Practice was much harder than he thought it would be. Neji was bent over, breathing hard, shirt off. He knew he would be sore before he started. It had been quite some time since his last practice. He did not account for the desert sun that was beating down on him nor the hot sand beneath his feet. At first, he had gone barefoot. It was easier to balance in the sand he quickly discovered. However, as the sun grew hotter, so did the sand, and he was forced to put on shoes, else risk burning the soles of his feet.
The sun and the sand quickly sapped his strength, but he kept pushing through it. It had been so long since he had practiced. He wanted to keep going, keep pushing until he could no longer stand. He felt he was so close to something, right on the edge of discovering something. The buzz from before was stronger than ever, and Hinata's technique and the way the tree virtually exploded was still fresh in his mind. It was crystal clear though it had been days since he saw it. The buzzing flowed through his body, wanting to find an escape, and he wanted to create that escape. He was just missing that last crucial piece.
He nearly jumped out of his skin when something cold and wet, touched the back of his neck. He turned around to see Gaara holding a water bottle in his hand. He was standing as far away from Neji as he could that would still allow Gaara to press the water bottle on Neji's skin. Gaara's eyes and body was not directed at Neji, but off to the side. "You need to cool down." Was all he said.
Neji had forgotten Gaara was even there. Once he started practicing, it was all he could think about, and things off to the side did not matter, even the reason why he had come all this way to begin with. Now that Gaara pointed it out, he realized just how passed his limit he was. He had the beginnings of a sunburn even with the sunblock he had applied, he was badly dehydrated, making him realized he was so focused he had forgotten to drink water, and he was close to collapsing.
He had been too overzealous in his workout and had lost himself to his drive. That part of himself scared him a bit, but he was too engrossed with its call to pay his unnatural obsession much attention. He needed to be more aware of himself. Taking care of one's body was the first rule in martial arts and he had ignored it.
Letting his body sag from its rigid stance, he thanked Gaara, reaching for the bottle, intending to go back to practice right after. Gaara pulled the bottle away from his reach, tilting his head to the direction of the house, and proceeded to walk.
Begrudgingly, Neji followed. Sand was sticking to his body as if he had rolled in it thanks to the amount of sweat covering his body. It was uncomfortable as he walked and brought more focus on the condition his body was in. It brought attention to the fact that Gaara wasn't sweating at all despite the intense heat and Neji could not see a single speck of sand on him or his clothing.
Neji was hesitant on walking inside with all the sand, and he debated asking if he should change or clean off, but Gaara kept walking without waiting for him. Not wanting Gaara to find a reason to escape him, he followed, tracking in all the sand, up to the kitchen where Gaara sat in the breakfast nook, putting the bottle of water on the other side of the table.
Neji sat down, taking the bottle, chugging the contents greedily, realizing how thirsty he was. When he stopped, drinking the entire contents within seconds, a servant was standing next to him. He placed a bowl of cold soba noodles in front of him as well as another bottle of water, before promptly leaving just as quickly as he had entered.
He knew there were servants in the house, but Neji had barely caught sight of them. One had come in with a spare set of clothes after his shower, but even then, he had only caught a glimpse of him during his retreat. They were the prime example of serving without being seen.
"You didn't have to do this," Neji said, gesturing to the food with his eyes.
"You didn't eat much last night, and your blood sugar was already low then." Gaara still wasn't looking at him, and his voice was soft as if speaking louder was a waste of energy and time. It was the voice he used at school and at first with Neji when they had first started hanging out. He never realized that Gaara had slowly been speaking louder over their encounters together until now, furthering the guilt Neji felt.
Neji took a bite of the soba. The taste was off. An imitation of Japanese cooking, probably a first attempt, but it did help cool him and give him the sodium he lacked. The longer he sat eating, the more he realized he had pushed passed his limits a long time ago as fatigue hit him like a bat, forcing him to be aware of it. Gaara must have noticed, and again stepped in to stop him. How much more trouble was he going to bring to Gaara?
But it was a chance. Gaara was sitting across from him, albeit quietly, but he hadn't left. It was a good chance to put his idea into action. "You know, you were right. I was wrong about Uzumaki," Neji said softly, stirring the noodles in the bowl. "Uzumaki wasn't who I thought he was. He was protective of you and even though he hates me, he still lent me a hand. I shouldn't have said those things before."
Just at the mention of Uzumaki, he could see Gaara zone in on his words. Neji didn't know how he felt about that, how Uzumaki's name instantly bought Gaara's attention. Whatever feeling it was, he didn't like it. "Was Uzumaki the one who wrote that book you were reading? His soliloquy last night was … beautiful."
Gaara shifted in the chair, turning slightly more towards Neji, his eyes finally glancing at him. "Yes. He's always been like that."
There it was. The way Gaara would talk about Uzumaki, how he softened in tone and looked reminiscent. Neji didn't like that, but he continued. "You met at the opening ceremony, right?"
Gaara went quiet again, and there was sadness in his eyes that were hidden behind a layer of stoicism. It was enough to confirm that Gaara had been lying to Uzumaki about when they met. Gaara stood, and Neji thought he had overstepped until he realized Gaara was just going to the freezer pulling out a pint of double chocolate fudge ice cream. He also grabbed a spoon from a drawer, then went back to the table, prying open the lid and sticking the spoon into it. The freshly frozen ice cream was not yet ready to be scooped, bending the spoon much to Gaara's frustration, poignant by the frown on his lips, forcing Gaara to wait a few minutes for it to defrost.
"Uzumaki is," he started then stopped, closing his mouth and looking down at the pint of ice cream. His face softened again as he recollected a memory he wasn't sure if he was going to share with Neji. His mouth opened, and he started speaking again, his voice quieter than before. "I was new to Japan. To the world. The first year was very difficult for me. During my first Valentine's Day, everyone was getting chocolate. The boys in our class were comparing how many they got, shooting us smug looks because they knew that none of the girls were going to give us any. That was until Hinata gave obligatory chocolates to him and Inuzuka, and Naruto noticed that even she didn't give me any.
"Honestly, I didn't care or see what the big deal was. I wanted nothing to do with the holiday, but it mattered to him. After school, he took me to a café for the first time and ordered me this giant chocolate parfait. It was a limited edition Valentine's Day special. It was the very first time I had ever eaten a dessert. It was the first time anyone had ever bothered to think of me enough to give me one."
Gaara tried the spoon again and this time was able to scoop a large chunk of ice cream. He put the entire spoon in his mouth.
Neji was bewildered. He couldn't really imagine what it was like never to have sweets. He wasn't fond of them, but it was standard practice to give sweets with tea or when you were visiting someone. Even as a child, he would look forward to the ice cream he would receive on hot summer days or the more bitter tasting snacks like coffee jelly as he got older. Every Valentine's Day he would receive many gifts from the girls throughout the school, and most people he knew at the very least received obligatory chocolates from someone. Watching Gaara eat his ice cream, Neji could see how happy it made him, the way he savored the taste yet impatient and wanting to take another scoop immediately, like it may be his last.
"Uzumaki," Gaara started, swallowing the mouthful of ice cream. "I had kept my distance from him, but even then, he knew the things I didn't say, always accommodated me, never feared me. No matter how cruel I am to him, he keeps coming back. He's the kindest person I have ever known," Gaara trailed off, and Neji recalled the last time Gaara had said that to him, and sadness once again entered Gaara's eyes. "Even if it's just one more person, I'm glad someone realizes that now."
During one conversation, he had seen more expressions from Gaara than their entire time together, all over Uzumaki. Neji didn't even have the right to complain about it. He had feared Gaara and still did to a degree. He had looked past Gaara for years. He had been no better than everyone else, and he was quickly beginning to see how much damage he had probably caused, hurting Gaara not just once, but twice.
"Uzumaki still doesn't know that I am different. Don't tell him…please." Gaara was vulnerable when he asked. He stared into the ice cream and he seemed to be curling back into himself, shrinking away where Neji would be unable to reach. He couldn't let that happen.
"I promise," Neji quickly agreed. "As long as I get a bite of that ice cream."
Neji had meant it as a joke but got a hilarious reaction of Gaara going through an array of emotions. First his eyes widened at the demand, then he looked down at the ice cream and there was possessiveness in his features the way his lips pursed ever so slightly. Then he glanced up at Neji then quickly away as he extended the spoon for Neji to take. It was so obvious Gaara wanted it all to himself, and Neji figured out that Gaara had planned to eat not a small portion as he had originally thought, but the entire thing in one sitting. "Just one bite," he said, trying to say stoic but came off as begrudgingly.
That was cute. That's all Neji could think when he saw it, staring at Gaara's face, mind blanking from anything else for a second. Finally, he responded, shaking his head. "I was kidding."
"I know," Gaara said, still looking away, "but you can still have one bite…you're still overheated."
Neji found himself smiling, taking the spoon. He really didn't want any. The ice cream looked overly sweet and definitely too chocolatey, but for Gaara, he'd do it. He took a spoonful, watching Gaara watch the spoon, trying not to say anything as his precious ice cream disappeared in Neji's mouth.
As he thought, it was not his cup of tea, preferring something less sweet. Then he got an idea. He licked his lips. "That's good," he said, putting the spoon back in the container and attempting to get another scoop. "Let me have one more."
Gaara growled, pulling the pint of ice cream away. "I said only one."
"But I'm a guest," Neji prodded, attempting to get the spoon back. Gaara quickly pulled the ice cream farther away. Gaara was like a child who didn't want to share, and Neji was glad to see this side of him.
"My house, my rules," Gaara said borderline childishly, immediately taking another bite of ice cream.
Neji chuckled, "Fine, you win." Picking up the fork he had been given, he continued to eat the soba noodles with a little more vigor.
Towards the back, he thought he saw Gaara's brother, standing at the kitchen entrance, but like the servants, he was gone before he got a proper look at him. "I don't think your brother likes me."
"He doesn't like anyone," Gaara responded, taking another obscenely large bite of ice cream. How he didn't get a brain freeze or get sick, Neji would never know. "Not even me."
The last thing Gaara said, made Neji start thinking. From his interactions with the elder brother, that wasn't the feeling Neji got from him. Quite the opposite really. However, it wasn't his place to say.
Gaara didn't say much after that, going back to being silent, and Neji used the time to practice the Arabic he had learned. Gaara didn't help, but Neji did see Gaara's lips twitch at the beginnings of a smirk when Neji messed up something or had trouble saying a word.
He could have been irritated at Gaara for not helping when he was obviously paying attention. Instead, Neji felt happy. Gaara could have gotten up and left. Gaara kept his promise to watch him practice his martial arts and had no obligation to stay, but he was still there. Still keeping him company and by his side.
Since the magazine came out, the hunters were in a tizzy. The emergency meeting that had been called was nothing but yelling, and nothing had been done with the wasted bickering between clans. Dissatisfaction was rising within the shinobi community, and it was only a matter of time before that tension popped.
Kakashi stared into the sky, watching the bright blue turned into the warm colors of dusk as time passed. It seemed Iruka wasn't going to show when Kakashi heard the sound of stones being thrown into the water just meters away. Kakashi smiled a little to himself, and he sat up, seeing Iruka with a handful of stones, throwing them into the creek one by one.
They used to come here a lot as children. It was a small creek in the mountains, less than a kilometer from where the school's property line began. The grass was lush, and the trees provided shade on hot summer days. They would come out here to ditch classes. Well, he would. Iruka would track him down as class rep to yell at him about being a model student and they'd end up getting into spars which Kakashi always won. He never understood why Iruka would always agree to those matches when he knew he would lose. They were good times.
Now, as a teacher, he'd let those memories influence his attendance sheet when students skipped his class. Sometimes, a student just needed to get away to deal with life's circumstances. Iruka knew of his attendance fraud of course and he'd always get an earful about it. Some things never changed even as they got older.
"Finished reading all those reports already?" Kakashi mocked, laying back down and closing his eyes.
"Couldn't concentrate," Iruka replied, throwing a stone particularly far downstream. Just from the tone, Kakashi knew Iruka was upset about something.
"Uzumaki?"
Iruka didn't answer, throwing another stone.
"It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known anything." Kakashi yawned. "We should just focus on the battle to come and preparing for the search for the next host."
"I should have known something was up when Uchiha asked for Uzumaki's homework. I should have checked up on him than myself. Uzumaki-kun trusted me, and I let that monster get a hold of him."
Kakashi opened his eyes. There was nothing Iruka did wrong. If anything, by the time Uchiha had arrived at the school, it was probably already too late. Uzumaki's reaction to Uchiha the first day of class should have alerted him. He had sent Nara to keep an eye on them, but Nara hadn't reported anything strange at the time. "There's no use worrying about it now. Just focus on the problems we can handle."
"Just… why Uzumaki-kun? He's a good kid. He didn't deserve any of this to happen to him." Iruka sat down next to Kakashi. "He's still so young."
"Is it fair for any child who becomes a host? It's just bad luck." Kakashi's dismissive nature only served to worsen Iruka's mood. Iruka had really gotten too attached to the boy. "You know, Matsumura-sensei has her eye on you. You should ask her out."
"Not interested," Iruka said distracted still focused on Uzumaki.
Sighing, Kakashi sat up, looking Iruka in the eye. "Ruka-chan. You are a hunter. You knew this day would come someday. There are more important things to worry about besides the fate of one boy. He's just another supernatural we have to take care of. You need to get your mind focused on the real problems that we can deal with and not on something we can't change."
"I know." Iruka took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and finding his center. "What did Tsunade-san want us to do?"
The change in Iruka when he focused as a hunter was always chilling. He was focused, cold, and unforgiving, sometimes downright cruel. "We found the place Asuma-san was taken. There wasn't much to go on. A little bit of blood and a couple of nails, but it's confirmed that they were Asuma-san's. There was strong negative energy in the area. Really ancient energy. They're trying to figure out whose energy it is."
"A demon or spirit then. I know there's been a rise in supernatural activity, but for them to come to the island and attack only one person would mean Asuma-san was targeted specifically. But why?"
"That's what we are going to find out." Jiraiya emerged from the trees.
Seeing him, both Iruka and Kakashi got to their feet, bowing with respect.
"Master Jiraiya."
"Jiraiya-sensei."
They both greeted hastily.
Jiraiya's eyes were sharp, and he didn't bother with pleasantries, indicating it wasn't a pleasure visit. They waited quietly as Jiraiya approached them. Even standing in front of them, his presence was hard to notice. "How quickly can you prepare to go onto the mainland?" he asked.
"Minutes," they both responded.
"Good. I need the both of you to come with me to confirm something."
Iruka righted himself, though he still kept his head lowered a little as he asked, "If I may ask, Master Jiraiya, what do you need help confirming?"
Jiraiya's face was carefully blank, but his voice was still tight as he answered, "to confirm our theory on Asuma's killer. The mortician is refusing our request for information, and we would like to remind him who he is dealing with."
Kakashi's head shot up at that information. "With all due respect, Jiraiya-sensei, how do you intend to get Sasori-san to speak?"
"By any means necessary," the glacial delivery unnerved Kakashi.
For once, the normally aloof man felt concern. "Jiraiya-sensei, are we preparing to go to war?"
His master's eyes landed on him. It was a legitimate question and a plausible concern depending on how this mission ended, yet his master's gaze made it feel like he was stepping out of line. Jiraiya had always been good at concealing his emotions and showing what he wanted others to see. Kakashi had based his philosophy of maintaining emotional distance from any situation, but Jiraiya's aloofness did not come across as emotional distance, but unrelenting rage behind a stoic mask.
"It's possible," he did not deny. "If the vampire council has gone against their word and have targeted a host, we may declare war. The timing between a vampire known for having the council's favor coming to the island only to immediately target a host and convert him is too coincidental to overlook. Now a council member is refusing to give us an autopsy report. It is best to find out their intentions as quickly as possible."
"I understand," Kakashi answered, but he wasn't completely convinced it wasn't driven by emotions rather than logic.
"If I may ask, Master, why me? Sasori-sama may be the weakest council member, but he's not someone to take lightly either," Iruka asked.
"You are my students, and I trust you."' If it had been anyone else, that response could have been a touching teacher-student moment, but it wasn't. With tensions in the clans growing, trust was becoming shaky. For even their teacher's trust to be lacking, was the tensions worse than he thought, or have the factions already been made? "If your questions have been answered, prepare your things. The car is waiting."
Both men snapped to attention. "Yes, sir!"
The next day proceeded very much like the previous one. It started with an early morning practice, then lunch once Neji exhausted himself with Gaara's intervention. This time, however, Neji had made a promise to himself to be more aware of his surroundings. Doing so, he noticed that Gaara was looking worse for wear. He had noticed before when he arrived that Gaara seemed tired and pale, but today seemed to be even worse, the bags under his eyes getting darker, and his energy was lacking.
As such, Gaara was even less talkative than before and separated from Neji soon after lunch.
It left Neji to his own devices, wandering the house for some time. No one gave him a tour, so he showed himself around. Even knowing there were other people in the house, it felt like Neji and Gaara were the only ones there. There were no visible signs of the servants and they were as quiet as ghosts. Their work was seen, they were not. It was unsettling, like being in a haunted house.
In a way, this house was like a test of courage. Neji always had this feeling of being watched. He could never fully figure out where from, and sometimes he would see Gaara's brother standing somewhere in the background, watching him before leaving the room as if just passing through. He had learned the man's name was Kankuro, but he could never tell when Kankuro had entered or how long he had been watching, and though his face was lax, his eyes always seemed intense, looking through Neji with disapproval.
Neji sighed, climbing the stairs to the second floor. It was bit confining, staying in the house. He did want to see what type of country Gaara lived in. He still didn't even know what country he was currently in, but every time he thought of bringing it up, he couldn't. He just never felt like the right time, and Gaara never seemed like he wanted to talk about it.
There was an open area at the back of the house on the second floor There was a large window that reached from floor to ceiling with a cushioned window seat at the bottom. The window overlooked the desert beyond the property line, appearing as a vast ocean of sand with an endless bright blue sky. There were bookshelves on either side of the large window and several other chairs in the area along with a small desk, but Gaara was seen sitting at the window seat, staring out.
Gaara seemed to really like staring out of windows, Neji thought. Every time he found Gaara alone, he was staring out of them like he was never allowed to go beyond them. It was times like this that Gaara looked lonely and beyond his reach.
He had learned while living with Gaara before that Neji couldn't sneak up on him. Gaara knew he was there, so he didn't linger in his staring, approaching Gaara. He stopped several steps away, partly because he was still nervous around Gaara and partly because he didn't want to make Gaara uncomfortable. "I need to go shopping for new clothes. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me."
Gaara didn't look at him, still staring off into the distance as if he wasn't all quite there. "A servant can do that for you. Give him your size, and he'll prepare something." Even Gaara's soft voice sounded tired and weak.
It appeared Gaara had no intention of leaving the house, and Neji wasn't quite sure what to do, so he stood awkwardly, trying to think of something.
"You should leave me alone," Gaara said, lethargically. "It's not safe right now."
"Are you… hungry?" Neji asked. Gaara briefly glanced at him, and Neji knew the answer. Gaara's eyes made Neji feel like prey the same way Uchiha's did. His mouth went dry, and he proclaimed, "I am not afraid."
Gaara smirked a little, looking back out the window. "Did you already forget? I can smell your fear."
Neji's lips thinned, and he fought himself over what he was going to say next. Could he really say it? If he did, where did that mean his morals lie. "If you're holding yourself back from eating because I'm here," he found it hard to speak, but he pushed through. "Don't. I won't mind." He felt sick for saying it.
Gaara probably picked up on it. It wasn't convincing or Neji's feelings about it came across even if he didn't want them too. "I'm on a feeding schedule. I'm not scheduled until next week."
Neji was both relieved and worried. Gaara had looked frail when he had arrived, and he appeared to be getting worse. Gathering his courage, he got closer, hoping to offer some assistance or support. He placed his hand on Gaara's shoulder.
Gaara freaked out, swatting his hand away violently while scurrying back, pressing himself against the window. Alarm and fear reigned dominant on Gaara's face.
Gaara's reaction hurt, and Neji slowly retracted his hand, "Sorry," he whispered. "I was just—"
"You should go," Gaara averted his gaze down. "Now."
Neji went with the suggestion, nodding numbly. He stepped away, his knees feeling weak and shaky. He was at a loss for words and could not think of a single thing to say.
Gaara's hand reached out for him, following his retreat. False hope, entered Neji's heart, but Gaara pulled his hand back at the last minute, and he curled up against the window once again.
Neji stood there frozen for several seconds. Silently, he eventually left, just like Gaara had wanted.
The encounter stuck with Neji. Was it even possible to save something when Gaara reacted to him like that?
Neji sat up in bed, glancing at the clock. It was 2 in the morning, and he had been tossing and turning for nearly 4 hours unable to sleep. The rest of the day he had avoided Gaara, not wanting to make him more uncomfortable. He debated if staying here was doing more harm than good. The first day here, he had thought there had been progress. Now, he wasn't so sure.
Since he couldn't sleep, he got out of bed, and found himself wandering the house once more, this time exploring downstairs where he encountered Kankuro. He was standing in his suit, which Neji was beginning to wonder if he ever wore anything else, staring at a pot of incense. Neji recognized the pot and smell. It was the same one Gaara had thrown out of his bedroom days before. Kankuro stared at the pot intensely, thinning his lips like he was looking at a very complicated puzzle.
Feeling like he had somehow intruded on something, Neji was going to retreat and change direction when Kankuro spoke in English, "What do you think of Gaara's condition?"
Looking around, Neji made sure that he was the one being addressed. It felt sudden and out of the blue, but he answered, "He seems… sick."
Kankuro's lips thinned some more, and he gave Neji his attention. "He hasn't slept well since coming here or even before that. And his body isn't receiving the nourishment it needs to keep him healthy either. At this rate, he's going to die."
Neji lost his balance. Die? Gaara? Dread filled him, his body felt weak and his world seemed to falter.
"He has a human body but lives on a vampiric diet. His body cannot sustain the amount of chakra needed to support human functions and the vampiric ones, so he has to take additional chakra through the blood of his victims to survive. However, the vampire lord's power inside him keeps growing stronger by the day. It's deteriorating his body and causing him to need more chakra than what is needed to sustain a normal vampire."
Kankuro placed a lighter next to the incense jar. "I think he's trying to die. His existence is hard to bear. and he'd rather die on his terms than others, but I cannot allow that." He once again looked at Neji. "The only reason I let you stay is so that you can be his nourishment."
Kankuro planned to do what? Neji wanted to take a tentative step back, but he couldn't, feeling conflicting emotions. Gaara was going to die, but if he died, Gaara could live? He had contemplated suicide before but never had the full intention to go through with it, but Gaara was actively trying, or so this man was saying. He didn't want to die. He wanted to live very much, but he couldn't leave Gaara like this either. His mind kept going in circles. The question was, did he really even have a choice? If Kankuro had the intention to kill him, could Neji even stop him?
"You're not a hunter, but you've trained in a very unique martial arts style. When I first saw you sleeping with my brother doing what you did, I was surprised to see it done so fluidly. Theoretically, I don't believe it's possible, to transfer straight chakra for another person to use so readily, and yet both receiver and giver unaware of it. Your martial arts style injects chakra, distorts the flow, causing a backlash and killing your opponent. It requires massive amounts of chakra and precision to use it in extended battles. You have the chakra stores of a hunter; you just don't know how to access them."
Kankuro opened a book, opening to an illustration of two people. The illustration reminded Neji of hieroglyphics. One was a person enveloped in what looked to be blue fire. The fire was being drawn to the second person. "Exchanging chakra to other living beings usually has deadly consequences. Pull too much from the giver, and the giver will die. It is, after all, their life force. The chakra also must be the same wavelength else it will disrupt the chakra flow of the receiver and kill them or simply be useless. The ability to give and receive must also be present. Though you do not have the waking knowledge, you appear to access the ability to give in your sleep, no doubt due to your training background, but that lack of awareness is what Gaara is afraid of."
Kankuro closed the book. "Gaara figured out what you had been doing, and that he had been greedily accepting every drop of chakra you gave him. He became stronger and healthier, but he feared at what expense to you.
"I am unsure of how Gaara is able to accept your chakra, if it is his vampire lord's doing or if you two simply have similar chakra wavelengths, but Gaara can feed on you, simply through touch. Now that you are aware, Gaara should have no reservations on feeding on you again."
Gaara had been feeding on him? In hindsight, it made sense. He had noticed Gaara getting healthier after they started sleeping in the same bed, the way, Gaara would snuggle up to him in his sleep. All that time, Gaara had been feeding from him.
"So you have to choose." Kankuro got into Neji's space, staring down at him intimidatingly. "Will you give yourself up for my brother's sake or will you leave?"
It was a tough question. The way Kankuro kept phrasing it, it sounded like he was going to die if he chose the former, but he had also helped Gaara before. He just ran the risk of giving too much and killing himself, but if he helped, did that mean Gaara wouldn't need to kill people to survive? It was a lot to put in front of him, and Neji didn't think Kankuro intended to give him much time to think about it if at all.
"I can't be sure that I can do it again," Neji said, being truthful. "As you said, I did not know I was doing it the first time."
"I'm sure you'll figure it out," Kankuro said dryly.
He returned to the incense pot, handing it and the lighter to Neji. "When you go to meet him, light this. It will help him sleep."
Neji took the pot, feeling the weight of what Kankuro was asking him to do with it. Neji stood in one spot, just looking at it.
"Are you backing out?" Kankuro asked condescendingly.
Staying put a second longer, Neji finally moved. He walked carefully; afraid he was going to drop it. He was being used. He knew Kankuro did not care what happened to him. He was essentially like this incense, a tool used to help Gaara, and he had seen how the previous pot had ended up.
He found Gaara back at that window. Gaara had been in his room before. Was it another sleepless night for him? Kankuro's words hit repeated in his head. Gaara mentioned not being able to sleep before, but he never thought it was this bad, not to the point where Gaara's life was on the line. Gaara had slept so peacefully with him. Was that really his doing?
His presence didn't remain unnoticed. Gaara saw him and seeing the pot, his face grew angry. "Get that shit away from me," Gaara growled, his eyes turning colors.
Neji was careful not to meet Gaara's gaze. He didn't want to lose his courage. "I was told that it would help you sleep," he said, proudly keeping his voice steady.
"It's too risky. What if I get attacked again?"
Again? Was Gaara referring to him or someone else? It may have been only a few hours since they had last spoken, but to Neji, Gaara looked even weaker. Was he projecting or was Kankuro right?
"What if I stayed with you while you rest to keep guard?" Neji suggested quietly. Gaara stopped talking, so Neji continued. "I'm worried, so for just a couple hours, could you bare with it and rest?"
Things were tense. Neji stayed put, and Gaara stared on in silence. What was going on through Gaara's head? He wanted to know.
"Two hours, max." Gaara relented. He looked very uncomfortable, curling up against the window again, looking into the night sky.
Neji nodded, quickly lighting the pot and putting it on the corner desk. The smell quickly spread throughout the room as well as a slight smoke as it burned. Neji took a seat on the opposite end of the window seat, observing Gaara and trying to think of how he could possibly do the chakra transfer thing Kankuro had spoken of.
Over the next ten minutes, Gaara began to loosen up, uncurling from his spot against the window. His face relaxed, looking almost peaceful, and his position changed so he could get more comfortable, sprawling out on the window seat as time went by. It was like watching a flower open up.
Without asking, Gaara's head ended up on Neji's lap, and Gaara sighed contently. "You are the most comfortable after all," he said. Even his words sounded listless as his eyes closed.
The transformation was hardly believable. The rigid, stoic Gaara now lazing about, using his lap as a pillow. Gaara's breathing was deep and steady, and Neji watched him, thinking he was falling asleep. Gaara's hair tickled his skin, drawing Neji's focus to it. It looked soft and silky. He wanted to touch it to find out. He didn't even get the chance to debate with himself on whether or not he should. He found his hand gliding through Gaara's hair, his fingers running along his scalp.
Gaara groaned in content, and Neji's fingers stopped moving, afraid he had woken him.
"Don't stop," Gaara muttered. "Feels really good."
Neji's breathing hitched and he felt heat rise to his cheeks, but he did as he was told, continuing to stroke Gaara's hair. The buzz he normally felt under his skin when he did martial arts was back in his fingertips. Rather than be painful or unpleasant as it had been in the past, it felt good.
"Your chakra feels nice. Very warm," Gaara muttered.
"I'm glad you like it," Neji replied absentmindedly. "If you ever need it, just ask."
Gaara's eyes opened, no longer calm and completely out of it. Instead, he was uncomfortable and guilt-ridden, searching for another place to look.
"I don't mind," Neji assured him, not stopping. "It feels nice for me too."
Gaara looked up, through the window into the night sky once again. He wanted Gaara to sleep, but that couldn't happen if Gaara kept looking out. "You could always go out there, instead of just looking out."
Gaara didn't stop looking out, staring at the vast expanse of the Milky Way just beyond the windowpane. "When I was a child, I was kept in the dark. It's my earliest memory. I slept on dirt and straw, and my arms and legs were always shackled. A small window I couldn't see out of gave the only light. I liked the light. It was warm and slept in it when I could. Then one day, I was sold to someone. I became an experiment. The new place had lots of light, but there were no windows. That place was filled with so much pain and fear. Every day was a new nightmare."
Neji felt anger and sympathy for Gaara. How could anyone do that to a child? What could he do to make it better?
Gaara didn't notice his anger, leaning more into Neji's touch. "Uzumaki told me stories about the sky. About the world. About ice cream. He turned that everyday nightmare into hope. He'd tell me stories about his dad, about the outside, about everything. Even back then he was good with words," he recalled fondly.
Neji's hand stopped in its movements, suddenly understanding what Gaara was saying about Uzumaki. Gaara whined lightly, and Neji resumed his petting. "No wonder he means so much to you," he said with guilt lacing his tone.
"Seeing the outside, I don't feel so trapped. Windows are really nice," Gaara turned his head more towards Neji.
Neji was slightly distracted. Every hurtful thing he had said and done to Uzumaki had made its way to the forefront of his thoughts, and he regretted every single one of them. Gaara's movement brought Neji's attention back to the boy in his lap. "You should sleep some while you have the chance."
Shaking his head, Gaara said, "Can't, Seth won't let me."
"Not even now?" Gaara looked more than relaxed enough, just on the verge of sleeping. He wanted Gaara to sleep.
"It's how he works. He keeps his hosts awake, drives them mad, and makes them weak, so he can influence their actions and take over their body for himself. The hosts usually burn out by their 22nd birthday. I think the longest was 25," Gaara spoke of it so nonchalantly. It was unsettling even knowing it was the incense's doing. "That's why they usually kill the host on their 18th birthday, to prevent his escape."
Neji's hand did stop, but Gaara was drifting into sleep, forehead pressed against Neji's stomach. "They're going to kill you?" Neji's voice shook too unnerved to hide it.
"When my contract with Tsunade ends," Gaara muttered.
He was afraid to ask, but he had to. He needed to know. "When's that?"
"Graduation," Gaara trailed off. "I'm not supposed to know. Don't tell Naruto, he'll be sad if he finds out."
What about me? Neji thought. How could he sit here knowing that Gaara was sentenced to death? Graduation was just 5 months away. It was too short. He had just started to get to know him. "Isn't there another way?"
Gaara was quiet for a long time Maybe he had fallen asleep temporarily, but he did eventually reply, "I'm burning out faster than most." It was all he said.
Gaara eventually fell asleep, and Neji stayed awake, brushing his hair. Gaara was sleeping so peacefully, just as he did back in Japan. His face was soft and innocent, and he wished he didn't know what Gaara had told him. He wanted to chalk it up to sleep talk, but too much of it made sense. Why Gaara? Why couldn't it have been someone else?"
Watching Gaara sleep, he found himself bringing his hand to Gaara's face. He wanted to know if it was as soft as he looked. His thumb ran over his cheek tenderly then over his lips. He was probably the only person who saw this side of Gaara. He was the only one to ever see him this vulnerable, this unguarded. He wanted to see what other faces Gaara could make. He wanted to be the one who got him to show it. He wanted to be the person Gaara slept beside. He wanted to protect Gaara from the world that wished him harm.
"What am I doing?" he whispered to himself, pulling his hand away from Gaara's face, but he could not keep his hands off Gaara, going back to petting his hair. If he helped Gaara this way, if he kept Gaara fed and helped him sleep, would he get to live? It was one of his last thoughts as he started to fall asleep too. Gaara had grabbed his free hand at some point, and he didn't notice. Even as his petting hand stopped, his other hand stayed joined with Gaara's where it stayed for the rest of the night.
