1Chapter Two - author's note the full version of this chapter can be found under the same author name and story title at foreverfandom dot net

"I'm going out," Mustang announced to the brothers and Winry, who were cleaning up the supper dishes in the small, plain kitchen of their new temporary housing. "I don't know if I'll be back tonight so don't wait up."

"Trouble, sir?" Tension sang in Al's voice and Roy couldn't blame him; the danger to them was still very real.

Roy glanced over, still not used to Alphonse being a slight young man with sandy brown hair. It never failed to amuse him, however, that Al was taller than his big brother and Roy liked to point that out to Edward whenever things got boring. "No, this is personal." Roy paused to pull on his coat. Riza came over and touched his cheek.

"Going to the Nobody's Inn?" Riza's voice was a bare whisper, knowing the teens were watching.

Roy's shoulders slumped wearily as he stared at his shoes. She caught his chin, forcing him to look at her. "Need you ask?"

"Not really. Tell him I've missed him, too." Riza's brown eyes glistened.

Roy bobbed his head, unable to speak.

She fussed with the edge of his eye patch. "I'll watch over the kids and I'll call Gracia to let her know he's here and well."

"She'd appreciate that." He squeezed her hand. "Thanks for understanding, Riza."

She glanced back at the kids then kissed him softly. "If it's too much for you, Roy, just come back home. I think he'll understand."

"I'll be fine," he said without conviction. Roy pulled his coat tight around his lean body. The wind bit right through it. He felt strange going out without his uniform on. It had been a long time since he had liberty time. Granted, he had mostly been without the uniform while helping the new Parliament to hide the Elric brothers but it still felt strange. That only made sense since he had spent half his life encased in blue wool.

The last thing Roy needed was this distraction and he hated himself for even thinking it. He needed to let himself enjoy the fact his best friend wasn't dead. The shock had begun to wear off but he still didn't know how he felt. The emotions were strong, painful even, and still confusing. The whirl in his mind was so bad that he was numb to everything until he found himself at the Nobody's Inn. He almost missed the pub. The sign was small, black with white lettering, as unpretentious as the bar itself. The pub was more packed than Roy would have expected and he hoped it helped him to keep his emotions under control. Roy loathed making a scene.

He didn't have to wonder if Maes would be here. Roy knew his friend would be. He found Hughes in a snug towards the back of the pub. Roy sat down and looked at Maes wordlessly for several long moments. With the bleached hair, strange glasses and no beard, it was still hard to see his friend in the man before him.

"I almost thought you wouldn't show," Hughes said, his voice thick with pain.

"I considered it," Roy admitted as a waitress came over. "Whiskey neat, please."

"Another beer," Maes added and she nodded, heading off. His amber eyes turned on Roy. "Did you tell the boys?"

Roy shook his head. "It's up to you to do it. I have no idea if you're going to stick around or just disappear from our lives again. I wasn't putting them through that." Roy winced at his own words. He was hurting too much for this talk.

Hughes' lips thinned, his face going pale. "That isn't fair, Roy. I didn't ask for this."

"And you didn't trust me enough to tell me you'd gone into hiding," Roy rumbled, his fingers digging into the table. They twitched restlessly and he was glad he didn't have on his static gloves.

Maes started to reply but paused as the waitress brought the drinks.

"Can you bring me the bottle?" Roy kept his eye on her so he wouldn't see Maes' disapproval.

"I'm not supposed to, sir," the young woman said. Roy fished out his wallet and handed her a sizable bribe. She swept it up, her eyes big. "I'll get the bottle."

"So that's it then?" Maes' lips skinned back. "Going to just disappear inside the bottle, Roy?"

Roy's eyes flared. "What do you care?"

"Don't make me hit you again," Maes snapped, trembling slightly with rage. "This time I'll wipe the floor with you. I didn't tell you because you're too close to everything, not just to me but to Command and the brothers. I couldn't risk you dropping your guard. You, of all people, needed to believe I was dead. If someone came for you, and I knew someone might, you had to be able to tell them nothing. Do you think it didn't kill me inside to keep you out of this, Roy? Do you think I care so little for you? That I didn't miss you?"

Roy glanced away, slamming back the whiskey. He was thrilled to see the waitress arrive with his bottle and push off so fast she barely had time to set it down. He poured more whiskey and let it follow the first. It hurt so badly and he savored every nuance of the burn.

"Roy, do you think I wanted any of this?" Hughes' voice was so broken Roy winced, still not looking over.

"No," he muttered, having to force himself to not just give in and lock his pain away. He needed to move through the emotion or he'd get trapped. "And I know you can only apologize so many times. I'm not looking for that." Roy slapped his hands down on the table. "I don't even know what I'm looking for."

Maes put a hand on Roy's. "It's okay, Roy. I'm not expecting you to not be angry. You have every right to be."

Roy wet his lips, pulling away from Maes. He grabbed up the glass and hurt himself some more.

"Roy...you don't have to..." Maes pulled the bottle closer to him.

Roy sank into himself, not looking at Maes, not speaking at all.

Maes slowly got to his feet, his face long, dejected, wasted on a friend who wouldn't even look at him. "Maybe I should g-"

Roy grabbed Maes' shirt sleeve, hanging on tight. "Talk to me Ma...Luc. Tell me how you've been, what you've been doing." He felt desperate, angry at himself for nearly driving his friend away.

Maes settled back into his seat, relief pressing the pain out of his eyes. "I've been doing what I can to find out how far the corruption goes, keeping track of the boys the best I can, meeting with Gracia very occasionally..."

"When she comes to visit her friend in the south," Roy said. "I've seen her go off on those trips."

Maes nodded. "Elicia stays with Gracia's friend, Marion. We can't risk her blurting it out that I'm alive. The investigations into what's going on have not gone as well as I would have hoped. Our...special people." Maes' gaze shifted to those around them in the bar to judge if anyone was listening too closely. "The ones with the Ourobourus tattoos..."

Roy's face pinched. "I know who you mean."

"Well, they're too hard to find easily except where the brothers are. One always seems to pop up then." Maes' voice roughed with anger. "Couldn't bring myself to use the brothers as bait."

"Understood." Roy's fingers brushed over the patch.

"How did it happen, Roy?" Maes pointed to the injury with the mouth of his beer bottle.

"Riza," Roy whispered.

Maes mouth dropped and Roy witnessed a rarity: Hughes struck silent. "What," was all he managed when his voice returned.

"It was an accident. I was already bleeding very badly after the fight with Pride...Bradley, whatever you want to call the Fuhrer. I was trying to pull his son out of the house. Bradley strangled the boy, nearly killing him in front of me then Archer stopped me." Roy's face screwed up at the memory and he took a cautious sip of whiskey. He reached a finger under the patch, touching the scars. "Archer was horrifying, more machine than man. I don't even know how he was functioning. It should take years to adapt to automail but..." Roy shook his head. "He would have killed me. I was barely able to walk. Probably would have blown myself up at that point if I tried alchemy. My brain was scattered and I was pumping blood all over."

"And Riza tried to kill Archer," Maes surmised, adding a shot of whiskey to his beer. Armstrong hadn't told him any of this. Maes wondered if anyone but the heads of parliament knew what really happened.

"She did kill what was left of him...but a bullet ricocheted off the automail and right through my eye. I got lucky. The angle was very oblique and the velocity low. It went through the eye and just part of the socket. Any other way...well, you'd be the one visiting my grave," Roy said soberly.

"Riza has to be so torn up." Maes' voice shook, pity for his friends blatant in his eyes.

"She is. She pretends to believe me when I say that I don't blame her, which I don't. She did save my life. The eye is a small price to pay," Roy said, wondering if he sounded honest about that. He did feel that way but he couldn't help being just a little bitter. "Riza can hardly look at me some days and she doubts herself. Oh, that scares me, Mah...Luc. Not that I and the brothers can't take care of ourselves but damn it, if I have to worry about her freezing up, it's just not good."

"Have you spoken to her about it?" Maes felt a little queasy at that thought. If Riza did freeze up and lose someone, she would never forgive herself.

"Not directly. I keep hoping...if it continues, I'll have to. If she doubts herself, there's no point in it. Worse, they promoted her for helping me to overthrow the Fuhrer. Funny how that works. He was great while he was in power and now...nothing but a symbol of what went wrong, something the parliament can point to and say, 'see, we're better?' Admittedly, I agree with that but still...and now Riza has to deal with the thought of 'I made captain by shooting Mustang in the head,' which is a load of shit but you know how minds work." Roy sighed and almost poured some more whiskey. He looked at the bottle and set it aside.

Maes nodded. "I'm sorry, Roy. I didn't know about any of this. I had no idea you'd been hurt this badly. Armstrong was having trouble getting information to me once the whole overthrowing started."

"Has he told you all about what our "special friends" were up to? No, well I'll tell you later I guess. It has to do with why Hughes was...killed," Roy said with a shake of his head. "You probably uncovered one of the biggest, most dangerous corruptions of our time."

"And dragged you all down with it." Maes' eyes sheened as his voice went heavy with regret. "I guess me being dead or alive didn't matter as much as I hoped. Might be time to reinvent Gracia and Elicia and take them as far away as I can, or are they safer now with the new parliament in charge?" Hughes drooped as if the weight of the world had just been slammed onto his shoulders. Roy reached for the whiskey again and Hughes let him take it. "There has to be something we can talk about, Roy, that isn't so depressing."

"Alphonse," Roy replied without hesitation. "There is almost nothing depressing about him, other than we nearly lost him in the transmutation."

Maes smirked. "Never thought I'd see you excited about kids."

"They're not really kids, are they? Young men. The stone...it nearly pulled him apart but everything is okay now. Everything is so new to him all over again, food, sleeping and all the inconveniences of being human, too. He's thrilled even with those inconveniences. I gave him a book or two so he could enjoy all the other things he missed out on not having a body, things teenaged boys like to do. One look at those garden delights positions and Ed nearly went ballistic."

Maes laughed. "Evil, Roy, evil."

"I figured Al could use some fun after what he went through," Roy replied, smirking.

"We are frail, aren't we?" Maes asked, ruefully.

Roy touched his eye patch again. "Too frail. The boys would like to see you, I'm sure. They took...Hughes' death very hard," he said softly, his head bending forward like a wilting flower. "We all did. I don't know how Gracia made it through with...no, I don't want to talk about this."

"Take me home tomorrow. I want to see them." Hughes reached for Roy's hand.

Roy pulled away, running his hand through his hair. "I will if..." His throat constricted.

Maes' eyes narrowed. "If what?"

"Nothing. Sorry, no strings attached. Tomorrow will be fine." Roy looked away.

Hughes tapped Roy's arm. "Want to get out of here and go somewhere private so we can just talk?"

Roy nodded, swallowing past the boulder that formed in his throat. "How far is it to your place?"

"Not far. It'll be more comfortable there without all the...extra ears." He glared at some of the nearby patrons who were too curious for their own good.

"Good." Roy got up and snatched the whiskey bottle off the table. Hughes shot him a disapproving look but said nothing as he led the way outside. It was a short walk to his little house. It had seen better days. The wooden porch sagged a bit, and looked foreboding in the dark, like now. Even in the light of day, it looked like it had shadows clinging to it.

Roy slammed the bottle on the living room table and ripped off his coat. "Do you know how furious I am with you?"

"I was sort of hoping you had let that go in the bar," Maes replied, trying to keep the irritation off his face as he took his coat off as well. Apparently Roy took privacy as an excuse to really vent.

Roy turned his back on him, his arms crossing over his chest like armor. "This isn't something you just let go that easily."

Maes' shoulders slumped. "Then I'd better hope you've learned to be more forgiving."

Roy spun on his heel and grabbed Maes by the lapels. He crushed his lips to Maes'. Hughes tensed for a moment then melted into the smaller man.

"Guess that's a yes," Hughes said breathlessly when Roy let him up for air.

"Shut up," Roy growled, dragging Maes back down to his hungry mouth.

Maes had missed the feel of this tight little body against his. He missed their time alone, the nights of blind lust and unconditional love. Even better were the nights spent with Riza and Gracia, an illicit group so in synch, so in love that he knew he'd never find anything like his family no matter where he went in this world. Maes hadn't been aware of the ache inside him until he had Roy's wiry form in his arms, smelling the heavy musk of him.

Roy pulled away. Maes chased after him, not letting him out of his arms. "No, let me go, Maes. Please!"

Hearing the panic in his friend's voice, Maes dropped his embrace. "What's wrong?"

Roy rubbed his face. "I didn't want to do this. I promised myself this wouldn't happen."

Maes put a hand on Roy's arm. "Roy, it's okay."

"No, it's not. I'm so..." He gestured downwards. "This is not why I came here."

"You think I don't know that, Roy?" Maes couldn't keep the edge out of his voice. He squeezed Roy's biceps. "I know I mean more to you than sex. Maybe we're both just a little too raw for anything else. Sometimes it's okay to give in to need." Roy drew a ragged breath and Maes thought maybe he'd break down crying again. He reached out and touched Roy's cheek. "Is Riza expecting you home soon?"

"I told her I wouldn't be home tonight." Roy dropped his gaze. "So either I was expecting this or..."

"Or you were expecting to get blind drunk and unable to find your way home," Hughes replied, knowing the dark moods his friend could get into. He wasn't going to allow that. "If it matters, I want you to stay, Roy. No strings. If you just want to talk, fine. You could sleep on the couch if you want."

"I need you to..." Roy shook his head.

Hughes could fill in the rest of the desire. He put his arms around his friend and simply held on. Roy rested his head against Maes' shoulder. "Life needs to be more gentle with us, doesn't it?"

Roy laughed bitterly. "Yes, it does."

Hughes pulled Roy down onto the couch. For several minutes neither man said a word, just resting against one another, grateful for the chance to be able to touch, to know the other was safe.

"I know people thought you weren't looking after Gracia and Elicia but I know better." Maes toyed with Roy's soft hair, like silk. "I appreciate you taking care of my girls."

"I love them, too. It killed me to have so many people thinking I didn't care," Roy said, his body quivering.

"Roy, the people who matter knew the truth." Maes leaned over, kissing Roy lightly. When Roy didn't pull away, Maes traced the bow of his friend's upper lip with the tip of his tongue. A soft sigh escaped from Roy. Maes grew bolder, reaching under Roy's shirt to rest the flat of his hand on Roy's smooth belly. He rubbed a thumb over the hairless flesh. "I want you, not just for the night, you know that."

"I know," Roy whispered, shifting under Maes' hand to give him better access. "I want this. I can't talk, but this I can do."

"Good."

XXX

Maes laid back on the pillow, running a hand along Roy's neck. The smaller man leaned in for a kiss, never shy about that, even after things like Maes had just done and neither was Maes. He skimmed a hand over Roy's sweaty back. "You okay?" He worried. He couldn't help it.

Roy stretched like a cat being petted. "Perfect."

Maes rolled up on one elbow and kissed Roy's cheek. His hand strayed to the slightly eschewed eyepatch and started to take it off. Roy stopped him.

"Don't."

"Shh, it's okay." Maes nudged Roy's hand away and pulled the patch off. The eyelid drooped over the ruined socket. The skin around it was red and puffy still. Maes kissed Roy over the brow then fluttered kisses all around the missing eye. Roy's chest heaved and he started to cry. Maes pulled Roy to him, letting him weep softly until he cried himself out.

"Sorry," Roy mumbled, pulling away from him.

Maes handed him back the patch. "It's all right, Roy."

"Sometimes I think things will never be all right again," Roy muttered, putting the patch back on.

Maes stroked his damp hair. "You have to believe they will be, Roy."

Roy buried his face in the pillow, seeming so dejected Maes could feel it in his own veins like poison. "I need you to remind me of that. Riza tries but she's a little too much like me."

Maes wrapped his arms around Roy, tucking his chin over Roy's shoulder. "I'm back now. You lean on me as much as you need to."

"I will," Roy replied sleepily.

"You'd better," Maes said, trying to put his glasses on the bed stand without dropping them over the side. He snuggled up with Roy. It had been a long time since he had another heart pressed up against his, either Roy's or Gracia's, since it had been a long while since her last visit. Maes simply luxuriated in the feel of it, thoroughly content.