Author's note:
Thank you all for the comments, likes, follows and kudos on the first chapter.
I hope you enjoy the second one too.
Trigger warning: Man on woman assault (non sexual)
Five hours later, I am exhausted and stop in New Castle, a stone throw away from the Ohio border. It is eleven in the morning. With barely any sleep last night and driving through bad traffic, I am beat. In fear of what Ranger might do in his comedown phase, I find us the cheapest motel possible and pay with his Credit card, which I find in his wallet that he had thrown onto the dashboard. The Receptionist looks at me suspiciously when I swipe his black AMEX. I am sure she rarely sees one of those.
After getting the room furthest from the entrance, I barely manage to get him into the room and into the bed, because he is half asleep, jittery and sweating. The drugs and alcohol are slowly leaving his system. The room itself isn't much. Two beds, which means we won't have to share, a bathroom and an old globe TV. The carpet and bed including bedspreads are brown, whereas the walls are white. But it's clean, so I am not complaining.
As soon as Ranger's head hits the pillow, he falls right back asleep. I take his shoes and jacket off, then unclip his gun from the small of his back and remove his belt too. He isn't getting that back till he has a clear head, so I hide the gun in my handbag.
With a sigh of relief, I walk out to the car, grab a change of clothes and then lock the front door and pocket the key. But who am I kidding? Ranger could get out of here with just a simple, well placed kick to the crappy wood.
While I change into yoga pants, my favourite sports bra and a long sleeve top with the Rangemen logo on the back, I watch him sleep. My heart aches and I wish we weren't here right now. I wish that wherever he was and whatever he had to do on his last mission, hadn't fucked him up. I wish we were in Trenton on level seven, laughing like teenagers just like the night before he left.
'I will catch you in two seconds' He challenges with a playful grin on his face.
'You said you would give me a head start' I fake pout, trying my hardest not to grin, while I get into a starting position on the kitchen floor.
'I will, but I will still catch you in under two seconds'
'Okay, so what is the bet?'
'Looser has to perform oral sex' he retorts immediately.
'You perv…" I giggle, but nod anyway, because I am getting wet just thinking about sucking him off. Because I know I will never beat him.
'Okay...three...two...one….go!' He shouts and I start sprinting. When I get to the bedroom and jump on the bed, I look back towards the kitchen with confusion. Ranger is just strolling leisurely towards me with a shit eating grin on his face.
'You didn't run' I state and he only shakes his head.
'Nope, I'd rather watch your naked ass run down the line. And my, what a glorious sight it was.' He informs me and throws himself on top of me, causing me to giggle.
That was a great day. Lots of sex and laughter.
"I will be back in a couple of months and then we will sit down and talk. Really talk. No excuses, no more running away from this…"
"You promise?" I whisper, while running my fingertips through the stubble on his jaw. I have a hard time keeping the tears at bay. I can feel it. This time is different. Whether that is him leaving or just us in general, but something has clearly changed.
"I promise" He nods and kisses me breathless once more.
Those feelings I had that day, I kept them with me the entire time he was gone. It wasn't two months, it was six and I was so excited for him to come home that I went to pick him up from the Base, but as soon as I saw him leaving the compound, I knew something was very, very wrong. He wouldn't touch me and he barely looked at me.
That was almost a year ago to date. We broke up not even a month later. While he was already drinking more and taking drugs before we broke up, it escalated from then onwards.
"NOOOO" Ranger shouts, making me jump. "Please, no...no...no….no." During my online research into substance abuse, I read that people in withdrawal could have nightmares. So part of me doesn't want to wake him up, but as he continues to shout and cry out in pain, I have no choice. It breaks my heart hearing this and I really do not want the Hotel staff to come knocking.
"Ranger...wake up" when there is no reaction from him and he continues to howl in pain, I shake him again and in hindsight I shouldn't have done that. "Come on, Ranger, wake up." I shake him again and then remember in that same second that his nightmares could also be fuelled by PTSD. Not even a second later his eyes fly open and he grabs me by the arms and throws me off him. You know those movies where people fly across the room, with a little shove and you always roll your eyes because it is just not possible? Well let me tell you it is possible, except that Ranger is using every ounce of strength in his body to do so. I fly over the other bed, my back hits the wall and my head collides with the nightstand. The pain is excruciating, but I bite down on my lips to not scream out loud. Last thing we need is the cops showing up.
Before I can catch my breath and gather my wits, Ranger comes to sit on top of me. For someone who is currently on Cocaine and alcohol withdrawal, he surely can still move as quickly and silently as usual. One of his hands goes to my throat, holding me down but not squeezing too tightly, and the other one delivers a couple of blows to my ribs so hard that I feel at least one crack. My hands wrap around the one around my throat, trying to move him off me, but it doesn't help. He is too strong. "Ranger" I plead, but looking into his eyes, I can tell that he is not in this room with me. He is somewhere else, possibly reliving whatever he has been through.
"You are going to get what is coming for you" He growls.
"Ranger...stop" I plead while still trying to move his hands from my throat. I once read in a magazine, at a dentist office of all places, that you shouldn't be fighting back if someone experiences an episode of PTSD and is attacking you, but right now that doesn't seem very logical to me.
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?" He shouts in my face and knocks my head against the ground a couple of times with one hand, while using his other one to punch me into my side again. Tears pool in my eyes from the impact, but I don't cry out. I cannot have them lock him up, that is the last thing he needs. "Answer me….please just answer me" His pleas are desperate now, as if he doesn't want to do whatever is about to follow in his nightmare.
When I don't answer, his hand starts squeezing my throat. With breathing becoming more difficult, I have no choice, but to fight. With all the energy that I can muster, I bring my fists to his face and my right knee up as hard as I can, hitting him into his lower back. I repeat that combination as quickly as I can, until his hold on my throat loosens and I am able to push him off. Not caring about my ribs, I scramble up and over my bed to my handbag. I don't want to kill him, I just want to subdue him, so I grab my taser instead of the gun. I fire it at him while he charges at me and fifty thousand volts shock his body, bringing him to his knees. His eyes go wide and I can tell that that brought him back to the present.
Then I do what I should have done when he fell asleep in the bed, I cuff him. A sigh of relief escapes me when it's done and I sag to the ground next to him, leaning against the end of my bed, facing away from him.
I am glad I took his gun away earlier or this could have easily been worse.
"Steph?"
"I am here" I tell him, without looking at him. I cannot look at him right now.
"Why am I cuffed?"
"I am sorry, there was no choice" I answer, then take a deep breath which I instantly regret when my ribs protest in pain. Best case, they are bruised. Worst case, they are broken.
"Your head is bleeding...what happened?" I hadn't realised that I was bleeding and when I bring my hand up to the side of my head that throbs the most, my fingers come away with blood. "Who did this?"
"You did" I inform him, still not looking at him, then brace myself before coming to a stand.
"What do you mean?" Out of my peripheral vision I see him looking at me with a confused expression and his body shaking. I don't know if the shakes are the after effects of the taser or caused by the withdrawal.
I finally look at him and bite down on my lip again to keep myself from crying. With blood running down his temple, where I broke his skin with my punches, and the bruise on his chin, Ranger looks lost, hurt and broken.
I don't know how to reach him. Despite my current injuries and what just happened, I still want to help him, I still want him to get better. "Just give me a minute, please" I say and slowly walk into the bathroom, where I shut the door behind me and I slide down against the door. I take one painful, shaky breath after another to stop the tears from falling, but it doesn't help, the bastards run down my cheeks anyway. I will blame it on the adrenaline that is slowly leaving my system, but I know deep down it is the stress and heartbreak from this past year.
I am just done. Watching a person slowly destroy themselves is wrecking me from the inside out. But I cannot give up. I refuse to give up. He is still in there, he just needs help.
"What is this?" I ask and look at the boxes lining the front door to seven.
"Your stuff" Ranger replies and doesn't even look up from his laptop that is sitting on top of the breakfast bar.
My stomach drops and I instantly know what this is, but I still need him to spell it out for me, because this cannot be it. "Why did you pack up my stuff?"
"Because you are moving out." He states, still not looking up.
"Why?"
"We both know I am not cut out for this. I need my freedom." I don't even know what to say to that. My heart breaks to pieces right there and then, but I will be damned if I let it show on the outside. "You can grab whatever you need now. Les will bring over the rest."
"Over to where?" A few days after he returned, I gave up my apartment on his insistence. Despite that gut feeling that something was wrong with him, I ignored it because I was too excited and happy over the fact that he asked me to move in. I should have listened.
"I rented an apartment for you till you can find your own." He states and finally looks up at me. There is no regret, no pain, no nothing. His eyes are just blank. The Ranger I love is no longer in there.
That day, instead of throwing things at him the way I wanted to, to call him every name in the book, I just took a deep breath, turned around and left. Les had dropped me off at a new development, where a brand new, two bedroom apartment had been waiting for me, paid for by Ranger. I tried finding a new place to live, but nothing was as great as that apartment, so I spoke to the real estate agent and took over the lease, which was way lower than my old flat.
A couple of months after moving out, Lula and I were walking through downtown Trenton, after a night out, in search of something to eat, when we saw the guys drag an enraged Ranger out of a nightclub. The moment Ranger spotted me, he stilled and didn't fight the guys any longer. From then on I became the person the Core Team called when Ranger needed to be picked up. Most times I answered, but there were times where the pain of seeing him destroy himself was just too much. Those nights usually ended with at least one of his friends spotting a shiner.
Shaking my head to keep the memories at bay, I take another painful breath. Then wipe away the tears that I hadn't realised were still running down my cheeks with my shaking fingers and focus on my surroundings rather than the past. He needs help. He cannot go on like this.
"Babe" A soft knock echoes through the bathroom. I should have known he would pick the cuffs. "Please open the door."
"Just…" I start, but it comes out in almost a whisper, so I clear my emotional clogged throat and start over "Just give me a minute."
"You have already been in there for way too long. Please let me look at you." He pleads softly. "Please Babe."
"I cannot do this anymore Ranger" I say just loud enough for him to hear me through the door. When I hear nothing but crickets from the other side, I push on. I need to get this out. I need him to know. "I cannot watch you destroy yourself anymore... You have so many people around you who want to help, but you are not letting anyone close, with one exception: me! And fuck…." Fuck. I drop my head back against the door and immediately vince in pain. I need painkillers stat, but those are in the other room. "...I cannot continue watching you slowly fade away. Even after everything..." Tears are running down my face freely now and even if I wanted to stop them, I couldn't. There is too much pain inside of me. Too much anger at the situation, at Ranger, at Uncle Sam for bringing him back like this. A sob escapes my throat and I clamp down on my lips to keep the others in.
A soft knock accompanies a "Babe, open up" after a few minutes of silence, during which I just sit here with my eyes closed, pain radiating from my injuries and my heart.
I take a couple more minutes to pull myself together, then I brace myself for the pain and push off the ground. "Arggg, fuck" I growl. I thought it came out quiet enough, but not even a second later the door flies open and Ranger barges in. The door bounces off the wall and the thunderous look on his face, not only startles me, but out of reflex makes me back away from him. "Fuck" slips past his lips when he looks at me and takes a step back, with his arms raised and a grim expression on his face. Blood is still running down his face, but he pays no mind to it. His eyes are firmly trained on me and the longer he looks at me the more angry he seems to become. It is the most emotion I have seen on his face in a really long time. This past year he always shut me out. "I am so fucking sorry."
I grimace when I catch a sight of me in the mirror on the opposite wall right next to the door. I am slightly hunched over, trying to protect my ribs. There is a small bump on the right side of my head, with blood still running down my hair and neck, but at a much slower pace. Some has already dried and is causing my hair to cake together. My neck is bruised and is showing his finger prints clear as day. On top of that my lip is split open too. I must have bit down on it too hard.
"Your ribs hurt?" With his shaking hands still raised, he approaches me like you would a frightened animal. "Please don't be afraid of me" He begs, before taking a step towards me.
"I am not" I reply and it surprises me how much I mean it. Despite what just happened, I am not afraid of the version of Ranger that is standing before me right now.
"You should be" Ranger replies and takes another step closer. "Your ribs?" he asks again.
I only nod and his face turns even more grim. "Show me." He demands gruffly before adding more softly "Please."
"Your head" I tell him, but he ignores me and repeats "Please."
I am not used to him using the word 'please' so much in such a short amount of time and knowing him he isn't going to leave before I show him my injuries. So I try to do as I am told, but cry out in pain instead when I attempt to lift up my shirt. The pain is not only coming from my ribs, but also my collarbone. Before I know it, Ranger is at my side. "Where else does it hurt?"
"Collarbone" I grind out through clenched teeth.
"Fuck, fuck…" He sounds angry "I am so sorry, Babe" He adds and guides me over to the countertop, where he helps me climb on top of it. "I have to rip this off you." He waits for my affirmative nod, before he rips at the Rangemen shirt from top to bottom and then carefully strips the pieces of me. I try not to whimper, but the pain coming from my ribs and my collarbone are nothing like I ever felt before and that is coming from someone who has had plenty of injuries. When he is done, he takes a step backwards to get a better look at me and when he does his face goes white as a sheet of paper. "No...no...no...no." He says over and over again, while staring at me.
One look in the mirror behind me, clues me in to why he just turned into a ghost. From a few inches under my armpit to almost all the way down to my hips on my left side a big ugly, already purple, bruise has appeared. It reaches around to mid sternum, just below my sports bra, and down to my belly button. My collar bone doesn't look much better either. Pair that with the bruises on my throat, the blood caked to my head and my busted lip, I look...bad. I slightly turn to get a look at my back and almost cringe at the colour that part of my body is turning.
"We need to get you to the hospital," Ranger announces. Gone is the broken look on his face. It is replaced with a blank one and a take charge attitude.
"No" I instantly shake my head, which I regret instantly, because the people with the jackhammers in my head start working even harder.
"This is not an argument you are going to win. You need to go to a hospital. You need x-rays and a CT scan for your head." He counters.
"No...we cannot go to a hospital." Once I am there and being wheeled away for tests, he is going to walk away as soon as he realises where we are. He is going to be livid. He is never going to talk to me again and all will be lost, because he is going to find more drugs. "I cannot drive and you are still drunk and shaking like crazy." The hospital may also take one look at me and decide to call the cops.
"I am almost sober, but if you don't want me to drive, then we will call an ambulance. And I don't care about the cops. Let them do what they have to" He retorts, making me realize I said the last part out loud. "Besides, I can handle the shakes, it won't be the first time that I have to suppress them."
I really want to ask what that means, but instead I hop off the counter and tell him "No!" The movement shoots another wave of pain through my body, but I bite down on my lips to keep the whimpers in.
"Stephanie, you need medical attention!" He exclaims as he follows me into the bedroom. "Where is my phone?"
In the car. But I am not telling him that. "I haven't seen it." I lie and slowly sit down on the bed. Without saying another word, he walks over to my bag, starts dumping the contents out and onto the duvet. "HEY...What are you doing?"
Ranger ignores me and stills at the sight of his gun that just tumbled out. His body goes rigid and he bites out "Calling an ambulance", all while still looking at the gun. Seconds later he just continues his hunt for my phone.
"Please don't" I beg in almost a whisper.
"Tell me why?"
"Because…" I look around the room and sigh.
"You are afraid I am gonna skip as soon as they get here." He concludes.
"We are not in New Jersey anymore." I admit.
"I know" he replies softly. Ranger comes to sit on the other bed opposite of me and then nods towards a picture hanging on the wall beside the TV, proudly displaying the town's name and the state we are in.
After a minute of silence I disclose "I am surprised you are still here."
"I did this to you...I am not going to bail."
To that I snort. "As soon as the drug cravings come back you will be out of here." The filter between my head and mouth must not be working today.
Changing the subject, he repeats "You need a hospital."
"They will have questions and if they call the police…" He doesn't need to be arrested, he needs rehab.
"I'd deserve that and more" he answers while he taps at something on my phone and a second later he brings the device to his ear. A fresh tear slips down my face. He is going to get arrested or he is going to skip town...either way this was our shot and I failed. "Bobby, it's Ranger" my eyes whip up to his only to find him watching me closely. "I...I.." he swallows then clears his throat before he starts over "I gave Steph possibly multiple broken ribs, a concussion, strangulation injuries and a broken collarbone…"
Before he can continue, Bobby shouts down the phone. I cannot make out exactly what he is saying, but his voice is booming down the line. "I know...she refuses to go to a hospital. You know anyone close to New Castle, Pennsylvania, who can get us in off the record?"
Bobby says something else and then Ranger holds the phone out to me. As soon as I take it, Ranger gets up, grabs my keys and walks out the door. But to my surprise, he leaves it open. "Hey Bobby." I greet my friend and then come to stand with a grunt to watch Ranger walk to the car, which is parked only a few feet from the door.
"How are you?" My friend asks.
I watch Ranger open every car door, but the driver's one. Obviously he is trying to assure me that he is not going anywhere. "I am okay." I lie.
"Don't bullshit me. You need a hospital." He retorts, at the same time as Ranger pulls a bag from the back seat.
"They will take one look at me and then Ranger and call the cops. He needs rehab not jail." I almost whisper.
"He deserves jail!" Bobby almost shouts, before adding more softly "You should have asked one of us to come with you. Fuck... Steph... I am leaving right now, I will meet you in Cleveland."
"No! Don't!" I exclaim. "By the time you get there, we will hopefully be on our merry way up north or I will be on my way back to Trenton."
"How is he?" Bobby probes, successfully changing the subject. My Merry Men are really good at that.
I watch Ranger, who has now gotten into the passenger seat. "Not like I expected. Too calm and collected. I thought it would be worse,"
"It may still get worse…"
"He said something earlier...he said that this wouldn't be the first time that he had to control withdrawal symptoms. Do you know what he means by that?"
"Let's just say we did a lot of stuff to get information when we were working for Uncle Sam." Bobby answers without saying really anything. And then he changes the subject once more. "I know someone in Cleveland who provides medical services to people who work in not so legal industries. Can you make it there?"
I hadn't realized that Ranger had stepped next to me and overheard what Bobby said, so I am a little surprised when the phone is being taken away from me. "We will. Thanks Bobby."
Seconds later they hang up and my phone beeps with an incoming message. "Bobby sent the address." Ranger announces and then looks at me. An angry scowl appears on his face when his eyes drift to my bruises which seem to get darker by the minute.
"You cannot drive" I remind him.
"Don't give a shit! You need a doctor and you don't want to call an ambulance, so this is the only way" he replies and walks past me into the room. Ranger first tends to his wound, cleaning it out and then taping it with some Minnie Mouse band aids from my handbag. Then he undresses right in front of me and the naked skin I see makes my knees weak despite the state I am in. He is still as sexy and handsome as ever. The only thing that's changed is the ink on his left side, which I only get a glimpse of, before he starts redressing himself in a pair of jeans and a black long sleeve shirt.
"I will make a sling out of the shirt and I've got a zip up hoodie you can wear over it" he calls out when he disappears in the bathroom. Seconds later he strides back out and comes over to where I am still standing beside the open door. He gently grabs my arm, pulls me away from the door, before closing it and then guiding me over to the bed.
There is not a word said between us for the next fifteen minutes, during which he makes me a sling, helps me into his hoodie that smells like him and is far too big for me, and then packs up all our stuff, including my handbag into which he returns the gun, before ushering me out of the door and into the car. "I would give you painkillers, but if they give you the good stuff in Cleveland it wouldn't be good to mix them."
"Okay" I nod.
"Go to sleep as best as you can," he instructs and then lowers the seat back for me. I watch him drop the room key off at reception, before the throbbing in my head and the aches and pains coming from my whole body lull me to sleep.
