:In Which I Point Out a Plot Hole or Two:

Security

Three years since my principle vanished into thin air, literally. Three years, and I haven't stopped thinking about him, worrying about him. The sun has barely begun to rise, and already the daily sorrow of his absence has set in.

It isn't just that I've failed the name of Butler. It isn't just that I've failed his parents. It's failing him that feels the worst.

The fairies; they are to blame for his loss. Without those silly troubles of theirs that Artemis had entangled himself in, he would still be here, be alive.

I heard a lock slide back, and my training kicked in. It sounded like it had come from the front door, and a monitor across the room confirmed this. I pulled my gun from beneath my pillow, as I ran silently to the front of my cottage.

A boy was crouched over on the floor barely a step from the open door. I saw him wretch and all that was inside him came rushing out, leaving a great mess for me to clean. Was he a local drunk, who had just happened to type the correct code on the keypad? I knew that a keypad with only a four digit code was hardly secure, but my ten-digit lock was currently being repaired. But no, the lad looked too young to have been drinking.

Was he just a homeless boy looking for shelter or food? He was certainly dirty enough; he had gotten ash and grime, along with the pungent vomit, all over my carpet.

I had aimed the laser targeting system of my gun at his chest, and since his head was still bent forward, I assumed he had seen the red dot, so I said the customary threatening line.

He nodded and put his hands behind his head as instructed, though his body shuddered as though about to throw up again. I wondered if I should knock him out or tie his hands when I turned him in to the police. Then he lifted his head, revealing his face.

"Artemis? But it can't be you…"

He tried to respond, but could only wretch violently. He didn't look quite like Artemis. He was too young, he should be eighteen. And there was something else unusual, but I couldn't think of it for a moment.

He breathed hard, trying to keep his illness in control. We locked eyes. That was it—his eyes. In the semi-darkness, it hadn't been easy to see, but one of his eyes was blue, and the other one hazel. My memory flashed, and I remembered Artemis wearing Holly's iris cam for the Spiro Needle heist. This boy was not Artemis but an impostor.

It must be a fairy impostor, because this was magic sickness it was experiencing. It hadn't got my permission to enter. I wondered what the fairies wanted with me. To answer for the disappearance of the elf and the demon? But if so, why had they taken so long?

Nonetheless, this false Artemis would not be going to the police. In fact, only a small, round, bullet-sized piece of the intruder would be going anywhere at all.

I discreetly flicked off the safety catch.

His blood and tears mixed with the other materials that had once been on the inside and outside of his body, and soaked into the carpet. He regurgitated the few quiet, rasping words, "It's me, Dom. But it's me, Domovoi." That was all he could manage before his heart locked down for good.

But the fairies will never control me by my heart.


A/N: This chapter can stand alone as a oneshot. Slightly more AU than the first one, but just as canon.

And you thought I'd forgotten about In Which.

Actually, to tell the truth, I never really planned to write any more plot!hole!poking!stuff to augment this fic, but this particular Plotholebunny really gave my leg a healthy gnawing after I read TLC. I don't think I've ever written an insane!Butler, before.

In response to all the reviews that have said Artemis isn't a fairy so shouldn't have to follow the rules of the Book (I love you all for reviewing, by the way): I guess I'd always assumed anyone with magic would be subject to the rules of the Book. After all, Mulch is a fairy no longer needs to abide by the rules of the Book, since he gave up his magic. I suppose this is a non sequitur, but based on Mulch's (and Turnball's, etc.) situation, being a fairy doesn't have much to do with following the rules of the Book. So.

Disclaimer: Let's see you get out of those plot holes, Colfer! Nyah nyah!