Reception: Charity


"Good evening again, ladies and gentle germs!" Sokka hollered. "It's time now for a very special part of the dinner. We'd like to auction off a few of our most eligible guests now to raise funds for the Orphans of War charity. If you'd like to offer yourself up, come and see me. It's for a good cause, so come on up!"

A few bodies were urged out of their seats; some were dragged, others raced up to the stage willingly. Sokka smirked down at the volunteers and made them each fill out a card and hand it back to him. After a few minutes, the MC had his auction fodder.

"Wow, guys, this is great, just awesome. Okay everyone! I've got a great line-up here! First up, we've got… Hahn of the Northern Water Tribe!"

The young man strutted up to the stage and waved charismatically to the crowd. A few girls tittered, and Sokka didn't bother to hide the way his eyes rolled. He looked down at the card and read:

"Hahn enjoys ice fishing, seal clubbing, and sharpening axes. When he's not making muscles at himself in front of the mirror, he's acting like an arrogant bastard and trying to get in cahoots with people who are way better than him. Let's start the bidding at two copper pieces."

"Hey!" The young man tossed his thick hair out of his eyes and stuck his jaw out at Sokka. "I'm worth way more than that!"

Sokka ignored him. "Two coppers? Anyone? C'mon, it's for a good cause people! Anyone? Okay, one copper. Do I hear one?"

"One!" A voice called.

"I have one copper! One copper for the jerk without a soul. Do I hear any more bids? Going once, going twice: SOLD! Hahn goes to Aunt Wu!"

There was a smatter of applause as Hahn descended the steps and despondently linked arms with the elderly woman. She slapped his bottom and he yelped. The fortuneteller beamed at him.

"I see great things for you," she winked.

Sokka shuddered and looked away at the next card in his hand. "Next up we've got… oh boy, this'll be interesting… Jet!"

The lanky young freedom fighter swaggered onto the stage, chewing his signature stalk of grass. He winked and made finger guns at the prettier girls in the reception halls. Sokka stuck his tongue out and blandly read the card.

"Jet enjoys… oh what a load of… 'puppies and kitties and saving sweet furry animals.'" The Water Tribe warrior scowled. "Jet, the last time we saw you, you tried to drown a whole village of Earth Kingdom citizens!"

"And Fire Nation soldiers. Don't forget them." Jet pointed out.

Sokka slammed his palm into his forehead. "Why were you even invited to the wedding?" He cried.

Jet shrugged. "For kicks?"

The water boy stared at him in deadpan. "Let's start the bidding at half a copper."

"One!"

"Five!"

"Ten!"

Sokka gaped. "I have ten coppers for the self-deluded jackass. Do I hear any more bids?"

"Fifteen!"

"Twenty!"

"Whoa, I think we have a bidding war going on now, folks."

"Twenty five!"

"Fifty!"

"Two silvers!"

"Five silvers!"

"Five silvers for the egotistical grass addict with a god complex! Going once! Going twice! SOLD to the melon lady!"

The stout bandied-legged Earth Kingdom woman hopped up and whooped, waddling to the stage as Jet backed away fearfully. She coughed up the money, pouring five shiny coins into Sokka's hands before claiming her prize.

"Let me squeeze and shake you, young man! I want to see if you're RIPE!" She chuckled.

Jet squawked in terror and dashed away, followed patiently by his laughing, mono-browed owner.

Sokka smirked. "I've got one more, folks, and he's special. You all know him, you all love him… let's hear it for Avatar Aang!"

A chorus of shrill cries arose. A man at one of the Kyoshi tables screamed and flailed, waving his arms wildly, foaming at the mouth, until he passed out on the floor, twitching from his fit of excitement.

"Uh, yeah… clean up, aisle one," Sokka called to the servants, who promptly mopped the man off the ground. Aang sidled up to his friend on stage, grinning shyly at the audience.

"Well, I don't need to tell you much about my best friend here. I'm sure you all know he's saved the world, plus he's single, so let's start the bidding at, say, five silvers?"

"Five silvers!"

"Ten!"

"Twenty!"

"Fifty silvers!"

"One hundred gold pieces." Came a smooth voice. All eyes turned to Ozai, who sat calmly picking his teeth. Zuko and Katara stared at the man incredulously.

"What? Can't a father get his son a wedding gift? The one thing he's always wanted but could never get himself?" The ex-Fire Lord grinned up at his son. "Or maybe I should just give the Avatar to my new friends here. It seems they would be so much more grateful." He smiled toothily, indicating his new posse: the screaming mob of Kyoshian Twinkies.

A blood vessel at Zuko's temple pulsed, the look in his eyes cold and dark. Who knew Firebenders could get so chilly?

Sokka cleared his throat. "Right. One hundred gold pieces for the Avatar from… er… ex-Fire Lord Ozai. Any more bids?"

"One hundred and one." Katara said evenly. She glared at her father-in-law in challenge.

"Uh… the bride bids one-oh-one." Sokka said uneasily. "Do I hear one hundred and two?"

"Two hundred gold pieces." Azula barked, slamming her palm down on the table. She looked at her brother-in-law pointedly. "End the auction now, Sokka."

"Sold to Princess Azula for two hundred gold pieces! The Orphans of War charity thanks all of you for their generous donations." Sokka declared hurriedly and jumped back to his seat to hide behind a plate piled high with food.

The stunned applause was underwhelming.

Azula triumphantly snagged the baffled Aang by the arm and pulled him back to her seat at the end of the head table. She pushed him into her chair, slid onto his lap, and shot challenging looks at both her disapproving father and her incredulous sister-in-law as she wrapped a slender arm around the monk's shoulders possessively. Aang whimpered and looked to Sokka for help, but the water boy was avoiding his "help me!" gaze. He had paid his debt to the Fire princess, as promised when she helped save him from Suki. Aang would have to save himself this time.

And as the next course was served, Zuko looked from his tight-lipped wife, to his brooding father, to his smirking sister, to the nervous Avatar. He ran a palm over his face and sighed.

My life is about to get very, very awkward...