A/N: Here is a chapter fic that has been in the works for about two months now. It is the closest I will ever get to Angst - I'll call it Idealism-Angst. :) It's been a very emotional, difficult, and rewarding process. Will be 15 chapters when complete. Thank you for taking the time to read. ;)
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction which utilizes characters from CBS/Bruckheimer/Alliance Atlantis/etc. No monetary profit involved - though I may wish it!

Based on the quote: "Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle; everything I do is stitched with its color." -from W.S. Merwin's Separation

Missing Threads

Chapter1
Lindsay: Happy

"Why don't you just eat it raw?"

"Why don't you just eat a brick of charcoal?"

Danny and Lindsay stood in the tiny, cramped kitchen of her apartment, peering into the oven at two sizzling t-bone steaks. They were arguing about their individual preferences in meat preparation. Danny liked his well-done, and expressed much disgust at anything done otherwise.

"Or are you country people immune to Mad Cow Disease?" he leered.

"I like my meat like I like my men," Lindsay joked, reaching out to swat Danny's thigh with a potholder. "Rare." He came up behind her then, wrapping her up in his embrace and rocking slightly. As she leaned back against him, their hips swaying together, Lindsay felt a wave of bliss rush over her. It had been five months since they had made the transformation from just-friends to more-than-friends. Up until that point, they had spent most of their free time together anyway - sharing meals, visiting city sights, and having long conversations about every possible topic. Through it all, Lindsay had told herself that Danny was just a colleague, that she didn't have romantic feelings for him. Then one evening, as they were nestled on her sofa watching a movie, Danny fell asleep with his head in her lap. As Lindsay smiled down at his boyish face, scrunched and innocent in slumber, she had to acknowledge the emotions rushing through her as something profoundly deep. Yet before she had an opportunity to voice those feelings, the next day was when Danny made his move. Despite some initial reservations, Lindsay yielded. She figured that if she was falling in love, she might as well jump right in. It had certainly been an amazing five months of savoring each other's company, and the most intense passion she had ever known. Everyone at work seemed to know, and even appeared happy for them. Lindsay never missed the fond smile Mac would cast their way as she and Danny left the lab together each evening. Nor did she miss the look of longing in Stella's eyes when Lindsay showed her the flowers Danny sent her, or the silver necklace he had tucked into her locker.

Along with these joys came the insecurities that any new relationship harbors. He told her that he loved her, yes, and she always reciprocated. But those words from him only came in the safety of the night, ensconced in blankets and darkness and each other. He never uttered them in the light of day when they were face to face. Still, this was the only shadow on a relationship that was growing brighter with each passing day.

"I'm hungry," Danny griped, still holding her close. "How much longer til dinner's ready?"

Lindsay rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. "Is that all you ever think about - food?"

"Yeah. That, and one other thing," he murmured in her ear, beginning a trail of kisses down her neck that would inevitably lead them to the bedroom.

"Mmmph," she grunted as she struggled out of his grasp, albeit reluctantly. "No 'dessert' until you've had your dinner, young man." She opened the oven door carefully and used a knife to check the steaks' progress. She slid one, perfectly pink inside, onto a plate, while allowing the other to darken still.

"You promise to satisfy my sweet tooth later?" Danny teased over her shoulder.

Lindsay shook her head, evading his question just enough to drive him crazy. "Set the table," she ordered instead. Down went two plates, two napkins, two sets of utensils, two mugs of beer. Sometimes it was a mug of beer and a glass of white zinfandel; but for tonight, it was two beers.

Throughout dinner, as they made small talk, Lindsay watched Danny carefully in an attempt to read the expressions on his face. She knew he had a lot on his mind. Louie was still in a coma, and while he hadn't gotten worse, he had only made minimal progress. There had been false alarms, where a twitching eye or movement of the lips gave them all hope. The stress was taking a toll on Danny's relationship with his father and mother - despite their denial, he feared that deep down they somehow blamed him for the tragedy. His defense mechanism was to distance himself from his parents, resulting in their false belief that he did not care about his only sibling. Even with whatever mask Danny wore on the outside, Lindsay knew it was ripping him apart inside. She admired his resolve to live as if nothing was wrong, though Louie's recovery process was torturously slow. The more Lindsay got to know Danny, the more she grieved the possibility that she may never know his brother.

Weighing just as heavily on Danny's mind was the upcoming trial of Sonny Sassone. The trial was starting this week, and Danny would be testifying about his own experiences with the gang. Sassone was facing charges of murder, attempted murder, drug trafficking, as well as countless other lesser crimes. If convicted, he would almost definitely spend the rest of his life in prison. But to help make sure that happened, Danny would have to revisit his painful past on the stand, all while being stared down by Sassone himself. Lindsay was feeling extremely protective - she wished Mac would give them time off, so they could just lock themselves in her apartment for the week; their own private hideaway.

"How was Louie today?" she asked softly, pushing away her emptied plate. She knew Danny had stopped to see his brother at the hospital, as he did every Sunday afternoon, plus three nights a week. He shrugged, twirling his fork and not meeting her eyes.

"The same, I guess," he sighed. "The physical therapist said she saw his finger move again." The therapist was one of several specialists who visited Louie daily. Her job was to manually exercise his limbs in an attempt to ward off muscular atrophy.

Lindsay nodded, trying to appear hopeful for his sake. "That's encouraging," she offered. "He's doing that pretty consistently now." She paused before moving on to the next sensitive topic. Danny was not the type of person to open up about his feelings - particularly fears - but she couldn't resist asking. She was worried about him. "And how are you feeling about the trial?"

He nursed his beer, still avoiding her eyes. "It'll be a piece of cake," he said evasively, as if ashamed of his past connections to the gang. Lindsay could never figure this out - it wasn't as if anything could make her stop loving him. Suddenly, the twinkle returned to Danny's eyes. "Speaking of cake… what about my dessert?"

Lindsay laughed, relieved that the mood had been lightened. "Easy, big boy, what's your hurry?"

"I'm craving something sweet," he joked, then added seriously, "I should go home tonight. Get some stuff done." Danny had spent the past three consecutive nights at Lindsay's place, and his own apartment was no doubt in some serious need of attention.

Lindsay frowned, contemplating this. "I don't like you walking on the streets after dark," she said, thinking of the many thugs Sassone likely had on his payroll. She saw Danny about to speak, so before he could argue, she tossed her napkin on the table and reached for his hand.

"Come on," she offered seductively as she stood up. "Just stay here with me tonight, and I'll show you a sugar rush."

He stood too, and they stayed still for a moment, body to body, finding pleasure even in the lightest touch. Lindsay ran her fingers through his hair, then traced around his sideburns and down along his jaw. She tenderly brushed her thumb over his lips, watching his response, taking him all in.

"Do you know how much you mean to me?" she whispered in awe.

"Show me," Danny murmured before covering her mouth with his own. "Show me."

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A/N: As always, I'm curious to hear your reactions - favorite lines/passages, etc. More to come shortly. :)