Date posted: 31st May 2021

Thanks to Tigercry for fighting the horde of Nurgle and beta'ing this chapter!


Chapter 6: Hired Blades

"My skill in battle is unmatched. Fortunately for you, that skill can be bought."

-Marcurio, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Betty's Bistro was the epitome of the middle class. Spacious with lovely wooden decor and well-lit thanks to Mankhlar's eternal smog. It was the sort of place where a smith at the end of the month would take their family or a raid party before a dungeon dive. Well to do burghers and foremen were having brunch while the cloaked figure stayed in a curtained booth in a quiet corner. The thick glass windows and a hardworking staff kept the smell of smog out.

In the corner was a row of curtained booths for customers that wanted a bit more privacy. The curtains of a booth split as a well dressed merchant seated himself across the cloaked stranger. A waiter appeared in an instant and the newcomer ordered tea and biscuits.

The merchant took out a ledger, a pot of ink and his finest quill and placed them on the table. He tented his hands and smiled. "What can I do for you, Kirito-san?"

"Fuck you."

"I see you're in a better mood."

"Give me my money, fuck you."

The merchant took a long breath. The meal arrived and he took a sip from his tea, regretting his impatience as the heat burned his tongue. "So how's life?"

"I can't find my sets of china." China was the unofficial term for any and all sorts of plate armour, which started as a joke amongst members of the merchant's guild. "I spent so much money on getting them, I'll have to start over from scratch if I can't get them back and sell them properly. You got my letters of complaint. Why are my insurance claims rejected?"

"Kirito-san," said the merchant, "your letters of complaint consisted mostly of death threats; defenestration, burning down my house, and something about bees. And they were written in chicken blood."

Kirito slammed his fist on the table. "And I have way more chickens where that came from!"

Miyuki 'Marco' Kutaragi, guildmaster of the Aincradian Players Mercantile Guild, sighed. A twenty-something Harvard grad student that had the misfortune of being stuck in a Death Game, the young businessman smartly used his innate charisma and cat-herding skills to amass both wealth and influence. His rise to fame came from the simple, but vital, selling of health potions from glass containers to steel containers. This alone made him extremely wealthy by game standards.

As of now, there were numerous offices for the guild in numerous cities and towns of Aincrad. It was said he was the most powerful player outside of the heads of the Clearer guilds and crafting guilds.

"Kirito-san, you are a wanted fugitive. The entire floor is chasing you. Not just the guardsmen, even members of the Thieves Guild are on you. The other day, I saw your wanted poster at a notice board. There are players that would 100% turn you in for your bounty and they won't care if the Tyrant's executioner is gonna put your head on a pike. We have a policy of not working with Orange Players or players who are on the wrong side of the law. Our legitimacy is based entirely on the whims of Aincradian kingdoms, and we prefer to keep our independence."

Kirito cursed under his fake beard. "Damn blood suckers. Where is player solidarity? Would they turn in an innocent man for mere coin? Is that where the world has come to? When man would betray each other for meaningless metals?"

"You want to know how much you're worth, do you?"

"Yes, please." Kirito swiped a biscuit and munched on it.

Marco told him.

"I am worth WAY more than that."

"I mean, respectfully, you're just some random merchant. You're not exactly a powerhouse like the Thunder Lord, or a Clearer leader like General Thinker, or an info broker like the Rat."

Kirito wasn't looking at him. "By the way, how much is she worth?"

Marco told him.

"WHAT?! How the hell is she five digits?!"

The merchant leader sipped his tea. "Rumours say she's leading some sort of organised resistance. Our own spy network is nothing compared to hers. Apparently she has a couple of ninjas under her employment and leading goblins from the underground? Crazy, that woman."

"Ah." Kirito stroked his fake beard. "What do you know of this … Rat?"

Marco raised a brow. "Who doesn't know her? I've done business with her before, but always via proxy. The closest was in a crowded restaurant, with those booths and we were talking without seeing each other. I can only assume that she's an older woman, probably in her twenties. She seems to have a high education, perhaps university trained. Perhaps, and I think this is likely, she works as intelligence for the government."

"Maybe she's some random high schooler."

"Don't be ridiculous Kirito-san. Anyway, I may not be able to fully reimburse your insurance but perhaps this will suffice." The guild leader produced a slip of paper from his sleeve.

Kirito read it and his eyes widened. "This is amazing!" he proclaimed, shoved the biscuits in his coat and ran off.

Marco let out a very long sigh. "You're welcome, I guess."


It was night at the HQ and in one corner of the compound, two people were doing their best to stay quiet.

"Kazuto … please … people will hear …"

She felt his breath tickle her skin. Before his lips brushed over the nape of her neck. "So? Let them hear… You've never been shy about this before."

Then he became brave. She felt strong hands enfold her sides. She felt goosebumps.

"Ahh… N-Nya… Please d-don't stop, Kii-bou…"

Argo turned to meet him and fell off the bed.

Startled, she woke up, and through sheer force of her will, did not scream in anger.

Bare stone walls greeted her and the sound of rushing water and mummering was audible in her shack/office/bedroom. Sighing, she stretched, hearing the pop of bones and dropped to her bed to engage in her exercise routine. Her bodyweight of fifty kilos was no longer sufficient to act as any real effort but it was a ritual she had stuck to for years, virtual reality or not.

After her morning rituals (and a very cold shower), she made her way around the base. The goblin underground was a series of chambers that used to house all sorts of monsters from giant spiders to slimes and the odd zombie. There were many such goblin villages around the underground river, this was just one of many.

They were cleared easy enough by Argo and her lieutenants. Though it had gotten easier when Kirito's bodyguards joined in. She did her usual round of checking the families of goblins and reading reports. Though she ran their little commune, she didn't really consider herself the leader. It was the goblins that invited her to help.

Argo entered the newest addition to the HQ. Asuna, Sinon and the three goblin lieutenants cleared out a large chamber yesterday. Once upon a time, it served as some sort of reservoir then it was infested by rat-eating slimes. Now it was used as a training centre for a hundred goblins. All of them had padded armour of some kind with the tougher ones wearing mail. Standing above was Asuna and an old man in a battered but polished breastplate, examining the goblins with a critical eye. Argo leaned by the door and watched.

He spoke loudly and clearly, "I am Commander Roger Lionel Emeri of the great City of Mankhlar. Today, I am your drillmaster From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir". Do you greenskins understand that?"

The recruits answered, "Gob gobu!"

"Bullshit! I can't fucking hear you!"

"GOB GOBU!"

"Outstanding!" The drillmaster raised his weapon in hand. "Behold: the stick!"

"Ooo!" went the goblins.

Drillmaster Emeri nodded. "That's right. The oldest weapon of all, known to all mortals. Everyone uses em'. The elves call it a scathmaide, the dwarves call them battlerods. What's a spear? A pointy stick. A club? A thick stick. A bow? That's a stick that shoots other sticks! Master the stick and you'll master all others. A stick can beat a sword if you know how to use it right. Lieutenant Asuna here will assist me in the way of the staff so pay attention, cause I ain't gonna repeat myself!"

Asuna stepped up with her own staff and the two began following a routine of basic staff strikes for a while. They went slow and steady, all the while the commander explained the hows and whys of the moves. The goblins paired off and repeated the moves.

Argo went to another chamber, a particularly long one that used to house items, but it was also cleaned up and a shooting range was set up, Sinon was surveying the usage of crossbows, a noticeable upgrade from slings. There were some three dozen goblins sitting down and listening to her.

"This is a two-hundred pounder crossbow. It's used for hunting, but they'll hurt a thug all the same." Argo noticed the crossbows were immaculately decorated with carvings and inlaid silver. If goblin sharpshooters weren't going to work, then they could at least be sold.

Sinon loaded the weapon via a goats foot lever with practiced smoothness. She then shot it at the farthest dummy in the range. "That's all there is to it. Much easier to use than a bow, if a bit heavier."

The goblins repeated the move. They all began shooting wooden bolts into the targets at a steady pace. They varied wildly from goblin to goblin, but even with wooden bolts, Argo would not want to be at the (end?) of one. The Rat appreciated the professionalism the slayer showed. Cool, calm, instructive. That was the best kind of teacher in her op-

There was a sharp snap. One goblin had cocked the bowstring and accidentally shot without a bolt.

"WHO DID THAT?!"

Every goblin in the line froze.

"WHO FUCKING DID THAT?! WHO DRY-FIRED THEIR WEAPON?"

No one said anything. The shout was so sharp it was alien to hear it come from the usually cool archer.

It took the slayer mere moments to hone down on her prey. "YOU. GET OVER HERE."

The poor goblin waddled over to the archer. She snatched the weapon from his little hands.

"DO NOT EVER DO THIS AGAIN OR I'LL SHOVE AN ARROW UP YOUR NOSTRIL. NOW EVERYONE GET DOWN AND GIVE ME FIFTY."

The goblins placed their weapons on the floor and started doing push ups. Sinon sighed and approached the table behind her where a mug of water sat. She greeted Argo with a nod and took a swig. "What's up?"

Argo blinked. "I see the lessons are going well."

"They have a lot of promise. They're already hardy and are good climbers. We just need to practice climbing with crossbows on their backs and I think we're go-" she spun around suddenly - "I SEE YOU SLACKING, PROPER PUSH UPS OR EVERYONE HAS TO DO IT AGAIN!

"Don't you think you're being a little too hard on them?"

"Do you have a problem with my teaching style, Argo-san?" she said cooly, with so much killing intent the info broker felt a cold shiver going down her back.

Argo had boxed with orcs and wrestled barbarians, and she'd rather take ten of each right now over talking to the slayer.

"N-n-no! K-k-keep up the good work!" With that, she retreated into the main hall.

Elsewhere in goblin rebel HQ, members of the former Mankhlar council were gathering information and writing down the deets of the Tyrant's many wrongdoings. Leading the scribes and councilmen was the Honorable Iudex Ruth "Ruthless" Palatina, an old battle axe of a woman with a white hot grudge against the Tyrants and the Thieves Guild. She had taken a small shack of her own and it was already filled with all sorts of paperwork of lawbreaking, injustices and other wrongdoings. The sound of quill scratching on paper had not stopped since she took charge.

Such was her zeal, Argo had to send her goblins to find even more parchment and ink. "You know, this paperwork stuff is nice and all, but do we really need to put this much effort into it?"

Iudex Palatina did not bother to look up from her parchment nor did her quill slow down. "If we want to bring him to justice, we must do this right. Record all he has done, do justice towards the wronged. Laws are what separates man from beast."

Argo nodded. "I can get behind that."

"Besides, it's been a while since we had a public execution. Need to entertain the masses and make everyone feel as if they've contributed."

"Riiight. What other crimes has he committed, other than the whole, you know, marching his army into the city and ruling like a dictator."

The judge took a moment to readjust her glasses. "Let's see, well there's upping the taxes on everyone by 200%, appointing his cronies as men in power, cutting the funding on medical services, robbing the numerous temples, has his swords on the throats on every guild, and more or less devaluing all the weapons and armour the city makes. It may seem he's making money, but by selling to everyone, he may be dooming the civilised world by -"

"You know, judge, I get it. You do what you need to do."

"Very well, Rat. I look forward to your plan. By the way, we're running out of ink."

There was a large space where a long hearth was dug into the earth and the old bricks used as a perimeter to contain the fire. Most of the time it acted as a stove with grills for cooking fish. There wasn't enough room for tables but there were pillows and cushions all around. Goblin children played with sticks and dolls while goblin mothers made do with knitting. Some elderly goblins were carving wood, some were mending shoes. There was always work to do in the commune.

At one end was a raised platform of bricks and planks. Sometimes Argo used it to make a speech or the goblins would make a play or a sketch. Currently it had a rocking chair and a curious figure in it, a man in a well-worn kaftan and a decorated turban, surrounded by a dozen little goblins. When she approached, the man in the chair finished his piece with a flourish. The goblins gave a cheery applause.

"Thank you, beautiful listeners. Now excuse me, it seems the Mouse wishes to speak to me." With that, the crowd dispersed. The man bowed slightly in his seat. "What can I do to you, my saviour?"

"How's the lute, Sa'id?"

He sighed longingly. "It's not my old faithful, but it will do. I had my beloved for decades. Until I was branded a menace by the Tyrant and my beloved was used as kindling."

Sa'id the Su'luk was a castle-famous bard who had travelled all across the realms. Even when he spoke casually, there was a melodious tone to his speech. He was also some sort of rebellious upstart who had lent his song and lute to many a revolutionary. A handsome man in his thirties, the vagabond had run afoul of the Tyrant by singing jaunty tunes about all the misjustices he had committed. Also a bawdy song about sticking something inside a pig?

"Prison life must have been hard for you."

"Ahah! Not so, Mouse. You think the Bastille was the first prison I've been rotting in?"

"What did the Beast do to you?"

He frowned. "He sang my songs back at me. Off tune."

"Terrible!"

"Indeed, but I have survived worse. But I worry not, for I know that the Tyrant's days are numbered with you in charge."

She suddenly realised the hall was mostly empty, it was lunch time. The working goblin women had gone off to a side chamber where Agil was serving food. The goblin children had taken their play fighting elsewhere. Perhaps, this was her chance?

She looked left and right and said to him in a low voice. "Sa'id, I need advice."

"Of course, Mouse. Whatever you need," he replied in a similar tone.

"I have a … personal problem."

He smiled. "A boy, yes? The one known as Kirito"

"How did you know?!"

"I was young like you once, in love. Have I ever told you of my first love? She was the neighbour's daughter, a laundress of unimaginable beauty. Also, you've been hounding him whenever you're not working."

"Well, that's embarrassing. I hope no one else noticed."

"Of course not, only me." A white lie. "Now, tell me your worries."

She told him everything about Kirito and the rebel-bard listened intently. "Doesn't he see I want us to get back together?"

Sa'id stroked his beard. "Ah, I see. So you wish to woo him like a Granum knight devotes herself to her prince? And mayhaps, one day, into his heart?"

She blushed. "Well, I mean … I suppose."

"Remind me again why you made his bodyguards dress up like that before you freed us?"

"I wanted to tease him. I tease him a lot. Besides, it was for the mission."

"By introducing potential romance partners in your little fight?" He tsked. "An unwise decision."

"Well, whatever. It's not like Kirito likes, likes likes, those girls. We've known each other for years. We've been dating for so long."

"And, what if he doesn't return your feelings? Have you considered that?"

She didn't. "Ah. Ah crap. Does … Kirito have a thing for his bodyguards?"

"I have seen these two ladies. The swordswoman and the slayer, yes? They are lovely girls indeed, especially the former. It makes sense for Kirito to prefer them."

"Hey, what is that supposed to mean?"

"They've all been together for a while, travelling the roads, fighting off monsters. You haven't spoken to him in months until very recently. Why did you not seek him when you found yourself in Aincrad?"

"Well uh …" She had no answer.

The bard adjusted a string on his lute. "You cannot force love to grow, Mouse, no more than you can force a flower to bloom or crops to grow bountiful. It takes time, and effort. Your plant is neglected and needs watering, do you understand what I'm saying?"

Argo looked to be in deep thought, then snapped her fingers. "You know what, I think I do."

"Excellent! Now, you can start with -"

"Do you happen to know if a love potion exists?"

"You haven't heard a word of what I've said, have you?"

"Ooh, how about a witch? They can lay curses right?"

Sa'id sighed. "It's lunch time, perhaps we can discuss this over a meal."

"I hear Agil is making mushroom stew."


There was something in the air of Mankhlar and it wasn't the smoke.

The guardsmen were out in full force; checkpoints were placed at high traffic roads. The usual routine of corruption increased tenfold as halberd wielding guards shook down merchants, local and foreign. In the market district, a town crier announced a new window tax where each window now costs ten col. This had led to numerous homes being boarded up to avoid paying taxes.

He had to dodge numerous guard patrols despite the fact he was in disguise. He had no money on him and he was sure he'd get beaten up for just being in the wrong left him going from alley to alley, a similarly risky affair but much preferable. It was a risk he had to take.

He passed from the Merchant's District, clean and well-kept by a small army of goblins, into the alleys of Old Town where goblins had to come in crews and sometimes armed. He saw a couple of goblins sweeping trash when a second-story window opened and people disposed of their trash right onto them. A drunk man stumbled out of a bar and into the alley and two hooded figures went after him. He was likely going to get mugged.

He passed a beggar, holding out his wooden bowl. Kirito flipped a 100 Col coin into it.

Immediately, he felt eyes on him. Damn his bleeding heart. He moved faster.

Kirito however was much more clever. He took a right into an abandoned alley. He had calculated a path from the nearest goblin HQ exit to where he met Marco at the restaurant. It was really not that different from finding the safest path in a dungeon or the most profitable caravan route. It was mathematically efficient! If he legged it, he could find himself safely back without any issue and just in time to work on the lead he was given -

"Well well, what do we have here?" A bald burly man in fighting leathers appeared from behind a stack of crates. He didn't need to turn around to notice that there was another person behind him.

"Oh, is the Thieves Guild collecting taxes again?" Kirito asked.

The burly NPC cracked his knuckles. "Ah good sir, you see, there's no such thing as the Thieves Guild. It is a myth, a fictional organisation the bourgeois has made up to oppress the working class. We are, what would you say, donation askers."

"Donations?"

"That's right. For a new orphanage. You know, for orphans."

Behind him, Kirito could just hear the sound of a knife sliding out of its sheath. "Get a load of this guy, bet he also believes in ratmen too."

"Gentlemen, listen, I'm just a humble fishmonger. Why don't we just go our own separate ways and go home to our families?"

"I hate my family, that's why I killed them," said the mugger as he drew out a knife. "Now, donate to the orphanage, you bastard."

The merchant made a calculated risk but man, was he bad at math.

There was a sudden whoosh above his head followed by a crash of a body and the clatter of a knife. Another whoosh and the mugger yelled in pain as he fell to his knees in front of Kirito. The merchant produced a secret weapon from his jacket and smacked him in the temple, knocking him out. He let out a breath of relief at the sudden figure.

A cloaked figure clambered down from the roof with cat-like grace, slingshot in hand. "You know, it's kinda hard to do my job if the body I'm supposed to be guarding sneaks out when no one is looking."

"I'll have you know, dear slayer, that I am fully capable of protecting myself in these mean streets."

She looked down at the unconscious NPC. "Did you knock the guy out with a piece of frozen fish?"

"These ruffians would never have expected such a move."

"I don't think anyone would, really."

"Well it's a good thing because the shirt I'm wearing is pretty thin and my niple is completely fro-"

"Anyway," she cut him off. "We need to get back to HQ."


The rebel committee was gathered in the war room. The goblin lieutenants, the surviving council members, the bodyguards, sat at the table while the Rat was at the front and centre. She was standing in front of a large map of the city with numerous details written and pinned upon it. Kirito sat in the corner, and for the first time, actually paying attention.

"Ladies and gentlegoblins, the political situation is dire," she announced. "Before we continue, I'd like to ask the room, what's the endgame for both the Tyrant and the Thieves Guild?"

"One side wants to control the city," said Iudex Palatina. Even in a meeting, she was still scribbling down something on parchment. "He who controls the foundries controls the arms of Aincrad. Thirty-five percent of the weapons and armour in the castle comes from here. No other city can match our level of industrialisation. Now the Tyrant and the Thieves Guild are almost in open war with another."

"Almost? Like ten people died yesterday at a bar fight!" said Asuna.

"Indeed. And it would be even worse when they muster their armies," said the judge.

"Regardless, there's a complication," said Argo.

"Mercenaries," Commander Emeri spitted out. "It was mercenaries that put the Tyrant in control, and now it's mercenaries that's bringing war to our fine city, damn them all."

"Technically I'm also a mercenary," said Argo.

"Damn most of them, then," he grumbled.

Argo continued, "It seems that the major guilds are split into three: there are those who side with the Thieves Guild and those who side with the Tyrant. The Aincrad Liberation Force and the Shouidan Gun are the major guilds backing the Tyrant while the Sons of Mars and the Titan's Hand back the Thieves Guild. Then there's the third major faction, the ones on the fence. Guilds like the Defenders Immaculate, Saracen Sellsword Inc. and Yamagata Group."

"You're afraid that the players will actually go to war with each other," said Agil as a matter of fact.

"There were 120,000 players in SAO when the game started and there's about 113,000 currently, give or take a few thousand. Chances are, a lot of us don't like each other. Crippling taxes were just introduced by the government, the Thieves Guild are shaking down business owners and families, you honestly can't tell which tax collector comes from which faction. It's all a mess."

The bard whistled. "That must be a lot of coin being squeezed from a rock."

"So, why don't we just … take out the Thieves Guild and the Tyrant ourselves?"

Everyone turned to the new speaker. It was Kirito, sitting in the corner.

"What do the Clearers want? To advance to the next floor. What do both factions want? To kill each other. You chop off both heads of the snake and there's no need for a player civil war."

Commander Emeri stroked his beard. "Yes, use the mercenary forces and crush both of them, and restore the government. I approve of this plan. You got some real balls on you, kid!"

"Sorry Kirito, but as you might have noticed, we're literally fighting with sticks here. Stealing stuff is one thing, but going to war is another. Do you happen to have a crack team of fighters that you happen to personally know? Oh, you're smiling. Oh you have a piece of paper. I think I can see where you're going with this."


It was a bright sunny day (by Mankhlar standards). The goblins were treated like serfs, the citizens were squeezed dry by government agents and gangsters alike, a dozen fights broke out every day, and worst of all, the price of fish went up.

On the western side of the city, the district known as Marvel Hill was one of the few parts of the city unaffected by the political turmoil. When the Tyrant took over the city, the rich offered him a small mountain of gold and in return, he wouldn't kill them, which the residents of Marvel Hill considered was a pretty sweet deal.

In contrast, life for the Marvellous (as the rest of the citizens called them), was even better than it was under the Mankhlar Council, now free by laws and restrictions that protected the common man. Iudex Palatina said it was a hard fought battle to get the Marvellous to even pay taxes for basic infrastructure. When you give tax breaks for the rich, money does not in fact trickle down to the rest of society.

The accumulation of wealth in the hands of the few was a sickness that plagued many states and Aincrad was no different. It was capitalism at its worst. It was reprehensible and disgusting. With these bloodsuckers in charge, true equality could not be ach-

"You know, for a merchant, you sure dislike the rich," said Sinon.

"Hey, I pay taxes unlike these guys. I believe in giving back to society."

"None of us pay taxes, Kirito," said Asuna. "We're all way too young for that."

"Well if I did, I totally would. I'm not those weirdos who think taxation is theft."

"A true citizen, our Kii-bou."

"Boggo gab!" scolded Patch the Knife. The players went quiet as the goblins hauled their cart into the estate grounds. As they passed through the gates, they peeked from the covers and were greeted at the sight of a bloodbath.

Well, more like a slimebath.

The estate of one Lord Andrew Antigonid IV, a cattle baron who owned numerous ranches down on the lower floors, was a mess. Apparently his pet slime accidentally devoured the family dog. Then the other guard dogs. Then the guards themselves, followed by stable boys, maids, and other servants. Lord Antigonid was out of town on a business trip when he heard of the news and duly dispatched a nearby mercenary group to deal with the problem.

"We had a law about keeping monsters as pets," Palatina told them, "Guess what happens when you retract those laws?"

The mansion was a mess. There was goop everywhere, from the lawn to the trees to the roof. It was like someone took one of those firefighter helicopters that carried thousands of gallons of water, replaced the water with slime, and dropped them onto the estate.

Instead of bloodied soldiers there were instead gooped soldiers, stripping out of their armour and pouring buckets of water over their bodies. A small army of goblins was mustered to clean the mess (and all of it was unpaid 'voluntary' work by the Antigonid Estate, of course). One soldier directed the cart to a row of other carts where goblin janitors marched like an army, instead of shields and spears, it was with mops and buckets. The goblin lieutenants parked their cart and quickly, the four players snuck out of it. There was a set of temporary tents set up in the corner of the estate where the only single building of the estate wasn't gooped - the guard barracks. It was mostly deserted save for a few medics and knocked out wounded.

Sinon led the team behind a row of hedges until they reached the back door. "Okay, let's go in quietly, and find the guild leader."

"Is it safe?" asked Asuna.

Sinon smirked and pointed at her ears - not the cat ones, much to Kirito's disappointment. "High «Perception», remember?"

All four of them slowly crept in, only to realise it was dark. Someone pulled the curtain and the intruders found a dozen weapons pointed at them.

Sinon sighed. "Please don't say anything -"

"So much for high «Perception», huh?"

"Shut up, Rat."


They were seated uncomfortably on a sofa with Kirito squeezed between Sinon and Asuna and Argo, being the smallest person in the group, sitting on Kirito's lap (which she seemed to take little offense at). There was no need to be tied up, the angry looks were sufficient to pin them to the couch. Their weapons had been taken away.

The mercenaries were clad in mail and scale with green and gold surcoats and keffiyehs. There had to be hundreds of guilds and only a certain number of colour combinations. All had heard how the Shouidan Gun had claimed the colour red first for their guild, which then was challenged by the Sons of Mars. There were disagreements but they hashed it out in a civilised manner: they had one hundred fighters from both sides and duked it out in a one on one duel. When one fell, their comrade takes their place. They did this until one side ran out of fighters. It took an entire day, and the Sons of Mars won with a narrow ratio of 3:1.

Now the Shouidan Gun adopted orange as their main colours, insisting that orange was cooler than red anyway (not that anyone believed them). To have a guild 'claim' a colour was a difficult thing because everyone wanted to have a uniform colour. Most small guilds didn't bother, but it was a pretty big deal for larger guilds. Fashion, and influence, was everything.

Kirito eyed the guards. There were six of them and they covered their faces in keffiyehs. They had their weapons out, an assortment of blades and axes, but none were aimed at them. This, was by all accounts, a step up from the mugging in the alley. Any form of communication and bribery by Argo fell on deaf ears.

A man walked into the room - a tall dark eyed westerner with bits of slime still stuck onto his armour, scales missing and rings of his mail torn. His black hair was shining from the slime, as if he dumped an entire jar of hair gel onto it. He had a fine shamshir on his hip and eyed the trespassers with a curious glance.

"Alright, can someone explain this to me?" he asked in fluent Japanese.

"Sir, we found them sneaking into the compound and they stumbled onto us," said the man with the shortspear.

"Just snuck in like a bunch of idiots, heh," said another with the same weapon.

"I see," he said nonchalantly as if intruders sneaking into a warzone was an everyday occurrence. "Alright, sergeants, you can stay. The rest of you, get back to work."

Minutes later, a pot of tea was brewed and placed on the coffee table and the man sat across them on an armchair. Now with the room illuminated with open windows. His hair was sticking out in all directions from the serious towelling he gave it.

He took a sip of tea before finally saying, "Hello, Kirito."

"Captain-general Mason."

"Please, we've known each other long enough. Call me Ridwan. You know, there's another seat right there," he said, gesturing to a nearby armchair. "You don't need to have your girlfriend sit on your lap."

"Argo, get off me."

"No." Then she snuggled into him like a very big cat. Kirito could feel the eyes of his bodyguards glaring into the info broker.

"How do you know each other?" Sinon asked.

"We were in the beta test. I was given a preview of the game, see. Strange seeing you without a sword. Nice robes by the way."

Kirito said nothing.

Another sip. "You coulda just PM'd me, by the way. I still have you in my contacts. So what's new? Other than being an enemy of the state, of course. "

"Oh you know, running around, trying to avoid being killed, failing business, that sort of thing. You?"

"Ah, there's nothing new under the sun. We go to dungeons, we kill monsters, we make money. We just got here a few days ago. Heard some interesting news about you, hunted down that china of yours, yet?"

"Oh, you mean, your china." He smirked back.

The captain-general blinked and put down his cup. "Oh, so you've figured it out."

"You're the mystery-client, from the temple," said Asuna matter of factly.

"That we are," said a newcomer, entering the room. "We've met but I've not introduced myself. I am Derr Hochmeister, but you may call me Colonel Helmuth."

"How are you liking the gauntlets?" asked the merchant.

The Colonel patted his gauntlets which were hanging off his belt. "They are very good. Caught an axe head with the back of it, hardly felt a thing."

"Wait, how did you figure it out?" asked Argo. "Even I wasn't able to find out and I had spies in the temple."

"You had spies in the temple?" said Sinon. The fact she did not spot them clearly irked her.

Kirito shrugged. "You're not the only one with contacts, Argo."

"Ah wait, now I remember. Marco told you," said Argo. "My spy spotted you at Betty's."

"I was trying to be cool, c'mon …" he sulked.

Ridwan continued, "It's a shame about the armour, but it's what happens. I'm afraid the raw materials you were wanting so badly had been sold off, they were just taking up space in our stores. The Raiders are a very mobile group you see, horses cost a lot of money to maintain. Is there a peculiar reason why you're here? I'm sure the Colonel can pay for the gauntlets if you were wanting that, can you, Colonel?"

"Of course, I pay all my debts."

"Then why didn't you find me and pay me?" asked Kirito.

"I was busy." His eyes went to stare at the wall.

"Of course, you were."

Ridwan clasped his hands. "Well Kirito, it's good to see you alive but I'm a busy man. Now, if there's any more business -"

"I know where the suits of Blackguard plate are."

Asuna and Sinon's eyes widened.

"Oh?"

"And." There was a gritting of teeth. "I'm …. Willing to give them out … for free … if you do something for me ..."

There was a silence for a moment as the information sank.

"Eight sets of Blackguard plate is the highest level of protection outside of «Excellent» Quality brigandine. You're all wearing mail and scale, that's the highest you can afford. Plate armour is rare, and plate armour that fits you properly is rarer. Even noblemen have trouble affording them, much less players. Mail plus gambeson has an Armour Rating of 120. Put scale on it and you can get somewhere from 200 to 240. That's not including stuff like laminar, lamellar, brigandine, enchanted bronze, beast leathers, and the like. But mail and padded armour is the most common form of protection in the game and that is the standard to which all armours are compared.

"We are on level 15. As the game goes on, and materials get better, the higher the Armour. Plate Armor, proper full plate, gives 550 Armour. The Blackguard set gives 650. That's basic, unenchanted, «Normal» quality. This would make you invincible outside of dedicated warhammers. Spears will glance off you. Arrows and bolts break against you. Eight heavy infantrymen can take on dozens of monsters on their own."

The girls knew how much the armour was worth to Kirito. There was something personal about the whole venture to him. It wasn't just the money.

"Eight sets of Blackguard plate, 12,000 Col each. 96,000 Col. That's an immense expense for the ALF, and they're the biggest guild around, much less a smaller one. The Raiders are, what, a hundred strong?"

"A hundred-twenty," the colonel corrected.

"Small, elite, high levels, and high pay. The going rate of a level 5 player is 100 Col a week. That's not where the money is from, of course. It's the loot. And if there's one thing Raiders like, it's money."

Asuna understood then what he had been writing in his notes.

"In essence, I will give you nearly 100,000 Col worth of armour, for free, in exchange for me doing a single, tiny favour."

Mason leaned over, curious. "And that is?"

"You take out both the Tyrant and the Thieves Guild."

More silence.

The Clearer downed his cup in a single gulp, the hot water not bothering him.

"Tell me, what's stopping me from taking the armour sets for myself, and wait out the upcoming shitstorm?"

Kirito rolled his eyes. "Oh come off it, Ridwan. Your merc roleplay is all very nice and all, we get it, none of us have seen our families or have access to the Internet anymore. Also, you have no idea where they are."

"First of all, I recall you doing the same thing in the beta. Secondly, the Tyrant's guardsmen confiscated them."

Kirito shook his head. "It was lost during transportation, an ambush by the Thieves Guild. In the scuffle, the armour was lost. You could wait it out, and maybe one day, find it yourself, but wouldn't you want them all sooner than later?"

"So your plan is basically bribing me with armour and in return, you want me and my men to wipe out both factions and avert player civil war."

"That's right."

"What's in it for you."

"I don't need a reason to escape the Death Game with the most people alive. Do you? Besides, just think of the contracts you'll get. Everyone will talk about Ridwan's Raiders."

Helmuth leaned over. "The heavy infantry squad would be invincible, captain. It would be a massive boon for all of us."

He set his cup down. "I'll think about it."

Argo turned to look at Kirito. Her eyes said it all. We need the Raiders on our side. Now.

Kirito bit his lip. "And … I'll throw in a «Fowlbear Cape» too."

The captain-general stood up. "Sergeants, fetch me parchment and ink. We've got a new employer."


Kirito: Over 100 followers and 100 favorites, muwahaha! At this rate, we'll double our profits by the end of the fiscal year!

Argo: Uh oh, girls. I think the investments have gotten into his head.

Kirito: First, we'll conquer Aincrad with our legion of stockholders. Today, SAO, tomorrow, THE WORLD!

Asuna: I'd hit him with my sword but it might do permanent brain damage.

Sinon: Don't worry, I bought this throwing mace a while ago for just this occassion.

Argo: That's just a regular mace though, Sinonon.

Asuna: You might actually kill him with that.

Sinon: It's a risk I'm willing to take.

Kirito: And it's all thanks to our loyal customers and reviewers! Join the winning side. Join, the Kirito Corporation at discord . gg /z9Pz3Jzc7y (remove spaces)

Sinon: Okay, Kirito, now hold still -

Kirito: HELP, HELP, I'M BEING OPPRESSED. *Bonk!*