He was getting tired of feeling useless.
People were going by in a blur, rushing back and forth in the ER, accommodating the many injured residents of the small town of Beppu who had been caught in the attack. There were people crying, people demanding answers, and people looking as lost as he was.
Some people had been transferred from the small town to Konoha's hospital by boat or helicopter from the mainland. The hospital in Beppu was not prepared to accept so many patients all at once. Neji was prepared to head to Beppu's mainland to find Gaara in the chaos, but it was Nara that had changed his direction.
Neji had barely entered the building when he caught a glimpse of Gaara's body as they wheeled him into the hospital, Tsunade directing the doctors and nurses around her. Gaara was on the gurney. Half his face was burned away, his body filled with large holes, and a laceration across the stomach, threatening to spill his insides. The doctors were literally holding his intestines in, their gloves covered in blood as Tsunade yelled for blood to give him.
His legs gave out there. Sitting in the middle of the floor blocking traffic as he watched the gurney disappear behind a pair of doors. Matsuri clutched his arm in fear, her small hands shaking, but Neji couldn't be bothered with her then. In hindsight, it was probably Matsuri that managed to get him off the floor and sitting in a chair outside the OR.
How useless was he? He didn't save himself from his own predicament. That was Matsuri. For the most part, he had been safe, sitting there waiting to be rescued. Even if he had managed to go with Gaara, he could still do nothing. He had felt useless before, but this was different. In a blink of an eye, Gaara could have died. He couldn't be there when Gaara needed him. Holding his hand and telling him it would be alright wasn't enough. In the end, did those little things matter in the long run when Gaara was fighting for his life?
He sat there for hours, clasping his hands together as he waited for news until there were white. He kind of noticed Kankuro walking by him and through the doors. It could have been his imagination. He wasn't sure. He had lost track of how many times he looked up to see if someone had come out to tell him about Gaara's condition. It didn't even occur to him that no one owed him any explanation of Gaara's status.
So he sat there waiting. Matsuri would give him encouraging words, telling him that Gaara would be okay, but how could he when he had been so badly injured. Logically, he knew Gaara could heal quickly, but that didn't mean that the wounds didn't hurt, and Gaara wasn't suffering.
If he was stronger with chakra, if he could stand by Gaara's side, he could finally be the support Gaara needed, not sit in the waiting room with this guilt that was consuming him from the inside out.
Matsuri had left, Neji couldn't recall why. When she spoke, it was just white noise that he tuned out. Maybe she went to get a drink or go to the bathroom. He didn't care about anything that wasn't Gaara's status. That's why he didn't realize his uncle had sat next to him initially.
Silence filled the area while Neji's leg bounced insistently, showing his restlessness. He checked his watch. He had been waiting for nearly 7 hours, and there still wasn't any news. He ran both hands through his hair, not caring that it was getting tangled and breathing out with frustration. How much longer did he have to wait?
"The last time I was here, it was with your father," Hiashi was the first to break the silence. Neji was startled hearing his uncle's voice, but he did not move or acknowledge him., staring at his hands.
"You were only two, but you were already so gifted at using chakra. We took our eyes off you for just a moment and you managed to wander into the woods and find a young, wounded demon. Rather than be afraid, you tried to help it, giving your chakra to it," Hiashi smiled a little at the memory. "You accidentally absorbed some of the demon's chakra. You were on the brink of life and death for 3 days as we tried to expel the foreign chakra from your small body. We never would have thought a technique that took years to learn could be performed by a two-year-old who had no knowledge or training as naturally as breathing. You were a genius our clan had not seen in generations."
Neji gripped his hands tighter. Anger filled his chest and he wanted to yell and scream at his uncle. "Is that why you suppressed me for so long?" Neji asked, barely unclenching his jaw to speak. "You were afraid that I'd take your place as head because I was too good?"
Hiashi looked ahead, his face once again regaining its stoic mask, but there was sadness in the depths of his eyes. "There are many things, I have not told you about. I've contemplated for years whether or not I should tell you. In hindsight, I should have made myself clearer, and explained my reasoning a bit more. I should have taken into consideration that an order without an explanation was not enough. I lack experience when it comes to dealing with civilians."
"Then why did you do it? If I'm as 'gifted' as you say, how come I wasn't allowed to practice with the rest of the clan? Why was I singled out?" Neji yelled. He didn't know what to feel. His choice of whether to be a hunter or not was taken from him. He was pushed down for so long, time and time again. He had felt isolated and unwanted for so many years. He was sure he was hated by his uncle, so why was his uncle telling him this now, admitting his mistake? How was he supposed to take that?
Hiashi closed his eyes, inhaling slowly then met, Neji's eyes. "It was what your father wanted."
"Bullshit!" Neji immediately blurted.
His uncle didn't flinch at Neji's vulgar language. He looked ahead once more, folding his hands in his lap. "Your father… my brother, Hizashi, I don't want to taint the few memories you have of him. He was a good man, just misguided and grieving. After everything is said, he loved you more than life itself and wanted you to live in a world that did not revolve around death. He did not want this scene, you in a hospital waiting to hear if someone would live or die, to be a normal week. He did not want your expected life span to not even reach 40. He did not want you to have to learn to control your emotions to the point where you wonder if you are human. That type of life is not what he wanted for you."
Neji didn't know what to say. There was so much implied in what his uncle had said. That his father had done some questionable things in the past, and that the hunter life involved a lot of pain and sacrifice. He felt conflicted. He wanted to know what his father had done, but his memories of his father were precious. They were few, but his father was always smiling at him and doting on him. Did he want to chance ruining those memories?
He looked at the OR. Gaara was still inside. He was fighting alone. Suffering alone.
"It's my life," Neji said quietly. "I want to become a hunter. I want to help Gaara. Whether you want to teach me or not, I'll find a way."
Hiashi exhaled loudly. "Then I will help you. It will not be easy to start at your age. Are you prepared for that?"
Neji nodded with certainty.
Hiashi eyed his nephew. "You've gotten stronger. Gaara-san's been a good influence on you. I can see why you like him."
Neji froze, his face turning red. His embarrassment however was quickly replaced with his worry once more, wondering if Gaara was okay.
"He'll be okay. He's lived through worse."
He wanted to ask what worse was but decided he wouldn't be able to handle worse. "How did you find out?"
"I have people to keep me informed." He turned to his nephew and lifted an eyebrow. "The porn you left on my computer also helped," Hiashi almost sounded amused, especially when Neji turned red once more.
Neji couldn't think of anything to say right after that. He couldn't offer any excuse. His uncle obviously knew and him waiting for Gaara like this must be a flashing neon sign. "You're… you're not against it?" he finally asked in a small voice.
"I am traditional, I will not lie and say I am not, but I do pay attention to the changes in the world. It will not be an easy road for you, but if anyone questions you, I will support you."
Support. That's all he ever wanted from his uncle. Support and acknowledgment. After what Kankuro said to him once his secret was found out, he had felt dirty and abnormal. Even researching it online and seeing the support groups say that it was normal and to not feel embarrassed about it, none of it really stuck. It didn't wash away the horrible feeling Kankuro had instilled in him. Hearing his uncle say that he would support him and wasn't disgusted in the slightest, he felt his eyes tear as a weight finally came off of his shoulders.
The conversation stopped after that. Hiashi had to have something to do besides staying with him. The hunters had been running around after all, yet Hiashi stayed. Hiashi's presence was a blessing for once, and Neji appreciated it.
Matsuri came back, handing him a cup of coffee, which Neji took gratefully. He had just finished his cup when Tsunade came out, taking off her surgical mask, and sighing heavily.
Neji jumped to his feet, going to meet her with Matsuri following close behind. "How is he?" he asked, unable to hold himself back.
Tsunade gave a small look of surprise, her eyes darting to Hiashi then back at him. "He barely made it, but he will be fine. He should be awake in a couple of hours."
Matsuri gave a huge smile, showing her relief. "Isn't that great, Neji-nii?" she asked, shaking his arm in excitement. "Gaara-sensei will be fine."
He nodded to her, his shoulders dropping now that the tension had left. Gaara would be fine. The relief almost made his legs give out once more. Now that he had nothing to worry about, the day's events caught up to him. His entire body was sore, and he could barely remain standing.
"You both should go back and rest. Things will be a bit chaotic for a while."
Neji shook his head. "I'll stay until he wakes up." He paused then turned to Matsuri, "You should go back first."
The young girl frowned. "I want to stay too."
"I will take her back to the manor," Hiashi said standing and placing a hand on Matsuri's shoulder. Matsuri gave Hiashi a nervous look then silently begged Neji to stay with her eyes.
Neji patted her head. She really did remind him of a young Hinata. "Go back with Oji-sama. Gaara wouldn't want you to see him like this. If you stay here, he won't be able to rest comfortably."
She wanted to protest, he could see her puffing up her chest, ready to fight; however, Neji's patient smile made her lose what she was going to say and hold her tongue. Deflating she finally agreed.
"Good girl," Neji praised her and Matsuri blushed.
"Your room is also available," Hiashi said to Neji. "For whenever you decide to return."
"Thank you, Oji-sama," Neji bowed, showing his respect.
Hiashi led Matsuri away.
Neji watched them leave, taking a seat once more. He never thought he would reconcile with his uncle. There was a lot of bad will that had accumulated over the years, so there was still lingering bad feelings towards his uncle, but it was a start. The only way to fully forgive his uncle was to dive deeper into what exactly his father had done in the past and why his uncle had acted as he did. He had to decide if he was willing to ruin the image he had of his father to truly judge his uncle for his deeds. It was not a decision he could make lightly.
He closed his eyes, feeling exhausted. Now that Gaara was recovering, he just had to wait for him to wake. Gaara would be hungry when he woke, and Neji wanted to be there for when that happened. He couldn't do anything yet, but he could still do this. As he thought, his consciousness started to give way to sleep, and his dreams were filled with him and Gaara together once again.
It was dark.
And there was pain. Lots of pain.
Where was he? Why couldn't he move?
He was frightened. Terrified. Had he been taken again? He had to escape. He couldn't go through that. Not again.
"I think he's waking up," he heard a voice say from somewhere nearby. He strained to focus on it. It sounded familiar.
"He should be. He took in almost 4 liters of blood since they picked him up." That second voice was familiar also.
"If you are done speaking, why don't you attend to him at once," a third voice replied in Arabic. He knew for certain who that voice belonged to.
Gaara's eyes slowly opened, temporarily blinded by the fluorescent lights overhead. His eyes adjusting, he took sight of the white walls and the eerie sound of the heart monitor that was quickening its pace every second as it reflected Gaara's panic. He felt fear clutch his heart, squeezing it until he couldn't breathe, and he was gasping for air. His body wouldn't respond to his commands, and the panic dulled his mind of rational thinking.
"Whoa, Gaara, breathe. Breathe. You're safe," the second person's voice talked to him soothingly as she held him down to the bed with superior strength. Gaara's eyes darted to the side. Tsunade, Haruno, and his brother were hovering over his bed. While Tsunade's face had concern etched into her features, his brother and Haruno were more of a mix of disinterest and annoyance. The panic that had gripped him left his body. Slowly, as the situation sank in, he calmed himself, bringing back his control over his body and mind. This wasn't Orochimaru's lab. He was safe.
"What happened?" His voice was garbled, sounding something between a dying cat and garbage disposal. When he spoke, his throat became engulfed in pain, flaring up like fire. It represented how weak he was at that moment. He loathed it.
"By the time your backup arrived, Uchiha had already defeated Yukina-hime. Since you never showed, they went to find you. You were barely alive. If it wasn't for the sand keeping pressure on your wounds and keeping them closed after you lost consciousness, you would have bled out. We had a chopper transport you back to the island," Tsunade filled in for him. Her face turned into that of an angry mother and, as expected, an angry lecture followed. "What do you think you were doing taking on Orochimaru alone! You know better than anyone how outmatched you are with him. You should have let us handle it."
His elder brother spoke up, saying something in English still in that detached businesslike voice. Gaara closed his eyes trying to drown them both out, but his brother's voice still managed to get through. "If she had not done what she pleased, you would not have been there to begin with," he added in Arabic.
Tsunade snapped back in her native tongue, displeasure dripping in her tone. The two had never gotten along. Gaara never understood how they managed to come to the arrangement where Gaara could live in Japan.
Fakir replied, and Gaara heard a sarcastic tone slip in. They continued to argue for a while in English. The noise was giving him a headache. If he concentrated hard enough, he could feel his broken bones rapidly healing themselves and his wounds closing, but he still needed time for it to heal properly. Facing Orochimaru had done more than tire him physically. Dare he say. he was still afraid? Like the child he once was. His hand clenched, digging into his palms.
"Tsunade-sama," Haruno interrupted before a fight could break out. "Uchiha is up as well. Should we interrogate him now that Gaara has stabilized?" 1
Haruno was dressed as a nurse, her hair perfectly placed in a ponytail to keep stray hair from distracting her from her work. Her presence only irritated Gaara more. Hearing her voice was like nails dragging across his skin as his anger towards her resurfaced.
Tsunade sighed, reigning in her anger with a breath and regaining her composure that had begun to unravel while arguing with Kankuro. "You're right, Sakura-kun. Could you bring him here?"
Tsunade, of course, was dressed as a doctor. Seeing her dressed like that set Gaara on edge so he kept his eyes closed, focusing on his breathing.
"Uchiha is here?" Gaara asked after several tries to get the words to come out properly.
"We couldn't let the public have him. Also, he stopped Yukina-hime. For now, he's being treated as a temporary guest," Tsunade was could barely hide her bitterness about the situation.
"If you will excuse me," Sakura bowed to Tsunade before leaving.
"I will be leaving as well." Gaara's brother said, typing away on his phone's keyboard. "I have business that must be attended to." Pocketing his phone, he put in one last jab in English, riling Tsunade up one last time before leaving.
"Your brother is so charming," Tsunade said sarcastically once his brother had left.
"Orochimaru…." Gaara trailed off knowing afraid to know the truth.
Tsunade's eyes became sympathetic, as she answered. "He got away. We planned to hold the vampire council responsible but…. Well, it would be better to wait until Uchiha arrives. He should hear this too."
Gaara managed a nod. He wanted to go back into that oblivion.
"Neji-kun is waiting outside. Should I let him in?"
"…No."
She didn't comment or push, accepting his choice. Neither spoke, and Tsunade busied herself by filling out his chart. Soon enough, Uchiha arrived.
He was a mess. He had borrowed clothes that were too big for his frame, his hair was clumped together with dried blood─ probably his own─ his skin was discolored in various places, patches of angry red standing again pale skin, and his eyes were slightly unfocused, signs of poisoning. Of course, the shinobi would not allow Uchiha to walk around at full power. Gaara barely repressed the shiver of remembering the pain even a low dose caused, but Uchiha's face was neutral. It had to have been a low dosage.
Uchiha took a seat in the corner of the room, plopping down into the chair without a single shred of grace. He was either in a lot of pain or very irritated. It was difficult to tell which. Only one thing was clear, and it was that he was hungry.
Uchiha leaned back in the chair closing his eyes.
"Now that both of you are here, I suppose I can tell you the aftermath of the incident." Tsunade may have been addressing both of them, but she kept her eyes solely on Gaara.
"The four incidents with the resurrected masters have been taken care of. Their remains were collected and properly disposed of this time. Thankfully, it seems they were resurrected with only a small portion of their abilities and only part of their consciousness. Any more, and it would have been a massacre."
Tsunade's face turned grim, and her years began to show on her face for a moment. "The attacks were very public, and the damage extensive. Even worse it was on TV and caught on cell phone cameras and video," she sighed wearily. "I really curse the day those things were invented."
"Is it not your job to be able to contain incidents like this?" Uchiha asked. His speaking had reverted to that outdated speech and cadence. His tone was of a CEO displeased with his subordinate.
Tsunade was bristling with anger. She kept her back to him, trying to ignore him as she continued. It was hard for her to be in the same room with him, but she managed to continue in a civil tone. "Since the Americans were involved, it's not that simple. I cannot control what they've already recorded and have sent to their leaders nor can I stop them from posting it online either. It's been difficult to pass it off as a terrorist incident or equipment malfunction with such large-scale destruction, and the media is being persistent."
Picking up a remote from the side table, she turned on the TV in the room. "You really should have reconsidered your chosen career, Uchiha. It didn't take long for them to figure out who you were."
On the screen, one of the magazine covers Uchiha had posed for was on the screen as the news anchor talked about it. The TV was muted, but there was no confusion as to what was being said as the footage from his fight was played right after. The cameraman Uchiha had saved was good at his job, managing several clear shots of his face during the fight.
"The only good thing is that you were reported dead, but if someone sees you, they'll probably call the police." Tsunade finally turned to Uchiha, a cold look in her eyes. "There's one other thing you should know, assuming you don't know already."
"And pray tell, what might that be?" Uchiha wore his own disdain on his sleeve, returning the hostility in kind.
"We have one of the council members in our custody a while back to question about Orochimaru's movements. When we went to give him back, we found out something interesting."
Uchiha raised an eyebrow condescendingly. "Should I do you the favor of guessing, or will you eventually divulge the information?"
"We found the entire council dead. Slaughtered in the inner chamber. Minus Sasori-sama."
Gaara, who had been listening in idly turned his full attention on her, shocked by the news. Uchiha's face betrayed nothing as he replied. "That is… unfortunate," in a carefully controlled tone.
"I thought you were close to them. You're telling me you did not know?"
Uchiha blinked slowly, before opening them and keeping a steady gaze. "I was close to them, yes. However, immortals are content with visiting each other once every couple decades. After all, time moves differently for us than for humans.". The only change Gaara could pick up in his behavior was that his remarks did not seem at the ready as it was earlier.
"Then let me ask you this. Who is strong enough to kill that many powerful vampires in one place?"
Uchiha's eyes turned sharper, whether it was the poison wearing off or through his anger, he replied like an adult losing patience with an ill-tempered child, barely containing his urge to lash out. "The council is not comprised of the most powerful vampires, but of the most influential and knowledgeable. They are by no means weak. They would be among some of the strongest; however, the oldest, the truly powerful ones, do not engage in politics. They prefer to watch everything from the shadows and mind their own business. It is possible, one of them could kill them if he or she so chose. I cannot say for certain. Very few have ever made contact with them."
Tsunade didn't reply instantly. She watched him, trying to figure out how much of what he said was the truth. "For now, Sasori-sama has taken control of the council. As much as it pains me to say this, we need them."
Indeed. As much as hunters hated the vampire council, they were the ones that controlled the vampire population and enforced the rules about exposure, Tsunade, and feeding habits. It kept the vampires hidden from society and prevented serious conflicts with the hunters in the area.
The covens of the council members will become enraged once they heard the news, and would no doubt blame the hunters for their demise. The treaty had always been shaky, and with those who enforced it gone, there was nothing stopping them from causing another war.
"Where is Uzumaki-san?" Uchiha asked.
Tsunade sneered, turning her back to him to fiddle with Gaara's IV. She could no longer look at him without wanting to attack him. "In custody. We're working on his release; however, they are being stubborn. It's taking a few more calls than we would have hoped."
"I see. I have a few calls to make of my own. If you will excuse me." Uchiha had been rude the entire conversation, so it was unexpected to see him bowing his head to Tsunade in his departure. Maybe it was hardwired into his person from a past life. With Uchiha's many masks and personalities, Gaara once again wondered if he could keep Uzumaki in his care.
"You should sleep, Gaara-kun. Your body still needs to heal."
Now, that she mentioned it, sleep was pulling at him persistently, but the question nagged in Gaara's mind. "You promised you'd always protect Uzumaki," he whispered. "Do you still plan to?"
Tsunade didn't answer him, calling in a nurse to request more blood for him.
Her answer.
He closed his eyes once more. He supposed he didn't have a choice now. He'd have to trust him.
Neji had watched them roll Gaara out of the operating room ages ago. Now, he sat in the waiting room, waiting for someone to tell him he could go see him. Many families were still waiting to hear news around him, so it was crowded and occasionally someone would cry.
He knew visiting hours were over and they wouldn't let him see him now, it was well into the night; however, he couldn't bring himself to leave until he saw Gaara with his own eyes. The image of his mangled body was still fresh in his mind. He couldn't leave with that image intact. He needed to see for himself he was okay and not just a passing glance as they wheeled him by. He had to see him.
Discipline was the main concept of martial arts. Being a hunter in the near future, he knew it would be even more important. As a teenager, he couldn't help the thought of "well, what was the harm in waiting one more day to commit" to take over.
He knew which direction they wheeled him in. he just had to find the room. Getting up, his legs protested from sitting still so long. He didn't let that stop him from moving, walking a little awkwardly until his legs finally woke up. He walked quickly and purpose, pretending he knew where he was going to avoid any questions. If all else failed, he would use his uncle's name to keep going.
No one stopped him surprisingly, but it was strange. He noticed quite a few people took note of him, specifically the hospital staff and not as a passing curiosity either. They were actively pretending they didn't notice him, and he felt chakra from them. He quickly realized they were hunters. It was likely they knew which family he was from or Tsunade had told them he had been waiting.
It was unsettling how many of these hunters seemed to be around him. Just the knowledge and a little training, he was starting to be able to pick them out. Classmates. Hospital staff. Who wasn't in on the secret? He had noticed the odd behavior in the past, that was all he ever chalked it up to be. Odd. His family had ignored him, so he explained their odd behavior as them being around him. Class E was already known as the weird class. There was always an excuse for the strangeness that seemed to accompany them. Now that he knew, he could easily tell.
He found Gaara in a nondescript room. It was one of the VIP rooms towards the back of the hospital where it was large and had only a single bed. The private suites reserved for the rich. Gaara's name wasn't beside the door, he just had a feeling. He peered inside, and there he was.
The rhythmic sound of the heart rate monitor was eerie in the dark. The room was dark, but he could still make out a figure hidden underneath the hospital blankets. He knew it was Gaara. He couldn't tell how other than the feeling was strong, and as he got closer, he could make out Gaara's red hair.
Ease spread through his chest. He wanted to turn on the lights and fully see him. He wanted to check every part of him and make sure that all his wounds had healed, that his skin had regained its beautiful color, and that he was sleeping without incident.
A small chuckle escaped him at his own thoughts. Really, when did he fall so deeply in love? When did just seeing Gaara alright make him want to break down and cry with relief? It was like his whole existence was somehow reliant on Gaara's wellbeing and happiness.
The chuckle quickly left his lips. In five months' time, could he really let Gaara go to die? Gaara had already accepted his fate. There were times when he could see relief on Gaara's face, like he was glad his existence was almost over. It was when they were in Gaara's home, and he looked out that window with a subtly longing then his face would ease. It was too much to constantly fight. He was tired of living. He had nothing to live for.
Neji pulled up a chair and sat beside him. Carefully, he slipped his hands underneath the thin white blanket and found Gaara's hand. Gaara immediately held onto him tightly in his sleep. Gaara was pulling a lot of chakra from him. He must have been starving.
This was a type of situation Gaara had always worried about. When Gaara wouldn't be able to consciously stop himself. Since Gaara found out, Neji always felt that Gaara tried his hardest to remain restrained. Granted, these days, Gaara wasn't hungry much anymore and had no need for it. Tonight, Gaara was taking without reservation in his sleep, his body badly damaged and needing chakra urgently.
Neji laid his head on his arm, getting comfortable. He was getting sleepy. Whether it was Gaara taking his chakra or that the long day was finally getting to him he didn't know. Without Gaara by his side, he had trouble sleeping lately.
He held Gaara's hand just as tightly. Gaara could accept death, but he couldn't. If Gaara was no longer there, he had no idea what he would do. Gaara was the only one who saw him through the bullshit. The only one who seemed to understand him without saying anything and showed him kindness without wanting anything from him in return. If he hadn't met Gaara, he may have never had a chance to make up with his uncle if he chose to. He would never would have had a chance to pursue martial arts as he wanted.
Would it be too much to ask if Gaara could live for him?
Tears fell from onto the sheets.
He swore he felt chakra come from Gaara. It was a brief bolt that made his hand tingle. It was warm and felt like Gaara embraced him for that split second before it faded. Maybe it was his imagination. Maybe he was just trying to find hope in a dark situation that Gaara was reassuring him. That he would never leave him. Still, that warm feeling lingered even as he closed his eyes, falling asleep, holding onto Gaara with all his might.
Gaara woke to the sound of the door opening to his private room. He didn't move right away, temporarily forgetting that he was in the hospital until he caught a whiff of Haruno's sent. He almost growled just thinking about her. She still hadn't broken up with Uzumaki after all.
He opened his eyes sending her a glare. Nervousness seeped into her eyes. "Good morning," she greeted politely, going to attend to her duties.
She was just about to touch him when he gave in to the urge to growl. "Don't. Touch. Me."
She retracted her hand, a frown on her face. "I'm just doing my job, Gaara-san," she said with forced politeness.
"Get out."
She pursed her lips. "I'll tell Tsunade-sensei you're up." Her eye flicked to his bedside then turned around to leave.
Gaara breathed in deeply, internally cataloging his injuries. Things seemed mostly healed. Another day or so would finish healing the last of his broken bones. His chakra levels were low, but not as low as they had been. Actually, he was feeling rather well all things considered. His hunger was there but manageable instead of blindingly painful.
Movement at Gaara's side finally brought attention to Hyuuga's presence. The teen was stirring, slowly waking.
His presence at Gaara's side explained a lot, but why was he here? He had told Tsunade to leave him outside.
He grew uncomfortable, looking away once Hyuuga's eyes fluttered open. It was early morning. The sun was barely rising outside. He felt Hyuuga move, sitting up and wiping the sleep from his eyes with his free hand.
When Hyuuga's eyes finally landed on him, he smiled. "You're awake."
Gaara nodded, glancing at him then glancing away. A mixture of feelings assaulted him and already he was feeling tired. He didn't know which feelings he should address or ignore or what to deal with first. He wasn't ready to see Hyuuga didn't want to see him. Not yet.
Hyuuga's thumb rubbed the back of his hand in that affectionate way he always did. Gaara wondered if Hyuuga ever realized he did it.
"How are you feeling? Do you feel sick? Should I get a doctor?" Hyuuga was already being attentive to him, making him even more uncomfortable.
"Why are you here?" he asked. He should pull his hand away, but he was unable to bring himself to do it.
Hyuuga was confused by the question, faltering in his answer. "I needed to make sure you were okay."
"You should go back to the embassy. It's safer there." Gaara's tone wasn't necessarily sharp, but it wasn't welcoming. He felt Hyuuga hold his hand tighter.
"I don't want to go back. Even if I did, I couldn't."
That was enough to get Gaara to look at him. "Explain."
Hyuuga sighed. He had a look that said it was too early to be dealing with all of the questions. Even so, he didn't seem too annoyed by Gaara's cold shoulder if just a little upset. "There was a bomb that took out the embassy. Most of it collapsed."
That was a tidbit Tsunade could have told him when she was last here, he thought with disdain. He looked over Hyuuga making sure he was okay. He didn't smell blood, so he didn't appear injured. "Are you okay?"
"Nothing worth mentioning," Hyuuga answered, putting Gaara at ease, though he was going to get answers from Tsunade after this.
Gaara looked away from Hyuuga again, focusing on a small segment of a wall that had a small gash on it. Silence followed, feeling very uncomfortable for both of them, but Gaara persisted. Hoping Hyuuga would leave.
"Gaara," Hyuuga started in a soft voice. After saying his name, he stopped as if he was unsure if he should continue. Hyuuga released his hand, bringing his own back to his person and placing it in his lap. "Do you…dislike me?"
The question made Gaara's brows knit together in confusion, but then recalled he was trying to get him to leave, so maybe it wasn't too farfetched for Hyuuga to come to that conclusion. "Stupid."
He meant to say he didn't answer stupid questions, but his old habits kicked in, reverting to his short responses stimulating from his own discomfort at the situation.
Hyuuga seemed to have caught his intention. He didn't appear offended, but the unease didn't leave Hyuuga's face. "If I said… I liked a man..." Gaara's heart stopped at hearing that. He whipped his head around to look at Hyuuga. Hyuuga's eyes were downcast, and he was trying to keep his face neutral, but his voice wavered at the end as if it was a struggle to get out the word man. "Would you be disgusted?"
Gaara's brain froze, unable to understand why Hyuuga was telling him this. He wanted to demand who this man was. There was that possessive part of him that reared its head, causing his eyes to, for a split second, flash a molten silver. The more rational part of his mind realized Hyuuga was confiding in him, asking for his acceptance. He had to be careful in how he answered, but he really wanted to ask who this man was. He wanted it to be him. It was because of that want Gaara lost his voice. A want like that was something he should never wish for.
Gaara's silence was received badly. Hyuuga became stiff, his body becoming as hard as a board. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." His voice lost any vulnerability it had, tightening up as much as his body. He stood quickly. "I should let you rest."
Panicked at seeing Hyuuga starting to leave he scrambled for an answer. "I don't see a difference between men or women. Whether you love a man or woman, its your choice. No one else has a right to interfere." A neutral and safe answer. Gaara felt pride in his delivery, managing to stay aloof but not dismissive. It was true. Gaara didn't really see much difference between men or women. Being gay or straight meant nothing to him. Living in the environment he had as a child, those types of social norms hadn't been imprinted on him, and he treated everyone he met equally, minus Uzumaki and now Hyuuga.
Hyuuga stopped in his retreat, but he didn't turn around. Gaara couldn't see his face. It had been a long time since he had seen Hyuuga with his guard up like this. He didn't like the distance it insinuated between them.
"At school… in the courtyard…" It was Gaara's turn to become stiff. It was a moment he had forgotten with everything that had happened. Embarrassed by his own behavior, he recalled how that may have come across. As the memory of the incident came back to him, he recalled another very important detail he hadn't thought about at the time. Hyuuga had a reaction to him. One that Gaara was very appreciative at the time and hadn't thought of as weird. In fact, at the time when his instincts had nearly taken control of his actions, he had been extremely pleased. His mate was reacting to him. "Was there something between us?"
Gaara couldn't say no, but it couldn't be his real feelings, right? After all, Seth had interfered. He thought that, but it wasn't Seth that made him react in the courtyard. It wasn't Seth that made him think the word mate. Seth had never used the word. That was on his own, but he was still human. Barely. He couldn't have a mate. Not like a vampire could. The word should have never been there, yet there it was.
And then there was the fact of what Hyuuga was implying. Hyuuga liked him. His heart felt giddy and heavy. Hyuuga was his. Hyuuga wanted to be his. Hyuuga liked him. Not the mountain of girls who kept confessing to him. But Hyuuga liked him. He shouldn't like him. Anyone else would be a better choice. Why did it have to be him? Why was he so confused?
He couldn't leave Hyuuga hanging long. He couldn't let the silence stretch again. He should say no and stop all of this. He should set Hyuuga free. He opened his mouth to do just that. To put an end to it for good, but instead, he said a simple and quiet, "Yes."
Gaara hated himself for saying it. Even if he didn't care about sexuality, Japan did. He should tell Hyuuga to like a girl, that he should just continue to live normally. Even if he didn't, another guy would have been better than him. Did he want to ruin everything for Hyuuga before he died?
He didn't notice how his face had twisted in anguish with his self-loathing. That Hyuuga had turned around when he confessed the truth. Gaara was thinking of how he could turn it around, perhaps take it back. He wanted Hyuuga, but he wanted Hyuuga to be happy more. Not drag him into his life full of pain and misery.
Gaara missed when Hyuuga had come back to his bedside until he once again held Gaara's hands into his own, gently. "I like you," he said, his voice still soft and matching the vulnerability Gaara was feeling inside. "Tell me you feel the same?"
Gaara couldn't help but squeeze the hands back. "I shouldn't." He didn't clarify what he meant. Whether he shouldn't feel the same or shouldn't say. Hyuuga didn't ask, leaning forward pausing just briefly for Gaara to pull away if he wanted. Gaara stayed perfectly still until Hyuuga leaned forward, bringing their lips together in a lingering, chaste kiss.
Gaara sat perfectly still, not pulling away or actively engaging. He never imagined kissing another person. He never realized how fast his heart would beat, how gentle and pleasant touching another like this could be. His lips tingled even as Hyuuga pulled away, the warmth of the kiss still there.
The smile that graced Hyuuga's face afterward was the most beautiful thing Gaara had ever seen. There were love and affection aimed at him with a little fear at the possibility of still being rejected. "Could we try it? If you don't like it, I won't bring it up again."
Gaara closed his eyes, unable to look into his hopeful face any longer. "One week." One week to figure out how to tell Hyuuga it wasn't a good idea. One week to figure out how to lie and say he didn't feel anything after all.
Something touched his forehead, startling him into opening his eyes only to be greeted with the sight of a box of strawberry-flavored pocky. All of the heavy thoughts on Gaara's mind flew out the window as his sweet tooth had him moving to grab the box which Hyuuga pulled away.
"You didn't get this from me," he said, sounding very serious. "I had to sneak this in here last night. Haruno-san threatened me not to give you any sweets."
Gaara swiped them out of his hand, opening them immediately to eat the first stick. Tsunade always had him on an insanely healthy diet when she had him in her grasp. She banned all sugar, crushing whatever was left of his soul.
Hyuuga smiled, kissing his forehead. The action caused Gaara to blush a little, averting his eyes. "You should leave."
Hyuuga's smile faded. "Do you hate it?"
Gaara shook his head no. "I don't… I don't want you to see me weak like this." Gaara trailed off, growing more uncomfortable. He hated people seeing him weak, but Hyuuga was one person he had been adamant about not letting him see. He had shown a lot of unpleasant sides to Hyuuga he didn't want to show any more.
Gaara's response put the smile right back on Hyuuga's face, turning even a bit playful. "I understand. A man doesn't want to show his weak side to the person he likes." The comment made Gaara's cheeks flushed. "Can I come after school?"
Gaara nodded once more, making Hyuuga's face brighten more. Gaara caught the change, finding his own expression changing towards Hyuuga as he left. He found himself smiling a little, looking forward to seeing Hyuuga after school. A boyfriend. He had a lover. It was okay to enjoy it for a week, right?
"You let him kiss you," Gaara almost didn't realize it was Kankuro's voice that entered his ears. It was still somewhat cold, but there were uncertainty and confusion in his tone as well as disbelief. "Did you let him turn you into a fag?"
Gaara let the slur slide. He was too tired to get riled up at his brother for his racial and homophobic tendencies. They weren't close enough to fight about it. "There was no turning. Men/Women, I see no difference."
"It's unacceptable behavior. It's against the will of Allah." Kankuro insisted.
The small bit of happiness Gaara had left was erased from his face, and he responded almost like a robot. "Right. I'm not allowed to ever take a lover."
Kankuro faltered for a second, inhaling sharply. "It's just that men are meant to be with women. That is how we are created," he explained.
"I can't 'breed' either," Gaara said, looking forward. "I can't be with anyone. I'm just supposed to die, right? Isn't that the will of your god?"
Kankuro went quiet for once. With his brother's presence, he remembered what he wasn't supposed to have, and he stared at the door Hyuuga had walked through.
"I don't believe that is his will," he said quietly. "But a man. Gaara, please choose someone else."
Gaara continued staring out the door, picturing Hyuuga's back as he had left. Hyuuga had been so happy. Happy to be with him. Someone wanted everything that Gaara was. "When I was lost to my instincts… I thought he was my mate." He looked back at his brother as he would a stranger. In truth, they had barely been in each other's presence for 4-6 hours total their entire lives. He was a stranger, nothing more. "I am not Muslim, Kankuro. I don't believe in Allah. I've never read the Quran. For one week, I want to be normal. Is that not allowed either?" He asked Kankuro as he would a warden. That was what his brother was, wasn't he?
Kankuro looked lost. He didn't have words to say, and he left in the silence.
Gaara took that as acceptance. For one week, he'd enjoy himself. That way, when he finally did die, he wouldn't have regrets.
