Disclaimer: I own not a notion. I rent.
Inspriration hit twice in one day. My mind may be working sluggishly (I'm sick), but my inspiration is on overdrive. I re-read my last chapter and just knew what had to come next. Plenty of Collins angst. I hope you enjoy. I'm particulary proud of this chapter.
Thanks to all my reviewers! A big shout-out to EloraCooper4 who is truly too kind to me. I take your words to heart and it keeps me writing. Thank you so much!
We've got AIDS.
Three little words that changed the lives of three people forever.
One person, it now defined him. The note and the circumstance in which the note was found made Roger who he is now. Withdrawn and filled with grief. He cries into Mark's shoulder and spends his day in deep depression. He deals with not just his grief over April's death, but the withdrawal that has set in his body. He shakes uncontrollably, vomits everything he manages to swallow and hallucinates. He calls out in the middle of the night for Mark, his rock. Mark holds him as he sobs, rocking Roger's body gently. Roger deals with three life-changing circumstances at once and he does not deal well.
With the note another person is brought great sorrow. Mark would outlive his best friend. Any little germ was now a lethal threat to Roger's immune system. Mark had been forever changed after finding April in the bathtub. He had seen something that was usually the norm for horror movies. He had witnessed it and he was scared. He now spends his days taking care of Roger. Some nights he sleeps sitting up in Roger's bed, Roger's head on his lap. The nights he isn't with Roger he can't sleep. Nightmares of April flicker in his mind.
The other person is wracked with guilt. Collins blames himself. He should have made her talk to him. He could have stopped her. She might still be alive today if he had forced her to talk to him. She didn't have to die. He doesn't sleep- he replays that night over and over in his mind. He can't believe how quickly things can change. He can't believe how quickly someone can be alive and then dead. Philosophers mention the intricacies of both life and death and they even mention how fast one becomes the other. Collins never truly believed them until that day.
It's been a month and a half since Mark found April's body in the bathtub. Since then, the entire bathroom has been cleaned each day. Collins scrubs the tiles with disinfectant. He wants to kill the disease that has not touched Mark or Maureen, but he also wants to kill his guilt. So he scrubs, hoping that the pink stains will fade and take with them his crushing guilt. He scrubs at three o'clock in the morning the night before he leaves for MIT. He has a new teaching job there. He will return in May, only to leave again in July. He is not excited to leave. With this teaching job comes added guilt. Mark and Maureen will have to take care of Roger. Truth be told, Collins hasn't been much help in that department anyway. His guilt makes it hard to look at Roger. So he scrubs.
Mark tosses and turns in his sleep. He is in the throes of a nightmare- the same one he's had since that night. April. Blood everywhere. The coppery smell. We've got AIDS. Roger and Benny's return. Roger's screams. Collins' silent tears. Maureen, sobbing. His own screams that he has yet to vocalize. But wait…someone is screaming. Is he screaming?
"Mark? Mark, wake up! Baby, open your eyes!" Maureen's shrill voice cuts through his nightmare, jolting him awake. Mark's eyes open and he is horrified. He was screaming.
"You okay, Mark?" Collins is leaning in the doorway staring at him.
"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine." Mark struggles to even his breathing out so that Maureen and Collins will believe him.
His name in a strangled cry sends Mark flying out of bed and down the hall to Roger.
"He's not fine. That's the third time this week, Collins. I'm worried about him. And I'm worried about you. What are you doing up so late? Don't you have an early flight tomorrow?" Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, Maureen rubs her eyes.
"I know Mo. Worry about him and Roger okay? I'll be fine."
"Are you leaving because you can't be here anymore?"
"No! Why would you think that?"
"Because some days I want to leave. I can't stand hearing Roger cry. It kills me to watch the way Mark rocks him to sleep. Mark gives Roger all the energy he has and Roger takes it from him at night, while during the day he beats it out of him. Roger attacked Mark again today. In order to get out of the loft."
"I know, I was there." Collins sighed and rubbed his bloodshot eyes.
"I love Mark. I do. I know you doubt it, but I do. He's detaching from his own feelings. He hasn't dealt with what's happened yet and that's why he can't get a decent night's sleep. He's always on edge and-here's my selfish moment-he's never there for me anymore. He's given Roger everything and there's nothing left for him to give anyone else."
"Maureen, I have never doubted that you love Mark. But you have to be patient. Roger will improve and so will Mark. You just have to give it time."
"I'm sick of being patient, Collins. I want my life back." Tears begin to run down her cheeks. Collins sits next to her, comforting her as best he can. He understands her frustration, but bigger things are at hand.
"Go back to sleep, Mo." Collins lays a comforting hand on her shoulder and pushes her gently into the mattress. Closing the door halfway, he moves to peer into Roger's room. Mark is holding Roger, murmuring softly words that Collins cannot hear. Another sigh escapes his lips. So fast. Everything went from bad to worse so incredibly fast. In a part of his mind that he doesn't want to acknowledge, he's glad that he will be leaving this loft and the people in it for a little while. Guilt spreads in waves through his body and he immediately goes back to his scrubbing. Kneeling in front of the tub on the cold porcelain floor scrubbing away, tears drop from his eyes. He cries for April, he cries for Roger, he cries for Mark-But he's really shedding tears for the past. The carefree bohemian life that he took for granted. "Even the wise have things yet to learn". Collins learned that lesson the hard way.
