I know it's been a while since I updated this story, but with the new episodes, I just had to wait and see who/what I could play with. But now I'm too impatient to just finish this series so I can concentrate on some other pieces I've been working on. This is the second to last chapter of this series (and probably not as funny as Mingling III, but meh, they can't all be gems). Hope you enjoy!
Mingling: How Ursa Got Her Groove Back
Katara leaned her head on Zuko's shoulder, breathing in his scent, filling her senses with the knowledge that she and her husband were now inseparable, his family reunited, her own nearby. They swayed on the sea of music washing around them, a human island; isolated and alone together, no matter what else happened.
"This is nice," she murmured, raising her chin to kiss his jaw, and he smiled into her hair. "Can all our nights be like this?"
"Not all of our nights, I hope," he said with a chuckle. "There are other, more interesting ways to spend our evenings…"
Katara sighed and she angled her head upward. "Zuko…you're not…you don't want to be a father just yet, do you?"
The Fire Lord stiffened. He pulled away from his wife momentarily, searching her face. "Katara…you're not…?"
"What? Oh, no, no, no! No, but I was thinking about what will happen from here on in. I mean, this isn't the end of the story, you know. And I know about the expectations on you to have heirs…"
"It's a non-issue, my love," he said resolutely. "When you're ready for children, I know I will be, too." He held her tightly and kissed her temple. "No one can dictate what the Fire Lord and Lady can or should do, especially when it comes to their bedroom lives."
"Hey Zuko! Your mother wants to know when you're going to start making babies!" Iroh yelled across the dance floor. "We old folks can't wait forever to see grandkids, you know!"
Zuko closed his eyes and muttered an oath to Agni. Katara fearfully clung tighter to him.
Ursa laughed languidly, a full, deep, rich sound oozing with seduction and sweetness that had the men around her hanging on her every charming breath. She swirled the remnants of her lime daiquiri around her glass.
"But really, Katara's a very suitable match for Zuko," Iroh continued, trying to keep the woman focused on their conversation as she tossed the rest of her drink back. "She's the bravest warrior I've ever seen, a master Waterbender, a close friend to the Avatar, daughter of the Southern Water Tribe chief…"
Ursa pouted at him and pooh-poohed. "I have full confidence in her, Iroh. My Zuko wouldn't choose poorly, and he always was rather picky." She tossed her hair, a motion that instant reminded Iroh of Azula. "But it'd be too much fun to watch her jump through hoops just to please me, don't you think?" She grinned as the pirate captain handed her a fresh drink and kissed her hand in courtly fashion. She waved dismissively at him and he backed away meekly.
Iroh was about to protest, but stopped himself. There were some things you just shouldn't deny a woman, he thought, especially when it came to her daughters-in-law.
Ursa took a bracing swing of her drink and announced herself. "Now, gentlemen, if you'll pardon me, I'm going to mingle." Iroh's eyes widened when she hiccupped a little blue fireball. She caught his look and smiled toothily. "Really, Iroh, I've been hiding from my people for far too long. Don't I deserve to have a little fun?"
"Uh… I guess…"
The Fire Matron waved "toodles" with her dainty fingers and swept into the crowd.
Due: Why we here again cousin?
Tho: I told you, if she's a Waterbender, then we's kin.
Due: Then what's all these here other fellers doin' here?
Tho: They marry outside the family in these parts.
Due: …That's just sick.
Courtesy Ambrant
Arandel.
(Meanwhile, in the Spirit World…)
Roku: Lu Ten? Lu Ten! Hey everyone, Lu Ten's here!
Yue/Hei Ba/Kyoshi/Gyatso/Koh/Wan Shi Tong: (murmuring as they play Yahtzee) Yeah…hey…
Roku: (clearing his throat) Hey everyone, Lu Ten's here, and he brought beer!
Yue/Hei Ba/Kyoshi/Gyatso/Koh/Wan Shi Tong: (jubilantly) "Yay!" / "Rawr!" / "Hooray for Lu Ten!" / "Woo hoo!" / "Welcome!"/ "How's it going, buddy?"
Ursa: So, I hear you're a dessert caterer.
Jeong Jeong: …
Song: …And then he stole my chocobo…I mean, ostrich horse. What a jerk!
Mai: He just plain ignores me. Has been ignoring me ever since my awkward and embarrassing adolescence. Insensitive jack-off…
Jin: I made out with him.
Song/Mai: …GET HER!
Hakoda: Wait, wait, wait, I've got another one. What kind of drinks do they serve to the dead? …Spirits! Get it?
Bumi: Please…stop.
Bato: Wanna see my longboat? It's full of seamen.
Ursa: I've seen many a ship in my time, sailor, but you're only flying at half-mast.
Mai: …And you wouldn't believe the things that Xirxiu can do with that tongue!
Ty Lee: …
Joo Dee: …And that's how the walls of Ba Sing Sei were built.
Longshot: …
Smellerbee: Wait, you expect us to believe that the whole city nation was built in a day?
Joo Dee: Young man, I am one of the foremost experts in Earth Kingdom history, with a bachelor's degree in architecture, majoring in civil engineering, with a minor in political science and cultural hegemony. What do you have? A certificate in bad hair?
Longshot: …FOR GODS' SAKE WOMAN, STOP SMILING! First of all, Smellerbee's a girl! Can you see the dress? Do you smell the perfume? Can you feel the boobs? (squeezes her boobs.) Secondly, Ba Sing Sei stretches on for thousands of miles! Not only would it be physically impossible for that entire tract of land to be walled off in 24 hours, even if you had a whole army of Earthbenders, but the social infrastructure needed to build and sustain that area could not have been imported and dispersed within the allotted time you're suggesting. Furthermore…
Boulder: The BOULDER is guaranteed to make the EARTH move beneath you!
Ursa: …What is it with you Earthbenders and your horrible puns?
Professor Zei: …And the yaoi section stretches on for more than twenty bookcases.
Canyon Guide: Really?
Professor Zei: You should see the fan fiction wing.
Canyon Guide: …What's fan fiction?
Chong: Oh. My. GODS! That garden gnome's come alive!
Oyaji: …
Master Yu: Did you have to wear that same old vest and pant combo?
Xin Fu: They're comfortable.
Master Yu: They're worn and threadbare! Honestly, I can't take you anywhere. First thing we're doing when we get back to the Earth Kingdom is buying you some new clothes.
Xin Fu: Oh, c'mon…
Master Yu: You're embarrassing to be with sometimes. I don't know why I've stayed with you for so long
Xin Fu: Honey, not here…
Long Feng: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Grand Secretariat Long Feng…
Ursa: …Oh please, you can't possibly be that long.
Longshot: (after 20 minutes of ranting) …hugely detrimental impact on the environment! And don't even get me started on your fascist regime! You bunch of controlling, totalitarian, militaristic yahoos have the gall to call yourselves the greatest city in the Earth Kingdom and stay out of a global war? Your ignorant, arrogant, isolationist rhetoric is going to be the death of the Earth Kingdom! What kind of grand nation uses fear as a weapon against its own people? If I had two cents...
Chong: Whoa! A giant hobbit!
General Fong: …
Mayor Tong: (singing) I've a girl back home who's unlike any other.
Sokka: (singing) Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother.
Aang/Haru/Jet: (singing) But when we come home/in victory/they'll line up at the door!
Sokka: (singing) What do we want?
All men: (singing) A girl worth fighting for!
Jet: Hey, beautiful…you're hot. Wanna make sweet, sweet love in the coatroom?
Zuko: …You know, Jet, I think I'd actually be less uncomfortable if you were propositioning my wife.
Jet: Hey, I don't discriminate. Much. And there's always room for one more.
Zuko: Exactly how much have you had to drink?
Jet: Drink?
Fung: The white lotus opens wide to those that know her secrets.
Ursa: That is possibly the nastiest pick-up line I have ever heard.
Fung: Got your attention, though, didn't it?
Lao Beifong: Toph! Oh, my precious daughter…where have you been?
Toph: Gee, Dad, where do you think? Away from you and your overbearing mollycoddling!
Lao Beifong: Well, no longer. You're coming straight home with me, young lady. No more gallivanting around the world!
Toph: (pointing over his shoulder) Hey, look over there! Jun's drunk and getting naked!
Lao Beifong: (spins around) Where? I don't see her, where is she? Where were you pointing, daughter? I don't see anything…
Toph: (makes her escape, shaking her head.)
Rough Rhinos:(singing Barbershop style) Fi-i-re Laaaadyy…
Colonel Mongke: Fire Lady, she burns so bright
Kahchi:…Ba-da-ba-bump…
Colonel Mongke: Fire Lady burns through the night
Kahchi: …Ba-da-ba-bump…
Rough Rhinos: Fire Lady, burn bright for me
Rough Rhinos: The Fi-i-re Lady burns for all to see…
Kahchi:…Ba-da-ba-bump…
Zuko: I should
really outlaw spontaneous musical numbers.
Katara: I think
it's a sweet little ditty.
Zuko: Just wait
until you hear them square off against the Terra Team Tenors.
Katara: …So
how fast can you pass that law?
Toph: Azula? Princess, are you okay?
Azula: Oh. Hey Toph.
Toph: Why are you crying?
Azula: Haru's mad at me, that Jet guy's kind of a creep, Sokka's just a big-eared cretin…Gods, I feel so alone…
Toph: Silly girl. There are lots of guys here who'd love to be with you.
Azula: Not Aang, though.
Toph: …What do you mean?
Azula: Oh for Agni's sake, don't play coy with me. You won him, fair and square. There's nothing I can do to change that. He's yours for the night. He has eyes for you alone. I bet he's looking for you right now.
Toph: …Wellll…we are good friends, right?
Azula: Yeah.
Toph: …And friends…well, they share things, right?...
Azula: …Toph...what are you suggesting?
Longshot: (forty minutes later) …nationalistic morons! You have all the economic and political foresight of a one-eyed badgermole in a circular tunnel! No wonder you almost lost the war! Walls can't keep your enemies out if they're within, but you think they can, don't you? And when it's not walls that divide, it's class! What will your king do when the people rise up to destroy the decadent upper classes? The craftsmen, the workers and labourers—they control the means of production and outnumber you a hundred to one! They will not live underfoot and under heel forever! I have a dream...
Shyu: You know, vows of celibacy don't count if your temple's been destroyed.
Superior: Take me. Take me hard.
Haru: I don't see what the problem is. You're pathetic, I'm pathetic, and we each have legions of people who dislike us for no apparent reason. Now that our prospective ships are taken, we have each other.
Song: Wait a second, I know you! Weren't you in the latest issue of "Earth Kingdom Boys Gone Wild"?
Haru: (proudly) Page three, that's me.
Song: (blushing) So…is it…I mean, are you really…?
Haru: One hundred percent made in Earth Kingdom, baby.
Ursa: Mmm. Hello there, young man.
Sokka: Uh, hi, uh…Mrs….Zuko…Fire Lady…Matron…Mom-in-law…
Ursa: (purring) You're the bride's brother, no? I can see what my Zuzu likes in your family line…
Sokka: Uh…hey, there's my dad! Have you met my dad? He's single!
Ursa: (looks over briefly and frowns) Been there. Done that. Old hat, dear. Very old hat. Tell me, what do you think of older women?
Sokka:…I…uh…
Longshot: (two hours of shouting later) …dare to say you're an expert in what's bound to be Earth Kingdom history's greatest mistake! And your hair is creepy, and you look funny, too!
Joo Dee: … D :
Smellerbee: …You've…been saving that up for a while, huh?
Longshot: …I'm sorry, but her freaky smile made me do it. Hell, there goes my masculine mystique! I'll never compete with the Blue Spirit now…
Yu-Yuan Archer: ahem
Longshot: Oh shut the hell up, Speedy! Just because I don't have some stupid tattoos across my face doesn't make me any less of an archer than you, douchebag! I can shoot arrows around you! Show me a bull's eye, and I'll show you…
Iroh: Hmm.
Zuko: Something the matter, Uncle?
Iroh: I feel a great disturbance in the force…
Zuko: …What?
Iroh: Someone is drinking…
Zuko: Everyone's drinking.
Iroh: Pardon me a moment, nephew. I have something to take care of…
Lu Ten: (with an arm around Yue) So then I said to the lieutenant, Is that your spear, or are you just happy to see—OW!
Iroh: Drinking with a minor! Disgraceful! You should know better, son!
Lu Ten: Dad, you have to stop doing this! You can't just keep dropping into the Spirit World without there being some consequences! And stop ruining my dates!
Yue: You know, I'm technically the Moon Spirit, and older than the lot of you put together. I can so drink.
Iroh: And you!You floozy! What happened to your eternal love for Sokka?
Yue: Excuse me? Have you SEEN his tricked-out pimptacularness?
Iroh: …His what?
If I come up with more I want to share, I may edit this...or maybe put it on my LJ...of course, if you have any, share away!
