I was gone from the Cullen's house long before Seth got off of patrol last night, but I woke up to a text this morning of him pleading for the chance to explain himself in person. Reluctantly I agreed because this will now have to be the time I tell him no more can happen between us. It's honestly the last thing I want to do, especially with everything becoming so confusing with him storming out. I guess his apology today is an excuse to clear the air between us completely.
I won't lie, I have shed some tears after my conversation with Leah. I know she was right about all of it, but fuck it stings so bad knowing there is no hope. I think my crush on Seth has kind of been the one thing I found joy in. It's special to have a crush on someone. Every time you see them your heart flutters and your stomach gets all tight with nerves. You think about it when you're happy and it brings you joy when you're sad. Now I have to let all that go.
The knock on my door has my stomach sinking with unease. I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants before slowly opening up the door. Seth stands before me, all tall and handsome, wearing the saddest doe eyes I've ever seen on him. Already I know how much this is going to sting. He's always had such an expressive face, like you can see every emotion on it.
There's a moment of silence before Seth reveals a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. They're wrapped in brown paper and it's a mixture of several beautiful wildflowers with an array of colors. "I didn't really like any of the pre-made ones so I picked these all out, thinking they looked sort of nice together." He explains, his voice soft and gentle. I swallow away my sadness, trying my best to smile at him as he hands them over.
"That's really kind of you..come in." I inspect the carefully put together bouquet as he follows me inside. I can tell Seth did this himself because the bow seems to have been hard for him to tie and the paper has some crinkles in it. My heart cracks, it's the kindest thing a boy has ever done for me, by far.
It would have been so damn easy to love Seth Clearwater.
I carefully place the flowers on my coffee table and take a seat, motioning for him to sit with me. He does, ever so slowly, and I notice the way he wipes his palms on his knees and the way he chews on his cheek. He's nervous. Guilty.
"Gwen I'm so sorry I left the way I did. I feel fucking horrible about it. It had nothing to do with you at all, you were perfect. It was me. I got too excited and you were so.."
I frown. "So what?"
He gives me a pained look. "You were so fucking erotic and I've never done any of that with a girl before and I ended up.." He runs his hands against his knees, swallowing thickly. He sucks in a breath. "I ended up finishing when you did. I was humiliated and I didn't know how to react. I didn't want you to laugh at me or anything so I thought in the moment that I could just hide it and leave and you would never have to know. I realized as soon as I got in my car that it looked horrible the way I left, but I was too humiliated to come back inside. It was an idiot move."
"Why would you think I would have laughed at you?"
I stare at his face but he doesn't look in my eyes. His shoulders kind of sag and his eyes are firmly planted on my coffee table. "Because I'm not experienced, I mean who does that? I couldn't believe it actually happened to me. It was the worst timing of my life. I thought I would humiliate myself if I had to tell you, kind of like I am right now." He purses his lips with an embarrassed smile on them, scratching at his neck. My heart sinks at his words, I feel so horrible that he's so embarrassed.
"I wouldn't have laughed at you." I place a hand on his knee. "Really, I wouldn't have. It would have been no big deal. I just thought I did something wrong-"
He cuts me off, looking up at me with a frown. "That's the last thing I wanted. You did nothing wrong, you were perfect." He presses, giving me an sincere look. "I did something wrong."
I shake my head. "You didn't do anything wrong, it was just the heat of the moment. I was going to..finish just from grinding against you." I admit, pushing my own embarrassment to the side. "We both just got carried away is all, especially me. Please don't be embarrassed Seth, really. I think it's actually hot that you finished when I did." I blush a little, feeling embarrassed to talk about it.
He looks up at me with a shocked expression and I laugh. "Are you joking?"
I snort. "No. Most guys hate going down on girls and it made you cum. I mean that's probably not what made you cum, but still. I was worried you left because you hated it."
He shakes his head. "Are you kidding? I loved eating you out. The way your legs shook and the moaning and god your taste was so indescribable. And you were so wet-"
"Okay, okay." My face burns with a blush and my center throbs. I squeeze my thighs together, praying to god that he can't smell it. It's so hot knowing he found it all so arousing.
He blushes too, shaking his head. "Right. Sorry." He gives me an innocent smile.
"Don't be, for any of it." I insist, patting his leg. "You don't have to be embarrassed around me, we're friends." I remind him, that sinking feeling coming back all too soon.
"Friends." He agrees, but his face is less than enthused at the word. Me too.
I suck in a shaky breath, preparing to end it all now. "Honestly um, none of it should have happened in the first place." His face drops even further. "You'll be imprinting someday soon and I can't be distracting you from that. It wasn't smart on my part to push things further, I wasn't thinking clearly. I don't want anyone to get hurt in this situation." I shake my head. I'm already hurt. This hurts so bad.
Seth's shoulders seem to sink and it's clear on his face he's upset. "I understand." His agreement stings. I guess some stupid part of me wishes he would say he wants to be with me despite all the imprint stuff. Despite the fact that it's crazy and stupid and someone could get hurt. I wish he'd just tell me he wants this just as bad as I do, to say fuck logic.
"But I just want you to know that any girl is lucky to have you and you were an amazing kisser and amazing at everything else too. I don't want you to think you weren't." He nods, but it seems like he's already closed up and distant.
My phone buzzes on the table, breaking up the pause of quiet. I glance at it and notice it's Jake so I answer. "Yeah?"
Jake's panicked voice greets me. "Gwen, Bella's in labor. I need you to get here as fast as you can, Carlisle's out on a hunt with like half the Cullen's." I can hear a commotion in the background and Bella's cries of pain. Seth's already standing, grabbing his keys from the table. "She needs to lay down Edward, Bella come lay down." He's frantic and terrified.
"Jake I'm on my way. Get Bella into Carlisle's office and get everything set up, don't start anything without me." I instruct clearly, following Seth in a rush out of my house and into his car.
The car ride is silent as I try to calm myself down enough to remember the plan I created with Carlisle. This is all insane, I've only assisted on about five non-complicated births at this point and Bella's birth is incredibly high risk for both baby and mother. She's also my friend, my sweet friend, who wants this baby more than anything. There's a whole house of people who want this baby more than anything.
We arrive quickly and immediately I go running into the house while Seth phases and goes to Leah. The other wolves will know she's giving birth and they'll come to deal with the baby. With half of the Cullen's already gone into the surrounding woods, likely racing to get back, we may have an issue. I rush into Carlisle's office where Bella's on the table. Everyone's crowding her and they don't notice me at first. "Give her space!" I call out, trying to see past everyone. I rush to her side as she's screaming and crying, sweat pouring from her face. Her skin is paler than normal and her eyes look half lidded, she's already exhausted from the pain.
"It's okay Bella." I insist, clutching her hand for a moment. "You and your baby are going to be just fine, we just have to get through the hard part." She manages to nod at me through her cries of pain. Jake did well at setting up with all the supplies we'll need to get the baby out. Bella's too weak too push, it has to be cut out.
"We need to get the baby out, now!" Rosalie shouts in panic mode, her eyes wide. Bella's in distress, so the babies in distress. There's a small window of time we have to keep them both breathing.
"Get him out now!" Bella screams desperately, her voice shattering my thoughts. She terrified of the baby dying, she'd rather die herself. I won't let that happen.
I go for the table and pump two squirts of hand sanitizer on my hands before putting on clean gloves. I grab a scalpel from the table and Jake grabs my wrist, squeezing. "You'll kill her." His voice is hushed, not wanting her to hear him. He gives me a pained look, knowing this is the only way but it frightens him. I rip my wrist from him, moving to her stomach.
"I won't." She needs medicine, but there's no time for any of that. It's going to hurt, she's going to loose blood, but Edward has to change her when the babies out and not a moment too soon. "Rosalie get ready to pack her stomach." Rosalie stands by my side, the packing in her hands. They've already taken off her bottoms, she's merely in a long t-shirt with her belly exposed and cleaned.
I place my hand on Bella's stomach and pause. "You need to focus on breathing Bella. This is going to hurt, but then it'll be over and you'll have your baby, okay?" She whimpers and I suck in a breath before I make the cut. Bella's murderous screaming fills the room, blaring through my eardrum and sending a shutter down my spine. Edward and Jacob are on either side of her, helping to hold her down so she doesn't wiggle away. I can imagine this will be the worst part of them. I don't have to glance up to know they're both suffering along with her.
I keep my hand steady as I make the big cut, ensuring it's in the proper location and shape so I can make contact with the fetus. Rosalie sucks in a deep breath from beside me and that's the only warning anyone needs before Jacob charges her. I yelp in surprise as he tackles her to the floor, struggling to pin her down. I struggle to pack Bella myself, trying to ignore the gushing blood that's spewing from her body. I tell myself I have time. I tell myself she won't need that blood in a few minutes anyways.
Alice comes to Jacob's aid and manages to drag the thrashing Rosalie from the room. Moments later Jacob's at my side, helping me with the packing with his trembling hands.
"Focus Bella. Keep your heart beating." Jake pleads, trying to keep her focused. I glance up at her to see her head lolling to the side, her eyes beginning to flutter. She's losing consciousness quickly. I instruct Edward to help me get the baby out, but it's difficult to see with all the blood.
"He's suffocating!" Bella cries out weakly right before her body goes still, she's passed out. Jacob rushes to her side, trying to pick her head up, trying to stroke her face to bring her back to consciousness, it doesn't work.
I finally get a visual and I carefully pull the baby out. It's breathing, covered in blood, but it's breathing. There's silence for a second before the baby sucks in a deep breath and belches out a scream. Relief flutters over me, I get chills. The baby is alive, and it's a girl unlike what they thought it would be. The umbilical cord isn't attach so I carefully hand the baby to Edward who has a look of utter disbelief on his face. He's so incredibly gentle as he takes her, clutching her close to him as if she'll fall from his arms.
The baby looks exactly like every baby I've assisted birthing. A typical scream, ten fingers and ten toes, not teeth yet. A typical baby.
Relief leaves quickly as I turn back to Bella, packing her belly to buy Edward time. She'll need to be sewn but that'll have to wait until she turns, until Carlisle is back to ensure everything is done properly. There's simply too much blood and the cut is too large.
Bella's eyes flutter open and she lets out a breath, seeing her baby cooing at Edward.
"It's a girl." Edward smiles at Bella, walking over to her side. "A baby girl." Blood is smudged all over his face, chest, and hands.
"She's healthy." I manage to smile at Bella, though I can't shake the terror that's running through my body. It's unbelievable that my hands aren't shaking and that my knees aren't buckling.
Edward brings the baby over to her so she can see better and she smiles down at the little girl. I even see a little smile threaten to crease Jake's lips as he watches their little moment from the sidelines, not saying a word.
As the baby starts crying again Edward takes a step away from Bella, trying to hush the infant down. I look up at Bella to see her smile before she goes still, her body going limp, her eyes not blinking.
"Bella? Bella!" Jake shouts. "Gwen!"
"CPR, now!" I shout at him. "Edward you need to change her, right now." But he's holding the baby.
"Jacob, take the baby." Edward wraps the baby in a cloth, trying to pass her off desperately so he can help his wife.
Jake doesn't stop the CPR. "Keep that thing away from me." He growls, pumping Bella's chest, desperately.
"I'll take her." I grab the baby carefully from Edward, moving down the hall to bathroom to clean her up, leaving behind Bella. I'm reluctant to leave, not wanting to leave Edward and Jacob to navigate the rest alone, but really my job is done. Edward needs to turn her now. When I turn the corner I see Rosalie's at the end of the hall and I pause my steps, unsure if she's okay enough to handle this. I know she loves this baby, but her need for blood might be greater right now.
She puts up her hands. "I've eaten and composed myself, I'm good now, let me help you." I pause but then nod, heading to the bathroom with her. She wouldn't purposely put the baby in danger, she surely wouldn't trick me.
She has filled the sink with warm water and has a wash cloth ready to start wiping her down.
"Would you like to give her her first back while I go get a diaper and clothes." I glance over at her, clutching the baby to my chest. She's quieter now, not crying, just gentle cooing. Rosalie's face lights up in a way I've only seen her do with Emmett. I carefully hand the baby over and let Rosalie take over the situation, immediately I know the babies in safe hands. Rosalie brushes over the little girls head, just taking her in for a moment before she carefully begins to wipe her down. I don't want to leave the sweetness of the moment, but the baby will get too cold without clothes.
I rush off to the nursery and find a diaper, pajama's with a beanie, and a swaddle. I carefully move back down the stairs and get back to the bathroom where the baby is cleaned off and crying. She has a good set of lungs and sounds like any regular newborn. It's refreshing to hear the cries. Rosalie sets her down on the changing pad on the counter and I move to her side, helping to dress the baby.
She cries and fusses, but once she's warm and swaddled, she's cooing sweetly. "She's perfect." A tear drips from Rosalie's eye. The baby is truly beautiful. Her eyes are open and looking up at us, it's almost shocking to see how aware she looks. Like she's really taking us in as her eyes switch from Rosalie to me.
"You're an aunt now, congratulations." I rub her shoulder as she hold the baby tight to her chest. "Let's move by the fireplace to keep her warm." Rosalie nods, swiping her tears, following me to the living room. I carefully put the babies little hat on, brushing a finger over her eyebrow.
"I'm going to get my stuff to give her an exam and make sure she's healthy, okay? I'll be right back." But Rosalie hardly hears me, too wrapped up in the beautiful baby girl. My heart swells at the sight. I know how much she has wanted a baby of her own, but being an aunt is just as good, right? Once Bella pulls through, this little girl is going to have a big happy family to grow up in.
I rush into Carlisle's office where Edward is pumping Bella's chest and Jake's staring at him, a murderous expression on his face. "What's going on?" I pause.
"The venom didn't work." Jake growls, not looking at me, focusing his hatred on Edward who's desperate to see Bella wake up. Edwards eyes are wide, pleading Bella to wake up for him. "I'm not going to kill you. No that's too easy. You're going to live with this. You killed her." He growls at Edward, before rushing out of the room, nearly knocking into me.
I stand there stunned for a moment before I jump in. "Edward, Carlisle said it takes time for the venom to work. We're not giving up hope. She's strong, so strong. She's going to wake up." I insist. "I need to go check the baby." He nods at me, but his eyes don't leave Bella's. I want to help, but there's nothing any of us can do for Bella. Her body needs to take on the venom and every body reacts differently. I can take the time to focus my energy on making sure Bella's baby is going to be happy and healthy for her when she wakes up.
I'm about to leave as I find the supplies but Edward pauses his efforts, his eyes moving towards the window. He slowly backs up from Bella and goes to check the window, peering outside. "They're coming, they know she's here." Is all he says before he makes a rush out the office door. My eyes widen as I go rushing after him. "Rosalie don't leave this house, protect the baby from inside!" He barks out his demands, going to the back porch where Alice and Jasper already stand. They look ready to fight. Seth and Leah remain at opposite ends of the wooded opening, waiting on high alert for their old pack to arrive. "We don't let them get onto this porch." Edward says in a quite but deadly tone, his bloodied hands clenched at his sides.
Seconds later several wolves come walking through the woods, their eyes glowing in the darkness. "We're outnumbered." Alice states, although she doesn't seem afraid. She seems empowered, ready for a fight. My stomach sinks. I don't want either side to be hurt. I want this all to stop, this is crazy.
"I won't let them hurt my family." I watch in horror as the three vampires go rushing towards the pack, my friends. Leah and Seth make the same lunge, going straight for the wolves.
Everything feels like it's going in slow motion as I watch everything unravel with weakened knees, standing on the porch. Don't let them on the porch.
Sam storms Edward, his teeth ready to slice him in half as he gets him down on the ground, pinning him underneath him. Edwards hands shoot up to Sam's face, using his strength to pry him off, but it's not working well. Edward, Alice, and Jasper have not hunted today. They aren't as strong as they could be. "Stop it!" I scream again, but my feet remain on the porch. Esme and Carlisle come running in from the woods, knocking Sam off of Edward.
I hear a wolf screech loudly in agony and realize it's Seth being pinned down by Paul. I can't see what damage has been done in the darkness. Tears stream down my face and without thinking, not even a single hesitation, I go running to his aid. I rush off the porch, dodging the action as I beeline to Seth. I almost make it to him when Jasper's wraps his arms around me waist, stopping me from making what anyone else might call "a stupid decision".
"Help him!" I plead as loud as I can, pointing a finger at the site before me. It's like my own hell to see Seth be in pain. Jasper leaves me in an instant, rushing across the lawn to Seth's aid.
A low, steady growl sounds in front of me and I realize it's Quil. He stands a foot away, staring at me. "Quil you have to stop this, the baby isn't going to kill anyone." I cry desperately, blocking him from moving closer to the porch. Quil lets out a whimpered noise, bowing his head. I know he won't hurt me, but I can't let him hurt the baby either. He pauses and I calm down when I realize he's moving backwards but Sam growls, tackling Quil away from me, before he charges at me himself.
"Sam no!" I scream, but the words become breathless as I'm shoved onto my back, the wind flying out of my lungs. I wheeze, trying to realize what had happened. I huff my breaths in, trying to tell myself I can breathe, but honestly it's hard with the weight he bares down on me with his giant paw taking up most of my chest. I reach out and clutch onto his paw, trying to pry it off of me, but it's no use. He keeps me pinned to the ground, knowing I'm a mere distraction to the others. Quil, Embry, and Jared would never get past me. "You can't do this." I fight against him, baring my teeth as I try to use all my strength to get him off of me. "She's just a baby! She's a normal baby, she's not going to hurt anyone! Don't do this Sam, don't do this. I swear to god, don't do this!"
He growls, baring his teeth at me in warning. I know he doesn't want to hurt me, not intentionally. He wants me out of the way, he wants me to submit. I start beating at his shoulders, trying to get him to back off. While he has me down I see another wolf go charging for the porch, gaining closer access to the baby. I thrash beneath Sam, mindlessly throwing my hands into him. He merely puts more weight on my chest, his nails scraping a bit into me. It hurts.
I scream as I watch Sam fly off of me and onto the ground beside me as Leah hovers over him, her teeth bared and close to his neck. Whimpering as a strong stinging begins in my chest I manage to get to my feet, although feeling weakened. My eyes rise to Jasper who's been distracted as he now helps Esme's instead of Seth. "Leah forget him, help Seth! He's getting hurt! I plead frantically. Leah turns her head, scanning the scene to find Seth. Before she can leave Sam, Emmett comes emerging from the woods and kicks Paul right off of Seth, landing him several feet away.
Leah turns back to Sam, growling at him again, snapping her teeth. He doesn't back down, he snaps right back and manages to get some leverage, kicking at the ground until he's not on top of her. I watch in horror as the roles reverse.
A wolf comes rushing up to me and I realize it's Embry. He pushes his head into my side, pushing me away from Sam and Leah, pushing me towards the porch. Back to safety. "Embry you know this isn't right. Please stop this." I plead him. He ignores me, pushing and pushing at me until I take a step onto the porch. Then he's gone, back to battle.
I turn to see Sam make it to the porch, his right paw resting on it, before I go running towards him. I don't know what I'll do, but I won't let it happen.
Before I can make it to him the back door goes flying open and Jacob rushes outside, marching right up to Sam. "You kill her, you kill me! Back down Sam, it's finished." He bares his death, looking deadly.
The fighting seems to come to a pause in Jake's presence as everyone's attention goes to him. "Jacob imprinted." Edwards says, sounding to be in shock. "They can't hurt her, not under their laws."
Everyone's eyes land on Jake as he's still seething with anger. In the next moment Sam's paw steps off the porch and he slowly backs away.
