Now THAT'S Entertainment!
"Heya heya heya, ladies and germs!" Sokka called out. "I have some awesome news for you all – we've got celebrities here with us today, and one of them has just pulled a slip out of my bag o' fun. Everyone, I'm honoured and proud to introduce one of the Earth Kingdom's finest tournament benders: THE BOULDER!"
If Ozai was shirtless, then he looked like he was wearing a parka compared to the enormous half-naked man striding up to the dais. The man was entirely muscle – there simply couldn't have been any room in that physique for bones or internal organs. He grinned broadly, flexing and roaring as he waved to his fans.
Evidently, people knew who The Boulder was: a raucous cheer arose, consisting mainly of young males hooting and chanting, "Boul-der! Boul-der! BOUL-DER!"
Of course, the Boulder didn't have just male fans – a few females, who had never laid eyes upon the mass of manly oiled muscles, started shrieking and blubbering stupidly as the Boulder arched a strong, shapely eyebrow in their direction. A few of the older women fanned themselves languidly.
Sokka gleefully shook the Earthbender's hand and gestured him up to the stage next to him. "So, Boulder, you wanted to see the bride and groom kiss, but you pulled this slip instead." The water boy dangled the piece of paper up teasingly, waggling his eyebrows.
"The Boulder is not afraid of any challenge! The Boulder WILL defeat this puny piece of paper and watch the groom SUCK FACE!" Boulder growled and made his bulging pectoral muscles dance.
Katara started giggling. Zuko promptly covered her eyes.
"Well, Boulder, you didn't pick the 'kiss' slip. You picked—" he presented the tag "—KARAOKE!"
"The Boulder DOESN'T sing." Boulder growled. "The Boulder will instead do what he does best."
"Hey! This is my stage!" Sokka protested. The huge man loomed over him menacingly, frowning, and the water boy shrank back. "Eep."
Boulder's voice boomed as he shouted melodramatically at the rapt audience: "The Boulder challenges anyone in this room to an arm wrestle. Whoever beats The Boulder will win this Earth Kingdom arm wrestling belt!" The Earthbender pointed at the huge jeweled belt around his waist, the buckle a pair of hand locked in a fierce struggle.
The crowd shuffled, murmuring in interest. A dozen men and boys raced to the front and clambered onto the stage to join the lineup and meet their hero, who sat at a table quickly set up for the challenge. Each challenger set his elbow onto the table and gripped the bender's hammy hand. Boulder yawningly held each man's grip perpendicular to the flat plane for a few seconds before slamming it down hard, laughing heartily as the defeated slumped away clutching his bruised arm.
"What a jerk," Katara whispered after about five minutes of watching more than two dozen defeated guests slink away. "There must be someone here who can show him up. He'd be a real hero."
Zuko stood up. "Let me try."
"Are you nuts? He'll break you!" The Waterbender hissed.
Her husband glowered down at her. Now he had to man up to the challenge.
"Oh c'mon. I defeated my father. How bad could this guy be?"
Thirty seconds later, Zuko came crawling back to the table, whimpering. "I think he broke my wrist."
Katara kissed him on the cheek. "Well, you tried. It's not a bending tournament, anyhow, otherwise Toph or Bumi would have kicked his ass. This guy is all muscles and nothing else, probably. I guess there's no one who can beat him."
Zuko suddenly had a thought. "Jun! Where's Jun?"
Katara raised an eyebrow. "The bounty huntress with the ugly tongue monster?"
"She's amazing Katara. I saw her take out a guy twice her size. She could totally beat Boulder. C'mon, anyone here see Jun?" He called to the crowd.
Slowly but surely, the tall, sultry bounty huntress emerged at the Fire Lord's command. She was wearing an elegant black evening gown and long black satin gloves, her hair piled neatly on top of her head. A few wolf calls and whistles followed in her wake as the stunning woman climbed up onto the stage. Katara swallowed down a hot lump of jealousy as Zuko greeted her smilingly, going as far as to hug her genially.
He never hugs anyone, she thought in alarm.
"What do you think Jun? Think you can take Boulder on?" The Fire Lord asked.
"Of course I could." The woman rolled her eyes, tossing her hair. "But I don't want to."
Zuko was taken aback. "What? Why?"
"The Boulder is glad to see you too, Jun," Boulder said, standing, suddenly very serious.
Jun narrowed her eyes and looked away, sneering in disgust. "We dated for a while. A very short while. And let me tell you, listening to a guy refer to himself in third person gets really old really quickly."
Sokka and several other young men gaped on the side.
Zuko piped up. "Tell you what. If you defeat Boulder in an arm wrestle, I'll give you your weight in silver."
"Gold." Jun countered evenly.
"I'm not made of money," Zuko chuckled.
Jun stroked her chin. "You know what? Money's not what I had in mind anyways. Give me a kiss, and we'll call it even."
Katara choked on her drink and the crowd uttered a collective gasp. Scandal! But Zuko seemed at ease, looking entirely too comfortable with this indecent proposal. He smirked.
"Okay. That is, if you win."
Jun mirrored his haughty look, puckering her lips and she stripped off her gloves. "Get ready to pay up, Angry Boy." She settled down in front of her old boyfriend and glared at him as she took his enormous hand. "No funny stuff, Boulder, or you'll be visiting with my Xirxiu's tongue."
"There's only one tongue The Boulder wants to visit, and that would be y—OOF!"
Jun slammed the bender's arm down hard, nearly wrenching it out of his shoulder socket.
"The Boulder wasn't ready! The Boulder calls a do-over!" He cried indignantly, shaking his crippled hand and hissing in pain. But Jun was already slipping her gloves back on to the sound of thunderous applause.
Katara's jaw swung open. Not only had she witnessed this slender woman nearly crush the giant man's hand, but now she was about to claim a kiss from her newlywed husband!
Zuko folded his arms over his chest. "Oh. So you won."
"That's right."
Katara found herself standing, ready to tear this woman off her Firebending hotty. But instead of reaching for the Fire Lord, Jun took two steps toward her, placed both palms softly against her cheeks, and kissed the Waterbender.
The bride was too stunned to react. All she felt was the soft lips retreating, leaving behind a soft sucking sound that would ring in her ears for the rest of her life.
Jun pulled away, stroking Katara's cheek once with her thumb, smirking, and turned to the groom. "Mmm. Definitely way too pretty for you."
Zuko nodded once, his eyes glittering with bemusement (and possibly arousal, Katara thought hollowly), as Jun went back to her seat, leaving the stunned audience to process the moment.
The Boulder quietly slipped off the stage, muttering something about being in his bunk. In fact, all the males in the room were now shifting uncomfortably in their seats.
Sokka tugged at his collar unsure of how he should react – Katara was his sister, after all.
"Uh, yeah, so thanks for that Boulder. Thanks Jun. Yeah. Next course guys. And, uh, everyone… take five for a cold shower."
Katara sat back down, brain broken.
"Zuko…" she managed, touching her swollen lips.
"Yes dear?"
"What… what else do you know about this Jun, exactly?"
Zuko smiled, stroking her hair comfortingly. "Let's just say… she bends both ways."
