Shades of Grey
Chapter 5-The Warning
Racetrack followed Amy out the doors without saying a word. He was still surprised by what he had seen in the dining hall. Even the other inmates, the other people who were supposed to be crazy thought he was crazy. And he couldn't be crazy, because he was a Manhatten newsie in 1899. Not a psychopath in some asylum. Yet they had told him that the pape the doc had shown him was correct, and it really was 1967.
On top of that, the nurse's name was Snyder. SNYDER. That couldn't just be a coincidence. But apparently Nurse Snyder and Warden Snyder had more in common than just the name, considering the apparent punishment for Flame. Racetrack hadn't known her very long, but he was still worried. Whatever was in store for her, it didn't sound very pleasant.
The silence was getting to him. Most of the other inmates had already returned to their assigned rooms. His seemed to be further away than most. The sounds of their feet dragging along the floor was the only noise at all, and Race could not take the silence anymore.
"What's going to happen to her?" he asked.
Amy hesitated.
"I need to know," he told her quietly.
Amy laughed, but it was a cold, cruel laugh. "Considering that if you continue to cause as much trouble as you have been, you'll probably end up the same way, I guess you will."
"Look, I haven't done anything wrong. There's been some sort of mistake. I should be back at the lodging house now."
"You really believe that you're a newsie, don't you?" she asked. "I've got to admit, that's definitely the weirdest delusion I've ever heard of, and I've been here a long time."
"It's not a delusion, I really am a newsie."
"You shouldn't say that," Amy warned him. "They won't like it."
"I don't care what they think. I'm going to get out of here."
"Nobody gets out of the asylum without cooperating with them. Nobody. It just isn't possible."
"Well, Racetrack Higgins doesn't take no for an answer."
Amy winced. "That's exactly the sort of thing that will get you in trouble. The doctors don't like nicknames."
"All the more reason for me to continue to use my own name."
"You'll end up in Iso," she told him sharply, shuddering as she spoke the words.
"That's the second time someone has warned me about that… what is it?"
"I thought you weren't scared of the doctors," Amy said quietly.
"I ain't. I just want to know what I'm up against." Racetrack paused. "Look, I don't understand what's going on. You people tell me that I'm 68 years out of my time, and it just isn't possible. I'm not crazy, so the rest of you have to be."
Amy started laughing again, and this time it was a sharper, more hysterical laughter. "You aren't the only one in here who is convinced that you aren't crazy. Most of them are though. There's only a few who aren't crazy, and they're either in here because their parents don't want to deal with them, or society rejected them."
"Like you?"
Amy hesitated. "I'll make you a deal," she finally began. "You give me a name to call you, one that isn't your nickname, and I'll explain. But… I can't use a nickname for you. I just can't."
She sounded close to tears. Race felt a sharp twinge of pity, but she was asking him for something that he just couldn't give her. Most of the other newsies didn't even know his real name.
"Racetrack is the only name you'll get."
"I won't call you that. You don't understand. What they do to you if you don't cooperate."
"And you do?"
She nodded. "You have no idea." Tears began to stream down her face, and Race placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Look, I ain't usually good at dealing with girls, but you okay?"
She laughed again. "At least you don't think you're crazy. I remember what that was like. I was so happy back then. And now… now everything is so horrible. I just wish I was normal."
"So why are you here?"
She glanced down at the floor. "My mother… she didn't approve of me falling in love."
"Love ain't a bad thing," Race told her, thinking of his own love, who was waiting for him back home. He had full intention of jumping Spot the second the two of them were alone together.
"Well, society wasn't exactly accepting of the person I fell in love with. Mama expected that I would marry a nice rich doctor, not fall in love with another girl." Amy gasped, and covered her mouth with her hand. "I'm sorry, you probably hate me now. I'm a… a freak."
"No. You're not," he told her harshly. Race paused, and couldn't believe that he was actually going to tell her this. "Anthony. My name is Anthony."
She nodded.
"So they sent you here when you told them you were in love with a girl?" he prompted.
She nodded. "I'm not the only one with a story like that. Elsie got pregnant out of wedlock, and her father sent her here to keep her out of trouble. And Lauren's parents couldn't deal with her, after she burned herself as a child."
"She burned herself? That's crazy."
"She dropped a frying pan on herself, and the oil in it…" Amy trailed off, seeing Race's understanding. "She's the only one who really isn't crazy. Nurse Snyder thinks she's cute, so she leaves her basically alone, as long as she keeps her mouth shut. She's really the only one who isn't crazy."
"What about you and Elsie?"
"Elsie is depressed and… I wasn't always crazy. But this place, it changes you. They're right in that there was always something wrong with me. My loving Tara, it just wasn't normal."
"You can't help who you fall in love with," Race told her, thinking of Spot. He really wanted to be back among sane people now. Back at the lodging house. Or better yet, spending the night in Brooklyn.
"They sent me here to fix me. So I wouldn't be like that anymore. I… I fought them, at first. And they sent me to Iso. You stop fighting after that." Amy was in hysterics by this point. "They don't allow any sort of rebellion. They make it a point of stamping it out of you. If you keep on resisting them, then they'll do it to you too."
"They aren't going to break me. Racetrack Higgins doesn't go down that easily."
"But what about Anthony Higgins? Ra-Racetrack," she stumbled over the name, "Racetrack doesn't exist in here. You should forget about him. They'll kill him."
"They're not going to break me."
"You still think that you aren't crazy. You still claim to be from the past. You honestly believe you're a newsie. And you insist on using your nickname. Trust me, they'll go after you. You've made yourself into a target. And they don't miss."
"I'm not crazy," Racetrack told her. "I'm not crazy. I'm from 1899. I'm a newsie."
"But you are. We all are. Anyone in here… and even if you were telling the truth, they will make you crazy. Nobody gets out of here without them leaving their mark. Flame fought them you know. She'd been fighting them for weeks. And now… I don't know if they'll send her to Iso or not. They may just quiet her. And truthfully, I'm not too sure which one is worse. You can live through both of them, but either way, it's an experience that will kill you. Inside."
"That what happened to you?"
"Don't ask me," she pleaded. "I can't talk about that."
Racetrack nodded, deciding it wouldn't be in his best interests to pressure her at the moment.
"What happens next?" he asked.
"Because of the," she paused, searching for the right words, "interruption at breakfast, we'll be confined in our cells until lunch. Normally, we'd be allowed to socialize in our groups in the common area in the mornings. After lunch, we have group therapy until three. Then individual sessions. They last half an hour each, and we only go one day a week. If you don't have a session, then you stay in your room. Then dinner. After that, bed."
"Why did they have you walk me back?"
She smiled, but it was the saddest look that Race had ever seen. She looked even more hurt than Mush had on that day when they thought Jack had turned scab. "Because they know that I can't fight them anymore."
They reached Race's cell, which was still open, and Amy motioned for him to go inside.
"I know it's hard," she said quietly. "But you have to go along with them. They like breaking people. They like knowing that they've won."
"All the more reason to fight them."
"If you're going to lose anyway, you may as well keep your feeling safe inside. So you can still be able to feel."
She shuddered, and gestured for him to go inside. "Good luck Anthony. You'll need it."
The door closed with a thud.
~*~
Author's note-Okay, so that was a really expositiony chapter. But, it needed to be done. Sorry about that, I promise that the next one will be actually advancing the plot. In fact, next time is group therapy, and Race is really going to start his nervous breakdown.
Shout-outs!
B-3333333333333333. I will be as nice to Tag as I possibly can. Which isn't really saying much. However, I will take good care of your OC, because I also love him.
Dreamer-Yeah, the nurse is really scary. She freaks me out, and I'm writing her! Hope you enjoyed Pitch's backstory, even though they really don't call her that anymore…
Thistle-Race torture is the most fun thing ever. Its even better than Blink torture, which I've just started indulging myself in.
Gaia-Actually, the asylum is full now. Sorry! And I do have plans for the other newsies in this, but not for a while yet…
Nani-Yeah, this is a bit confusing, and it will continue to get more so. *evil grin*
Sock-free- Yeah, a lot of these people really do belong in the asylum. I pity them.
Aura-Crazy!Race is going to be really scary by the time I'm done with him. *grins* Torturing newsies is definitely way too much fun.
Glimmer-*kicks your computer* I hate it when computers don't cooperate. Poor Race, he's going to be really upset and confused by the end of this…
Til next time!
~TSB
