"Holy shit, then what?" Sasuke asked, sounding more curious than concerned.

"Uhhhh, some real big motherfucker dragged me out down a flight of stairs, through this fancy basement, then threw me into a locked room that looked like a normal basement and also had a drainage pipe on the floor," I began, it was still a bit of challenge to organize all the memories in my head. "I heard someone rushing down the stairs, it must have been Hinata cause I could hear her begging and crying and shit on the other side of the door. I guess she must have woke up fine, and like, fast, couldn't have been more than a couple minutes,"

"Yeah, I heard she had a blood pressure thing… or blood sugar maybe, passes out easily but wakes up pretty quick, guess its true," he noted, as if that was important in the slightest. I mean it was good to know, I guess, but that wasn't really the point at hand right now!

"Anyways eventually the door opened, that dude from the kitchen socked me real good in the gut, told me he was going to the can, and told me he was going to cut my cock off if I was still on their property when he got out. I ran home naked," I shamelessly elaborated.

"Didn't see Hinata on your way out?"

"No, you think she's okay?"

"Eh she's smart, probably just told them to you were some idiot skinny dipping in their pool and that she fainted when she saw you. See, then they have to weigh the 'yes it's his fault in the first place' against 'but he did rush to us and the house with no regards for his safety when he thought she might be hurt,' get it?" He explained confidently

"Uhh… " I replied less confidently.

"Look bottom line if they were gonna kill you you'd probably be dead by now. Worse that'll happen now is someone might destroy your bike or wreck up your noodle shop, maybe break a knee or something, nothing serious,"

"Terrific," I offered with utmost enthusiasm.

"Or they might also have a guy just stab you in the crotch too, it's the same principle as breaking a leg but it'd fit better for the whole 'being naked around his daughter' thing," he trailed off.

My voice cracked.

"You're fucking joking right? You'd get your fucking family to step in if something like that was going to happen right?" I asked slash pleaded.

"Maybe. I mean, I told you that well was gonna run dry eventually if you kept doing stupid shit, my dad doesn't like you, you do understand that right?"

"B-But your mom does! I'm like a fucking son to her!" I countered.

"Yeah well, your like the son who went away to university and only sees her six weekends a year now, so gotta factor that in. Listen the Hyugus probably won't do that," he assured, patting me twice on the shoulder before turning to walk away.

He was fucking with me. He was annoyed that I dropped this clusterfuck on him first thing in the morning first thing upon seeing him, and he was letting me squirm a little, that's all. That's all, I kept telling myself. I took a deep breath and tried to enjoy the greenery. Konoha University had a beautiful quad, colorful flowers, even now in the early autumn, more than a few big trees, the fattest fucking squirrels and pigeons. That last one always gave me a chuckle, these animals literally let you get close enough to kick them, spoiled by their proximity to irresponsible youths like us.

I desperately tried to suck some serenity from the little patch of nature.

Oh god I was gonna lose my man bits. I was so wrapped up in the unbridled horror of that knowledge that I literally walked right into the girl approaching me.

"Oh fuck, I'm-" Hinata looked up at me, face beat red. I'll reiterate again here that she was clearly approaching me, not just walking by, and I barrelled right into her. I was just starting to open my mouth when her own words exploded out.

"Naruto I-I just wanted to apologize!" she practically sobbed, eyes mostly shut and pointed firmly at my shoes.

"What? I'm sorry Hinata, that whole mess was my fault, and I probably embarrassed you in front of your family. Uh-uh speaking of-" I continued, wanting to enquire whether or not I'd have genitals next week.

"I- I started it and I didn't warn you I might pass out and I did and I ruined everything and got you in trouble and I had to…" she seemed to struggle with her next words, and I took the opportunity to continue.

"Really Hinata, it's not like you passed out on purpose right? So anyways-"

"I had to lie! Or, I did lie I guess I don't technically know if it was necessary or not but I lied to my dad about everything! I'd just woke up on the couch I was panicking!" she continued as if she was desperately pleading with me to forgive her. This time I let her finish, taking a quick glance to ensure nobody was within hearing range of our conversation or coming towards it. "So um… he-he thinks your my boyfriend and that I invited you over… that you didn't know quite how secret I kept you from him. I-I told him that I'd known you practically my whole life and that I loved you and I would never forgive him if they hurt you and…" her face was getting alarmingly red again. I almost wondered if we needed to find someplace to sit down. In light of that, I spoke up.

"It-It's okay Hinata, everything okay everything's fine," I bumbled out, just trying to keep a soothing tone until her chest slowed down. "I can't believe you'd lie like that for me, thank you so much,"

"I…but… anyways, you're probably going to have to… do things, you know, to keep up appearances," she mumbled miserably, breathing still slow but face going just as red.

The remark took me off guard, almost made me panic again.

"Huh? Like what?"

"Like…he wants you to come over for a dinner this Sunday, and um, well I think you should probably go back over before then, beg to see him and say you need to apologize. H-He won't see you, he'll have you sent away but it'll look good if you try," she gently suggested, still staring down at the ground.

Still somewhat coming down from the adrenaline high of knowing I got off more or less scott free, none of this sounded all that bad to me.

"That's nothing, that's great, thank you again Hinata, you're the best," I assured, getting only a quick squeak in return. Now that the fear was gone an awkwardness crept up in its place. I only then realized I was just standing there with the absolute babe I'd felt up and eaten out twelve hours prior. "I just can't believe all that happened," I chuckled out awkwardly. "Hinata, I had no idea you were that kind of girl,"

She finally looked up into my eyes. The look of shame, sadness, and worry in those lavender orbs brought the panic right back.

"Naruto no! I'm not I- I would never do something like that with someone else, I swear!" she cried, literally cried, tears were coming down her cheeks now. Panic was holding firm. "I just… you,"

"Uh… what about me?" I asked delicately.

"I… I just… your really handsome, and charming, and sweet and kind and… y-you're the only man in the world I'd do something like that with, I promise!" she reached up and gripped my hand, still staring at me aggressively.

"Okay, Hinata, it's okay, I believe you," I said, trying to process the words. It sounded like the initial vibe I'd gotten off her was correct, the one I had before last night that is. The impression that she was literally the last girl on the planet who would share an intimate moment with an acquaintance she found trespassing in her backyard. But she made an exception for me? Good god, was I that attractive to other woman too? I mean, I knew I wasn't hideous or anything, after all, Sakura let me roll around with her once in a while. Just once in a while though, and she didn't seem particularly proud of it. And despite ample opportunity, she refused to categorize us as a couple.

Maybe…just maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe I could take advantage of my last few months before finally wearing her down, sow some wild oats… but where to start.

"Naruto?" she asked concerned, alerting me that I'd been in a daze a while. Also alerting me to the gorgeous, blushing girl standing right in front of me gripping my hand.

"Hey, Hinata… do you have anywhere you need to be right now?"

Thanks for reading ya pervs!