the lives of everyone he cared about.

"Dammit….dammit!," This time, he couldn't keep his frustrations at bay and did slam the console.

'You can rely on Kaji all you want'

Those hurtful words from a week ago ringing in his mind. Had it not been for Kaji talking to him, who knows what would have happened. Shinji shuddered at that thought.

"Asuka was right. She was right about everything," he sullenly admitted.

"I can't do anything without latching on to someone. I can't do anything alone," Shinji slowly curled up into a ball and hugged his knees. An all too familiar feeling overtook him.


The nurse carefully shifted Rei Ayanami's position and did some minor cleaning. Same routine she's been doing for the last six months. Each day getting more hopeful that the young lady would finally wake up. As she exited the room, the nurse failed to notice the First Child twitch her right hand. Her first movement in months.


A/N

Thank you to Shadowfang642, deathbringer374, Glory-To-Our-August-King, and Su_Exodus for their help with this chapter and making sure it turned out well.

Special thank you to Shadowfang642 in particular, who really helped me when I was stuck at certain points with the content here. This chapter took me way longer than I would have liked, but life keeps getting in the way. I'm hoping to have a more consistent update rate soon, thank you to all who've read and reviewed so far. I really appreciate you taking the time to provide your thoughts.

To be continued and stay tuned for more.