Neji stepped out of the cab, seeing the gate to the Hyuuga estate wide open. It was a rare sight these days. Since a month ago, the gates had been firmly shut, barely opening to let people come and go. Opening the large, heavy wooden gates himself had always been an inconvenience. Most people probably couldn't open them on their own.
The gates were not the only thing that was different. Walking through the gates, clan members and servants lined that path to the main house all lowering their heads to him as they said in unison, "Welcome home, young master."
He had seen this display before. For his uncle and cousin. Whenever they returned, they would come to greet them, showing respect for the clan head and heir. Never before had they come to greet him like this. The sudden attention and respect were jarring and put him off-kilter. A part of him was smug, thinking it was about time that they showed him respect and treated him as a member of the family. The other part was uncomfortable at the sudden attention and he had to fight the urge to duck his head and shrink back from it.
He walked down the path with his head held high, acting as someone with authority, that he didn't notice them as he had seen his uncle do time and time again. It was difficult and the lump in his throat kept him from swallowing. All these years he had walked down this path, following his uncle and cousin through the line of people on either side of him. The only difference was that he was alone, and this greeting was for him. And yet, that simple difference felt like the difference between heaven and earth.
At the end of the path, standing at the main house entrance, his uncle and Hinata were waiting for him. The slight warmth that his uncle had shown in the hospital was nowhere to be seen, his unimpressed airs being brought back at full force.
Hinata on the other hand had a soft, elegant smile aimed at him. "Welcome home, onii-san," she said, her happiness radiating off of her,
"Hinata," his uncle said with disapproval in his tone. Her smile dropped immediately, but her eyes were still quite pleased to see him.
Seeing her so happy, Neji couldn't help but smile a little himself. "Hinata," he greeted. With less enthusiasm, affected by his uncle's cold greeting, he bowed to Hiashi. "Oji-sama… I'm home."
Neji felt his uncle's eyes on him. His gaze was intense and heavy, and Neji began to wonder if the conversation he had in the hospital had happened. "Come," Hiashi commanded, turning and walking away.
Neji didn't wait, following him, though he kept some distance between them.
Instead of going into the house, Hiashi led him through the gardens. Though winter was coming, there were some flowers that were in bloom around the small pond in the center of the compound. They were gorgeous to look at. They kept the garden from becoming barren during the late fall. It used to be Neji's favorite place to train as child.
Hiashi stopped at the edge of the water. Neji came to a stop a couple of meters away, waiting for his uncle to speak. "Have you come to a decision," Hiashi asked him.
"Yes." Neji's eyes wandered to the ground. If he wanted to become stronger, if he wanted to go down this path, he needed to know. "I want to know everything."
Hiashi didn't move. Didn't speak. Not for the longest time. From behind, he looked to be every bit of intimidating that Neji remembered. Always out of Neji's reach, never in his uncle's sights. It had always made him feel insignificant. Neji was forced to wait in the uncomfortable silence.
"Your father was actually the firstborn," Hiashi started. "He was strong and talented. Other clans revered him, and he made a name for himself at a very young age. While I was close to him in strength, he had a mind of a tactician that I could never begin to compare to. Everyone swore he would be named the heir to the Hyuuga Family. It was to everyone's shock, including myself when Otou-sama named me as the successor instead.
"There was uproar in the clan. Protests against the decision. Even I went to appeal on your father's behalf, unable to accept the title when Hizashi was the obvious choice. Otou-sama didn't waver in his decision, standing firm in his decision. The only explanation he offered me was that Hizashi had a fatal flaw and that my duty was not to question and accept his decision."
Hiashi sighed. Neji had never seen his uncle sigh, dispelling some of the tension that Neji had felt since seeing Hiashi waiting for him.
"Confused, I obeyed and took the position. There was dissatisfaction in the clan that your father quelled that I couldn't. Otou-sama died two years later, and the unrest within the clan rose once more, showing support for Hizashi. It was then, I caught a glimpse of what Otou-sama meant about his fatal flaw. Hizashi could not separate himself from his emotions. He could not handle death.
"It was subtle at first. Otou-sama's death affected him in a negative way. He went into a depression. He hid it well. His odd behaviors and words I observed were quickly dismissed and explained away. You were born two months later, and his odd behavior stopped, so I looked the other way, not concerning myself with it. At the time, I still looked up to Hizashi. I still believed him to better suited to the title of head. I didn't want to think there was something wrong. And with his behavior back to normal, I pretended it never happened. And then your mother died."
Hiashi turned to Neji, guilt in his eyes. "Your mother didn't die from a car crash. She was killed on a mission by a vampire."
Neji's breath hitched. It took a second for his brain to truly comprehend what his uncle had said then unease clutched his stomach, twisting it painfully and making him nauseous. He forced himself to swallow and fight the feeling down. His uncle didn't stop.
"The vampires who had killed her had been cruel. She was tortured for weeks until she succumbed to her wounds only to leave her body out for the stray dogs and cats to have. Hizashi took her death poorly. Something inside him snapped. Her death had consumed him, drove him. He could think of nothing but how to destroy every supernatural creature that existed. His every breathing moment was about how he could kill another vampire, another demon, another spirit. You probably don't remember this. You were very young, but your father would leave you alone, sometimes days at a time, forgetting to even feed you. One day, my wife was drawn to your cries, finding you alone and malnourished. She brought you to our home. That should have been a red flag that something wasn't right, but again I argued for him, made excuses for him, saying he just needed time to grieve.
"I didn't want to believe something was wrong. Back then, to seek help for mental problems was frowned upon. I convinced myself that Hizashi would get better on his own, but for your safety we kept you in our home. My wife grew very attached to you and spoiled you as if you were her own, but when Hizashi realized you were gone, he demanded you be returned, claiming that he couldn't lose anyone else. Hizashi and my wife argued until Hizashi struck her. At that point, I stepped in, sending Hizashi away. I had wanted him to calm his head, so I sent him on more missions. It is normal to lose people during missions, but each additional death just made him more obsessed with the need to eradicate. Pushing more and more for brazen tactics that would not only expose the hunter world but increase the number of casualties."
Hiashi's eyes softened the longer he looked at Neji. "I started to realize that his obsession was going too far, but I noticed too late. Hizashi used his status among the clan member to make them share his ideals, stoking the idea he was meant to be the heir once more and staged a coup one night. Hizashi distracted me, separating me from my wife and daughter. By the time I got back to them, Hizashi had killed my wife, claiming that she was possessed by a demon trying to steal you away."
"Did you…kill him," Neji asked quietly.
"Yes. I did."
It was a logical conclusion. Everything he had remembered about his father was not who his father was. He even wondered if the man in his memories was even his father. It could have easily been his uncle or maybe not real at all. Maybe his memories were something of his own creation. He had been told his parents died in a crash. He never questioned it. Honestly, he had been under the impression they had died together, not with such a large gap between them. He wanted to be angry at his uncle at knowing that he was the reason he was an orphan. How could a brother kill his twin so easily? But then he thought of Gaara. How seeing him in the hospital made his entire world feel like shattering. What had his uncle felt when seeing his wife dead at the hands of his brother?
"Your father loved you very much. He just wanted to keep you safe from the monsters that roam our world. He thought that if he killed them all, you would never have to see someone die like he did. That you would never have to fight, would never have to decide who to send to their deaths in order to save someone who would never know their life was in danger. The hunter job is thankless and sometimes we are cursed for it. Hizashi… he let his fear and grief consume him until he could no longer distinguish reality from his mind's torment. After his death, I found out exactly how many innocent people had died under his delusions. Every single death is on my hands."
"That doesn't explain why you kept me down for so long," Neji responded. His voice was surprisingly steady. Honestly, he didn't know how he should be feeling. Should he be angry? Sad? Frustrated? He felt all of it. The logical parts of him understood his uncle's actions and knowing the truth didn't change the fact that his parents were still dead. There wasn't any person who really deserved to be the target of his emotions, so he kept them bottled up.
"The people who supported Hizashi are still around. While the ones who supported the coup were punished, there are still many who supported Hizashi and his ideals. They see you as the true successor of the clan, not Hinata."
"So you put me down to raise Hinata's status and cement her place as the heir," Neji finished, filling in the blanks. Hiashi didn't respond, confirming what Neji had said. Neji exhaled heavily, closing his eyes. There was so much information to swallow. He wanted to know, now he did. What was he going to do with all of this information?
"Your father did not wish this life upon you. Do you truly want to go down this path?"
Past or not, he made the decision to get stronger to protect Gaara. Still not looking at his uncle directly, he said with as much conviction as he could muster, "Yes."
Hiashi walked over to Neji, stopping in front of him. "I will teach you personally but know this Neji. From now on, I cannot answer your questions. You will be treated as a hunter. You are my subordinate first and nephew second. My orders are to be followed. You are owed no explanations, nor will I give them to you. You will not have the freedoms I have granted you in the past. Do you understand this?"
It did not sound much different than what his life was before. What freedoms had he been granted? What explanations? Neji nodded, showing his consent. It was enough for his uncle.
"Then you can start by meditating." Hiashi walked around him heading back to the main house.
A flustered, "now?" escaped him.
Hiashi stopped, turned, and said very seriously. "Neji. I am your clan leader now. If I give you an order. You begin to follow through on it before I even finish my breath."
Neji bit back a biting remark that was on the tip of his tongue. Just because he agreed to this, it didn't mean he would be happy about it, especially with what he knew now. "I understand, Oji-sama."
Hiashi walked off, leaving Neji in the garden. He did ask for this, he just didn't think it would be right at this moment. He sighed and sat down in the grass. The cold air was piercing through his blazer, and the sun was hidden behind the clouds, dashing any chance it would get warmer any time soon. He didn't complain. This was only the beginning. Things would likely get harder from here on. He asked for it, and he wouldn't go back now.
Gaara should have known his happiness wouldn't last. It started well enough. After Hyuuga left, he hadn't stayed in bed much longer. He still felt weak and pain still racked his body in a dull throb with the occasional acute pain here and there, but he had refused to stay in the hospital any longer. He'd be damned if he didn't get an explanation about the attack on the embassy. He had put on a pair of clothes that had been brought for him and had left to find Tsunade.
During the short trip, he thought about Hyuuga who would be coming back to see him after school. Unaware of his actions, he touched his lips, recalling the kiss that was left not even an hour ago. His face flushed at the memory. Was it weird he didn't kiss back at the time? What if he couldn't kiss well? Would Hyuuga be disappointed?
Instead of these thoughts giving him anxiety, it made him ridiculously happy. Just the simple fact that he could worry about something so mundane and stupid was a luxury he never thought he would have even for a small time.
He was right. He didn't get a chance to think about it long because as he neared Tsunade's office, feeling a hostile wave of qi coming from it, he overheard Uchiha saying Uzumaki had been kidnapped. All thoughts of Hyuuga left, replaced with different levels of panic.
He never went into the office, only staying long enough to verify who took Uzumaki. After that, everything was a haze. Should he be relieved it wasn't Orochimaru that grabbed him? Or should he be more worried that he was in the hands of an enemy he did not know? Uchiha's brother had so little on him that only Uchiha Itachi's human life was available to them.
He found himself sitting outside the hospital, unsure of what he should do. The hunters couldn't be relied on. With Uzumaki being in the enemy's hands, they were more likely to try to kill him. He could try to search on his own, but how far could he get before the hunters target him. Did he really have to rely fully on Uchiha? Sure, he was planning to but wasn't it too soon. He hadn't properly vetted Uchiha yet. Hadn't tested him to see how far Uchiha would go for Uzumaki. Vampires were selfish creatures who only looked out for their own self-interest. They weren't mates. There was always a chance Uzumaki would be tossed away once Uchiha found him too troublesome.
In truth, he blamed himself for Uzumaki's disappearance. Every time his focus left Uzumaki, something bad happened. Uzumaki getting bitten. Uzumaki getting kidnapped. If he had been paying more attention if he hadn't been distracted by his own selfish desires.
He had the urge to bury his face in his hands and just curl up as he had as a child. He was an idiot, wasn't he? He and Hyuuga, even being together briefly. it just wouldn't work. He only had a little time left. What had he been thinking? He had to end this.
He went to the Nijijma house, planning to leave a message. His eyes were unfocused, and his feet didn't want to move, but he had to do it. Before he could get a word out, a servant brought him into the main house and had him wait in the Japanese style room, sitting on a pillow, waiting as she brought him tea.
He didn't want to stay long. The longer he stayed, the more difficult it will be. It would be better if he couldn't feel anything, and the longer he sat, the more he tried to make himself detached from the situation. He had more than enough practice doing so. By the time someone came to greet him, he managed to do just that.
"Is the tea not to your liking?" Hiashi asked, opening the shoji screen that led to the engawa right outside, showing glimpses of the courtyard before he closed the screen again.
"Hyuuga-san," Gaara greeted though he did not bow. "I came to deliver a message for your nephew. I wasn't expecting to stay longer than that."
"I see." Hiashi sat down across from him, hiding his hands in the sleeves of his kimono. "Neji is currently training in the garden. He started his hunter training today."
"I understand." Perhaps it was a blessing he couldn't see him, he thought distantly. "Can you deliver a message then?"
Hiashi didn't say anything, so he continued.
"I won't be able to see him for a while, so he won't need to come by anymore." Gaara delivered the line straight as if it didn't relate to him.
"I believe that is a message you should tell my nephew in person," Hiashi replied, seconds before the sound of running footsteps were heard outside on the wooden walkway.
The shoji door was pulled open with force, revealing Neji dressed in his gi and a smile on his face. "Gaara, what are you doing here?" he asked in what was supposed to be a scolding tone, but unable to hide the happiness in his voice. "I thought you were supposed to be in the hospital for one more day."
"Neji," Hiashi interrupted, his voice stern, "I thought I told you to meditate until I gave you permission to stop." His eyes darted to Hinata who was hiding slightly out of Gaara's sight, his mouth down turning in disapproval. "But seeing as you have a guest, I will make an exception." He stood up with grace and without a wrinkle in his clothes. "Come, Hinata. I believe we need to talk."
Hinata finally stepped into the room, bowing her head to Gaara in politeness before following her father out the other door. She only had the smallest signs of guilt on her face with her father's indirect reprimand. Why did she have to bring Hyuuga here now?
Speaking of Hyuuga, he kneeled in front of Gaara, bringing a hand up to Gaara's face. He stopped short from touching his skin before changing his mind and putting his hand back in his lap. "Is something wrong? You don't look good."
The concern in his voice was making this harder, but Gaara managed to maintain his distance. As long as he couldn't feel, he would make it through this. "I came to tell you that I changed my mind. We shouldn't see each other after today."
A beat of silence then Hyuuga let out a nervous chuckle. "I think your sense of humor is getting worse. What's really going on?"
"I'm not joking," Gaara replied. He was still staring blankly in front of him. "I have things to do, and you can't be there when I do them."
"Bullshit," Hyuuga spat. "We were fine this morning. What really happened?" Suddenly, he inhaled sharply. With much less certainty, he asked, "Is it because… I'm a guy after all."
It would be easy to just say yes, but the hurt in Hyuuga's voice prevented him from doing so. "I can't be distracted anymore, and you're a distraction."
"A distraction?" Hyuuga repeated incredulity. "A distraction from what? If it's from a mission, I'm training so I don't get in the way."
"That's not it," Gaara said quietly.
"Then what is?"
Gaara didn't believe in lying. He would rather say nothing than lie. The only time he lied was for Uzumaki's sake to protect him. He sealed his lips, not saying any more.
There was distress on Hyuuga's face at his silence. He shook his head vigorously, saying, "No, I won't leave. Not until you give me a good reason." He stood. He tried to act like the conversation before didn't happen, forcing himself to act normal. "I'll ask my uncle if you can stay here for the time being. Eri is staying in one of the guest rooms. There's a good place we can spar too."
Gaara didn't like seeing Hyuuga acting like that. It was too similar to how Hyuuga acted at school, forcing a smile and trying to be perfect in front of everyone. He knew how much it pained Hyuuga to act like that, and now he was doing it for him.
But what did it matter? He was trying to end it with Hyuuga, but just the sound of Hyuuga's pained voice, his action, his words, affected Gaara. He couldn't separate himself from a situation if Hyuuga was involved. "Hyuuga," the name came out barely louder than a whisper, but Hyuuga continued, pushing forward.
"I'll tell the kitchen to make some sweets too. Or maybe I should just tell someone to go to the store to grab something. The café you like takes orders, right? I kind of wanted to try their coffee jelly. "
"Hyuuga," he said a little louder.
Hyuuga continued to pretend he didn't hear him. "I can show you around the manor too. We own a good amount of land, but you probably knew that. There's a quiet spot on the mountain I like to go to. I can show you."
"Hyuuga!" Gaara couldn't take it anymore. Hyuuga's desperate attempt to ignore Gaara leaving him was painful to listen to. Each sentence was like stabbing Gaara's heart.
At the outburst, Hyuuga became quiet. In a small voice of his own, he said, "Please, don't take my chance away."
"It's not you," Gaara clutched the fabric from his pants in his hands. "Uzumaki's in trouble, and it's my fault."
"Uzumaki?" he almost said with disbelief. "This is all for Uzumaki?" His disbelief quickly turned to anger, and he quickly turned his back to Gaara as he tried to compose himself.
This should be a good time to leave before he said anything else. His legs didn't agree. They felt like they were glued into place especially when Hyuuga looked down at him with a strange look. "I know Uzumaki is important to you," Hyuuga said, sounding strained to keep his voice neutral, "but dropping everything for him… isn't that a bit too much?"
"It's my duty."
"You're duty? Is that your mission here in Japan? Watching over him?" Hyuuga's anger was slipping again, and Gaara couldn't understand why.
"You wouldn't understand."
"Then explain it to me. If he's not your mission, then why do you have to leave because of him."
Gaara breathed in slowly, recalling the past, the bright blue eyes of a small child looking at him from across the hall and the first gentle hands to ever touch him. "Because he's the reason I choose to come to Japan in the first place."
