The trip back to Japan was uneventful. Taking the private plane Kankuro had prepared for them, Gaara could travel in peace. Actually, thanks to Hyuuga, for the first time ever, being around people wasn't stressful. He wasn't homed in on every human's presence, tracking their movements, and trying not to ponder ways on how to get a bite.
The long trip, involving 2 car rides, a ferry trip, and a plane ride, they finally arrived back at the embassy. It was the dead of night, the autumn air was cool, and Seth was already sulking being out of his territory again. Standing before the embassy again, felt surreal. He didn't think he would be back here when he left. Now, not only was he back, he was living with someone. Not once had he ever thought this would happen to him.
Guiding Hyuuga passed security, Gaara put in the secret code for his true apartment in the basement. Hyuuga gave him a brief look but said nothing as he watched. "I already told security your living with me until further notice. You can get in whether you're with me or not."
"I don't think I'll be coming often without you," Hyuuga said, watching Gaara put the panel back into place. "I knew that wasn't your real apartment."
"Yeah, you're a genius," Gaara said sarcastically as the elevator jerked into motion. It was strange. Hyuuga wasn't the first to come to this apartment, yet he felt a bit of nervousness and anxiety as they descended.
The elevator's doors opened, and Gaara stepped out first. "The bedroom is in the back. Put your things wherever."
Hyuuga nodded, looking around with some interest. The apartment was mostly the same as the one above, just all his hunter gear was down here along with his desert. It was only slightly more lived-in than the one upstairs
Gaara dropped his bags onto the couch and sat down. Hyuuga had been acting a little weird since Gaara tended to his wounds two days ago. He was a little distant. Just enough to notice something was off, but he didn't stand quite as close as he used to and was more eager to pull away if they touched. Being self-conscious, he couldn't help but wonder if the incident with Seth had unnerved Hyuuga more than he had let on.
"Hey, Gaara, am I sleeping on the couch? There's only one bed." Hyuuga popped his head out of the bedroom. He sounded a bit nervous or uncomfortable. Gaara couldn't figure out which.
Gaara turned, raising an eyebrow. "Don't we normally sleep together?"
Hyuuga seemed to flush, and Gaara wondered if he was getting sick. "I guess we do. It's just we've been sleeping on the window bench instead of a bed, so I guess I didn't really think of it that way." Hyuuga was stumbling over his words. Very uncharacteristic of him.
Hyuuga's discomfort made the pit of Gaara's stomach twist, but still offered an alternative sounding disinterested. "You could stay in the apartment upstairs if you prefer."
"No, it's fine," Hyuuga replied quickly. "Do you mind if I use a drawer?"
"Move whatever you need."
Hyuuga went back into the room, and Gaara found himself wanting to follow. He stood up from the couch, and like a magnet was drawn to the bedroom. Peering inside, he saw Hyuuga's back. Hyuuga was carefully moving Gaara's things, keeping them folded, pausing only momentarily when he pulled out Gaara's khopesh and examining the blade before placing it in another drawer.
Hyuuga was really going to live with him.
Gaara grabbed the doorframe, applying pressure without thinking. He lived with him at Kankuro's house, but that was different. They were being watched there, they had separate rooms and if he wanted, he could avoid Hyuuga for days. Here, they would be sharing the same room, the same bathroom, eating meals together, going to school together. It wasn't the same as before.
Hyuuga started to undress. Seeing the flash of skin, Gaara averted his eyes. He should cook dinner.
Pulling out ingredients, Gaara started to prepare dinner. Hyuuga liked bitter and sour tasting things. Maybe he should cook something with Japanese plums. He was probably missing authentic Japanese food too.
Before he knew it, he was cooking a full Japanese dinner of miso soup, rice, salmon, vinegar marinated cucumber, sautéed mushrooms, and lastly Japanese plum flavored onigiri for a late-night snack. He ladled the soup into a small saucer for tasting. He brought it to his lips, noting the miso was a little too strong, adding more dashi to even it out.
"What's all this?" Hyuuga asked, inspecting the table.
Hyuuga was barely dressed, wearing only a pair of sweatpants. He was damp from the shower and due to his long hair, water would roll down his body over the curve of his muscles. His hair was out and tousled from having been towel dried, curling at the ends. His skin was still discolored from his injury, but that hardly seemed to matter at the moment.
Feeling his pants become tighter at the sight, Gaara quickly went back to the stove. "I was feeling hungry."
"You should have told me. I could have made something. I'm the one intruding."
Gaara scoffed. "You're not intruding if you live here."
He felt Hyuuga get closer. How could he not? He was focused on Hyuuga's every movement. Reaching past him, Hyuuga picked up the finished dishes to set the table. "I guess you're right."
Gaara could breathe again once Hyuuga took the dishes to the small dining table, but he didn't know if he wanted to. What was Seth doing to him?
Dinner was spent with Gaara keeping his eyes down. He knew Hyuuga had only a few clothes and his lack of clothing was probably due to the lack of them. Hyuuga didn't talk much either. It wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't entirely uncomfortable either.
"This is really good. I knew you could cook a little, but this is great," Hyuuga spoke after a long silence.
"You only say that because you haven't eaten it for 2 weeks," but Gaara's cheeks were already turning red.
"Or you're actually just a good cook. I get offered lunches by girls all the time. I think I'd know."
Hyuuga took another bite, leaving Gaara feeling bitter. "Do you normally eat the lunches girls make you?"
"I used to avoid it my first year," he admitted. "But once I stopped going home, I realized I could save money if I accepted them, and it made the girls happy and improved my reputation of being 'kind'. You would be surprised how many of them were barely edible."
Gaara broke the chopsticks in his hands underneath the table. Why was he mad? "Then you won't need their lunches anymore now that you're here."
"I don't think I'll get any more anytime soon. I made a scene when I left to find you," Hyuuga answered off-handedly.
"Are you saying you'll miss it?" Gaara found himself asking. Why did he care? He shouldn't. He knew Hyuuga was popular with the girls at school. He had watched girls confess to him, give him food and chocolates. He never thought twice. So why was he angry thinking about it now?
"No. I think I prefer your food honestly."
Gaara looked up finally, catching the shocked expression on Hyuuga's face before he tried to manage it and failing, looking down at his meal and quickly taking a bite of his vinegar marinated cucumber.
"I'm not promising that I'll make you lunch every day if that's what you're looking for." Gaara stood from the table, collecting dishes, but his face was still heated. Why was he getting so flustered over stupid comments these days?
"No, that's not what I— I mean…" Hyuuga was tripping over himself more often these days himself too. He didn't know what to think about it.
"I'm taking a shower," Gaara announced, placing his dishes in the sink. With the announcement, Gaara quickly ducked out of the room, locking himself in the bathroom in his bedroom. How can everything be so awkward and normal at the same time? One moment things would be comfortable and the next, he would fumble of his words, get angry or flustered in an instant, and be unsure of himself. It was a rollercoaster of emotions he was not used to.
Traveling all day, his skin felt grimy, so he was looking forward to a shower. He let the hot water wash his troubles away, and when he finished and stepped out, Hyuuga was preparing to get into bed, pulling the sheets back.
He felt Hyuuga's gaze on his body, and Gaara started feeling self-conscious going straight to the dresser. He knew he was a bit thin from years of an unhealthy lifestyle. It wasn't his fault and normally he didn't care. However, the hot gaze of Hyuuga staring at him, made him want to hurry to cover up. Why was Hyuuga staring at him anyway?
His entire body was heating, and Gaara searched the drawers quickly looking for clothes. He kept his back facing Hyuuga as he dropped the towel to put on his briefs. He tried to put on his clothes as quickly as possible.
He didn't feel Hyuuga's gaze avert until he had finished putting his briefs on. It didn't slow him though. He still had a lot of scars he didn't want to show including the brand on his back. If he hadn't forgotten to bring his clothes to the bathroom or account for Hyuuga finishing the dishes early, he wouldn't have to change out in the open.
He heard Hyuuga get into bed, and once dressed, Gaara turned to confirm. Hyuuga was under the blue covers, curled up on his side. It didn't look like Hyuuga planned to feed him tonight.
It wasn't like Hyuuga had to feed him every night. He wasn't even hungry, and he shouldn't be greedy either. Yet, he did feel a little disappointed.
Gaara got into bed himself. It was still early, but the jetlag and travel had made them tired, and they both planned to go to school the next day. It was best to get rested while they could.
He settled in, turning his back to Hyuuga. It was weird, trying to fall asleep without either of them touching. Had they ever slept together without touching in some way? Without him there, a coldness settled on top of Gaara, preventing him from crossing the threshold into dreamland. Worry that it was going to be another sleepless night crept in.
His worry was unheeded. He felt Hyuuga's hand move under the covers, seeking out his hand which Gaara gladly gave. The chakra transferred at the touch immediately. Hyuuga's chakra was slow and steady, moving through him and around him in a protective embrace. Even Hyuuga's life force was protective, just like Hyuuga himself. Squeezing the hand lightly, Gaara finally drifted off to sleep.
Despite going to bed early, both of them woke up late, having them scramble to get ready. Well, Neji was scrambling. Gaara was sitting in bed groggily, trying to go back to sleep.
"Gaara, we're going to be late," he shook Gaara awake again for the fifth time. "Get dressed."
Gaara merely grunted, sitting up again. Neji was mostly dressed. He was tying his tie in the mirror, glancing behind him to make sure Gaara didn't go back to sleep. Gaara finally got out of bed, disappearing into the bathroom. He had never seen Gaara so out of it after waking up before. It was kind of adorable.
He admonished himself for the thought. Last night was torture. He found himself wishing Gaara would turn around, just a little, as he was getting dressed, and going to bed after seeing Gaara's naked backside, made it difficult to sleep. It was getting harder and harder to act normal.
He stared at his reflection, feeling disgusted with himself. He couldn't deny he was attracted to Gaara. He was hoping that coming back to Japan, things would go back to how things were, that maybe it was just the adventure of going to another country that was confusing him. Yeah, he was grasping at straws with that thought, but it wasn't like he could act on these feelings. He was never attracted to someone before, not like this. It was clear that living together like this was going to make things worse.
Maybe he was just a masochist that kept him from taking Gaara's offer to live in another apartment. That or he was in much deeper than he thought. Probably both. He couldn't bring himself to really leave Gaara's side.
Gaara came out of the bathroom dressed and groomed. Vampire speed must come in handy in times like this. "Ready?" he asked Gaara who merely nodded, still with a dazed expression on his face.
Neji grabbed their bags, Gaara lagging behind. It had only been 12 days since Neji left. Barely two weeks, and it felt like an eternity. He hadn't thought much about the classes and homework he had missed or the rumors that had no doubt spread since his disappearance. He wasn't ready to go back.
They both piled into a town car. The driver was the same man Neji had seen talking outside the embassy who said Gaara had been taken to a hospital. The man glanced at Neji through the mirror. He didn't' say anything to Neji. He did greet Gaara who Gaara promptly ignored. It was then he noticed Gaara was carrying two bentos. When did Gaara have time to make those?
Gaara handed one to Neji, still not talking, and promptly fell asleep against the window or, at the very least, closed his eyes. He was curious as to why Gaara was still so tired; however, he decided to let Gaara sleep. He liked watching him sleep, and he vaguely recognized how weird that was, but he couldn't help it. Awake, Gaara was carrying so much weight, his face and expressions were stiff, and he was always guarded. His features were much softer and open when he was sleeping, and he was kind of happy that he was the only one who really got to see him like that on a regular basis.
He watched the scenery for most of the ride, periodically sneaking glances at Gaara every now and then. He was surprised when Gaara spoke up just before arriving at the school gate. "Stop here. I'll walk," he told the driver. He must not have been sleeping after all. Did Gaara know Neji was stealing glance the entire time?
"You don't have to do that," Neji said, knowing what Gaara was trying to do. "My reputation's ruined anyway."
The car rolled to a stop, and Gaara reached for the handle, looking much more awake. "You underestimate your own popularity," he replied, getting out.
Suddenly, Neji was faced with a crucial decision. If he got out and walked through those gates with Gaara, his reputation would never recover, if there was anything left. If he didn't, Gaara could get the wrong idea. He didn't have much time to decide. The car was starting to move again once Gaara closed his door.
Decision made, he got out of the car, running to Gaara's side. At Gaara's confused face, he said, "We're friends, aren't we?"
Gaara didn't say a word, but he gained that flush to his face that Neji was quickly growing fond of. Complimenting Gaara daily was one of the greatest ideas he had ever come up with, and he was starting to think of ways to see it more often.
He wouldn't lie and say he wasn't nervous. As they neared the gates, he wondered if this really was a good idea. Whenever he wavered, about to change his mind and walk away, he felt Gaara at his side, reminding him that Gaara's opinion was really all that mattered to him. Never again did he want to hurt Gaara or see him look hurt or troubled. If he only had 5 months left with him, he wanted to see him happy.
5 more months...
Just the mere thought of Gaara's fate wiped any doubts from his mind about his decision, but his heart twisted and the strength he had was instantly sapped away. Wasn't there anything he could do?
Since only the island inhabitants commuted to school, there were few students that passed him and gave him a second glance. Most, he noticed, were from Gaara's class. He never thought much about it before. He just assumed that the more intelligent students were put in Class A while the not so bright were put in the lower classes. In most cases, up to Class D, this was true. Class E, however, held some of the brightest students, Nara and Gaara for example, in the school and many children from prominent and powerful families from the island. These children never sought him out or gave him much attention. They were just known as the "weird" class. Those who were slightly peculiar.
Then, things started falling into place as he thought of the people in the class. Hinata, Sai, and Nara were related to his family who was hunters. Gaara was involved with hunters. Uzumaki was close to the chairwoman and had a shared history with Gaara. Matsuri was also in a class E as well in the middle school division.
"Hey, Gaara," he started, waiting for another Class E student to walk by them before continuing. "How many people in your class are considered hunters?"
Gaara looked at him from the corner of his eye. The gates were just a few meters ahead and they would be entering the view of everyone soon. Gaara looked ahead again, his eyes landing on Nara who was standing near the gate watching them. "All of them," he said, confirming Neji's thoughts.
Gaara approached Nara, Neji staying a couple steps behind. Now knowing Nara and Sai were hunters at well, he wasn't in a social mood.
"Tsunade-sama is waiting for you,"' Nara reported once they were in talking distance. Nara looked tired. His clothes rumpled and his face drawn, he still kept that air of someone without a single ounce of motivation or ambition, both constantly relaxed and uncaring.
Gaara glanced at the school towards the east wing's second floor, pausing for a brief moment to do so, then continued through the school gates as if Nara hadn't spoken. Neji followed after but he did hear Nara say, "Welcome back." When he turned to say something back, Nara was gone.
Walking in with Gaara had about the effect Hyuuga expected. Everyone's eyes were on him and Gaara, and the whispers and rumors were already spreading. The hardest hurdle was passed. He was seen with Gaara, he couldn't go back now. He still walked tensely, and he was conscious of what people may be thinking about him. He just hoped no one could tell he was attracted to Gaara. No one could tell that just by looking right?
No one approached them the entire walk to the entrance. It was a long departure from his usual mornings. Everyone approaching him, trying to talk to him, always trying to get his approval. Now, nothing.
"I have to talk to Tsunade," Gaara said, once they reached the locker area. "Go home ahead of me." Having successfully said all he needed to say, Gaara left him behind.
Well, he knew Gaara didn't like to talk, but he still felt a little disappointed watching him go. They couldn't even go home together. Neji cringed at his own thinking. The perverted thoughts weren't bad enough, now he was getting sappy and cliché.
He did watch Gaara until he disappeared around the corner before going to his shoe locker to change them. That's when he got swarmed.
"Hyuuga-senpai!"
"Neji-kun!"
"Captain!"
Neji inwardly groaned, but he put on his automatic pleasant smile.
He couldn't get a single word in as questions hit him left and right. "I'm a little tired right now," he spoke over the growing number of students. "Could we talk later?"
Immediately, people stepped back to give him space, but they still hovered. Didn't they have activities or something, he thought annoyed, taking out the mountain of love letters in his shoe locker so he could close it properly. He organized the letters into a neat pile as he walked, taking them to the classroom to properly read them and return them to their owners. It was the polite thing to do, but it wasn't what he wanted to do on his first day back either.
As he neared the classroom, he saw Hinata waiting outside for him. He clenched his jaw, but there was no way to avoid her. There were too many people around, and she would follow him. She always followed him.
Hinata's face brightened seeing him. A mixture of relief and happiness softened her face, and she walked quickly towards him with nowhere for him to run.
"Neji-nii." She said his name like she did when she was little, when she looked up to him. So happy to follow him around and let him help with her training. She always said his name with admiration. Like how a little sister would look up to her big brother even now.
But she was stronger. She never needed his protection or guidance. But she still called out to him like that. It raised conflicting emotions inside of him.
"Hinata, what are you doing here," he asked coldly.
"I'm glad to see you're back. I was worried you might have," she looked around, "left the clan. You didn't come home." Her voice wavered, and she sounded hurt.
"I wasn't sure if I could call it home." Neji's words hurt her, and he did feel regret.
"Where are you staying? Are you eating well? Should I make you something?"
"I'm living with Gaara. He's doing more than enough for me. If you will excuse me."
He tried to walk around her but she sidestepped him, blocking the way. "Neji-nii. I'm worried. Gaara-san has a history of being…unpredictable."
"I don't think that's any of your business," he said coldly. "Class is starting soon."
"Neji-nii," she grabbed a hold of his wrist. Her hands were deceptively delicate looking but rough and strong from years of training. "Otou-san left for a business trip yesterday. He said he wouldn't be home until tomorrow morning. Could you at least come home for dinner? I'm sure Oba-san and Oji-san miss you."
Neji quietly thought it over. He had planned to go back home to see his parents. He missed them and wanted their guidance. This could be a chance to see them while his uncle was out of town and grab a few things while he was at it. "I'll think about it."
"Thank you." She let him go, and she ran off to class down the hall.
She really was the main reason why he hadn't run away before. She cared about him, always tried to help him and look after him even when he had stopped doing the same back. What would she say if she knew he liked Gaara? Would she be disgusted too?
Only 10 minutes on school grounds, and he was already exhausted. Things didn't improve inside the classroom. He was swarmed by a new set of students, two boys and a girl. They were the most stubborn out of the students, lingering around him more than the others.
"Neji, where have you been?" the boy named Yuto spoke too familiarly to him, hovering closer than what Neji was comfortable with. "We've all been worried about you."
"Why's that?" he asked, subtly leaning away to put some distance between himself and Yuto.
The three students looked at each other. Neji noticed that the other students in the class had quieted down as well trying to listen in on the conversation.
"The teacher said you were sick and in the hospital. A few of us went to the hospital, but you weren't there," the girl added in.
Is that what his uncle told people? He supposed his uncle wouldn't let Neji's decisions ruin the family image.
Neji was quiet long enough for Yuto to lean in close again and whisper, "What really happened? Rumor has it, Uzumaki was blackmailing you to do errands for the yakuza on the mainland."
"Is that so?" Neji wasn't completely surprised. He was seen leaving with Uzumaki and disappeared, and he knew of the usual rumors that surrounded Uzumaki. "I can guarantee you that that's not the case."
"But what about Gaara-san?"
For the next five minutes, he was questioned about Gaara. Apparently, appearing with Gaara had reawakened the blackmail theory. Gaara had some blackmail on Neji and now Neji was his errand boy. He was amazed by how much that rumor spread despite the short time between when he stepped onto school grounds and entering the classroom.
In the past, he would have laughed, say they had too much time on their hands and that he was fine. Now, he couldn't even pretend to find it humorous. He was angry. It was not something they hadn't said in the past. He used to say the same things, but they didn't know. They didn't know how much Gaara suffered.
"We told you, you shouldn't have provoked them," the girl said. "They're not normal. We were really scared they did something to you."
"It was nothing like that," Neji assured them, but he wasn't smiling anymore, and he wouldn't look at them. "Gaara isn't as bad as everyone thinks."
The people around him laughed like it was the greatest joke he had ever told. It was frustrating. Neji couldn't give them examples to prove otherwise. He couldn't tell them Gaara's circumstances, and he couldn't tell them his own. Even if he could, he wouldn't. It wasn't his story to share.
"I'm not feeling too well today," Neji cut through their laughter with the statement, sounding detached. "And I have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on."
His dismissal of them worked, and they let him be. His relief was once again short-lived when their homeroom teacher asked to speak with him during the lunch break. It was never-ending. By the time class had started, he was thankful to finally have a moment to breathe. He just hoped his disappearance didn't end up causing Gaara any more trouble.
Gaara stood before Tsunade, who seemed to age upon seeing him. She looked to be fighting a headache, and when he had entered, it appeared she was holding back from cursing. "Now is not a good time, Gaara," was the first thing she said, a hair's width away from groaning. "You should have stayed away."
"Uzumaki will be finishing his change soon. I want to be here for it."
Tsunade's eyes narrowed, calculating what she was going to say next. "The next meeting, the order for Uzumaki's death will likely go through via elder vote." She was straightforward with her deliver, showing little conflict or remorse. "I will not be able to say anything. My feelings are biased, and every clan head is aware of it as I helped raise him. I've recused myself from making the decision."
So Gaara had little time to work with.
"Gaara, don't get involved. I will restrain you if I need to. If you try to protect him, I can't guarantee I won't put out an order for you."
"I know." Gaara turned to leave. At least he knew what he was working with and a timeline to work with. He had to move quickly knowing his movements would likely be watched. The division between the clans was making decisions slow as they argued, and he would use that hesitance as much as he could.
"While you are here," Tsunade spoke up, stopping him from exiting just yet. "I have a mission from you. To keep you out of trouble."
Smart woman. "I just got back."
"It's something you will be interested in. A possible lead on Orochimaru."
Hearing that name, his control faltered. Traumatizing images from his past and the pain and anger that accompanied them nearly overwhelmed him. He marched over to her desk and slammed his hands down, cracking the wood under the pressure. "Where," he growled.
"I will tell you after classes," she didn't flinch and remained steady. She was one of two who didn't visibly show wariness when he or Uzumaki became like this, but he also knew she was more prepared to counterstrike should he get out of hand. "Be here exactly at the last bell."
The way she dangled that information like a tantalizing piece of meat in front of a starving man then withheld it. It was cunning and cruel. His nails dug into the wood. "You are playing with fire, Tsunade, but I will be here."
"That's all I wanted to hear."
"But you need to do something for me," Gaara cut her off. "Hyuuga is wounded. Take a look at him and do your thing."
She didn't appreciate his rude words and commanding tone. Gaara didn't care. He just needed her to do what he asked.
"I'll take a look at him after you leave," she agreed. "Your place, I believe."
"Why ask when you know?" Gaara nearly sneered.
Gaara left, and she didn't stop him this time. Tsunade was a smart woman, and she was an ally, but her intentions did not quite line up with his, and she liked to push.
But Orochimaru. Orochimaru possibly being alive. He could barely think straight. The source of almost all of his nightmares, pain, and suffering. The man who turned him into this thing, neither human nor vampire. How could he still be alive? Could he have a chance at revenge after all this time? He was eager but unsure of whether he could follow through if he had the opportunity. Eager but afraid. Sometimes he was filled with loathing and rage. Other times the mere thought made him so terrified he was reverted back to a fearful child. But he did want revenge. He wanted it so much.
He entered his classroom to find his classmates colder to him than usual. Gaara could feel the tension between them. Even the children of the clans were tense with one another.
There was one person who was oblivious to it. Inuzuka sat alone, the three desks around him empty, as he played with an old handheld device, cursing at the screen. He thought Inuzuka wasn't aware of his presence.
"I saw you with Hyuuga earlier," he commented. "Getting cozy with him now?"
"So what if I am?"
Inuzuka stood, his face marred with a stormy expression. Then he kicked his desk away, turning everyone's attention onto himself. He picked up his school bag, shooting Gaara a glare. "I didn't peg you for a traitor." Kicking his desk one last time, he left.
Inuzuka's attitude was a mild inconvenience. Gaara wasn't sure why he was angry, but he had other things to worry about. The clock was about to strike 8 am. In 7 hours, he would hear about this lead to Orochimaru. He had to be ready. He wouldn't let this lead get away from him. Not this time.
"Your uncle informed me of your hospitalization on the mainland. I'm glad to see you are feeling better," Toriyama, the homeroom teacher of class 3-A addressed Neji in the faculty room.
"Thank you for worrying about me, Sensei. I'm sorry for worrying everyone." Neji bowed.
"You are my star student, Hyuuga-kun. You should be careful about your health with exams around the corner."
"Yes, sensei." Neji was hoping this wouldn't take too long. He was tired of talking about this over and over again.
"I did want to talk to you about one other thing. There have been rumors about you associating with the boys Gaara and Uzumaki, Naruto. I just want to remind you that it's a delicate time for you. Their reputation alone could affect which college you get into, and I don't want to see you pick up any of their bad habits. You're already at a disadvantage being held back a year. I want to see you succeed."
His teacher had his best interest at heart. He knew that. Still, Neji was angry, and he replied, "Forgive me, Toriyama-sensei, but I would like to be able to decide who I associate with. As long as I keep my place as number 2, it should be fine, right?"
His teacher was taken back by his forwardness. He searched for the right words. "Um, yes, I suppose that is true."
"I will make sure I keep my grades up. Thank you for your concern, Sensei." He bowed again.
"As long as you understand," his teacher said, still puzzled by his behavior.
"Do you mind if I leave early? I'm still feeling a bit under the weather."
"Do you need the infirmary?"
"Just some rest and the medication I left at home."
Gaining permission was easy. His teacher was more than willing to let him go home, chalking up his odd behavior to an imaginary illness.
He only stopped by to grab his bag and notes and the lunch Gaara made for him. Seeing the bento, his irritation eased. He had to make sure to eat it before Gaara came home, and he wanted to enjoy it in peace without his classmates watching.
He called a taxi, and as he waited in front of the school, just outside the gates, he undid the cloth, spreading it on his lap as he set the box on top of it. Inside was a professionally made lunch. He half expected caricatures made of food. He wasn't disappointed when he didn't see any. He chuckled to himself. Taking his first bite, he savored the taste. Gaara was a good cook. He wasn't bad himself, but Gaara was better.
He finished most of his meal by the time the taxi arrived. He had planned to stop by the Hyuuga estate after school but now was a good time while his uncle and Hinata were occupied. With the last of the money he had on him, he went home.
Now more attuned to feeling chakra, he could feel a large amount of it surrounding the estate when the taxi pulled up. Most, if not all of his family members were hunters. The fact he never noticed still bothered him.
Exiting the cab and paying with the little bit of money he had left, he entered the estate. There were fewer family members lurking about than usual. In fact, the compound seemed rather empty, seeing only the servants to greet him at the main house, but even the number of servants seemed to be lacking. Taking off his shoes and putting on his house slippers, he entered his home for the first time in what felt like ages. Nothing had changed. The house still felt empty and his resentment overshadowed any good memory he had.
His first stop was to his room. Digging out a suitcase, he put his clothes into them, emptying most of his dresser into it. He packed anything he thought he needed into it, and in a duffle bag, he packed his martial arts equipment and books. From his desk, he pulled out a single item. A photo album. The only photos he had left of his parents. He held it close for a couple of seconds before placing it in the duffle bag and zipping it up.
The butsudan was located across his uncle's office. It was the main reason he visited his parents less as he grew older and his relationship with his uncle worsened. He left the suitcase and duffle bag in the hallway, pulled out a few items, and entered the room.
The butsudan was beautifully crafted. Handmade and from a gorgeous red wood, the intricate designs carved into it the sides and doors with gold in the engravings. Opening the doors, he was greeted with a sea of gold, decorated ornately with the drawing of Buddha on the back wall. Also, inside was his parents' memorial tablets. He set up the altar, lighting candles and incense and placing his offerings. His father's favorite brand of cigarettes and his mother's favorite candy.
After finishing all the motions, he sat in front of the butsudan, staring at his parents' pictures. His father was the spitting image of his uncle. It was almost impossible to tell them apart. His mother had a reserved look to her but had very loving eyes. Neji swore he could feel that warmth whenever her picture stared back at him. From both of them.
His memories of when they were alive were faded, and most days he could hardly remember what were memories and what were fantasies of his own making. He was young when they died. He knew it couldn't be helped that he had forgotten. It didn't mean some part of him didn't feel responsible for forgetting as if he could have done something to stop it.
"Otou-san, Okaa-san, I'm sorry for not coming to see you more often. You wouldn't believe the past couple of months I've been through. Or maybe you would. You were probably hunters too, right?"
He told them about his studies, about his martial arts practice, and that he was part of the hunter world now. He recounted everything with fondness and vigor. He kept nothing secret, not even Gaara.
"I'll introduce him to you one day. He's smart and strong and an amazing cook. Oh, and he has the cutest blush. His face turns so red, I can't help but want to tease him all the time," he had a huge grin as he recounted his time with Gaara. Then his smile slowly diminished, knowing how short his time with Gaara will be. "I never met someone where I don't have to pretend to be someone else," he said somberly. I don't feel pressured to be someone I'm not and for the first time, I found myself wanting happiness for someone else, not caring about how it makes me look. "
He stared into his mother's eyes. "I… I really like him. I know he's a boy, and I'm trying to stop. I'm trying everything I can think of, but I don't think it's going to change. A part of me doesn't want it to. I know I'm ruining the family name, and that I'm letting you down, but if I can't stop liking him… if I can't change… would it be that bad? I'm not the heir, and Oji-sama just thinks I'm a burden on the family. I'm not his son so I can understand why…"
Neji sat quietly in contemplation.
"I don't want to be an embarrassment to your name or your memory. I want to hurry to make my own fortune and my own name. I want to do your memory justice so you will be proud of what I've done. Gaara's brought out a better me. He made me realize the worst part of myself and how much of a coward I am. It made me want to be better and to be there for him in return. I'll do everything I can to get into a great school and get a great job. I won't tell anyone that I like guys. So please forgive the fact you have such a perverted son." A few tears fell down his cheeks. He hurriedly rubbed them away.
"Sorry. I should get going. I promise to try to visit more often. Please wait until then." He bowed to them one last time before putting everything away. His mind still heavy with his confessions, his movements were slow and automatic.
Did his parents hate him for what he said? He would never be able to find out. The best thing he could do was research more into what it meant to be gay. He could only go on what he had seen on Tv which wasn't much. People didn't talk about it much either. A joke here or there. Maybe an accusation occasionally at school. He didn't know if it was something that could be fixed.
Stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him, he eyed his uncle's study. The family computer was in there. It was the only computer in the house. Usually, he went to the internet café or library if he needed to use a computer just to avoid going to the office. Looking up information on homosexuals on a public computer held too much of a chance of someone seeing it and Gaara's computer wasn't a possibility.
Since his uncle wasn't home, this may have been the perfect time to do a little research.
And that's what he did. Digging out the laptop, he started to do some research. How gays were typically received, support websites from those disowned by their family, slang used in the community, personal accounts, and more. The one thing that he noticed, especially on the support websites and personal stories, was the insistence that there was nothing wrong with being gay. Another thing he found was that denying it didn't help, nor was it going to go away. There were quite a few that denied it an started a family, but the feelings were still there. More than one of those stories ended up with either a horrible marriage or resorting to cheating on their wives with other men.
Some people lost their jobs based on their sexual orientation coming out into the open, and there was a lot of harassment. Bottom line was that Neji's feelings probably weren't going to change and if people found out life could become extremely hard. The city was more lenient, but there was no guarantee he would be able to keep a job. The information was disheartening.
The more he researched, the more off-topic he ended up, following links to words he was unfamiliar with. That was a mistake. It led him down a dark rabbit hole, sending him to more and more graphic websites until, at some point, he ended up on a porn site.
The site popped up with a video that automatically played. The sounds of moaning blasted through the speakers. Panicked, Neji shut the laptop closed, face red. Of course, the moaning continued for a few more seconds, but it felt like an eternity until the laptop finally silenced.
He prayed no one heard that. He would have to open the laptop to erase his history and close out of that window, but the embarrassment was too much to handle. He didn't remember being so flustered over porn before. Was it because it was two guys this time, or was he more ashamed to be caught watching gay porn than normal porn?
He looked down at the laptop.
He had only caught a glimpse of the video, but one of the guys kind of looked like Gaara. Well, the hair color seemed close. If he could open the laptop without having to deal with the sound blasting, maybe he could finish watching… for research.
The door opened, making Neji jump. His face paled seeing his uncle standing imposingly at the door. His uncle was in a business suit and his hair tied back. He rarely saw his uncle dressed in western clothes.
"Finally decided to come back," his uncle's voice raised Neji's hackles without much effort.
The shock of seeing him wore off quickly, and Neji replied in an icy tone. "Since I came back from the 'hospital', I thought I could grab the last of my things."
His uncle's lips turned down. "Is that how you speak to your elders now?"
Neji stood from the desk. He needed to get out of here. "Only to you, Oji-sama."
"Watch your tongue, Neji. I am your uncle."
"Then maybe you should just hurry up and remove my name from the family registry already," he snapped, taking even his uncle by surprise. Had he ever raised his voice to him before? It was empowering. Liberating. "It's not like you wanted me to be a part of this family. Isn't that right, Oji-sama."
His uncle remained callous, looking down at Neji. As Neji neared him with the intent to get pass, he realized his uncle did not tower over him as he remembered. They were almost the same height. Neji might have even been a little taller now. "I thought you would be done with this rebellious stage by now, but I was apparently wrong."
Neji scoffed, stopping in front of his uncle. "If you would excuse me, Oji-sama. I will no longer be a burden on you."
"Do you plan to be a burden on another family? I would rather you stay here."
Scowling, Neji shouldered past his uncle. At least that got a reaction out of his uncle, a disbelieving face that Neji was outward defying him. Neji quickly picked up the bags he left in the hall, walking swiftly towards the exit.
"Neji. Do not walk out that door," his uncle called out to him.
Neji ignored him. His heart pounded the entire time. He thought he would falter in front of his uncle. Thought that if he stood in front of him, in front of that cold gaze, he would crumble. He didn't know where the confidence came from, but he didn't regret it. He meant what he said to his parents. He wanted to be a better person. For Gaara's sake and then himself. He couldn't do that while he was here.
He did however feel like he was forgetting something. It was nagging at the back of his mind persistently. He didn't leave anything back at his room, and he had picked up the last of his savings.
Just as he turned the corner, the sound of moaning filled the hall. Turning red, Neji picked up the pace to a near run, walking out the house that much faster.
