Quartered


Two days before the wedding, the guests began to arrive.

Arriving two days early was modest – Katara had wanted the guests to arrive at least a week early to acclimatize themselves to the warm and humid Fire Nation weather, but Zuko was well aware of the stress it would place on the palace staff, not to mention the expense of lodging so many people. So they came to a compromise, the first of many their marriage would have to endure.

The Fire Nation palace was, of course, enormous. It took a man a good forty minutes to stroll along its perimeter, and could probably house several thousand people, though it meant people would be sleeping shoulder to shoulder and the privies would be overflowing. But for some people, the palace was not big enough; nay, the whole Fire Nation was not big enough, especially when it came to escaping those you did not wish to see.

"AZULA!" Sokka cried from down the hall. He sprinted to the Fire Nation princess and stopped before her, gripping her shoulders tightly.

Azula blinked at her brother-in-law-to-be, unsure of whether she liked him holding her so fervently.

"What do you want?" she asked archly, shaking him off.

"You gotta help me! She's coming!" The Water Tribe warrior whipped his head about, looking behind and around him nervously.

"Who's coming?"

"Suki! I got a letter, and she's arriving today!" He snatched a piece of parchment out, sent via messenger hawk, and shoved it in the Firebender's face. She calmly took it and read:


Dear Sokka,

I'm coming for you. I've heard some interesting things about what you've been up to and I can't WAIT to ask you about them. I've been MOONING over our next meeting. -- Suki.


"So she heard about that moon girl, huh?" Azula handed the note back, smirking.

"You have to help me. She's going to try and kill me!" Sokka pleaded.

"So you'll have a great final act as MC for the night." Azula shrugged, delighting at the boy's fear and anguish, and began to walk away. Sokka grabbed her wrist.

"Zula, you're the only one tough enough I can stand by who might intimidate Suki! I'm begging you, be my date for the evening!" Sokka dropped to his knees.

The Firebender stood in shock. She stared down at the earnest, desperate, wide-eyed face of the young – and rather fine-looking – man kneeling before her.

And she laughed.

"HAHA! Sokka, you've got to be kidding me. Why don't you ask one of my friends, like Mai, or Ty Lee? I'm sure those girls can protect you from the little Kyoshian warrior."

Sokka cringed. "Ty Lee's just too… I dunno. Pink." He made a face. "And Mai? Hell, she just creeps me out."

Azula snorted. "Really, why should I make YOU my date when I could have any man?" She said airily and turned to leave.

Sokka gaped at his sister-in-law's back. He yelped in indignant challenge.

"Wait! You can't have any man," he called. Azula stopped dead in her tracks and pivoted on her heel, glaring at him with flinty yellow eyes. Sokka gulped under the power of that blazing stare, and played his last card.

"You can't have Aang."

The princess' eyes narrowed and her mouth formed a horrid shape that was half snarl, half howl. "You watch you tongue, peasant. I will capture the Avatar's eye on my brother's wedding night!"

"In that thing my sister calls a bridesmaid's dress? Pfft. Yeah, you'll catch his eye all right." Sokka got up of the ground and dusted himself off easily, stretching. "Along with the eye of every hog monkey in the menagerie."

The Water Tribe warrior barely dodged the electric blue fireball aimed at his head. Azula sent a devastating jet of flames at him, but two years of practicing with Fire Nation soldiers and sparring with Zuko and Aang had made the young man fast and agile. He ducked, spun, and rushed the girl, who barely had time counter his fist.

They broke apart as a pair of guards marched into view, wondering at the Fire and Water siblings' play.

"As you were!" Azula barked and they quickly marched away. She shoved Sokka away and discreetly tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, flushing. The Water warrior wiped his brow and sniffed.

"Look, I'll make you a deal. Hang out with me for the next two days, help keep Suki away from me at the wedding, and I'll… I'll help you get Aang." He hesitated, feeling oddly like he'd just betrayed the world. Oh well.

Azula arched her shapely eyebrow, stroking her chin thoughtfully. Sokka's dark face, lined with resolve, was quickly melting into one of desperate hope.

She smiled darkly.

"Deal."


Before the Kyoshians were even settled in the myriad guest suites, Suki was marching through the halls, seeking out the Water Tribe boy who had ruined her young teenage life. In her mind, she played out her fantasy of kicking Sokka's ass up and down the coast of the Fire Nation before brutally ravaging him and leaving him naked and twitching on the sand. Such was her hunger.

Her keen eyes darted to any flicker of blue, and her eager, nervous hands snapped her metal fans open and close. Servants and nobles alike kept out of her way, giving her a wide berth as the warrior stalked through the endless corridors of the Fire Nation palace, eyes ablaze with determination.

Eventually she found him in one of the palace gardens, reading.

"Sokka." She said with deadly quiet.

The water boy yelped and stood up, ramrod straight, dropping his scroll.

"S-S-Suki! What a lovely… uh… surprise!"

"Don't give me that. I've been hearing things about you and a certain Northern Water Tribe princess who, I might add, was apparently already engaged." If Suki were a Firebender, she'd be snorting flames through her nose. "Now, pray tell, exactly WHAT were you doing with—"

Azula, watching the two from the shadows, chose that moment to make her grand entrance.

"Oh SOOKKKKKKAA!" She sang and pranced up to the startled water warrior. She clasped his arm and nuzzled him affectionately, batting her lashes.

Sokka gaped down at the princess. Azula smiled back toothily. A muscle in her cheek twitched.

Azula turned her glare on the Kyoshian and narrowed her eyes. "So, is this Suki?" The girl's name came licking off her tongue acidly.

Suki recovered from her initial shock. Her stance widened and she growled. "Oh, so now it's a Fire Princess."

Azula did not back down. "That's right. Sokka and I are in love, and there's nothing you can do about it!" She announced loudly. Other people strolling in the garden stopped at the Firebender's declaration and made non-committal noises, rolling their eyes. It wasn't the first time they'd heard THAT from the teenage princess before.

The Kyoshian was equally unconvinced and snorted. "Really, you should reconsider. He'll leave you for the first white-haired, moon-eyed wench he finds."

Azula, a little miffed that her acting skills were not persuading this island rube, turned up the juice.

"I LOVE Sokka!" She said staunchly, mustering as much resolve together as she could. Her brow broke into a sweat. "And I won't let you do anything to hurt him!"

Still unconvinced, Suki sneered up at the dumbstruck water boy. "Was she the best you could do? Oh, how the mighty have fallen."

Azula nearly set the girl ablaze right then and there, but she could see this was not a battle to be won by fists and fire. This was a battle to see who was more threatening, more menacing, more in control of the flaccid water boy standing behind her. Admittedly, the Firebender was impressed by this non-bender warrior who simply radiated raw skill and power. But the princess was far from intimidated, and she would not back down. Besides, Azula hated to lose.

She screamed: "I. LOVE. SOKKA!" And a blood vessel somewhere in her brain exploded.

And then she grabbed Katara's brother by the collar and mashed her lips against his, branding him with her mouth, struggling as the heat within her threatened to flow into him through her hot orifice in a bile-infused love vomit.

It must have been a very long kiss, because Sokka was beating at the girl with his fists, trying very hard to pry her violent lips off so he could breath. He blinked rapidly and screamed into Azula's skull as her tongue threatened to choke him. A flailing hand brushed her chest and the princess instinctively clutched him tighter, pressing into him, causing him to gag and twitch.

Suki mouthed wordlessly, gaping like a sick fish, her face going a shade paler beneath the white make-up. Seeing the Fire Princess attack Sokka's face with such fervor reminded her of the time that amourous giant squid had strayed into the unagi's cove and tried mating with it. The village had had nightmares for weeks afterwards.

Finally, finally, Azula let go.

"EAAUUGHH!" Sokka wretched, doubled over.

Azula didn't look any better. She covered her mouth with a dainty hand and blinked slowly, pitching forward slightly.

"Oh… oh gods…"

She stumbled to a nearby bush and heaved up a puddle of molten fire and bits of carrot, which she never recalled eating.

Suki looked from one to the other and back. A smirk slowly spread over her lips.

"I forgive you Sokka." She said simply as the water boy dry heaved. "I'll see you at the wedding, okay?"

And Suki walked away.


For everyone who wanted to see more Sokkula... well, that's as good as it gets in this story. Sorry! It's supposed to be funny, after all, and nothing says funny like barf!