Chapter 2: I've Been Lying All My Life with Silence

Sara looks up suddenly. "It was once. And you saved me."

"Yes."

"Was that part of some plan?"

"How could that have possibly been planned?"

"I don't know. You're the one with all the answers."

Michael sighs loudly. "No. Saving you wasn't part of the plan. The riot was-"

At this Sara looks shocked.

"-but I never thought it would get so out of hand. I came to find you because I couldn't bear the thought of you being hurt. Helping you could have been very bad for the plan, actually, but when I saw you on the security camera you looked so scared and I…"

Michael stops. Sara looks angry again but she's waiting for him to continue.

"And I was never in the vents because of PI. But you knew that already."

"Yes, I did," Sara says stonily.

"I always wondered why you never brought it up again."

Sara looks at him. His head is cocked slightly to one side, and he's watching her. "I guess because I was grateful. And because I didn't know if I really wanted to know the truth because then I'd have to tell someone." Sara stops, realizing what she's just said. "Oh."

"Yeah. That's why I had to lie to you, Sara. I didn't want to, but I had to. I didn't want to put either of us in a position where you would have been compelled to turn me in."

"Maybe I wouldn't have-"

"Prison policy, Sara. You live by the rules. And you know what's right and what's wrong. That's a good thing. But it could have made everything even more dangerous and complicated than it already was."

Sara remains silent for a few moments. She's unsure of what to say. She had begun to question everything she thought she knew about Michael as soon as he'd asked her to leave the door unlocked. But now she was beginning to question every word that had every come out of his mouth. She had to know the truth, no matter how painful it might be.

"What else was a lie Michael?"

"I…," he trails off and looks back at his shoes.

"Come on. I know quite a bit already. Who can it hurt?"

Michael wants to say, You. It could hurt you. But he realizes that she isn't going to accept that. She wants to know the truth, and this might be his only chance to tell it to her.

"Okay. I'll tell you. But can we maybe sit?"

"Fine."

Michaels walks over to the couch and sits down. He looks at his hands, which are rested on his knees, fingers splayed. Sara watches him for a second and then walks over to the couch and sits down beside him. Michael takes a deep breath, as though he's bracing himself.

"I'm not a diabetic. I was taking Pugnac so that I could get regular access to the infirmary."

Sara gasps. "Michael! That could have been really dangerous. It could have caused permanent damage. Serious damage."

"I know."

Sara sighs and looks toward the window. Michael watches her, wishing he could reach over and touch her, then looks away quickly when she turns to face him again.

He clears his throat softly. "One of Abruzzi's men cut off my toes. It wasn't an 'accident'."

"Why?"

"Because I knew where someone he wanted to find was hiding. And I made sure he knew it. But I told him I wouldn't tell him where the guy was until after we had broken out."

"You broke Abruzzi out too?"

"I needed there to be a plane waiting when Lincoln and I got out. Unfortunately, I think we missed our flight."

"You really had this whole thing planned out, didn't you?"

"Yes."

Sara stands up and turns on a lamp. It's late and the only light in the room is coming from the kitchen. She suddenly needs it to be bright so that she can be sure that this isn't all some crazy dream. When she turns around, Michael is still sitting on the couch. This isn't a dream.

As she sits back down, she says, "Okay. Go on."

Michael seems to think for a second and then says, "My tattoo."

"What about it?"

"It's actually a map. Of Fox River."

Sara looks surprised again, but doesn't say anything, so Michael continues. "It's how I knew how to get to you during the riot. It's how I knew how to get from the back of my cell to the infirmary. I unhinged the toilet and used the pipe system."

"You could get out of your cell without anyone knowing." It's more of a statement than a question, but Michael answers her anyway.

"Yes. And I did it several times while working on the plan. There were certain things I could only figure out after I was inside Fox River."

"That makes sense." Sara pauses. Her head is spinning. Then she realizes that there is someone who would have known what Michael was doing. "Did you break Sucre out too?"

"Yeah. He was my cell mate. I couldn't do much without him knowing, and I often needed his help. But he's a good guy, Sara."

"Not like Abruzzi?"

Michael doesn't say anything. Sara sighs again.

After a moment Michael continues.

"Do you remember that night that Lincoln went to the infirmary because he was sick?"

"Yes."

"That was when we tried to break out the first time. We were going to climb up through the drain. But the pipe that I had corroded had been replaced. That's why I had to ask you to leave the door unlocked, Sara. It wasn't originally part of the plan. I didn't want to get you involved, but I was desperate."

Sara looks at him but doesn't say anything. She wants to believe that he is finally telling her the truth, but she isn't going to let her guard down again. Not yet, anyway.

"Anyway, we couldn't break the pipe, and there wasn't time to corrode it again, so I had to come up with a new way to get into the infirmary. The night I got burned, I was working on finding a new route. I was wearing a guard's uniform-"

Sara's head snaps up. She is shocked, angry, and relieved all at the same time.

"-so that I could go through the whack shack without the guards there figuring out who I was. On my way back to my cell I was almost caught by a CO. He was in the pipes, having a night cap, and I had to back right up against a hot water pipe to avoid him finding me."

He pauses and looks at Sara. She seems overwhelmed. "I don't know what to say. This is way more than I expected…"

"I'm actually not done yet," Michael says gently.

"Okay."

Michael hesitates for a few seconds. He really doesn't want to tell her the next part.

"A few days after I got to Fox River, Sucre transferred out of my cell and I got Haywire as my new cell mate. He was fascinated by my tattoos. He thought he could see a map in them."

Here, Sara makes a noise that sounds a little like a snort. Leave it to a "crazy" person…

"The burn on my shoulder destroyed a really important part of the map. I tried and tried to remember what it had looked like, but I couldn't. When I was in Ad Seg I realized that there might be a way to get what I needed."

Sara gasps. "You…you're breakdown. It was an act?"

Michael nods. "I was going a little crazy trying to remember, because escaping would have been impossible without the map, but I…I needed to get into the psych ward so that I could find Haywire and get him to remember."

Sara feels used. She doesn't know what to say, and even if she did, she wouldn't be able to get it out. Anger and hurt are choking her. She really doesn't want to cry in front of him, but she can feel the tears forming.

"I'm so sorry Sara. You were so kind to me and I…"

"Don't. Just…is there more?"

"Um, there's a hole under the guard's break room. And I had to lock Pope in a closet after forcing him to have Lincoln transferred to the infirmary."

"You threatened the warden?" Sara asks, incredulously.

"I had to. I didn't want to, because he was so good to me, but I had to."

"Right. I forgot. No one else matters."

"Sara…"

"No. It's fine. Anything else?"

"Just the keys."

"And the kiss, right? You're quite the actor Michael. Really."

"No, Sara. It's not like that."

"Don't lie to me Michael. Not again."

"Listen to me. I needed those keys. I went to my appointment telling myself that I'd do whatever it took to get them. So I kissed you. To distract you. It would have been so easy to take the keys right then. But I couldn't do it. Which is why I asked Nika to get them."

"Why Michael? Why didn't you just steal them yourself? You only lost time this way."

"I couldn't. Because that kiss was real, Sara, even if you can't believe it. What I...asked you to do for me…that was real too. When I kissed you, I realized just how far I was willing to go. And that scared me. I knew I was hurting you and that's why I couldn't bring myself to take the keys. That kiss wasn't a lie, Sara. I really do care for you."

"How can I possibly believe that? You've lied so many times to get what you want, how do I know you're not just doing it again?"

"Everything I told you tonight is the truth. But I know I've lost your trust so I don't expect you to believe that either."

"Then why did you tell me all of it?"

"I guess to thank you. There were so many times when I wanted to tell you the truth. You'd ask me questions and I'd either have to lie or flat out refuse to answer you. I know that was hard on you, but even so, you continued to care about me. You tried to help me and I couldn't let you. But that doesn't mean that I didn't appreciate it. I did, Sara. So I wanted you to know what really happened. I don't care what anyone else thinks about what I've done. But you deserved the truth and I needed you to know it."

"What does it matter what I think, Michael?"

"It shouldn't. I shouldn't let it matter. But it does. That look you gave me when Katie found your keys? You looked so hurt and angry. That was the only moment when I ever regretted anything I did in Fox River."

Sara sits there, looking at the man in front of her. She cares about him, even after everything that has happened. When he had asked her to wait for him, she had wanted to agree. But things are different now. He had lied to her, used her. She believes that tonight he's told her the truth. Why would he lie now? But she doesn't know if she'll be able to trust him again.

"You should get some rest Michael."

"Oh. Right. Good idea."

"I'll get you some blankets."

Sara gets up and walks over to the hall closet. She removes a stack blankets that's almost half her height and carries it back to the living room. When Michael sees her, he can't help but smile. She hands him the entire pile.

"Here you go."

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"What?"

"Lincoln's in your bed, isn't he?"

Sara nods. "Yes, he is."

"You take the couch. I'll sleep on the floor."

"You need the rest more Michael. You've got a lot ahead of you."

What is she saying? He is an escaped convict on the run from the authorities. And she is helping him. Again. Damn him!

Michael smiles again at the confused expression on her face. He throws a couple of blankets on the floor and puts the rest of them on the coffee table. Then he plunks down on the floor and looks up at her.

"Floor's fine. But thanks."

"You're…welcome?"

Sara takes one of the blankets and wraps it around her shoulders. She shuts the light and then lays down on the couch. A minute later, she is still staring at the ceiling. For some reason she can't make her eyes close.

"Goodnight Sara."

"Goodnight."