Interloper Rewrite: Chapter 37
Loss
"NO!"
Jenkins stood stock still in the middle of the battlefield, his features clouded by a look of confusion. The faint pink mist that had burst forth between us slowly trailed away in the wind of the Normandy's jet wash. I charged back down the ramp, back towards the slowly crumpling form of my best friend on this side of the strange buzzing force that had drawn me here. The raging battle disappeared, existence narrowed to the stained stone between me and Jenkins as he began to a long, slow collapse. He fell first to one knee before rolling to his side. I dove to the ground beside him, caught his shoulders before his helmeted head could smack against the hard ground. He felt heavy, his limbs flailed limply against my attempts to haul him to his feet.
"Come on, Rick. We've got to get you to the Doc," I cried, desperate to get him moving. I heaved against the marine's dead weight. My boots scraped uselessly against the ground and I stumbled backwards. "Come on!" A trio of shots ricocheted off the ground near my shoulder. The hot chips of concrete grazed stinging trails across my cheek. I flinched away and dropped Jenkins. I scrabbled backwards, trying to gain purchase on his armored chest. There was a rap of boots behind me and a sharp jolt. Someone was tugging on my arm. I pulled away, but the gripping hand held fast.
"Drop it, Deputy. You can't do him any good anymore!" It was Ashley's voice, stern yet ragged. Her words were bitter, angry, sad. My eyes remained fixed on Jenkins.
"No, I can still save him!" I clung to the man's chest, still trying in vain to pull him back towards the Normandy.
"He's dead, Deputy," Ashley cried, hoarsely, "Now. Let. Go." She pulled again, wrenching one hand from around the still Corporal's body. I clung on with the other hand, fingers wrapped around the carry handle set in the back of his breastplate.
"I won't! He wasn't supposed to die! You don't understand, I was supposed to fix this!" I cried. Hot tears stung the wounds on my face. The buzzing of the Geth was near, the ozone of laser bloom stunk in the suddenly still tropical air. I tried to pull away from the Chief's iron grip, but she would not let go. Instead, she surprised me with an unexpected move. She made a fist with her free hand and brought it down on the back of my helmet hard enough to whip my head around. I looked up at her, stunned. The tough noncom had fire in her eyes, her teeth were gritted, but there was something else, something that shot the resistance in me stone cold dead. Her face bore the streaks of fresh tears just as mine did.
"Stow it, Marine! You think you're the only person to have lost someone today? Now get up. He wouldn't have wanted you to throw it all away, not now."
I nodded weakly, suddenly overcome with a wave of weakness. I let go of the rapidly stiffening corpse of Richard Jenkins and allowed myself to be pulled unsteadily to my feet. Ashley guided me back up the ramp and into the safety of the Alliance frigate's belly. "This is Chief Williams, all survivors accounted for. Take us out, Joker." I gave the battleground one last look before the cargo doors clamped down, sealing in my mind the last view of a burning tower. I felt the frigate make a dash for space, heard the rumbling roar of a detonation behind us, and slipped down a nearby wall, head in my hands.
The cargo bay was cold. I stood in the center of it, still numb. The detritus of our contested extraction from Virmire had long been cleared away, the expended medical supplies discarded, the stains scrubbed from the floor. In its place, nearly twenty coffins stood in silent rows, many of them empty. There had been no time to recover the bodies of the men and women who had lost their lives and fallen among the coves and sands of Virmire. They had been given a funeral none the less, a funeral fit for Viking kings, I thought grimly. The white flash of fire had lit the sky behind the Normandy, wiping all evidence of the Geth, the battle, and the dead from the face of the tropical world. I stood before one of the coffins. The black oval was marked; R. L. Jenkins. I placed a slim datadisk on the shiny surface and stepped back, fingers brushing the smooth metal surface. Cold, like the cargo bay around it. I was cold too.
"It's hard to let him go, isn't it?" Ashley walked up beside me, her rumpled fatigues in uncharacteristic disarray. "You always remember the first friend you lose in combat. I still remember every man from my squad back on Eden Prime. Their faces. The way Troy and Moran used to play poker with marked cards." She sighed, a long mournful release of breath.
"Chief..."
"Please, it's Ashley while we're here. The dead leave their rank at the door when they check in to Heaven. It's the least we can do to follow their example while we pay our respects." She lapsed into silence, dabbing at eyes that glistened with the mist of fresh tears. I looked away, letting her dab at her eyes without anyone watching her. We stood there together for a long time. Finally, Ashley bent and pressed her Omni-tool to the side of the low coffin. With a flash, the device lit up the shiny black with a brief orange glow. When she withdrew her hand, she left behind a short inscription in flowing script.
The stream will cease to flow;
The wind will cease to blow;
The clouds will cease to fleet;
The heart will cease to beat;
For all things must die.
"Is that Tennyson?" I guessed.
"Yes." She said quietly, "You read his work?"
"No." I stated simply. "Maybe I should, he seems to have a way with words." That elicited a weak smile from Ashley. "Chief, when you said I wasn't the only one who lost someone…"
"We were… together," The marine said awkwardly. I looked away. Ashley's face looked pained; I didn't mean to make her feel awkward. "He was a great guy, a little hyperactive at times, but funny, and dedicated. He would have wanted to go down fighting." We stood in silence again. I looked back towards Ashley. She was smiling again, as if sharing one more conversation with the fallen soldier. She looked up at me. "You're a mess, Deputy. Go get yourself cleaned up. I'll keep him company for a while." She was right, of course. I had yet to remove the stained and scratched armor. I bid her farewell and walked towards the elevator. It was a short walk to the barrack's sonic shower. The block was empty; the marines had been quick to cleanse themselves of the muck of Virmire. I peeled the hardsuit back and stepped under the showerhead and wished, not for the first time, for a real shower, with water. The sonic effect brushed the dust, sweat, and mud from my skin as well as any water could have, but lacked any of its soothing properties. I stepped out and dressed and looked to my gear. Marines were already filtering back to their bunks, chattering idly. I ignored them and headed for my bunk, hauling my bag of gear behind me. I carefully checked everything, scouring the casings. I stripped my pistol down and put it back together. I was in the middle of breaking down my rifle to its component parts when my Omni-tool chimed.
"Deputy Liddle, it's time for your debriefing." Shepard's voice said.
"I'll be right with you, Commander."
"So, what is it that you saw, exactly?" Shepard asked in a voice thick with fatigue. All of us gathered in the dark cave of the Normandy's communication room were filled with it. The deep, ingrained tiredness was evident in the lines of the assembled faces. No one had left Virmire without leaving a piece of themselves behind. Regardless, the Commander drove us on. I cleared my throat, suddenly very aware of the watchful eyes of the rest of the team.
"I saw... it was a planet, a Prothean planet. Ilos. It's beyond the Mu Relay. That's where Saren needs to go. The Prothean's did something there, something Saren and the Reapers need to undo to start their apocalyptic cycle. We can't let them, Commander. We can't let them reached the Conduit."
"And that's what this Conduit is? The relay that leads to Ilos?" asked Garrus. The former C-Sec agent was still wearing the dark blue armor he'd carried down to Virmire. Bright silver patches shone from blackened scarring where weapon's fire had creased the ceramic plating.
"No, the Conduit is definitely on Ilos," I responded. My tired brain raced to put the pieces back together in a way that wouldn't get anyone else killed. "The Protheans made it to stop the Reapers from bringing in reinforcements from somewhere else. If we can get to it first, this Cycle that Sovereign keeps talking about short circuits."
"What makes you so sure of that?" Wrex interjected. The krogan battlemaster leaned forward and fixed me with a piercing stare. I felt sweat pop up on my brow.
"I saw what I saw," I replied, trying to sound certain, masking my nerves with stubbornness, "the Conduit is definitely on Ilos."
"So what's our next move?" Kaidan spoke up. "If Saren knows where this conduit is, then odds are he was on his way when we hit his base. Now that it's gone, he could already be halfway there."
"We'll have to stop him, of course. We need to stop at the Citadel as soon as possible," Shepard said.
"That may not be a good idea. If Saren's already half way there, we don't have time to travel in the opposite direction." I tried to sound convincing.
"As much as I would love to go another round with Saren," Shepard replied, her hand going to a new scar across her forearm, "the Normandy can't go toe to toe with that Reaper dreadnaught. We'll need Council support."
"Ah, Shepard, the council has been less than helpful dealing with the Reaper threat so far. What makes you think they'll send help now?" Garrus said.
"Garrus is right, Shepard." It was Tali's turn to speak. "A trip to the Citadel now will just put us behind Saren. If we could get there first, maybe find this Conduit and take it off planet before he gets there?" the Quarian looked around the room for support. Several other team members nodded their heads in assent. Shepard looked thoughtful. After a long moment, she spoke.
"You're sure we can secure this Conduit if we get there ahead of Saren?" she asked me.
"Yes Commander," I said, securing the conduit would probably require blowing it up, but we had all become quite experienced at that.
Commander Shepard rested her chin on her fist, mulling over her options. I waited with stilled breath, desperately hoping that Shepard would take the opportunity to stop the Reapers here and now. The image of the descending cuttlefish dreadnaughts over Vancouver flashed before my eyes, the sound of their braying battle horns. If it could be prevented...
"Joker, make for the Mu Relay, all available speed," she said, breaking the long silence. I felt relief bubbling up inside me and relaxed a little in my seat. But Shepard wasn't done. She turned her attention to us, looking each of us in the eye in turn. "This is it people, we are about to jump into a relative unknown, without support and against the orders of our superiors. If anyone of you wishes to sit this fight out, I'll be more than happy to make arrangements to drop you off before we hit Ilos." Her gaze swept the room.
"I'm with you Shepard." Kaidan was the first to speak. As her second in command, it came as little surprise.
"And me," Ashley said with a touch of sadness, "Someone's got to keep this crazy little party alive."
"If it means bagging Saren, I'll follow you to the ends of the galaxy," Garrus said, "You can count me in." Tali muttered similar sentiments. Liara looked determined when she pledged her support, while Wrex simply said, "No way I'm missing out on this action." At last, all eyes fell on me.
"I'm going too." Was all I could think to say.
"Good. Alenko, I want the marines briefed by 2100. Sort out the Everest men; we don't have the authority to order them into the unknown. Ash, sort out transport for the Salarians, no doubt they'll want to go home after what they've all been through. The rest of you, take the time from now until we hit the relay to prepare in whatever way suits you. Dismissed."
The door to Liara's quarters was closed. I stood outside hesitantly, hand raised as if to knock but hanging in the air still. The invitation to join her I had received between my fifth and sixth cleanings of my ad hoc battle rifle had not been entirely unexpected, but had left me conflicted. Part of me wanted to rush straight to the Prothean researcher's room and lay all my worries bare at her feet, if just to get them out of my system. Another part had grown even more guarded where it came to my secrets. Even the chance of a melding left me distinctly uncomfortable. Right now, the guarded side was winning. Before it could have its victory though, the door slid open. Liara's bright eyes and nervous face had a disarming effect that prevented me from bolting. She stood smiling shyly in the doorway, wearing her usual pale green coat.
"Michael, I'm glad you came," she said softly. She motioned for me to step through. She caught my hand as I moved past and brought me into another hug. I sank into it, clinging to the support it offered. "Virmire was… intense. It made me think. What if this is our last mission?" While her fears closely echoed mine, I tried to put on a brave face.
"Don't speak like that. We're going to get through this. Saren'll wish he never even heard of Eden Prime." I gave the worried Asari a light squeeze and pulled away.
"The way you say it, I almost believe you. But I did not invite you here to make dire predictions. Well, in a way. I'm not very good at this." Liara seemed flustered.
"Why did you invite me?" I probed. Liara let go of me and took a few steps deeper into the room.
"I wanted to talk about… I mean... Oh, I'm no good at this." Liara fumbled for words.
"Hey, don't worry, I'm no romantic myself," I said, guessing her intent. The Asari blushed a deeper blue, the effect prettily dappling her face. She looked more confident as she continued.
"I fear you are still light years ahead of me. I have spent much of my life alone. I never even…" She halted, looking sheepish again. She took a step back and took a seat on her bed. I took the chair across from her and gave her a questioning look. "What have you heard of asari… unions?"
"Something about merging nervous systems, a lot like when you absorbed the Cipher?" I asked.
"It's so much more than that." Liara gushed. "It is a… spiritual process. Much more than a normal merging. The sharing of thoughts, emotions, memories, all intertwined into a single, rapturous whole. Or so I've heard, I've never participated, I mean, I would like to." She smiled at me, a small expression that made my heart race.
"Are you asking, me?" I asked quietly, unconsciously leaning closer. Liara's pale green-blue eyes grew wider.
"I didn't mean to presume," she stuttered, "I do not know how humans do such things. I just thought, from our previous meldings…" Her voice faltered. I reached for the Prothean artifact I had taken to wearing around my neck. The fragile looking metal strands still elicited an echo in the Cipher whenever I touched them. There was a deep well of meaning there, not all of it handed down by the Protheans. I reached out to brush a hand against Liara's face, a motion she leaned into. Her skin was warm, pebbled feeling but soft. My heart thudded in my chest as she looked up at me shyly, reaching up to hold my hand to the skin of her face. She was so very close. I could smell the slight, flowery smell of some kind of perfume, underlined with a spicier, almost peppery scent. There was a slight crackle of static as our lips brushed. "Sorry," Liara blushed deeply and let out a girlish giggle. Her twitching scalp crest danced under a pale corona of residual biotics. My hand found her chin, my lips her jaw, tracing little touches across her cheek until I was drawn into a light kiss. Liara deepened it. My skin prickled as the wash of gentle biotics crept across to bridge the gap between us.
The world grew very very far away. It was just me and Liara here, floating in a black void where there was no Normandy. Where there were no Reapers, no Saren. I was vaguely aware of hands on my back. Fumbling fingers moved of their own accord to the catch at Liara's throat and her coat came away. My hands filled with the softness of her body and we were kissing again, deeper, longer, not taking time for breaths. The dark void we floated in was warm, like a dive into a deep pool. Thoughts came unbidden to the front of my mind. The image of Liara smiling, suddenly flipped so I could see my own face through alien eyes. I saw Liara holding the gift of the Prothean medallion, I could feel it beneath her fingers as she brushed the coppery metal beneath her thumb. I saw Liara sitting at her desk on Illium. Emotions rippled through the tidal pool of our melding, first confusion, then panic. They swirled around us, chasing one another, mixing and changing. The panic deepened as the image of a college dorm room floated up from depths deeper and older. The link grew turbulent, Liara's features clouded by doubt, worry. With a jolt, I was looking at her not with my mind, but with my two eyes. The neural shroud beeped, announcing full opacity status. Across from me, Liara looked hurt. Her chest heaved under a simple black bra that hung loosely from her shoulders. I swallowed; my mouth suddenly dry.
"Michael? I don't understand..." Liara said. Her voice was quiet.
"Liara, I..." I flailed for words, "I don't know if I can. There are, things in my head..." I thought of all the images that might float up if we went deeper into the meld. My other life, the lies I'd told, what was to come. They'd likely horrify her, or else make her think I was insane.
"You do not trust me?" she said. Her brow furrowed; eyes narrow with hurt. "You think I would think less of you if I saw, what? I don't need to be protected."
"I think you might, from this," I murmured. Thessia burned behind my eyes, rendered on a screen. "I..." But Liara cut me off.
"I know I am young for an Asari, Liddle, but I am not a child." The hurt in Liara's voice boiled into anger. My stomach flip-flopped. "I am not some innocent, wide-eyed schoolchild that needs to be sheltered from the life of a farmhand. And if that's all you think of me... I think this was a mistake." The alien woman squirmed away from me, disentangling from the mix of clothes.
"Liara, please," I started, but there was nothing I could say. A weight of immense guilt settled in around my shoulders.
"I would like for you to leave," Liara said stiffly, keeping her back to me. She tugged fruitlessly at her shoulder straps. Wordlessly, I rose and left her there. The door closed behind me; snapping shut. Thankfully, Doctor Chakwas was not present, the wounded in the Medbay slept deeply, peacefully. A shot of bitter bile ran through me as for a second, I wished I could have joined them. They didn't have to feel the full weight of what had been lost. And in the morning, they would have each other to lean on for solace.
I stalked out of the medbay and out onto the deserted crew deck, mind racing. Behind me, I heard the sliding door to Liara's room lock closed. For a long moment I stood stunned. Eventually I floated back towards the barracks. I lay back in my bunk, trying to clear my head, but it refused to quiet. Thoughts of Jenkins, Ilos, and now Liara floated before my tired eyes until I could bear it no longer. I sat up, activating my Omni-tool. For too long I had been happy to slowly and quietly nudge the galaxy along, this time, things would be different. I fired off a message just in time to reach a comm. buoy before the next transition. My work done; I fell into a fitful sleep.
Author's Note:
RIP to a Legend. Richard Leroy Jenkins, you were always on borrowed time.
