Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.
"Alright! I'll see you around." Hanji waved as Levi made his way towards the exit. "Oh! And thank you for cleaning!" She added, but much to Hanji's dismay, she didn't receive a response.
As for Armin, he offered the advisor a baffled look. "C…Cleaning?" That man was in here cleaning?!
"Andddd that's the last of it! All that's left is to deliver!" Hanji clapped her hands together in delight upon completing all her paperwork and re-organisation of her research studies. "I really have to thank you for your assistance, Armin. I should probably ask them to give our dearest gardener a raise!" She beamed, giving him a playful smack on the back that had been enough to shock some energy into the weary man; his shoulders abruptly tensing up as his back straightened, eyes widening in alert like a feline startled awake by cold water.
"Ahaha… No need for that. I'm just a gardener who was blessed with an opportunity to be your apprentice… and occasional assistant for other matters." Armin chuckled slightly, placing another organized set of notes on her desk. "Besides, I know how exhausting it can get for you."
"Too exhausting." Hanji complained, slamming herself down to her chair in a purposefully dramatic manner that Armin couldn't help but let out an amused huff at. "Well, nothing can be too exhausting for Paradis's youngest yet one of the more competent advisors, can it?"
Hanji grimaced at the title. "Don't even bring that up." She groaned, her shoulders slumping back in a similar dramatic manner, albeit this time in grim defeat.
"Don't look so defeated. You just finished conquering the mountain paperwork monster, and even made some progress on a few of your older research tasks." Armin hummed, eyes peeling away from her as they fixated on one of Hanji's infamous shelves, known for nesting spiders and other odd creatures that both spooked and intrigued the blonde. Though, what made him walk over to the shelf wasn't his curiosity to investigate if a new insect species had made this once messy room its habitat.
"Honestly speaking… if you weren't one of the advisors… who knows how much behind-the-scenes corruption would be happening?" Armin murmured quietly as his finger brushed across the shelf's edges; and to his surprise, he felt nothing dusty or slimy for that manner.
That man… was actually cleaning here? Armin thought incredulously.
Hanji scoffed, slowly sitting herself back up. "Normally, a gardener shouldn't know things related to politics as deeply as you."
"…Well, I suppose a gardener like myself shouldn't know about a lot of things, huh?" Armin sighed, shoulders shrugging back as he turned back towards Hanji with a smile, "Just the perks of being close childhood friends with the Prince himself."
Granted, while being too close to Eren had led him to knowing too much, he never once saw that as something to dread or lament about; much less something to exploit. Knowing was better than ignorance and his friendship with Eren was something he never wanted to lose. Though he supposed knowing too much could be a scary thing, and perhaps befriending a reckless royal could be equally scary just as it was excitingly unpredictable.
"That aside… why was Hizuru's guard here?" Armin asked, unable to shake off his incredulity at the idea that he was just cleaning.
And cleaning Hanji's belongings, out of all things. It was implausible, even the maids had given up on this place; some being terrified of getting a skin allergy from touching whatever strange substance she had conjured and stored (that eventually leaked out) in her cabinets.
"Ah, like I said, he was just helping me clean." Hanji smiled, proudly gesturing to the entire room, as if she was responsible for ridding the weird stench Armin's nose suffered from last week. "Incredible, isn't it? Maybe he's secretly a butler too."
Armin couldn't seem to find it in himself to even offer a generous chuckle at Hanji's attempt at humour, having been more pressed and concerned about the matter. "You… let him clean in this place, that not only stores some documents but also while you worked on actual important documents pertaining to political and royal affairs?"
"You make it sound like I've exposed Paradis's defence strategies to an enemy in a trade for a cleaner room." She joked, though Armin's furrowed brows and crossed arms were enough of a signal for Hanji to know not to put off his concerns too lightly. "Oh come on, don't look at me like that… and don't worry about it. You know I'm better than that. Important documents about Paradis's defence and other things like that aren't stored here, only my research papers and paperwork that aren't even worth exploiting."
"…If you say so." Armin sighed, though he still had some doubt swirling in his stomach. It was an uneasy feeling.
Because, sure, Armin couldn't not acknowledge that someone of Hanji's calibre was certainly not a fool. If she was, she wouldn't have survived this far in the game of politics. Yes, she had her failures and losses whenever she dealt with them; but she wasn't unfamiliar with victories either.
So surely, if someone dared try to squeeze out information from her, she would know, wouldn't she? And she would retaliate by feeding them with convincing-sounding falsified information, right?
"That aside, you seemed very nervous around him. Anything I should be aware of?" Hanji asked, quirking a brow when the troubled look in his eye didn't flee despite her assurance and reminder that she wasn't that careless of a person.
"… He just looks scary, does he not?" Armin answered after taking a deep breath in an attempt to ease himself.
Hanji snorted, finding it hilarious that anyone would've found that clean-freak of a guard the least bit threatening. "Grumpy is a better word. Like a grumpy cat that hadn't had catnip all his life." She mused.
Armin blinked, finding her description peculiarly… odd. How she could find it in herself to compare him, who could probably shatter skulls just by glaring at them (from Armin's perspective, at least) to grumpy cats that laze and nap around all day was more than baffling.
Then again, she was Hanji. An eccentric woman with very little fears who tended to view things and people from a different lens. So what did he really expect?
"… Sure. To each their own." Besides, Armin should've known better than to expect a similar opinion to his. After all, there was a piece of the puzzle out of reach from Hanji's grasp, embedded instead in the memories of his past which had specially shaped his thoughts differently to that of hers about them.
About her.
And because it was a memory—from when he was a mere child— he couldn't tell anyone, especially when it was just a hunch. An interference with an assumption that had no salvageable and present concrete evidence would only bestow him trouble.
The last thing he wanted was to cause an unnecessary uproar and distrust with information that barely had any basis aside from his memory. And if anything, whatever she had done and had not done thus far only ever served to prove his hypothesis false. Yet, ironically, his suspicion remained firm and if not, strengthened after each encounter he had with her.
For each time he crossed paths with her, she shared the same name, the same face—just with a little less life blossoming in her eyes— as the girl back then.
"Hey, hey. You can't say that with that judgemental tone mister!" Hanji huffed, putting an end to Armin's train of thought. "He's more clean-freak than scary guard. What's there to fear about him? How can you fear someone when you don't even know them that well?" She opened one of her drawers, rummaging through some scraps of paper in search of something that elicited a raised brow from the blonde—and her following sentence only drew out a feeling of impending doom from inner depths of his conscience.
"Compared to… let's say, the Ackermans, he's a harmless grumpy little thing." She droned out, before closing the drawer and opening another, resuming her search.
Armin flinched, and dear heavens, his heart nearly exploded out of his chest in fright. "Ackermans…?" While nervousness began to invade both mind and heart, he refused to allow it the slightest triumph in being exposed on his face and tone for her to scrutinize. "Why compare him to the Ackermans?" He asked, keeping the steadiness in his voice.
"Oh, we both know why, Armin." Hanji said, in a matter-of-factly way that sent chills down Armin's spine. If it weren't for the small part of him reminding him that he shouldn't jump to conclusions just yet, he would've practically combusted. After all, Hanji… wouldn't suddenly bring up the topic of the Ackermans without reason—much less make an awfully startling comparison with them to Levi, right? She must have a reason. Everything she said and did always had a reason, no matter how trifle or silly.
Armin swallowed his anxiousness, forcing down the feeling of something unsettling pricking at his throat so menacingly. "We do?" He managed to say.
"Of course we do." She said, before spinning herself towards Armin, shoving one of her cleaner and better sketches in Armin's face, one finger pointing at the man with the shorter figure she drew. "He looks as short as him does he not? See? There are scarier shorter people out there! If anything, the short Ackerman might even be taller than—"
"Advisor Hanji."
Halfway through the shaky exhale that barely left Armin's lips at the somewhat relieving revelation of the reason behind Hanji's comparison, a yelp immediately shot out the second he heard his voice, even if it didn't address him.
And while Hanji's shoulders tensed at him calling her, it was incomparable to the rigidity that paralysed Armin from head to toe, his mind practically tossed into a hurricane as trepidation rushed in his veins, fearing the amount of information (underlying or not) the uninvited guest had picked up.
They turned around hesitantly, meeting the unwavering stern gaze of the Commander of the Azker Royal guards—Erwin Smith— who stood at the entrance of her lair, arms crossed as he shifted all his focus onto Armin, looking to him with acknowledgement before dismissal.
Knowing that he had no right to disobey orders from him, Armin gave a quick nod. It was best to leave now anyways, before he could change his mind and decide to interrogate him had he noticed anything off from his pattern of speech during his conversation with Hanji about Hizuru and the Ackermans—that is, if he had indeed eavesdropped.
"... I-I'll take my leave." Armin muttered to Hanji, who shot him a pleading look instantly; a plea for him to stay, because depending on whatever Erwin wanted to talk about, she wasn't sure if she wanted to be alone.
But alas, between Erwin's wrath of disobeying orders and Hanji's future pettiness should Armin abandon her, the blonde would greatly prefer to avoid the first scenario given that at least one of them could easily be pacified.
Plus, aside from all the incentives for him to leave that were conjured by his paranoia— he would rather not share a room with his two superiors who he had been aware to some degree, shared a history. A rocky one; that was enough to heighten the tension enough to make him uncomfortable.
"I'll… help you with any paperwork tomorrow. H-Have a good night." Armin nodded to Hanji, giving her a small pat on the back for luck before he fled the scene without a second thought, leaving nothing but a palpable tension and an equally betrayed and devastated advisor behind.
"I wouldn't have expected you and the gardener to ever discuss the Ackermans." Erwin spoke once the reverberating sound of Armin's footsteps faded to silence. It was just the two of them now.
Hanji scoffed, unimpressed. "You were eavesdropping?"
"I don't have the luxury of free time to listen to speculations that were most likely born out of his and your imaginative thinking. All my ears caught was you about to make a childish, inappropriate joke." Erwin answered honestly, with Hanji furrowing her brows at the noticeable traces of condescension entangled in his speech.
"Your instincts have certainly dulled. The last time you could sense myself coming from a mile away." He added on when she didn't reply.
"Oh give me a break, Sir, Commander or whatever, Smith. That's what juggling between being a personal scientist, researcher and doing paperwork about the management of both royal and national affairs will do to you. I didn't ask for this" Hanji sighed, feeling the bitter aftertaste already accumulating on her tongue once those words fell out.
She had almost forgotten what holding an actual and one-to-one conversation with him felt like. How she had managed to pull off boasting about him and his achievements to guests from foreign lands for the sake of assuring Paradis's security was beyond her. Then again, she supposed being an advisor for heaven's know how long by now had taught her how to put up her own little facade.
Besides, it wasn't exactly like she resented him to the core, much less be petty enough to roll and turn a blind eye to his accomplishments earned at a relatively young age. She still respected him to some degree; arguably to a high degree when compared to her others. It was complicated. Some days he was more than fine to work with, other days were more infuriating. Regardless, as long as they weren't behind closed doors, they both had to set aside their history.
And at the very least, they did have one thing that would always be common— their undying, genuine loyalty and concern for the Prince; which was why they'd meet sometimes like this, away from the public eye and alone to check on the state of the council, the Prince, royal affairs and other relevant things. At least, that was what Hanji hoped Erwin sought her out for tonight.
"I hope you didn't come here just to scare my assistant off so you could berate me… what do you want?"
"I'll get to the point then." Erwin said, lowering his volume as he closed the distance between them. "While we haven't done a full background check about that day's murder… I was wondering if there had been any internal issues lately."
"Not to my knowledge." Hanji responded. "If you're asking because you think there might be a connection between that incident and the council, drop it. I can tell you right now with confidence that they aren't—at the very least—directly involved." When Erwin furrowed his brows at her debunking whatever initial assumption he had, Hanji took that as her answer; and she couldn't help but find his frustration a tiny bit amusing.
"If you came to consult me because of something else pertinent to that matter, rest assured. I doubt they'd plan to do anything out of line. Even if they just so attempt to usurp the throne from our most treasured Prince, it would be a failure, am I correct Commander?" Hanji queried, before daring to make a bold suggestion out of spite. "Unless…"
"The Azker Guards will always have their loyalties with the royal family." Erwin defended.
"I know, I know…. They do have an interesting history with the royal family." Hanji hummed before snapping her fingers with impatience. "I know you have something else to say, out with it already… it's quite late and I am a little overworked."
Erwin resisted the urge to roll his eyes, though his face slightly scrunching up was enough of a signal to Hanji. "Does the Hizuru guard and Princess not warrant any suspicion from you?"
"Elaborate." Hanji arched a brow.
"The entire arrangement. Hizuru has been in isolation for quite some time after the war, and the journey there by sea isn't smooth-sailing… yet they managed to reach our docks, leave just as swiftly… is it not suspicious to you?"
"Well… in their defence, Paradis neither fought against or with them. We were more of a neutral party… so on the surface, I can understand why they might want to immediately flee out of suspicion after testing the waters… but I do not see any reason for them to suddenly wage war or cause any social unrest if that was what you were implying."
"It was just a thought."
"A dangerous one." Hanji stated flatly. "You shouldn't be talking like that, for all you know Princess Azu will be our future Queen."
Erwin could barely entertain that idea. "We both know that isn't Prince Eren's priorities… for all we know he's probably scheming something right now to escape tradition."
"Unfortunately, I have to agree." Hanji sighed, already stressed at the very thought of the possible repercussions she'd have to assert on Eren if his stubbornness persisted; even if she didn't wish to. "But anyways, I do understand your suspicion. Even then, I rather not risk placing false claims against them. I already have enough to worry about. Besides… we'll eventually have to meet the King and Queen of Hizuru, and visit the land before any treaty of alliance is signed for the sake of validity. I'd rather wait for it to unfold."
Erwin frowned. "I would rather not wait if you find their presence concerning, Hanji. It is not strategic. If—"
"Yeah, yeah." Hanji waved her hand dismissively, already knowing what he was about to say. "And again, if you had listened, it's not worth risking putting false claims on an entire nation or aggravating that entire region if suspicions prove false."
"Allowing lies to exist is even more dangerous." Erwin pressed, his tone teetering on the edge of something threatening. It was apparent to Hanji he didn't like this 'irresponsibility' of hers; placing national interests over domestic, especially with a nation Paradis would be fine without.
"Oh, you act like Paradis hasn't had its fair share of lies. 'One of the strongest military'— yet somehow a murder occurred even when we doubled the guards in the town when the royal families came over, even then we're only slightly above average. Only the Azker Royal guards match the status we were given and accepted without batting an eye for the sake of prestige… oh and how I wonder why some of them aren't deployed in the city at the very least?
" 'A strong system with capable leaders that will ensure prosperity in honesty before the Prince would assume his place as King' — yet, ever since the King's and Queen's passing, the council's engagement in questionable activities is on a rapid rise, moreover they do so behind the Prince's back and we can't— I can't even do anything to undo the webs they spun without severe repercussions. The Prince's solution to it when he is crowned isn't even… it shouldn't be done. And that brings me to my next point.
" 'Land of Freedom'— but do the others know of the underground city where poverty thrives? Where some of our dearest council engage in said questionable activities? Do our people even know those children's tales of monsters dwelling beneath are nothing but half-lies? The Prince thinks eradicating it will be a suitable solution, but how can we? To the innocent lives down there who don't even have a chance at freedom—"
"Advisor Hanji." Erwin cautioned, and it was the way he sounded so patronizing that irked her. "I understand your frustration and exhaustion. But that doesn't mean you should let it blind your judgement. I can acknowledge the corrupt council— … excluding yourself. But you are wrong in thinking that the underground does have any innocent lives. It is full of crooks that are only alive because the council allows them to for their own personal gain and exploitation. That or they are as conniving as those murderous Ackermans. As for the Prince's solution—"
"Have you been to the underground?" Hanji hissed, cutting him off; having been aware of where he was leading to. And she didn't want to hear it from him.
"No." Erwin said firmly. "But have you?"
"I... know that after the war, some civilians and others from neighbouring lands fled to Paradis for safety and ended up getting displaced—"
"That is nothing but your overzealous thinking. Any refugees from the war of the past have been safely resettled above." Erwin interrupted. "Have you been there?" He repeated his question, taking a step forward, towering over her.
"...No, but—"
"Then? What room is there for questions?" He stated bluntly. "Regardless, sacrifices must be made for corruption to end. I thought you'd have understood that the most, Advisor Hanji."
"What are you... implying?" Hanji asked, a shaky exhale following after.
Erwin paused as he watched her shift uncomfortably under his gaze, prompting him to take a few steps back for her to have some room to breathe. "There is no underlying implication, it is just as I've said. Everything comes at a cost." He replied calmly, and whether this was an act of pity or generosity at the sorry and messy state Hanji found herself in during what felt like an interrogation, she ironically found herself agitated at his withdrawal from the confrontation that ended up being replaced by 'reassuring' lies.
'No underlying implication' my ass, Hanji thought.
"That is all I came here for… As for the sketches I requested previously, please pass them to me by next week." Erwin concluded, turning around without casting her a second glance. "Have a... good rest." He wished, and because it strangely sounded genuine, it made her want to bang her head on the table so perhaps she could better understand the mixed signals he shot at her.
Instead, Hanji chuckled. It was strained. "You too." She wished with a wave of the hand that soon clenched down into a ball once she was sure he left.
One of her legs subconsciously lifted itself up, propelling towards the chair in front of her, almost taking a full swing at it until she forced her nerves to stop; the last thing she wanted was for Sir Brows to rush back down after hearing a ruckus caused by her in a fit of exasperation.
Men. Hanji thought, clicking her tongue with irritation. To think he was my first love… ugh. She couldn't help but flush slightly in embarrassment, hands covering her face as she suppressed earlier memories when he wasn't so cold, and she found him less irritable.
The memories were certainly flustering. But because she despised how they'd make her heart flutter ever-so bitterly the more she pondered, she'd always shut them down.
I wouldn't have expected our first proper conversation in a while to be so… bitter. Hanji grumbled as she lowered her hands, her eyes meeting with one of her cork boards where she pinned her ideas, thoughts and sketches on. She made her way towards it, and once she was in a close enough proximity, she banged her head against it in hopes of settling herself down. Then again… it was our stubbornness and ideals that drove us apart, I suppose… still… how can someone be so stubborn while willingly living in ignorance of those underground…Paradis's written history is suspicious if you scrutinize it enough… how can he not see that? Even after...
And the Prince, Hanji groaned when she remembered how impulsive the Prince could be. She lifted her head away from the board, turning around to lean her back against the wall. His hatred for Ackermans aside...deep down he must know completely wiping out the underground for the sake of removing criminals is a bad idea… why else… gahhhh!
If only I was permitted to go underground…perhaps then I could convince them all otherwise... Hanji thought, having been forbidden from trespassing underground without permission from her senior advisors as it apparently didn't involve the area she was meant to prioritise being in charge of (which again, Hanji called it to be bullshit). And it wasn't like she could leave out of the blue; she had her own commitments.
Ahhh! I wonder if some of those things he said to me was because he was in a bad mood or if it was just to spite or belittle me anyway… he knows some of my differing beliefs after all… Hanji sighed. Why did I even like him again?
As Hanji searched for the said reason in the deep, dark archives of her brain; interestingly enough, what emerged instead was a more recent memory. A memory of a particularly grumpy man from a foreign land, who looked so done with her when she barely brought up a fraction of her romantic life. (Hanji wasn't even offended, a little flustered yes but more than anything his expressions were a little humorous when she looked back.)
What a strange conversation we had. Hanji mused as she slid down, her back still against the wall as she found herself on the ground. It's hard to retain my own suspicion when he is the same man who scolded me over dust bunnies…
Hanji laughed softly at the silly memory before her eyes traced back to her table of paperwork. Her laughter soon died, though she still humoured a ridiculous thought. I wish he had visited instead… Perhaps— ah, no, no. Hanji shook her head, her hands rising to clap both sides of her cheek to remind herself of the reality.
Slowly, she pulled herself up and made her way towards the desk of finished paperwork where it waited to be delivered.
Past the forest uphill, far away from royal grounds and the city itself, Mikasa found herself at a loss for words once the both of them emerged from beneath the dark canopy leaves, revealing nothing but a luminous beauty ahead.
The grass stood tall at the cliff he brought her to, trees became more scarce as compared to the forest the more they made their way up. The flowers that grew along the path Eren led her were blooming with a myriad of colours, some of them appearing to shine beneath the moonlight.
A peaceful breeze blew by; the grass and flowers swayed along, startling some of the insects that had hid. Fireflies sprung up from their blossoming homes, drifting along the currents of the wind as they glowed.
"Look," Eren said, having reached near the edge of the cliff; where all that stretched ahead was nature and a bird's eye view of the city and the castle, maybe even some of the homes further in the countryside if one squinted enough. "You can practically see everything from up—"
Eren spun around, expecting Mikasa to be right behind him to take in the picturesque view. Except, she wasn't; and rather than the view ahead of them from the clifftop, her attention was captured by the beauty that prospered on the cliff itself.
Eren watched in slight amusement as Mikasa's eyes widened in amazement, squatting down to take a closer look at the fireflies that floated around the area. She had never seen such… fascinating creatures before; who knew insects could glow with so much life?
"What are these… insects?" Mikasa queried when Eren made his way to her, her hand reaching out warily with curiosity spilling with an excited anticipation—though, sadly it was extinguished when the fireflies flew away from her hand as opposed to landing on it.
"They're fireflies." Eren answered, squatting next to her. "They don't have them at Hizuru?"
"Ah… No. This is my first time seeing them. I… didn't expect insects to glow." Mikasa murmured, and she supposed such luminescent creatures wouldn't dwell underground. It would've been too much of a shame if so. "All the insects I'm familiar with are pests… like mosquitos or flies." She grumbled miserably, and Eren laughed lightly.
"That sounds like a nightmare."
"It is. Though… I suppose there are a few exceptions… like butterflies." Mikasa pondered, reflecting back to the rare instances where butterflies would've lost their way underground. And then Isabel would've guided them back up, much to a younger Mikasa's disappointment.
Looking back on it now, it was probably for the best. Creatures like those didn't belong in the underground.
"Hm…" Eren droned out, lifting one of his fingers upwards and towards one of the fireflies that hovered around him. Unlike Mikasa's failed attempt, the little insect landed on him. And it drew Mikasa's full attention as she stared at the glowing, mystique creature with much childlike wonder.
"You're like a kid." Eren couldn't help but tease. How could he not? He found this contrast honestly amusing. For the woman before him that was upset and disappointed at the firefly's pickiness on landing spots, that was currently staring in awe at the little insect was the same woman who practically kicked his ass god knows how many times; was the same fearless, and notably (though he wouldn't openly admit it yet) frightening woman that put the earlier murder-crazed citizen in his place.
Mikasa flushed in embarrassment, shoulders tensing as she started to stammer. "N-No! I am not."
"Sure." Eren remarked sarcastically, giving a soft blow to the firefly; chasing it back to its family. "I suppose even tough people can be quite soft, huh?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Mikasa grumbled, sitting herself down as she drew her knees up and towards her, burying her head in between them to hide her growing bashfulness. It was the first time in a long while since anyone outside of the Ackermans saw her act like that. If anything, it was a long time ago since she ever allowed herself to… freely act like a kid. After all, once her bloodlust started, her childhood ended along with it.
Albeit, right now, she wasn't really thinking about bloodlust at all despite the unfortunate incident not too long ago.
There was something soothing about the winds that blew, twirling around her and combing through her messy hair. It was so gentle, like a mother's touch. It relaxed her nerves and all the tension that had spiked up in her body when she nearly lost control earlier. It seemed like Eren was right about this place.
No matter how temporary it was, it provided Mikasa with a fleeting moment of rest.
Eren smiled, choosing to stand instead. "It can mean whatever you want it to mean." He said. "I just… wouldn't have expected you to act so… shyly."
He didn't even sound teasing when he pointed out her shyness, he said it almost as if it were a fact and that was probably worse. Mikasa found herself growing redder as she lifted her head up without thinking too much about the exposure. Her lips parted, about to defend herself until Eren interrupted.
"Anyway, I take it that you like it up here?" He asked, and fortunately for Mikasa, his gaze seemed more fixated on the midnight blue sky, where disappointingly, no stars decorated it. The fireflies did make up for it though.
Cooling down, Mikasa nodded as her eyes rested on Eren. "Yeah… it's relaxing."
"The winds make you feel so free, doesn't it?" He hummed, "That's why I love it up here. Free of those pesky advisors, free of responsibilities and free of burdening thoughts… it makes me almost forget that I am Paradis's next ruler." He laughed, and Mikasa frowned at how poignant he ironically sounded.
"But I guess we all have responsibilities, and I can't escape forever, nor should I." He clenched his fist slightly. "A moment's peace is enough before I have to move forward… Anyway, for as long as the winds blow… for as long as I can move forward, I guess..."
Eren took a deep breath, fist slowly unravelling as he spun towards her, "Even if I may not be that free anymore, even when my personal freedom becomes compromised as I am duty-bound— at the very least I can find some freedom here." Eren smiled before his arms spread wide, perhaps a little too much in exaggeration. Even so, the winds howled enthusiastically at his gesture, embracing him with all that it had to offer. "This is what it is like to be free, Mikasa."
"No," She breathed, responding so swiftly that it made Eren tilt his head in confusion as to what her 'no' was referring to. His arms lowered; lips parted as he was about to raise a question until he heard her correct him.
"You are freedom itself, Eren."
Mikasa meant what she said. For the Prince who claimed to be bound by his royal duties and responsibilities ironically had never let them tie him down completely, at least to her knowledge. And perhaps that was what Mikasa found herself admiring most about him—the freedom he carried. The freedom he asserted.
He was everything she ever yearned for in freedom. Despite his advisors' protest and reprimands; the threats they posed whenever he refused to submit to them, he held on firmly to his beliefs and thrusted ahead, never letting himself be a puppet by their hand. Granted, it may be reckless, and so were his personal goals and deadly pursuits—but he chose to continue anyway. He could choose. He had the freedom of choosing; and never once had he let fear trampled on and stripped him away from having a choice.
Mikasa on the other hand, was humbled into compliance after her first and last attempt of asserting herself against Kenny. Obedience was demanded, and rarely did she fail to supply.
Then there was Eren, who was stubborn and bull-headed. They were arguably dangerous traits, but Mikasa would argue back that it was what protected his freedom and kept his burning spirit ignited.
He fought for his freedom. He was still fighting for it.
And all Mikasa did now was helplessly and hopelessly wish for it.
Just Eren living on the surface was already freedom itself. The surface—a land of opportunities and chances where the sun reached and nurtured, where most people didn't have to worry about putting food on the table; where their future was full of choices while those living in poverty below only had choices that all led to the same path of scum and shame; a life devoid of dignity and honesty. Either that or death would come to welcome the noble soon.
And so Eren was freedom in her eyes. He was born into freedom, and carried on with that life with an unstoppable force.
She was envious.
"That's the first time you called my name without any honorifics." Was the first thing Eren managed to say.
Mikasa flinched upon realizing she had discarded formalities, having been too caught up in the moment. "I—"
"I don't mind." Eren assured, taking a few steps towards Mikasa as his eyes narrowed. "…But if I may be so bold to ask, is Hizuru not free to you?"
Ah, shit. Mikasa thought before quickly shaking her head to deny and began to relay a scripted reply. "Hizuru is a prestigious nation, where the land and people are flourishing. It is considered wealthy, even for—"
"That wasn't what I was asking." Eren interrupted, taking another step forward as she took a step back; and much to her dismay, found her back pressing against a tree. "Are you not free?"
"I am." Mikasa said, a little too rushed and defensive; the confidence in her reply ironically drawing doubt from Eren.
"That's a lie." Eren stated bluntly.
"What… Why does it matter?" Mikasa abruptly snapped back, irritation rising for a reason she pinpointed to envy, albeit it was only fleeting when she realized how awfully wrong it was for her to even be frustrated with him.
He wasn't the villain after all. He wasn't the one leading a life of scum and shame.
He was not an Ackerman.
"It slipped my eye in the beginning…" Eren started nonchalantly, "But now after you said that… I couldn't help but notice how sad you look."
Mikasa's eyes widened in shock, her breath hitched. She knew compared to Levi that perhaps her acting wasn't the best due to her inexperience, however for her to let him see a fragment of vulnerability…
What is happening to me? Have I forgotten I am an Ackerman? She chided herself internally, looking away as she found herself unable to meet his eye after this reminder.
"… if it bothers you that much, I will not press into Hizuru." Eren offered, taking a step back to dispel her discomfort. "However, know this, you deserve freedom."
Please don't say that. Mikasa bit back her words, her eyes remaining plastered to the ground; for she didn't know what would accidentally topple out from her lips if she met his gaze.
Mikasa wanted freedom, that much was true. But for him—her target, a victim to a future catastrophe—to say that she deserved freedom was something else that she couldn't accept.
"…Mikasa." Eren called out, his hands reaching out to hold onto both her hands gently. And Mikasa let him, she didn't pull away but it'd be untrue to say his abrupt touch didn't catch her off guard.
And what he said next was shocking. It nearly stopped her heart. It threw her mind into a flurry of hiccups as she found herself in denial of his… request.
"Marry me?"
"You're a mess." was the first sentence that greeted Mikasa when she returned to her room after a night full of surprises and shock. Accompanying his tone of critique was his signature click of the tongue as he scanned her from head to toe, fully taking in her dishevelled look with much displeasure and disgust.
Mikasa turned, facing her brother once her expressions settled into something calmer.
She didn't expect any less of a greeting from a clean-freak like him; she just hadn't expected him to still be waiting for her in her room, arms crossed, eyes narrowed with a certain expecting look that often piqued her every now and then.
She knew he wanted her to provide an explanation despite not voicing it out. And she knew just as well that it better not be crap for why she returned this late. Or rather, this 'early' given that the sun was bound to rise in a few hours; a reminder to the both of them how fast time flew, and how Levi shouldn't stay stationed in her room any longer than he already did for fear of warranting unwanted suspicion or absurd speculation.
Nonetheless, Levi stood there and waited. Whether his patience was thinning, Mikasa couldn't be too sure. They did argue beforehand, and her leaving abruptly with the Prince without informing him only made the trust between them fickle.
So she expected him to berate her or at least sound a little more demanding. Yet all he did was stand there, behind her silently. And perhaps that was far worse since silence tended to be louder than spoken words, excruciatingly enough.
Mikasa wished she could switch places with Eren whom she had successfully escorted back to his room without any guards noticing, where only a comfortable king-sized bed and not a stern lecture or whatnot awaited him. But alas, it was a brief, short-lasting imaginative thought.
"I'm alive." Mikasa responded, her words tinged with cautious pride. She watched as his expression shifted into something unreadable, though it was safe to conclude he wasn't that impressed by whatever she wanted to prove through her accomplishing claim.
"You are reckless." Levi corrected in a matter-of-factly way as he made his way towards her, and Mikasa did not move away. Though, she did flinch at what he said next; his hand reaching out to touch the ends of her haggard hair that was now shoulder-length, frowning at it. "And there's a faint scent of blood on you." He remarked, sounding more serious with a particular underlying concern as he faced back to her.
"… But I came back alive." She repeated, and because she knew that that wasn't the answer he wanted to hear she added on, "And I successfully controlled it without you there."
It would be an overstatement to say that Levi's expression had softened after hearing that; rather, he offered something similar to that of resignation before he retracted his hand and motioned towards the dresser. "Sit down." He spoke, and when Mikasa tilted her head in confusion (and perhaps a small bit of disappointment) at the abrupt change in the flow of conversation, he pulled her gently towards the area and sat her down himself. She complied.
"We don't have all day, brat." He grumbled, taking out a pair of scissors from gods know where.
Mikasa raised an inquisitive brow that was swiftly followed by concern. Because for one thing, where did that scissors even come from? And second of all, Levi was by no means a skilled hairdresser. (There was a reason she refused to even get a trim from him once she was old enough to independently handle scissors and daggers.)
Despite her concerns raised, Levi's hand waved dismissively. "Look straight." He instructed hoarsely, tilting her head forward before she'd have had the chance to react or protest. Ignoring Mikasa's scoff, he proceeded to even out her hair.
And Mikasa let him, her shoulders relaxed as she sat up straight, face facing front to the mirror. She watched him manoeuvre the scissors through her hair, and any doubt she had of his skills was quickly erased when she noticed how he was making an unexpected amount of extra effort to tidy it up to her standards and style at the very least. It was certainly reassuring to her that she wouldn't end up with a bowl haircut again.
Mikasa didn't say anything else and neither did he. She wondered if this was his way of apologizing or at the very least his attempt at simmering down the tension with his thoughtful actions.
She wasn't sure how to feel about this route of resolve pertaining to their previous disagreement. While she did appreciate his actions, it'd have been nice if he gave a more obvious, verbal acknowledgement of her having better control of her bloodlust. Was that asking too much?
Mikasa wasn't sure what she was expecting in the first place, but his reaction to her having been able to suppress her bloodlust without his presence after so long was definitely underwhelming at the least, disappointing at most.
After all, Levi would certainly unashamedly make it very clear to her whenever he doubted her abilities to manage risky missions on her own, which was why he tagged along on this crazy royal mission in the first place.
"Oi. Brat?"
"Huh?" Mikasa blinked, having spaced out. Levi gestured to the mirror when he had her attention.
"Ah." He had finished evening out her hair, and frankly she was impressed at the result. It didn't look like her hair was haphazardly chopped off at all during a tug-of-war. Perfect.
"… Thank you."
"Well, a Princess shouldn't look like shit." He sighed, and Mikasa wondered if that was his lame attempt at lightening the mood. "That aside, you proved me wrong… from now onward, I will have more faith in you."
Mikasa's eyes widened, feeling her heart jolt in incredulity as she absorbed his words. Yes, she wanted to hear that. It brought her more joy than she would ever show or he would ever think when he said those words to her. But even so it was unexpected (even if she really wanted to hear it).
His words, no matter how simple or trivial it may be, were like a lightning that struck her with a gargantuan amount of genuine confidence she hadn't felt for quite some time. And it gave hope to Mikasa, that perhaps she would no longer be a burden to him— that her own bloodlust would no longer be his to shoulder as well.
"So you'll trust me more?" Mikasa tried, daring to test her luck. "To… do messy jobs alone. That you don't have to watch over—"
"You're still my sister." Levi answered, sighing after when he realised the reasoning behind her hopeful gleam. "… You are my younger sister. You are my responsibility regardless… I will put more faith in you, but I just want you to be more careful."
Mikasa was a little taken aback by his following words. Her lips parted, having found so many things she wanted to tell him; to retaliate, to agree, to mention, to reassure, to just talk to him during this brief moment they shared where they could be family. She understood the concern behind his eyes and buried deep within his words, but she wanted him to know that her well-being shouldn't be his responsibility. That he should worry more for himself. She wanted him to know so many things. But her lips closed and readjusted as her eyes softened.
"And you are my brother." She decided. "You are family."
Levi nodded, "Of course. Unless you're secretly a Princess after all." He responded, and it was the sarcasm that made Mikasa give him an eye-roll and a joking nudge to his arm.
"Haha. Funny." She scoffed.
"Speaking of royalty…" Levi said, as he recalled one of the things he meant to ask her once she had returned. "What were you doing with that brat anyway? You never told me."
Ah, right. Mikasa had been so caught up in their reconciliation that she had almost forgotten the big news.
"From the window, and rumours outside the door, I heard the guards arrest the 'Ackerman' responsible for the murder incident. Yet you didn't return." He added on.
"We… made a detour. To wash off the blood." Mikasa summarised. He didn't need to know the rest when they ran off to the hills… and a part of her didn't want him to— but there was one crucial thing she couldn't leave out. "And… maybe me being a secret Princess isn't so far off the dot..." She wasn't sure how he was going to react to it though.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Levi frowned, unsure of whether he'd like where this conversation was heading to.
Mikasa smirked as she lifted her hand, revealing a small, singular dahlia flower wrapped around her ring finger. "Meet Paradis's future Queen."
Author's Note:
Hi! It's been a while :). Again, no promises of any regular updates anytime soon; hopefully I can update more in December though when all my exams and personal matters are settled haha
I initially wanted to update this sometime in June or July as I wanted to re-do previous chapters/have them sorted out (e.g. correcting grammar mistakes, re-doing extremely dissatisfactory written paragraphs and some questionable plot flaws etc) first before adding any more additional chapters but a lot of things came up and wow, it's going to be October! And I last updated in April. Time surely flies, huh? I felt bad, so I decided to publish this before making all the changes in previous chapters which I hope I can by December. However, rest assured, I don't think it severely affects the plot yet. I will inform in the A/N if any changes (minor or not) have been made :)
That aside, for those reading my other fanfic 'Love' (AruMika/EreMika Love triangle) please note that I HIGHLY doubt I can update it till December due to hitting a major writer's block for that. Should it somehow be updated anyway before December then hooray! But again, very unlikely and I apologise for that.
Anyways, if you've stuck by until now thank you! It means a lot to me :). And while I don't often reply to comments due to reasons, just know that I am thankful for each one (likes/kudos as well and even for you just taking your time to read it! Thank you :))
However, if you have any questions please feel free to comment and I will reply to them should you have any confusion!
Please leave a Review! Constructive criticism is welcomed as well! Have a Nice Day :)
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