Mingling: Conversations with Ozai
Fact number one: A Master Firebender requires a lot of alcohol in order to get drunk. This is because a Firebender's internal body heat tends to evaporate most of the alcohol in any drink; so naturally, Firebenders need to drink more, faster, in order to achieve any level of inebriation.
Fact number two: Before the wedding, Ozai was fed a double dose of a special drug that suppresses Firebending abilities. Its side effects include feelings of euphoria. Those side effects are tripled when the drug is mixed with alcohol.
Fact number three: Ozai is a happy drunk.
Fact number four: Ozai lost count at six bottles of wine.
The ex-Fire Lord meandered about, the crowd giving way to him as he bore his pointed teeth in a manic grin. He staggered up to a white-haired man muttering lowly to a candelabra.
"Fire IS alive, I say! What do you mean it's not? SHUT UP!"
Ozai sauntered up to the man, grinning. "Hey, I know you! You're… you're that guy…" he pointed and snapped his fingers at him "…Bong Bong… or something…"
Master Jeong Jeong was startled that he had been recognized, and by Ozai, no less. "I… uh…"
Ozai snapped his fingers and pointed at him gleefully. "Jeong Jeong the Desserter! Yeah! That's your name!" He slung an arm around the rebel's taut shoulders. "So how is the cake and cookie business?"
Jeong Jeong winced. "Uh…well. It's going... well…."
"Good to hear! So listen, I'm going to talk to those wonderful people over there. Sorry to interrupt your conversation—" he addressed the candelabra "—you two have fun now!" And he sauntered away, leaving the Deserter baffled.
"That's one crazy Firebender," he said to the candelabra.
Iroh glanced nervously around him when a heavy hand descended upon his shoulder.
"Iroh!"
Iroh screamed. "ACK!"
Ozai pouted. "Why so pale, big brother? C'mon, lighten up, have something to drink!"
"I'm… fine. Really."
Ozai poked the retired general in the paunch. "Why, you look positively starved. Did you eat at all tonight?"
"…Well…"
"What? You think I'm going to poison your tea and cake?" He laughed. "Really, you should know me better than that! I'd just challenge you to—" he took a Firebending stance, but could not burst into flames for the dramatic effect "—AGNI KAI!"
"AHH!"
"AT SUNSET!"
"AHHH!"
Ozai bellowed a hearty laugh. "Ha! Just kidding! Gotcha pretty good, huh?"
Iroh chuckled weakly. "Yeah… real good…"
"Look, go eat something. If I were planning to kill everyone, I would have done it a long time ago!" Ozai slapped his brother on the back and practically skipped away, humming "It's A Long, Long Way to Ba Seng Sei" to himself.
Iroh scratched his head and hastily made his way to the dessert table.
"Iceman!"
"Please stop calling me that," Pakku groaned.
"Chilly Willy! The Abominable Snowman! The King of Cool!"
"Look, will you and your stinking hippie friends stop pestering me?" The Waterbender glowered.
"Not until we get a smile from you, Master Poophead!" Chong grinned. The minstrel nomad strummed his ukulele and was about to launch into another annoying ditty when a muscled arm snaked around his shoulders and pulled him away. Pakku's eyes widened in shock as the spectacle unfolded before him. His face slowly melted into a genuine smile.
"Ah, Ozai, I see you've met the evening's entertainment." The Waterbending master said pleasantly.
The ex-Fire Lord held Chong in a headlock, pointed canines framing his wicked smile.
"HIPPIES!" He hissed gleefully. "I LOVE HIPPIES!" He bent and planted a slobbery kiss on the singer's forehead.
Despite his awkward positioning, Chong looked rather pleased. "Dude, that's… awesome… urk…"
"Well, enjoy the rest of the party," Pakku waved and left the two alone.
Ozai clutched his new toy, smiling. Chong smiled back a little awkwardly.
"So… uh… you wanna party?"
Forty minutes later, Chong and his nomads exited a smoke-filled room, Ozai stumbling out with them, giggling in their wake.
"…And then I scarred him for life!" He laughed. "Literally and figuratively!"
"That poor kid," Chong laughed, squeezing tears out from the corners of his eyes. "It's a good thing your brother went on that crazy quest for the Avatar with him."
"And then they all joined forces and tried to kill me!" Ozai chuckled heartily. "Talk about irony!"
The nomad leader grew very serious and gripped Ozai by the shoulders, his sobriety marking the verge of a great revelation. "Dude…" his glazed eyes darted around "…suddenly, those bonbon things at the dessert table are looking really good. I'm gonna to get me some. Wanna come?"
"I'm going to make a few more rounds, dance with the bride maybe," Ozai grinned. "Thanks for the party, Chong. You're one crazy hippie dude."
"Dude!" The nomads pranced to the buffet.
Ozai staggered on. Along the way, he managed to make another open bottle of Fire Nation wine magically appear in his hand. He stared at it quizzically – it seemed to be talking to him.
"…Daddy? Daddy are you okay?" The bottle said as he peered through the warped image on the other side of the green glass.
"Azula! My sweet princess…" Ozai gathered his daughter up, burying his face in the enormous ruffles, frills, lace, feathers, fur, and puffiness of her increasingly more rumpled dress. The ex-Fire Lord felt his daughter stiffen and he stepped back.
"Dear… what… what are you wearing?" He asked, seeing her up close for the first time that night.
Azula said it without conviction: "A bridesmaid's dress."
Ozai digested this and shrugged. "Well, you look beautiful anyhow. Say, where's Zuzu at? I wanna dance with his wife."
Azula bit her lip. She wasn't sure she would want to expose Katara to her father under the influence of anything other than… well, rage. That seemed to be the safest and most predictable of his emotional set, at least.
"I… uh… think he's by the dessert table," she lied. "Have you had any cake yet? It's yummy."
"Really? Hmm. I wonder if that Master Jeong Jeong made it. He's a baker, you know."
Azula gave her father a deadpan stare. "Sure, Dad. Whatever the hell you just said."
She watched him weave through the crowd, taking another swig from his bottle.
"Son! My son!" Ozai stumbled up to Zuko. Katara just barely heard her newlywed husband yelp before stepping back.
The ex-Fire Lord came toward them, arms outstretched. Katara felt the slightest shove and was propelled into her father-in-law's arms. She ground her teeth in a tight smile as she gingerly patted Ozai's bare back. What, the man couldn't be bothered to keep his shirt on for the entire night?
"Katara, my newest daughter," he growled in her ear. "I hope you will make my son happy."
"Yes… father," she parroted back dutifully.
"Because if you don't, I will kill you."
Katara smiled into his face, mirroring his manic grin. "I'm sure I would do the same in your place."
Ozai's face fell just a little at the icy resolve in the Waterbender's sparkling blue eyes. He contemplated her words, turning them over in his addled mind. This, he decided, was not a woman he should trifle with.
He laughed heartily and squeezed his daughter-in-law's shoulder hard.
"I just know you'll make Zuzu happier than I ever could!" He said ominously. "Now, where's that dessert table?" He stumbled away.
Zuko appeared at Katara's side, with Azula standing at her other elbow. She hadn't seen it, but both of the Fire Nation siblings had been on the sidelines, watching the interchange with great fear and apprehension for the Water Tribe girl.
"Are you okay, Katara? Did he hurt you?"
"Don't take anything Dad says personally. He's crazy. And I think he's high," Azula remarked quickly.
"I'm fine," Katara said, rolling her bruised shoulder. "We should get him like that more often. He might actually be able to live in the palace like that."
Zuko exchanged worried, incredulous looks with his sister. Knowing Katara's soft heart, she would let their father run loose around the palace under the influence, like some enormous human puppy…under the influence.
Azula swirled her cocktail. "Well, he won't be like this for much longer. If I'm right, all that wine he's been drinking, plus the Firebending suppressant, should be taking effect now." The three watched Ozai pick up a whole pineapple and take a bite out of it. Aunt Wu was standing next to him, cautioning him against choking hazards.
"Besides," Azula continued, "it's almost Dad's bedtime. You know how he gets after dinner. Can't keep his eyes open past ten o'clock. Yep, I'd say he'll be down for the count right… about…"
Ozai suddenly slumped into Aunt Wu's arms, the half-eaten pineapple smacking her in the face.
All the muscles in Zuko's back unclenched and he let out a sigh of relief.
