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Two Hooks

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"HEY! Watch where you're going!" Toph barked irately.

"Oops, sorry Toph. I got a little carried away with those cartwheels," Ty Lee giggled, tossing her hair. "Wow, isn't this party great? And I love your dress!"

"It's Azula's." Toph explained dismissively as she stepped back, sensing a hug coming her way from the over-affectionate acrobat. "So… get to dance with any cute guys?"

Ty Lee scratched her head. "Well, let's see… there was that big fella, Pipsqueak. Boy, he was funny, and that name! It's so contrary to his personality, you know what I mean?"

Toph deadpanned. "Uh-huh."

"I also had a nice long chat with the Blue Spirit." The girl grinned, starry-eyed, and sighed. "He was so... mysterious. And did I mention sexy as hell?"

The young Earthbender stared blindly at the pink girl. "Uh, Ty Lee? Yeah, I don't know if you noticed this, but everyone was given a Blue Spirit mask as a gift."

"But he told he really was the Blue Spirit! I mean, why would he lie to me?" she tossed her braid. "Though he kept saying he really wanted to show me his sword, which I thought was weird since the Blue Spirit's supposed to carry two swords…"

"Right. Whatever." Toph began to edge away when Ty Lee grabbed her by the wrist.

"Wait! I meant to ask you…" she blushed and toed the ground. "Have you seen Sokka around? I was, like, going to ask him to be my date tonight, but then he was the MC, so I knew he'd be busy…"

Slowly, Toph found her tongue. "Oh…I dunno. But knowing Sokka, he'll probably be by the dessert table."

Ty Lee brightened—a phenomenal feat, considering she wasn't all that bright to begin with. "Thanks!" She skipped away, trailing pink chiffon and satin in her wake. Toph let out a tired breath and turned, only to run smack-dab into someone's broad chest.

"Okay, I know I'm the blind one, but could everyone just please WATCH where they're going!" she cried in frustration.

"You," Suki barked. "I've seen you talking with Sokka. Where is he hiding?"

Toph frowned and jabbed blindly in her general direction, hoping to poke the girl squarely in the ribs. "Listen Mulan, I don't appreciate bossy, alpha-female types bullying me around. Unless you want to see my impression of what Kyoshi did to Chin the Conqueror, I suggest you show me a little more respect!"

Suki started and bowed at the waist. "I'm sorry, Master Toph, I didn't realize it was you. I didn't mean to offend. I was only eager to find that flirtatious scumbag, Sokka. He's been avoiding me all night."

Toph snorted, ignoring the Kyoshian's apology. "Sokka's lurking near the entrance, checking out the Fire Nation chicks. He was pretty drunk, so he'll be harder to catch if you want to chase him down."

Suki narrowed her eyes, directing her gaze out over the crowd toward the front of the hall. "Thank you, Master Toph. It was a pleasure speaking with you." The young woman bowed again and marched stalwartly away.

"Yeah, whatever…" then quietly "…bitch."

The young Earthbender sidled backwards to lean up against the wall, observing the crowd through the vibrations shimmying through her feet. Next to her stood a sculpture of Aang done in marble, a shirtless, overly muscular version of the Avatar grasping his staff in an oddly suggestive way. No one in the palace had ever seen it before tonight, and most of the staff assumed it was one of Zuko and Katara's many wedding gifts. The guests marveled at its beautiful lines and form, lauding the sculptor's craftsmanship and skill before crowding their empty glasses and used dessert plates onto the statue's pedestal.

Toph smiled to herself and spoke out of the corner of her mouth.

"So, how are you doing?"

A muffled noise from within the stone indicated that the sculpture was just fine, but it suddenly shut up as someone approached.

"Toph, I didn't see Sokka anywhere near the buffet!" Ty Lee whined. "Oh, I hope he doesn't think I'm, like, stalking him or that I'm needy or ditzy or something, you know?"

Yeah, she knew. "I'm sure he's around here somewhere. Why don't you try the front of the hall? I think he was flirting with some girl from Kyoshi there."

The acrobat's soft grey eyes flared with flaming hot jealousy. "Oh, REALLY?" She screwed her face up into a look of sheer conviction before literally leaping away, bounding from pillar to pillar, then up to the chandeliers, playing for space with a drunken Momo, who had somehow managed to down a bottle of champagne all on his own and was now dodging through the air tipsily, screaming feebly to the puny, land-bound human feeders below.

When the pink-clad contortionist was gone, Toph cackled to herself. Boy, this would be too much fun to watch.

The muffled sound from the statue became more insistent. Faintly, she heard: "Mmmph mmmrr mmmnnhhhmmm!"

"What? Speak more clearly, I can't hear you." Toph waved her hand, opening a face-shaped fissure where Aang's fixed glare had been. Sokka, encased in marble, gasped for air.

"You can't go pitting those two against each other! Do you know what will happen to me if they find out I've been hiding from them?"

"Relax," Toph said dismissively and folded her hands behind head, leaning back. "No one's going to find you. This disguise is foolproof." She looked pointedly at him. "By the way, how do you like my work?"

Sokka looked down at his rock-hard torso. Toph waved a hand and made the pecs and biceps jump and he grinned appreciatively. "Gotta say, very nice, even for a blind girl."

"I go with what I feel," Toph beamed.

Sokka tried very hard not to speculate about what (or who) she'd been feeling to achieve this muscle-laden piece of artwork. "Say, would you mind opening the eye holes a little wider? Maybe put a couple of holes in the nostrils so I can breathe easier?"

"Sure thing. You know, I've been thinking about sculpting for a living. By what people have been saying about—" she froze, feeling a familiar, stumbling gait heading her way. "Take a deep breath!"

Sokka yelped and his face was buried beneath Aang's stone visage once more, just as Azula came stumbling past. As promised, Toph opened up air vents through the nostrils and widened the irises of the eyes so Sokka could better see what was happening beyond his hiding spot.

"He-ey... Toph…" Azula hiccupped, spearing a hand through her mussed hair. She hiked the frilly, furry shoulder strap of her disheveled dress up.

"Hey 'Zula. I heard you go off with that creepy Jet guy. What happened?"

"Oh… well, I had a run in with an old boyfriend, and things got kinda weird…" she laughed in self-deprecation. "Boy. Men really suck sometimes, you know what I mean? I should just… I should swear off men altogether."

Among other things, Toph thought as she nodded sagely in response.

Then the princess spotted the statue of shirtless Aang and giggled. "He-ey. Heeeeeey. Where did this handsome fella come from?" She clambered up onto the pedestal, pushing the piles of used plates and glasses noisily off. Toph was about to stop her friend from making an ass of herself, then stopped: letting drunken friends make asses of themselves was what friends did, right?

"My, my, my…" the princess ran a fingertip across the breadth of the Avatar statue's chest. "Have you been working out, Aang?"

Toph just barely made out Sokka's muffled cry of dismay. She hid a smile.

"Mmm, well, I like what you've been doing to your body. Actually, I'd like what I could do to your body better. I've been meaning to tell you…" Azula tipsily leaned forward, speaking lowly into the sculpture's stone ear, "…I have a wee little crush on you. Just a wee one." She put a tiny space between her thumb and forefinger, then raked her nails down one of the marble figure's enormously disproportionate pectorals.

Toph swallowed the laughter threatening to burst from her lips and began to animate the statue with subtle flicks of her wrist. Within his stone tomb, Sokka was forced to move right along with his foolproof disguise.

Marble Aang leaned forward and swept Azula up off her feet, cradling her against his chest.

"Ooh!" the Fire princess gasped and began tittering seductively. "Why Aang! I didn't know you felt the same way!"

Toph was doubled over now, hearing Sokka's curses reverberating from within the stone.

"You know, you and I could go back to my room with that staff of yours, and…" she began murmuring lowly into the statue's ear.

Tears streaked down Toph's cheeks. Her mirth only doubled when she heard Sokka's desperate screams for help.

"…But I guess you're doomed to remain here, looking all tragic and heroically stoic and stuff," Azula sighed dramatically. Obviously, she wasn't so out of it that she didn't realize the statue wasn't the real deal. "Gods, you suddenly remind me of Zuzu." She stuck a tongue out sourly, then laughed too loud to herself.

"Adieu, my love. Until we meet again, I leave you with a parting kiss." Azula puckered up and leaned in.

And Toph, being Toph, decided to unmask Sokka at the very last minute.

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"What the—" Suki's head snapped toward the bloodcurdling screams.

Ty Lee—who had been facing off with the Kyoshian and was about to engage her in catty fisticuffs as only two skilled warriors fighting over the same man could—forgot all about the duel with Suki as she recognized the two shrill yowls of horrified revulsion from across the reception hall.

Suki apparently knew that sound, too. She relaxed, an arch, contented smile spreading over her face. She bowed shortly to Ty Lee and spun on her heel, whistling as she leisurely walked toward the source of the commotion.

The acrobat sighed, shoulders slumping. "Man, why does Azula get to have all the fun?"