Neji checked the address in his hand, double-checking that he had indeed found the right place. In front of him was the local bar. A small wooden store with an aging front, located close to the docks where the fishermen worked. He had walked past it often throughout the years, going in a few times to eat. He would never have guessed the archives would be located underneath it.
Neji had woken up in his bed that morning, not quite remembering how he got there. Assuming he put himself to bed and was just too tired the night before to remember, he recalled his problem with Gaara and his uncle's suggestion to ask Uchiha for help.
He had been surprised to find out he had been asleep for nearly 19 hours, making it mid-afternoon when he woke. The servants prepared him a large meal which he wolfed down, realizing he hadn't eaten in nearly four days towards the end of his meal. Rested and fed, he could focus on his problems with Gaara. His uncle wouldn't see him, the servant wouldn't tell him why, but he did leave Neji an address of where he could find Uchiha.
Neji double-checked the address one last time. His uncle wouldn't have made a mistake, so it had to be here.
A kid was crouched at the entrance, looking through a bunch of trading cards in his hand. He looked to be around eight years old and was a little hefty for a kid his age, but Neji had seen this kid near this bar nearly every time he had passed by in the past.
Neji approached the kid, wondering how he should go about asking if he knew how to enter the archives, but the young boy beat him to it, not even looking up from his cards as he spoke. "You the kid Hiashi-kun told us about?"
Neji didn't immediately answer, taken back by the rude, offhanded delivery and the casual use of his uncle's name. "Yeah," he said slowly.
The kid sighed, grumbling under his breath before collecting his cards up. He looked over Neji, his face scrunching up and showing his disapproval. "Alright, follow me I guess." The boy scratched his head and just underneath the hair, if you looked closely, was a small white horn before hidden by hair once more. "Come on. Don't have all day."
Quickly going to the boy's side, the boy opened the sliding door to the bar. Rather than seeing the bar's interior, the door revealed a long, narrow hallway. "Come on. Come on." The boy said impatiently, urging him inside when Neji took "too long" to enter. "Down the hall. Don't take anything."
"Take wha—" the boy cut Neji off by slamming the door closed and sealing Neji inside.
Charming kid, he thought dryly, turning his attention to the door at the end of the hallway. Shaking off his unease at another seemingly impossible thing before his eyes, he went down the barren hallway. The passage seemed older than the building that contained it. Although it was older, there was no creaking when Neji walked on the wooden flooring, no peeling or stains from the wall or ceiling. It was just old. Similar to how a historical site or house was restored, he could feel its age without the wear and tear that came with it.
He opened the heavy wooden door at the end, needing to use quite a bit of strength to push it open. Even with the weight of the door, it didn't squeak as it swung open. It barely made a sound. Behind the door was a large room. Large didn't quite cover it. The inside reminded him of a pagoda. The first floor consisted of large tables and chairs from all different eras. Large old wooden ones seated low to the floor, more modern desks with chairs to match, ornate western couches from the 18th-19th century, armchairs, desks chairs, and more. The different types of furniture weren't mixed. Each style and era was separated into its own space. The eastern furniture occupied one side of the floor while western occupied the other side.
Walking to the center of the room, you could see the many, many levels to the room. Neji could count at least ten floors up. He could see books and files lining the walls on the second and third floors. He could only assume the other floors were similar.
"Hyuuga-kun?" Tsunade looked over the wooden railing on the second floor, spotting him as he walked in.
"Rokudaime-sama," he bowed quickly. "I didn't expect you to be here."
"I wasn't planning to be here, but I had some work to do. Uchiha is on the second floor."
"Thank you."
He took the wooden stairs located in the back corner. Near the top of the landing, there was another sitting area where Uchiha was laying down on the couch, looking through what looked like an old account book with hand-sewn binding. Books were tossed and spread out on the coffee table in front of him, partially read with bookmarks sticking out of them. The books varied from accounts, property deeds, law and history books, and more. He wondered what Uchiha was researching, but he didn't ask.
Uchiha didn't look at him as he said in an annoyed tone, "What do you want?"
Since meeting Uchiha, he had always been polite. He had never been rough with his language and always spoke formally. Was Uchiha still upset about losing to him or was he finally showing his true personality?
"I was hoping to talk to you about something." His eyes darted to Tsunade who was pulling off books gingerly from the bookshelf nearby. "If it's not too much trouble." He tried for a humbling attitude to gain Uchiha's favor. He really wanted to make this relationship with Gaara work. Even if it meant humbling himself in front of others.
"Don't feel like it," Uchiha responded flatly and quickly as if he had been waiting to reject him.
Something flew by Hyuuga's head, barely missing him, and aimed straight for Uchiha's head. Neji didn't get a good look until Uchiha caught it between his fingers, revealing another old book. Lazily, he took his eyes off the book he was reading and looked at Tsunade. "You really should treat your priceless and valuable documents more delicately, Tsunade-san," He said as he tossed the book he had been reading onto the table haphazardly.
"Never mind him. He's been sulking for the past week," she said, carrying over a mound of books and placing them on the small corner of the table that hadn't been covered. "Perhaps I could help?"
Neji avoided looking at her awaiting eyes, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute. It wasn't a conversation he wanted to have with his principal. It was barely a conversation he wanted to have with Uchiha. He didn't want them to know he was gay, but since his uncle said it was a vampire problem, he was willing to talk with Uchiha.
"It's um…. I'd rather…" the more he tried to explain, the more flustered he became.
"He's gay and wants to ask about immortal mates," Uchiha said, completely disinterested.
Neji's eyes widened with embarrassment while Tsunade sent him a glare. "You didn't have to put it so bluntly."
"I could not care less about Japanese customs." Uchiha flipped to the next page of his book. "And his stammering was annoying. I don't have the patience for someone too afraid to admit they're gay."
Feeling a bit humiliated, Neji kept his eyes down as Tsunade once again retorted on his behalf. "Because you're so forthcoming with telling people."
"It's no secret that I'm gay. Just because I don't talk about it, doesn't equate to me hiding it."
Neji perked up, seeing Uchiha in a new light, a glimmer of hope dangling in front of him. "You're gay?"
For the first time, Uchiha's eyes finally landed on him. The heavy gaze reminded Neji of the day before when he had truly pissed off Uchiha and was an inch away from losing his life. Uchiha sat up, keeping his eyes locked on Neji. "As I said, I don't go around advertising it. I'm not in the mood to entertain a baby hunter. Why don't you go and run along to your boyfriend?"
So Uchiha did keep grudges. That was good to know.
Neji had hit a rock wall. He didn't know how to approach Uchiha. Uchiha had always unsettled him, and he had a taste of his power only yesterday. If Uchiha didn't want to talk to him, how was he to get him to change his mind? It didn't seem possible.
Uchiha leaned forward to grab one of the books Tsunade had brought, but she moved in front of him, blocking his view. "Funny. I suddenly don't feel like helping you." Uchiha glared at her, but she stood unfazed. "Since I don't feel so generous anymore," she continued, "why don't you take your leave now."
Uchiha's eyes flashed silver before he closed them and breathed in deeply, sitting back on the sofa. "I get it. Would you be so kind and take these books downstairs, Tsunade-san," he said dryly with obvious sarcasm.
She replied with a tight smile of her own, "Of course."
Neji had no idea what type of relationship they had, but even he could feel the tension with each exchange.
She took the pile of books she had brought over and descended the stairs. Uchiha watched her every step until she could no longer be seen. "Let me take a wild guess as to why you wanted to talk," Uchiha started, crossing his legs and folding his arms. "You want to know how to curb your boyfriend's possessive behavior."
"How'd you know?" Neji was getting a sneaking suspicion Uchiha knew more than he should. Even if his uncle had told Uchiha his business, which he doubted, Uchiha still came off too confident.
Uchiha ran his fingers lightly down his throat with a bit of a smile on his lips. "I knew he'd get jealous, but I didn't think it would be so violent."
Neji's eyes widened before anger took hold of him. "You caused this?"
Uchiha's eyes held amusement as if he thought it was cute Neji was angry. The same way one would find a small dog yapping at a tiger not knowing any better amusing. "Your boyfriend made me realize something I wasn't too keen on learning about. I figured if I have to suffer, why doesn't he?"
Anger swelled in Neji's chest and his fear and humbled speech disappeared. Uchiha clearly thought little of them, not even worth treating them as equals. Were all vampires like this or was he just an asshole. "A bit childish don't you think?" he bit out.
"If I recall, you took out your anger on Uzumaki for years too, haven't you? Or am I wrong?" Neji couldn't refute it, and he did feel guilt at being reminded of it, dampening his anger. Uchiha continued, "I'm not someone who would let a chance at revenge slip by me. If he can't handle a small prank, that's not my problem."
Neji had to remind himself that he needed this bastard's help. Even without Uchiha's prank, whatever it was to set Gaara off, Gaara had been getting more possessive recently. He had to know how to prevent it no matter what. "Can you tell me how to stop it?" Neji asked, trying to speak respectfully once more, but his reluctance still slipped through.
Uchiha actually snorted, holding back a laugh. "There's no stopping it."
Neji's heart sank. "What?"
"If he's getting violent and possessive. It means he thinks of you as his mate. There's no stopping it."
There was that word again. Mate. What did it mean? It sounded like the English word mate. Did he mean friend? "I don't understand."
"Of course you don't," Uchiha muttered under his breath. Louder, he addressed Neji, impatience slipping into his voice. "It's not a subject immortals like to speak about. Especially with hunters." He lowered his voice. "If you repeat what I tell you to anyone other than your mate, I will kill you, your family, and anyone who you told and their family. Understand?"
Neji swallowed a lump in his throat. Uchiha was quite serious and exerted his chakra to back his words, giving Neji an oppressed feeling. He stood resolute and answered in a low voice as well, "I understand."
Uchiha eyed him very carefully, judging whether he could be trusted or not. He continued in a low voice, careful as to not let Tsunade overhear. "Mates are essentially an immortal's lover except an immortal only ever has one. They are a vampire's greatest strength and greatest weakness. A pact is formed between blood and chakra that makes them linked. Through this pact, a vampire can take strength from their mate. This strength can act as an anchor or stabilizer as well, keeping a vampire sane through a blood craze or act as their rationale or conscience. Their mate becomes an essential part of their being, someone they cannot live without. As you can imagine, that also means that they become an immortal's biggest vulnerability.
"Immortals are naturally territorial beings. Once an immortal thinks of you as a mate, the territorial behavior kicks in, partly out of self-preservation. The behavior intensifies once the pact is completed. After all, if their mate is taken away, it is not just losing their strength and an anchor, but literally losing a piece of themselves. Immortals have gone mad after losing a mate."
Neji let the information sink in. So, it was a more intense form of marriage or something like that? Gaara thought of him as his mate? But they never made any pact. Not that he was aware of. "Are you sure that he thinks of me like that? I mean, he's not really a vampire and neither am I."
"And that's why it's probably worse for you."
Neji's brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"That boy of yours has been leaving small amounts of chakra on you, telling other immortals you are being courted, if you will, with the intention of taking you as his mate, though he appeared unaware of it whenever I spoke to him. A large amount of your chakra is also running through him, but unlike a true pact where your chakra remains yours, just housed in a separate location, your chakra becomes his and is consumed. In his mind, the immortal part of his mind, thinks half the pact is complete. That part of him is probably driving him crazy to finish the pact. But you can't. Neither of you are immortals which means the pact can never be completed, leaving the threat of someone taking you from him always present in his mind. He can't have you or mark you as his territory. You can always leave him. That paranoia and fear will get worse whenever there's a threat. For example, me leaving a small amount of chakra on you." Uchiha smiled. "Honestly, I was curious how much of him was immortal and how much was human. I guess I have my answer."
Neji was starting to get used to bombshell after bombshell being dropped on him. Since finding out Gaara's secret there had been something every week almost. Even so, this was a pretty big one to swallow. He was just getting used to the idea of having a boyfriend and now he had to worry about this? He knew dating Gaara wouldn't be easy, but this…
"If vampires acted crazy every time someone even came near their mate, wouldn't everyone know who their mate was whenever they got near? Wouldn't that become smothering for both parties?" Neji asked. From what he could tell, vampires had similar behaviors to humans and similar emotions. For a human, the behavior would slowly break down a relationship. They would essentially never interact with people ever again, so there had to be a way to curve it.
"Very few immortals take official mates. As I said, it's a major strength and weakness. I've never understood why an immortal would want one. There's also the question as to why immortals usually only have one in their entire existence if they choose to go through with it. The one's who do take mates tend to be older where they have a leash on their emotions."
"What do you mean by leash?"
"Immortals have stronger emotions and instincts than humans. New immortals, newborns if you will, are a ball of desires, instincts, and emotions. Quick to anger. Quick to give into their desires. Always hungry. It takes decades to learn to deal with them. We learn to deal with them and control them, but they do boil under the surface. Your boy practices some control over his vampire instincts and emotions. Better than a newborn at least. However, I doubt he's had practice with this particular instinct. Normally territorial behavior is there from the beginning. It appears he has never had a territory to call his own. Until now that is."
Neji frowned. "So there's nothing I can do?"
Uchiha was quiet for a while, with Neji's heart sinking as the silence stretched on. "I wouldn't say nothing," he said, finally taking mercy on Neji.
"Please tell me," he got onto his knees and bowed to Uchiha, placing his forehead to the ground. "I'll be in your debt."
"My debt, you say?" Uchiha said. Neji could feel the intense gaze on him. The way he drawled his words made a cold sweat break out Neji's skin, especially when Uchiha said, "Do you think it will be easy to pay back such a debt with all the years you tormented Uzumaki?"
The coldness in Uchiha's voice made Neji's breath hitch. How did Uzumaki come into this conversation? And why did Uchiha seem so angry on a turn of a dime? They couldn't possibly be a couple, could they? But Uchiha did say he was gay and why else would he bring Uzumaki into this conversation?
"I will do my best to make it up to him."
"Your best? I'd like to see how you intend to do your best."
Neji didn't dare look up, feeling that if he said the wrong thing or made the wrong move, Uchiha would end his life there. Uchiha had made it quite clear that if he wanted, he could kill Neji without a second thought with little effort. He understood now what Uchiha meant when he said how an immortal's emotions lay just below the surface. Uchiha had been angry with him from the beginning. He had just bided his time, played with him, humiliated him without Neji knowing it was a personal grudge until now, where his malice towards him was clear and Uchiha was barely stopping himself from taking his life.
Just as quickly as the bloodlust came, it disappeared, and Neji could finally breathe again. Gaara's anger had nothing on Uchiha's in those brief seconds.
"Your behavior will indicate how bad his temper gets until he can learn to control it. If you can, limit people from touching you. If there's a lot of physical contact, take a shower if you can. Days you share chakra his temper should be lessened. If he's angry, don't fight him. His instincts will be highest during those times. Submissive behavior is best until he can calm down. Words will not likely get through well. Let him work through it and physically show him your affection and loyalty. Sex is best, but from the smell of it, you haven't reached that stage yet."
Neji flushed in embarrassment at the comment.
"He'll have the urge to mark you as his territory. If he has the urge to leave bite marks on you, hickey's, or any other marks of lovemaking, let him. It will ease the fact he can't complete the blood pact. The worst thing you can do is show fear or anger and fight him. He could take it as rejection. I can't guarantee what will happen to you if you do in that state."
"I see… thank you."
Neji sat on his heels, thinking over everything that was said. He was going to be walking on ice for an indeterminant time if he decided to continue going through with this. He had already given up so much for Gaara. The thought of having to act submissive even if in small intervals did not sit well with his pride. This wasn't something Gaara could help. He knew that. A mad scientist made Gaara like this against his will. He liked Gaara, maybe even loved, but he wondered if there should be a limit to how much he should be willing to give up.
"You should break up with him. It would be better for both of you," Uchiha said.
"What?" Neji asked surprised.
"If you have to think about it, then you aren't ready to have an immortal lover. Even a partial one. If you show fear or hesitation like you are now, you may grow to resent him when he forces his affections and possessiveness on you, and if he takes what he believes is his by force, unable to stop himself, he will hate himself." Uchiha stood up, looking down at Neji as he stood before him. "There is no such thing as half in when it comes to mate business. If even a small part of him identifies you as his mate, consciously or not, he will treat you as if you are. If you cannot handle that, go your separate ways and set him free from you. The next time you see him, you need to have your decision ready."
Uchiha walked around him to get to the stairs, descending them to meet Tsunade on the first floor. Neji did not move. Uchiha was right. It was a decision he had to make, but it wasn't an easy one, and it didn't seem fair that he had to make such a big decision that would basically decide who he was with for the rest of his life. Gaara's life really.
He didn't move, considering every aspect of his life: his goals, what he wanted to do with his life, what mattered most to him, what he could handle, what he was willing to give up, and what he had already given up. Until he could come to an answer and face Gaara with his final decision, he wouldn't leave this spot. By the time he left, he would make sure he was either 100% committed or be ready to pack his bags and leave.
When Neji stepped out of the cab this time, facing the entrance to Gaara's home, he felt nervous. He had made his decision. He sat in the archives for a full day, contemplating his dilemma from every angle. Asked himself whether he was falling into the sunk cost fallacy. If he was doing things for himself or for Gaara, if he was doing so much for Gaara simply because he felt bad for him. He thought about it hard, but he did come to his decision.
He breathed out slowly, wondering if Gaara was angry with him or if he was even home. The sooner he was able to finalize his decision, the better he would feel. He just hoped Gaara was in a listening mood.
He spotted Gaara's driver standing at attention outside, just where Neji had left him before. Did that man ever sleep? Were there secretly more than one of him and they switched out? It was a fun idea to entertain, but he couldn't stall. Nodding to the guard, he entered the house.
Gaara was not only home; he was right where Neji left him. On the floor, wearing the same clothes, he sat. it didn't appear he had moved the entire time. That was rough to see, but what really did it, what really made Neji's heart tighten and made him feel sick for leaving as he had, was when Gaara turned his head listlessly at first until he saw Neji. His face when from a hollow empty look to one of disbelief as he leaned forward just slightly, like he wanted to run to him. "You're back?" Gaara's voice cracked.
As Neji got closer, he could see the tear stains on Gaara's face, the dark bags under his eyes, how cracked and dry his skin and lips were. Neji kicked off his shoes and stepped into the house, kneeling at Gaara's side. "I'm home," he said reaching out to caress Gaara's cheek. Gaara's eyes watered, and he used his thumb to brush away his tears. "Have you been crying?" he asked gently.
Gaara's tears spilled over and he shook his head no. His hands twitched, reaching out for Neji then stopping himself, keeping them close to his chest. "I thought you left me," he whispered.
Neji leaned forward, kissing the eye that had yet shed its tear. "I'm sorry I left. I was just a bit surprised. I won't leave you again."
With trembling hands, he grabbed Neji's arm and leaned more into Neji's touch. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know…" Gaara couldn't finish, his tears running steadily now. Gaara had been as lost and confused as he had been.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," he kissed his forehead. Shower him with affection and loyalty, Uchiha said. There was no better time to start. "You can't get rid of me that easily. I'll be here until you no longer want me to be."
Gaara wouldn't let him go for a long time, and Neji didn't rush him even when his legs started to cramp. Slowly, he managed to get Gaara off the ground and bring him to his feet. "You'll catch a cold out here. Let's get you into the bath."
He assisted Gaara to the bathroom. He refused to let go of Neji, holding onto him in a death grip. The only solution he could come up with was to take the bath together. It was the first time he would get to see Gaara entirely naked. He just wished it was under better circumstances.
The tub was smaller than the one in his house. Gaara would have to pretty much sit in his lap. He filled the tub and washed up in the meantime while they waited. A good soak would do both of them good. If the property had a hot spring, he would have Gaara soak in that.
He entertained the idea of taking Gaara to Beppu and staying in an onsen resort and enjoy the hot springs. It was something he always wanted to do after getting a girlfriend. Just the two of them and a miniature vacation. Maybe he could this weekend if he got permission from his uncle.
Once the tub was filled, he got into the tub first and Gaara stepped in behind him, sitting in between his legs. He held Gaara in his arms, thinking of how much weight he had lost the past four and a half days. Had he not eaten since his last day at school? "You should take care of yourself more. You're going to make me worry."
"Sorry," he whispered.
"Don't apologize. I told you, you did nothing wrong."
Gaara turned around, steadying himself by holding onto Neji's shoulders as he turned, kneeling between his legs. His face lacked any life. He was quiet. Acquiescent.
Worried, he called Gaara's name gently.
Gaara leaned forward, pressing their lips together apprehensively. It was only their second kiss. Neji was happy to indulge Gaara in a chaste kiss, but something was wrong. Gaara was pressing himself against him, reaching for his member to try to get him excited.
Neji broke the kiss, pushing Gaara away, holding him at arm's length. As he thought, Gaara's face held no passion or excitement. Gaara wouldn't even meet his eyes. He had a look of rejection.
"You don't have to do that," Neji told him.
"I don't mind," he whispered submissively.
"But I do."
Gaara was silent for a moment then leaned in for a kiss again. He stopped Gaara's advances, covering Gaara's mouth with his hand. "I just want to take a bath with you. Is that okay?"
Gaara looked even more dejected, but he nodded and sat back down. Neji wrapped his arms around him and held him close, but it did little to raise Gaara's mood. "Do you really want to do something that bad?" He said into Gaara's ear.
Gaara turned his head slightly, so that Neji could see his face a little better. "I don't want you to leave me," he whispered.
"Why do you think I'll leave you if you don't—"
"If you aren't useful, you get thrown away," Gaara answered.
Gaara's words were like being dunked in cold water. Had Gaara helped him out at those times because he thought if he didn't Neji would leave him? He couldn't even say Gaara made a huge leap in logic because he knew how Gaara came to that conclusion. Orochimaru had disposed of those he didn't want. Didn't need. In the end, that had included Gaara after being held by him for 8-9 years.
"I won't throw you away," he tried to assure him. "You don't need to do anything you don't want to."
Gaara only went quiet once more, not showing any acknowledgment to what he had said. Did Gaara not believe him? "What about you? What would make you feel good?"
"Doesn't matter," he mumbled.
"Of course, it matters," Neji argued gently, but Gaara only shook his head no.
Gaara didn't speak after that. Eventually, they got out of the bath and they got dressed. Hyuuga prepared some food which Gaara barely touched until he told Gaara he needed to eat. One command and Gaara obeyed, forcing himself. It was unsettling. Like Gaara was afraid that if he disagreed with him, Neji would leave again.
When they curled up into bed, Gaara was almost afraid to get close until Neji pulled him over to hold him. Within his embrace, Gaara fell asleep quickly, but Neji could not. He always seemed to forget at crucial moments that Gaara was fragile. He suffered from PTSD, years of abuse and conditioning, and the threat of being taken over any time he let his guard down. When Gaara fell apart like this, it scared him. Made him wonder if he was enough to hold him together during these times or if he was even good enough.
Gaara's responses also left him uneasy. Gaara didn't think about his own happiness past not wanting Neji to leave him. Did Gaara even know what he wanted? From what he knew Gaara had always lived for someone else, mainly Uzumaki. Did he even know how to live for himself?
He knew the answer to that, and his heart felt heavier for it. How could he make Gaara realize it was okay to want things? To let him know it was okay to ask him for things? Gaara practiced too much control and not enough indulgence in what he wanted. How could he help change that?
Sleep was rough, going in and out of it all night. He heard Gaara muttering in his sleep. From the sounds of it, he was arguing with Seth. When he heard, Neji transferred more chakra to Gaara to help soothe him and help him sleep. The last time Neji woke, he felt something hard against his leg.
It was the first time Gaara was the one with an erection and not him, but whatever dream he was having, it wasn't a pleasant one. Then he got an idea. A stupid idea probably, but it might help.
Carefully, he rolled Gaara onto his back as he rolled on top of him. Leaning down, he whispered Gaara's name into his ear, his fingertips, slipping underneath Gaara's T-shirt and lightly running them up Gaara's stomach. "Tell me what you want."
Gaara's breath hitched and then his eyes shot open with surprise and alarm. Well, he woke up earlier than he had hoped; Neji wouldn't let that deter him though. "Good morning," he whispered lovingly, kissing Gaara's neck, trailing small kisses down it.
Gaara didn't say anything, already moving to help Neji's half-awake member. He stopped him, grabbing Gaara's hand and trapping it above Gaara's head. "No. You aren't allowed to do that anymore."
Panic manifested quickly in Gaara's expression, anticipating that, Neji pulled back so he could look into Gaara's eyes. "I need you to learn that I don't expect you to do things like that for me just so I'll stay. Until you learn what it is that you want, what you like, I don't want you to get me off anymore. I only want to focus on you."
Gaara looked off to the side. His panic had been covered up by his usual mask, but shame still peeked through the cracks. "And if I can't figure it out?"
"Do you trust me?" he asked gently.
He waited patiently as Gaara thought over his question. After a minute of silence and a hard swallow, he nodded his head.
"Then we'll figure it out together. If I do something you don't like or something you do like, tell me. If you get too uncomfortable, tell me, and we'll stop, okay?"
Gaara's lips thinned and his body was still tense, but he nodded all the same.
Neji took that as an encouraging sign, though he knew he'd have to pay extra attention. There was no guarantee Gaara would stop him if he went too far.
He started simple, just letting his fingertips run up Gaara's sides. Gaara shivered under his touch, and he forced himself to breathe steadily through his nose. Was his entire body this sensitive? Neji wondered. It was a shame he had to reign back his curiosity. He couldn't move fast as much as he wanted to, and he really wanted to.
With exaggerated slowness, he pushed up Gaara's T-shirt, exposing his skin, little by little, watching Gaara's face for discomfort. Gaara was clearly uncomfortable. He wasn't even breathing he was so tense. "Are you okay?" he asked Gaara.
Gaara glanced down at Neji's hands then gave a small nod.
"Breathe," he reminded him. He was buying time. This was his first time doing any of this. In is head he had ideas and fantasies, but trying to carry it out, he was coming off as awkward. He was getting hard himself and feeling Gaara's erection underneath him was torture. He had to keep reminding himself to go slow. This was for Gaara, not himself.
He leaned down, kissing Gaara's stomach, feeling him quiver beneath his lips. Gaara was nicely toned without an ounce of fat on him. It was enticing, and Neji couldn't help but want a taste, leaving small love bites. He soothed the bites over with his tongue, slowly working his way up Gaara's body.
He stopped at Gaara's right nipple, hesitating a little before flicking the nub with his tongue.
Gaara inhaled sharply, encouraging Neji to continue, circling his tongue around the areola. A small sound came from Gaara's throat before it was abruptly cut off. Worried he had done something wrong, Neji looked carefully at Gaara's face, searching for any discomfort.
Gaara had moved, the back of his hand covering his mouth and his face flushing a deep red. Realizing it had been a sound of pleasure, Neji lowered his lips again, watching Gaara as carefully as he could, blowing on the small nub then flicking it with his tongue again. Gaara squeezed his eyes shut. He was struggling to stay quiet, his breathing becoming irregular.
"Does that feel good?" he asked, using his thumbs to tease both nipples. He could feel the little nubs grow stiff and hard under the attention.
Gaara barely opened his eyes. He was trying so hard not to let out a sound, so much so, he bit the back of his hand until it bled.
"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, pinching the nipples between his fingers lightly. He was rewarded with a strangled cry from Gaara. He wanted to hear Gaara loudly and clearly, not restrained, but he may have to wait a while for that.
He waited for only a brief moment for Gaara to tell him to stop. When he heard nothing, he brought the nipple into his mouth, sucking on it.
He had barely started, when Gaara put his hands on his shoulders, pushing him slightly. "S-stop."
Neji stopped at his request. Had he gone too far?
Gaara was breathing heavily; his body was hot and flushed. His face was conflicted. He showed a mixture of fear, embarrassment, and worry, but his erection was straining and heavily soaking his boxers with precum as if he was on the edge of coming any moment.
"Are you close?" he asked. The question brought discomfort to Gaara's face almost akin to shame when he shook his head yes. "Have you never…"
Gaara gave a small shake of the head, and Neji felt his groin become rock hard at how innocent that was. Was he about to see Gaara come for the first time? This was for Gaara, he reminded himself.
"I can help you through it," he offered. "But I will stop if you want to."
The fear in Gaara's eyes intensified. He was sure Gaara was going to say no, that he wasn't ready. He removed Neji's right hand from his person and entwined their fingers, squeezing just shy of crushing the delicate bones. "Do it," his voice cracked.
Neji waited a little longer to make sure it was something Gaara wanted, but behind his fear and discomfort were a resolve. Smiling softly, he kissed Gaara, finally getting their second real kiss while trying to ease Gaara's fears. It was sloppy, their teeth clashed a few times, and Neji's lips would occasionally scrap against Gaara's fangs. Little by little, Gaara relaxed underneath him, getting more passionate into the kiss, releasing his restraint little by little.
Once Gaara was relaxed to a significant degree, Neji slowly moved his free hand to Gaara's boxers, pulling them down just enough to free Gaara's erection. The move made Gaara's guard shoot back up. Neji didn't dare touch him anymore until Gaara could relax once again which took much longer. He was patient in his waiting, trying to keep Gaara distracted. When he felt Gaara had calmed down enough, he ran his fingers from the base up of Gaara's member.
Gaara broke the kiss, gasping, like he was just about to go over. He was so sensitive to Neji's touch, making Neji's own erection weep. He wondered if Gaara's reactions alone were going to be enough to push him over too.
Gaara was getting tense, especially when he wrapped his hand around Gaara's member. Gaara was gripping onto his other hand tightly now, tensing once more. He was getting close, and Gaara's anxiety was growing again. "Relax," Neji whispered in his ear. "Just let the feeling come."
Gaara placed a hand on the back of his neck, holding onto him tightly. His nails dug into his skin and his breathing grew faster and his head tilted back. His body was still wound tightly. Neji moved his hand slowly, trying to copy the same things he did when pleasuring himself.
Gaara would jerk his hips up then force himself still before giving in again, arching his back then forcing himself to lay flat. He was fighting the feeling, wanting to give into it, but afraid to let go of his control.
"I got you," Neji assured him. "It's okay."
Gaara still couldn't give in right away, but after a couple of minutes, Gaara couldn't hold back anymore, moving his hips frantically, desperately. His body was fully flushed, his body glistening with sweat as his beautiful hair stuck to his face. Watching Gaara unravel in his hands was the most amazing thing Neji had ever seen. Besides Gaara's breathing, he still didn't make a sound. Neji wished he did. He wanted to hear Gaara's voice. Wanted to hear him call his name in the heat of passion as he had called Gaara's.
The most sound he gave was a small grunt when he came in Neji's hand, spurting thick strands of semen onto Neji's stomach. Gaara was arched against him, his toes curled and body shaking. Neji almost came himself seeing Gaara in the midst of riding out his pleasure for the first time, but he wouldn't move or say anything while Gaara rode it out, wincing when Gaara held his hand too tightly.
Gaara came down, but his body didn't relax. Neji kissed his forehead, whispering sweet words as he waited for Gaara to recover both physically and mentally.
Little by little, Gaara's taunt body relaxed enough for Neji to roll them back onto their side, so he could hold Gaara properly, vaguely thinking they should clean up the mess left on their bodies. Another bath sounded pleasant. He just wished they had a maid to fill the tub for them so they could lay together a little longer.
Gaara's face was buried into Neji's neck. He hadn't looked at Neji once since he finished riding out his first orgasm. The thought was still surreal to him.
"We should get dressed," Gaara muttered, and Neji strained to hear him. "School…"
"It won't hurt to skip one more day. I've already missed most of the week." The small, school-oriented part of his mind cringed at the idea of what his perfect attendance record looked like now. He had missed a lot of school the past two months. The more sex-driven focused part of his mind, however, was elated to consider an entire day with Gaara in bed. He may not have gotten off, but he did enjoy pleasuring Gaara, much more so than having Gaara give him a passionless hand job. Working on getting Gaara more comfortable was a fine alternative to him.
Gaara left Neji's embrace, sitting up to finally look at Neji. His cheeks were still flushed, turning only darker when he saw the mess he had left on Neji's stomach and the tent still in his pants. Averting his eyes, that shadow of guilt appeared on his face.
Not wanting Gaara to think too much, he sat up and wrapped his arms around Gaara, making sure it was only his face he could see. "Thank you, for letting me do that," he said, giving Gaara a small peck on the lips.
"I didn't do anything," Despite everything Gaara was still trying to avoid his gaze, and his lips were thinning like he wanted to say something more but didn't know how.
"I got to see a new side of you," he left another kiss this time on Gaara's reddening cheeks. "And you were willing to trust me."
Shyly, Gaara finally met Neji's gaze, searching for any lies in his face. Unable to find any, he gave up, his shoulder sagging in defeat and giving in to Neji's affection.
"So… have you really never gotten off until now?" As much as he tried, Neji could not hold back his curiosity, and his mouth ran off. Out of everything he had restrained himself from saying or asking, this was one thing he apparently had to know.
Gaara's blush turned his ears a fascinating shade of red. "Never had urges… until I met you," he whispered.
"So you've never touched yourself?"
Gaara shook his head no, and the confirmation brought Neji's member, which had been slowly losing interest, right back to attention. He did wonder where Gaara had learned to give such good hand jobs, but his erection really didn't seem to care. He had seen his lover's first orgasm. He felt smug, elated, and highly aroused.
"I never wanted to give him the satisfaction," Gaara continued in a quiet voice.
It took a moment to figure out who Gaara was talking about, but quickly realized he was talking about Seth. "Can he see it?"
Gaara nodded. Gaara looked down at his own lap, seeing that he was getting hard again. Distress showing on his face, struggling to keep it neutral. "I… don't like this."
"Why?"
Gaara struggled to say more, fighting himself to offer more of his thoughts and what he was thinking. "I've struggled… for control. My entire life, I've struggled. To restrain my violent behavior. Over my own life. My own death. My own body. But now… I keep losing control," he swallowed hard. "I attacked you, and I don't know why. This thing," he glanced at his erection, "keeps popping up, and I can't stop it. Feeling my body heat, giving into something I have no control over, and it feeling so good I can't even think," Gaara stopped. His body shook, and he inhaled shakily. "It felt so good, and I want more. It's… terrifying."
Neji sat silently, unsure of what to say. It wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear, but he understood why Gaara was saying it. From what he understood, Gaara never had a moment of peace. Never could let his guard down. His only happiness in the world had been constantly used against him, causing him to worship it and resent it. If Gaara was happy then pain would follow. It had been ingrained into his being by Orochimaru. He wasn't even sure if Gaara could comprehend the idea of pleasure without pain. "Our week is up today. Do you want it to be our last?"
Gaara shook his head frantically. "I should say yes, but the thought of you leaving…" he held his breath like he couldn't stomach the idea. "I should push you away, but…" Gaara's eyes teared, and he was unable to keep his stoic expression. His balance was still out of his grasp even after some sleep. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know if I'll hurt you. I'm not supposed to be happy…" Neji wiped at Gaara's tears. "I want you to be mine so much, it hurts. I'm losing my mind."
Neji leaned forward, giving him a tender kiss. "I love you," Neji whispered against his lips. He felt Gaara freeze. He was surprised himself, but he meant it. Seeing Gaara in pain, tormented him. The thought of leaving him made him want to give up living. He didn't know what he would do if Gaara sent him away. He was Gaara's as much as Gaara's was his. He wouldn't, couldn't let go.
"You don't mean that," Gaara tried to deny his confession; Neji wouldn't let him.
"I love you," he repeated. "All of you. Your human side. Your vampire side. I'll take it all, good and bad. If I need to submit once in a while to make things easier for you. I will. If you need to mark me, go ahead, but you deserve happiness, Gaara. You always have. If you don't like what you're feeling, then we'll wait and take it easy. I won't do that to you again."
Not being able to get off with Gaara for a while was disappointing, but if it made Gaara appreciate himself more, he would wait. Gaara kept looking at his erection like it was a foreign object hellbent on ruining his life. He wasn't ready, and he couldn't rush. As long as Gaara was willing to open up and get his thoughts across, that was enough for now.
So it was to his surprise when he straddled, Neji's lap, keeping his eyes down. Hesitantly, he left a small innocent kiss on Neji's lips, pulling away just as fast. "Would…" he faltered, his voice dying out. His trembling hand grabbed Neji's bringing it to his member and wrapping Neji's finger's around it. When he found his voice, it was much smaller but filled with need. "Help me?"
"Of course."
Like before, he took it slowly. There was less pleasure in it for Neji this time, watching as Gaara struggled to let go of his control. Knowing how hard it was for Gaara to do, while still a turn on, brought sadness and pain. Gaara was trying to overcome it. He wanted Neji to be the one to help him through it, catch him as he fell.
Again, it took Gaara a small while to relax enough to even be able to climax, and Neji held him even when something that sounded like a small sob left Gaara's throat. This was the most Gaara could handle right now. His lover's head was resting on his shoulder as he tried to recover from his climax.
Exhaustion quickly hit Gaara from his drained mental and physical state and was able to fall asleep after a few chakra-laced strokes with his hand. He was getting better at controlling his chakra and adapting it to what Gaara needed. Was this because they were similar to mates or was Neji simply learning?
He laid Gaara down and stayed by his side long enough to make sure he was sleeping soundly. He would call Tsunade and tell her they wouldn't be in. Surely, she wouldn't mind them taking a day. Gaara was in no state to attend classes, and he wasn't very sure he was either.
He went to the bathroom to wash up. He was able to relieve himself a bit, but it was hardly the same. His body wasn't satisfied, however, he would have to make do. Once he finished up, he brought a washcloth to clean Gaara and change his boxers. Gaara stirred slightly but didn't wake much to Neji's satisfaction.
Now, more than ever, he couldn't just let Gaara meet his end. He had to fight it somehow. He sat in the kitchen, fiddling with his phone. Calling Tsunade was hard enough. Calling that man was another story. What if he found out they were sleeping together? He would surely kill Neji.
The picture of Gaara's sleeping face entered his mind. If he couldn't even make a phone call, he had no right trying to stay by Gaara's side. He pressed the button.
Strangely, he heard a faint ringing come from the front door, followed by the front door opening. Neji felt his throat go dry. Looks like if he didn't know about their situation now, he was about to.
Neji hung up and continued to sit at the table, waiting for the man to come far enough into the house and see him. He couldn't hear the footsteps, but he could feel the overwhelming presence. That presence was something Neji was never going to forget.
The man stopped at the doorway to the kitchen, and his cold voice spoke, breaking the silence of the house. " Are you done hurting my little brother, Jap?"
Neji stood up from the table, eying the man who had just walked in. If he was going to save Gaara, this man was the only one he could ask. "Brother," Neji bowed fully to Kankuro, showing as much respect as he could. "What brings you here?"
