Gods frakking dammit, not again.

I hate, HATE, being trapped. I HATE being kept here. I HATE him for keeping me in here. He can't be frakking serious when he says I'm going to love him. He's out of his godsdamned Cylon mind.

Why the hell does he keep coming back? He stepped over his own dead body to get in. What, do I have to nail it to the door next time? Is that gonna get the message through his thick skull?

He's in the next frakking room. I can't even scream anymore. Throat's getting too sore. I gotta save what I can, in case anyone who cares comes by. Not like I'm keeping my hopes up. I don't even know if anyone knows where I am. No way to get the news to them, either.

Frak. Just frak. I'm pacing around the room. Why does it have to be a nice room? Can't he just keep me in a frakking cell like any normal psycho? No, has to be a nice room. I don't even get the bragging rights. Kept prisoner in a nice cushy room. And he won't kill me. He won't give me the dignity of knowing I'm about to die. No. He's gonna keep me here like some frakking pet until he breaks me.

For the four billionth time, my mind goes back to Sam. I wonder if he's even still alive. I haven't seen him—haven't seen anyone—for four whole months. For all I know, he's dead of pneumonia. Without me around busting his ass whenever he snuck out, the dumb bastard probably did die.

I can't cry. Can't let myself break.

I'm not gonna pretend like I'm some damsel in distress. No brave man is coming to save me. If I'm gonna get out of here, I need to do it myself.

But dammit. There's nothing to do. Nowhere to go. I'm trapped here.

I HATE being trapped.

Frak it, it's like the farm all over again. Frak! Stuck, helpless. Frakking helpless. Starbuck, helpless. Starbuck doesn't DO helpless. Starbuck kicks some frakking Cylon ass.

But this time, I'm not even Starbuck. Yeah, Sam's been calling me that, sometimes. And Chief and Cally, even Tigh, a little bit. But I'm back on the ground. A civilian. I haven't really been Starbuck for a year. Starbuck flies one kick-ass Viper.

Kara sits like a frakking lump on the cushy prisoner couch.

I feel like going up to the bars again and screaming my lungs out. But that's not gonna help anything. I could always go kill Leobin again. Doesn't help anything either, but it always makes me feel better. But then he can just spend the night downloading. I'll wake up in the morning right into another nightmare.

Yeah, better save it. See how much waking time I can get without him. For now, I should sleep. The soldier in me is practically bitching me out to get the rest I can. Gods, I almost have to smile. That's Starbuck. She's coming back.

So I lie down on the sofa, just staring at the dead one on the floor. I know how tomorrow is gonna go. He'll wake up, try to get me to fall in love with him, leave. I'll go back up those stairs. Stare at the bars. Pray to the gods that someone comes along who I can help me. And in the meantime, I'll stay down here and think.

I can't stay here forever. I won't. And I can guarantee it. I'm giving myself another two months. Because I'm not helpless, not completely. I still have my knife. He lets me have weapons, since dying doesn't matter to him.

But it matters to me.

Two more months. If I'm stuck here half a year, I'm getting out. However I have to.