I woke up with a pretty bad headache this morning but after taking some medicine and hydrating it cleared up. I slept in until eleven, which I haven't been able to do in weeks. It's been storming all day, which also aided in my beautiful nights sleep. I even opened my windows, just to watch the lightening flicker around outside and the heavy rain drops slide down my window. After getting up I took a hot shower and then spent the rest of the morning cleaning up my apartment and running a few loads of laundry. Now comes the best part of my day, being lazy and catching up on The Walking Dead.

Leah and Jake are both at the Cullen's from now until seven tonight and after that long day I'm sure they'll both just go home and sleep. I was pretty drunk by the time Seth dropped me back off, but Leah was holding up fine. It was a really fun night, and it was a change from the constant stress.

I nearly start to doze off when a light pat comes from the front door. I frown, pulling myself from the comfort of my bed and shuffling through my tiny home. I've done my best to make my tiny home look cozy and inviting. When I first moved in it was pretty cold. The walls were all painting a bright white color and the floors are grey. The previous owners had renovated it, but it had no charm to it.

So I painted the walls a warm cream color and added a big colorful rug in the middle of the living room. I've hung up artwork that I've bought from all over and added mirrors to make the place a little bigger. I also have a pretty impressive collection of nic nacs scattered around the apartment. My bedroom is my favorite spot because I made sure it was colorful. The walls are again that same warm cream color but everything else has bright colors, it feels like a safe space. I planned to get a pet cat too but with everything going on I'm glad I didn't, I rarely get to be home anymore.

The only major downside to the house is that it has practically no windows so I had to invest in a ton of lamps, but the porches make up for it.

I pull the door open to see Seth standing on my porch with a container in hand. His black hair is messier than it was yesterday, it looks like he's ran his fingers through it a few times. Sam normally makes them keep it pretty short, but I miss when they all had long hair. His hair is long enough that sometimes it falls into his face and a few strands cover his eyes. It's long enough that I want to run my fingers through it to feel how soft it is. "Sorry, did I just wake you up?" He frowns, taking in my appearance. I realize how not put together I look on my lazy Saturday.

I chuckle a little. "I'll try not to take that as an insult, what's up?" It appears the rain has subsided for a moment, but the dark clouds remain overhead.

"Shut up." He grins at me. "My mom wanted to send you over some food. She said she knew you'd be hungover." He places a warm container in my hands.

My heart squeezes a little at that smile. He smiles at everyone, but when he smiles at me it makes me want to leap with joy.

I pout at him. "God she's such an angel, that's so nice of her. Want to come in?" I move aside so he could fit.

"I'd love to." He grins, squeezing past me to get inside, shutting the door behind him. Walking over to the kitchen island I place the container down, eager to see what she cooked up.

"Cookies! Aw, like the ones Leah never gave to me." I laugh, biting into one. I moan, they're still warm and super gooey while the outer edges are crispy. "Sue is the freaking best." I shake my head, leaning my hip against the island. "You're so damn spoiled."

That big smile on his face stays, proud to be the delivery boy. "Oh I know, she even let me have a few when they first came out of the oven. How are you feeling?"

"I'm pretty much better now, I just had a headache. How was patrol?"

He shrugs, shifting his weight. I realize he's nearly as tall as my ceiling. He makes my space look even smaller than it is. "Eh, it was nothing new. Sorry I don't want to intrude on your day off. I like your apartment by the way." He's looking all over, checking out my decor. I realize he hasn't even been here yet, that's how crazy things have been lately. I hope someday soon I can host everyone here. Old Quil is probably sick of everyone hording in his basement all the time.

I snort, shaking my hand at him. "You're not intruding, I was just being lazy and watching TV. Wanna join? I'm having a lazy day, aside from a few loads of laundry." I'm kind of hopeful he'll stay and hang out with me. I'll get bored easily with no one to hang with.

He chuckles shyly, "Yeah you mentioned having no clean underwear last night."

My face heats up and my mouth gapes. Maybe I am a little bit slutty when I drink? Or flirty? Bad way to flirt though, dirty underwear? So sexy Gwen. "Oh my god, I'm amazing at humiliating myself as soon as I have a few drinks." I whine, moving to the fridge for another Gatorade. "Want something to drink?"

"Water please." I grab him a bottle and toss it at him.

"So will you stay for a bit or is Sue sending you on a cookie delivery route today?" I tease. He just rolls his eyes and smiles.

"Lead me to your in home theater." He jokes, a little jab at how small the place is.

"Alright so don't judge me. I haven't opened my curtains yet today and my bed isn't made, but here's my theater." I clasp my hands together, mocking him. Quil and Embry mounted my bedroom TV for me so I could have some extra surface space. It's a decent sized TV, it was mine at my Dad's house.

He just turns and gives me a boyish grin. "You said it was a lazy day, I'm all for that." He kicks off his shoes and climbs into my bed, pulling the covers up his lap. He folds his arms behind his head, supporting him so he can see the TV that hangs on the wall opposite of my bed. The thin fabric of his t-shirt stretches against his form, it practically bulges around his large biceps. He takes up nearly my entire queen bed, leaving little space to separate the two of us.

My heart thrums in my chest and I hope he doesn't notice as I climb into bed too. I hate that I can never be discrete around them. They can practically sense all my emotions.

I tug the blanket up my bear legs as well, only wearing some cotton shorts and an over sized t-shirt. It's not my cutest outfit, but at least it's clean. "So what do ya wanna watch?" I fish the remote out from under the blankets, resting back against the mountain of pillows behind me.

"This is fine actually, I need to catch up too." I happily resume TWD and several minutes go by of comfortable silence. I got into this show when it first came out and I've done my best to hold through it the whole time, even if it's frustrating at times. We all as a group used to watch it actually when new episodes would come out. Quil would invite everyone over and we'd have a night of it and order some pizza. I feel a strain in my heart, I miss that all so much.

"Hey, um." He breaks the silence. I peer over at him and he's staring back at me. "I wanted to say I'm sorry about last night, about what Jake said." His voice is quiet, full of shame.

I inspect his face, trying to figure out what he's talking about. He looks worried. "What Jake said..oh, about the kissing thing?" I raise my eyebrows.

He nods, his throat bobbing. "Yeah I hope he didn't embarrass you too much." As if I could be embarrassed at people thinking Seth could like me. It's quite the opposite actually.

I furrow my eyebrows and shake my head. "Not at all, I figured he was just trying to embarrass you. You don't need to be sorry, I figured it wasn't true." I give him a reassuring smile and then turn back to the TV, trying to ignore the sinking in my stomach. I wanted it to be true. I wanted him to want me, even if I couldn't have him. Disappointments floods through me.

"Well it's not that it wasn't true." He mumbles sheepishly. I turn to look back at him and he looks torn. "I did say all that to Jake, which was stupid cause Jake has a huge mouth. I just didn't know he did back then so I confided in him like an idiot." His fingers brush through his hair, a few strands fall into his face, threatening to cover his warm brown eyes.

My mouth goes dry. My lips part but I don't know what to say. "So you-." I pause to think. "You wanted to kiss me back then?" I try to keep my tone even, not to show too much eagerness. I want to make sure I'm hearing him right and not jumping to conclusions, conclusions are bad. I feel a tingle of excitement course through me but I suppress my smile by chewing on my cheek. Back then was before they were wolves, before imprinting was a thing, before Sam left Leah. I could have kissed him back then, I could've gotten it out of my system and there wouldn't have been so many repercussions. Now something just as small as kissing him would lead to a whole pool of problems.

He gives me a nervous smile. "Yeah I had a crush on you. I was so mad when I found out Quil made out with you." He shook his head, looking back towards the TV. But I still stared at the side of his head in shock.

"You were?" I question dumbly.

He continues to stare ahead, chewing on his cheek. "Yeah. I just thought it was shitty cause he knew I liked you and he suggested the whole thing knowing I wasn't there." He pauses and then turns his head rushing his words, "Not like me being there would have made a difference." He places a hand on my knee and added quickly. "I just, I don't even know. I'm sorry." He frowns at me. His frown is so adorable, so pouty. His hand moves back to his lap and I'm a little disappointed at the loss of his touch.

I laugh a little. "I told you, there's no need to be sorry. I mean you should be a little sorry you weren't there, it was a fun night. Lots of kissing." I tease him. His lips curve back into a smile, matching mine.

"Yeah I missed out on a lot, huh?" His eyes flicker to my lips for just a millisecond before they climb up my face. It's like he's studying me. His eyes climb to my nose and over my cheeks, finding my eyes. I falter under his heavy gaze, struggling to maintain eye contact.

"Oh yeah. You could've been there to save me from making out with Quil." We both laugh a little at that, breaking up the tension. "Big mistake."

His mood shifts to a lighter one. "Was it?" He sounds almost hopeful.

I nod, scrunching up my nose. "Oh yeah. I just did it because..I don't know." I trail off, lifting my shoulder. I wet my lips, brushing my hair behind my ear. TWD has been completely forgotten and I'll probably have to rewind it so I don't miss anything else.

"Because?" He presses, wanting to hear me explain it. It's like he already knows what I really meant.

I don't know what to say. A part of me wants to lie and say I also had a crush on him back then, just to hear more about his crush. It wouldn't be true though, my crush is new and burning hot. Back then it didn't cross my mind, we hardly crossed paths. I wish I could take that back though, I wish I could have explored this crush when I had the chance. "I don't know why I did it. I just wanted wanted to kiss someone." I settle on that answer being the best I can come up with. It wasn't that I wanted Quil, but I was feeling needy and I wanted to kiss someone. "You know." I wave a hand to dismiss it.

He chuckles a little, looking down at his lap. "Not really." He admits sourly.

I frown. Is he judging me? "Not really?" I repeat.

"I've never really kissed anyone. I mean I have had my first kiss and all that, but never like made out with anyone." He shrugs his broad shoulders. My heart skips for a moment. Images of filling the space in between us, landing my lips on his, fill my head. "It's not a big deal." He grumbles, picking at my knit blanket.

Sensing his embarrassment I reach out, touching his arm. "It's seriously not a big deal. Kissing's just fun, is all. See that's why you should've came, a lot of kissing went on." I try to lighten the mood. "Katie and Lexi were there too." I poke his arm, interested to see what he'll say.

Katie and Lexi were pretty popular. They're from Forks but Quil used to invite them to come hang out a lot. They're actually both super nice and also stunningly beautiful. Quil always had his eyes on Katie though and Lexi liked Embry, but Embry's too shy to do much about that. That's why I made him play, but they never ended up kissing.

"I didn't care about Katie and Lexi." He looks over at me. His eyes flick to my lips again just for a moment before they rise to my eyes. They're half lidded, like his mind is elsewhere. I swallow, trying to keep it together.

I want to keep talking about it. I want to hear about how he liked me. How he was jealous of Quil because he got to kiss me. I want to know how long he liked me for, why he never said anything, why Jake never told me. But I think of Leah and imprinting and I know I'll just torture myself with the answers. Nothing he say can change the fact that I'm not who he will imprint on.

So I let out a little breath and nod. "Yeah. Life was pretty easy going before all the imprint stuff, huh?"

It seems like I've reminded him of something he forgot and he just nods with me and we both turn back to TWD which is already on the next episode. I need him to imprint already. I know he's young and still navigating all this wolf stuff, but I selfishly need that boundary so I can move on.