OK, this is the last chapter of my little story before the epilogue. I hoped you've enjoyed it. Thanks so much for your feedback, it was a pleasure posting for you!

I had no idea it was going to be such a long fanfic, thanks for staying with me!

Spoilers: None. It's its own universe, I blame it all on the gin

Rating: R for language and violence

Disclaimer: They're all JE's characters, except for Sandra. And no one would pay me for Sandra.

Out of my Mind Chapter 25

I could feel Miguel's body heat next to me, but I refused to open my eyes. Whatever was going to happen, I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of me screaming.

Resisting the urge to edge away from him, I conjured up happy images. My cat Riley, the beach on Turks & Caicos I loved so much, Ranger smiling, Joe laughing…

It didn't work. When I felt Miguel's hand on my thigh, I flinched. He laughed, and the other two joined in. Jorge and Ricardo were yelling encouragements. I felt sick and wanted nothing more to throw up all over Miguel, but I was choking on my sobs.

This was every woman's worst nightmare, and I was living it. I was going to be raped and probably killed afterwards; the Senor's words had left little doubt in me as to the outcome of this 'meeting'.

For a moment, I thought I heard sirens somewhere, but they faded away quickly.

For all the times I had seen this kind of situation on TV and in movies, nothing had prepared me for the raw fear I was feeling now. I felt my body shiver, I hurt everywhere, and around me, three men were getting liquored up to violate me. If I somehow lived through this, I was going to leave skid marks on my way out of town.

Miguel said something in Spanish that ended with the word 'puta', whore, and I felt his breath on my face. I gathered up all my courage and opened my eyes for a second, just to aim as I spit into his face. He recoiled in disgust, then slapped me with such force that my right hand tore free from the duct tape. I was seeing stars as my cheek burned and my ears were ringing. New tears started welling up as I forced my eyes shut.

My wrist was screaming in pain when it was grabbed once again and secured to the mattress. Miguel shouted something and a strip of tape was placed on my already sore mouth.

I was squirming now although my body was protesting every movement; I was determined to make it as difficult for the bastards as possible.

Strong hands were grabbing my thighs to immobilize them, I could no longer distinguish their voices as one laughed, another shouted.

Suddenly, I heard a loud 'BANG' somewhere in the building, as if a door was broken down.

Guns were cocked as the hands left my thighs, but I still kept my eyes pressed shut.

I heard the door to the room open and someone leave, and then there were gunshots and shouting.

And finally, blissfully, all sounds faded away and the blackness became colorful. With my mouth taped, my nose couldn't provide enough oxygen for my hyperventilating lungs and I passed out.

My eyes flew open when I felt my leg being lifted and I instinctively kicked out and screamed.

I saw the shapes of men through my tear-curtained eyes, and one of them leaned town to me with a large sharp object in his hand. Screaming so sharply behind the tape that my throat burned, I squirmed as violently as I could.

"LIN!" a voice yelled over my screams. "Lin, it's me, you're safe!"

In my panic, I didn't recognize the voice as Ranger's at first. When my hands were cut free, I flung them out at the shape. His arms encircled me and held me so tight I couldn't move.

"Lin!" he tried again "It's okay, it's over."

Finally, my brain allowed my ears' input and it computed the words. I wailed and collapsed into Ranger's arms, hiccupping sobs that didn't allow me to breathe.

His arms relaxed a little and he held me for what seemed an eternity.

When he released me and I opened my eyes, a paramedic was kneeling next to us, equipment in hand. Ranger lowered me back onto the mattress gently and stepped away.

I turned my head and saw a body lying on the ground facing the door, it was Ricardo. He wasn't moving and no paramedic was taking care of him.

At the foot of the mattress, Tank was holding his groin bent over, my panicky kick must have connected with him.

The Merry Men and Ranger cleaned out, and uniformed cops entered, followed by Morelli.

I winced as the EMT removed the tape from my wrists and ankles and I howled in pain as he ripped my mouth free with one quick movement.

Joe kneeled down next to me and pushed the hair away from my forehead. I concentrated on his eyes as the paramedic stuck an IV in me and started dressing my wounds.

I couldn't hear the words, but he was murmuring soothingly while he stroked the parts of my head that weren't bleeding or burning.

A stretcher was brought in and Joe took my hand as the paramedic and two uniforms lifted me up, put a blanked over me and wheeled me out.

I wanted to thank my rescuers, but no words would come. Instead, fresh tears were streaming down my cheeks, burning my skin every time they connected with open wounds.

The hallway was crowded with a mix of Merry Men and cops, yellow crime scene tape was being unraveled and flashers from outside pulsed their lights on the inner walls through the open door.

Joe stayed by my side until I was lifted into the ambulance. He squeezed my hand and said, "I'll be right behind you." Then he let go as I was pushed in.

The paramedic in the ambulance placed an oxygen mask on my nose and mouth and my breathing finally normalized.

Hours passed in a blur, I only had vague images of my arrival at the hospital, the doctors and nurses, being x-rayed, stitched up and cleaned.

I fell asleep shortly after I was wheeled into a typical hospital room, white curtains on both side of my bed, a soft cushion under my head.

When I woke up, Morelli was sitting in a chair next to my bed.

He got up when I groaned. "How are you feeling?"

He took my hand that had an IV feed sticking out of it and was bandaged from the wrist up as he sat down next to me gingerly.

"Like I've been hit by a truck and eaten by a bear." I croaked and attempted a smile.

The movement made my face hurt and I winced in pain.

"Try not to smile for now." Joe said softly as he smiled himself.

"And get some more rest, you've been through a lot!" He leaned in and kissed my forehead.

I closed my eyes. His lips felt warm and soft.

"Tell me what happened." I whispered.

He sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "You'll have to fill in the blanks when you feel up to it, but the short version is, it's over. A snitch called in a tip of the Senor's whereabouts and we were able to arrest him a mile from the hideout with a briefcase of coke on his lap. Sorry it took us so long to backtrack to you."

"And Ranger? He was there, too, right?" I couldn't quite tell how much of what had happened was my imagination.

Joe nodded. "He and his men arrived shortly before us. They had Najar's men pretty much…er…rounded up by the time."

I sank deeper into my pillow and closed my eyes. I knew what he had meant. Ranger had killed to get to me. He had shot potential rapists and murderers, but still, I felt like I had their blood on my hands.

Joe put a finger under my chin. "When you feel better, I will need your statement. But for now, concentrate on getting well, okay?"

I looked up at him and saw pure concern in his eyes. Too late I remembered not to smile, fresh pain spread.

"Can I get you anything?" He asked, frowning.

"Some water?"

He bent over to the bedside table and picked up a plastic cup with a straw in it.

I drank the water greedily, my throat was parched. Whatever painkillers I'd been given were starting to wear off, my body was aching everywhere and my head seemed to explode with a killer headache.

Joe must have sensed my pain. "I'll send in the nurse to take care of you. I'll be back later, okay?"

He got up and I nodded, hoping my eyes revealed the gratefulness I was feeling. He kissed my lips lightly and traced my jawbone with his finger, smiling a goodbye.

Shortly after he had left, a nurse entered and checked the monitors I was hooked up to. She smiled at me and introduced herself, but I instantly forgot her name. I saw her push the contents of a syringe into the IV tube and felt my eyes grow heavy moments later.

The next time I woke up, a doctor in a white coat was standing at the foot of my bed reading a chart. He looked up when I adjusted my position.

"How're you feeling?" He asked on a professional smile.

"Okay, I guess."

"Try not to move too much." He advised, "We have to wait for the swelling to go down to put permanent casts on your leg and wrist."

He stepped closer and read the monitors, writing stuff down on the chart.

"You broke your ankle and dislocated your knee. Two of your wrist bones are also fractured. Along with the abrasions on your face, wrists and ankles, you will be sore for a while. It's best to move as little as possible."

I had no desire to move, I just wanted to sleep. After one thing, maybe…

"I have to go to the bathroom." It was embarrassing to share that information, even if it was with a doctor.

He nodded "I'll send in the nurse. You'll have to get used to a bed pan for now."

Ugh. I could manage the pain but the thought of needing help to pee was humiliating.

I didn't see any alternative though; my body didn't seem to be able to move from the bed.

The doctor left and the same nurse I had met earlier came in.

She helped me take care of my business and I sighed with relief when it was over and she had left.

A knock on the door startled me out of my doze some time later.

Ranger entered, a frown on his face. His lips quirked up into an almost-smile when he saw I was awake.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey yourself." I said, and for some reason, the sight of him brought back the morning's ordeal in vivid details and I started to cry.

He rushed to my side and took me into his arms, carefully avoiding bandaged parts and tubes.

"Shhhhh…" he whispered, "It's going to be okay. You'll be fine."

I believed him. His body heat seeped into me and I was hoping some of his strength came with it.

"I'm sorry." I sniffled, pulling back. "What I wanted to say was 'thank you', not burst into tears…"

He smiled at that and stroked my hair.

"I know." He said. "But there is no need to thank me. I can't tell you how sorry I am for getting you into this. I can't believe we were outwitted like that."

He sat down in the chair next to my bed, took my hand and shook his head slightly.

"I never thought you'd be in that kind of danger, please believe me."

I was choked up from the conflicting emotions in me. All I had felt was gratitude for Ranger and Joe, for rescuing me. I hadn't spared a thought on the fact that none of it had happened if I hadn't followed Ranger's plan. And I couldn't let him take responsibility for it; after all, I had walked into it willingly. True, I had expected expert protection, but I had known the risks.

"It's not your fault." I said softly.

"The hell it ain't!" Ranger said, his voice louder "I should have never let you venture out alone like that! You should have worn a wire, I should have been with you!"

I wanted to tell him he was being too hard on himself, it wasn't his fault, and anyway, it was all over now. But the effort to speak seemed to great right about then.

I squeezed his hand and new pain shot up from my wrist. My eyes closed on their own accord and I moaned as I fell back asleep.

In my nightmare, I saw the grinning faces of Miguel, Ricardo and Jorge, and I wasn't rescued.

My hands and feet were tied again and my bonds wouldn't budge, no matter how hard I struggled. Shapes were descending upon me and fear filled every fiber of my body.

I woke up with a scream and sat bold upright in my bed. It took me a while to remember where I was. My room was dark except for the light that shone in from the small window over the door, and I was alone.

My heart was pounding in my ears and I was breathing like I had run a marathon.

The door burst open and Joe rushed in, not bothering with the light switch.

He was by my side in an instant and took me by the shoulders, telling me I was okay.

I realized I'd been dreaming and slumped back against his hands.

"Go back to sleep." He said, "I'll stay with you."

Joe was asleep in the chair when I woke up the next morning. Sunlight had brightened the room and busy noises from behind the door told me morning was well under way. I took the time to study Joe's sleeping form. His hair was unkempt and his face was hours past a five o'clock shadow. His blue shirt was rumpled from sleeping in it.

I couldn't believe he had stayed all night; his presence must have prevented further nightmares.

The door opened and Joe jumped awake. A different nurse entered and explained she was going to take me to some procedure I didn't understand.

Joe rubbed his eyes and looked at me.

"You feel any better today?"

I nodded. "A little."

It wasn't true, but since there was nothing he could do, I wanted to make him feel better.

He looked relieved, I must have sounded convincing.

The nurse was unhooking various machines and asked Joe to leave.

He squeezed my hand and told me he'd be back.

"Can you bring me some clothes?" I asked, not sure why.

He assured me he would as I was wheeled out of the room.

Tank's face suddenly hovered above me as I was rolled down the corridor.

"How're you feeling?"

I was getting tired of the question, but I knew everybody was just concerned for me. "Better." I repeated my lie.

"Once more with less feeling." He smiled and chucked my chin. Couldn't pull the wool over HIS eyes…

"I'm sorry I kicked you…" He waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it!"

I was wondering who else had spent an uncomfortable night in the hospital with me when the fluorescent lights of the corridor ceiling became the elevator ceiling.

After some very uncomfortable hours of being washed, having my wounds redressed and casts put on my wrist and leg, I was back in my room. I was glad no one had offered me to see my reflection in a mirror, I was sure I looked horrible. One of my eyes was swelled almost shut and whenever my I turned my head and my cheek came in contact with anything it hurt like the mother of all bruises.

A tray in front of me, I was trying to navigate food into my mouth with my left, cast-less, hand, not having much luck with it.

Ranger entered my room, a black duffel back in his hand.

He smiled a hello and took a seat on the chair. When he realized my struggle, he stood up again and took the spoon from my hand.

"Let me." He said and started feeding me. I knew I should have been embarrassed, but it felt too nice to be taken care of.

I hadn't eaten since breakfast a day before, but I couldn't manage more than a few spoonfuls of mashed potatoes and a pudding. I shook my head at the piece of meatloaf Ranger was offering and sank back.

"Did you kill them all?" I asked, apropos of nothing.

Ranger's expression changed from concerned to unreadable.

"No." he said, put the spoon down and said down on the chair. "Just two of them."

"How many were there?"

"Five. The survivors were lucky the cops arrived, we wouldn't have left anyone alive."

His voice was steady and I had no doubt he meant what he said.

"Don't worry about that now." Ranger said, interpreting my silence. "Just get well."

I was pumped full of medication and my brain didn't allow any serious thoughts through the drug-induced haze anyway, so I wasn't worried. I didn't know how I felt about indirectly causing someone's death, guilty or not. And I didn't know how I felt about Ranger killing for me, but I couldn't find the words to explain that to him.

"I brought you some clothes."

I attempted a smile again. "Thank you. I feel awfully naked in nothing but this paper gown."

"Figured." He winked.

Ranger helped me out of the gown in question and into a loose-fitting RangeMan sweatshirt, then he cut sweatpants to fit them over my leg cast. I gasped at the sight of my bruised limbs, but Ranger's expression remained passive, a medic dressing a patient.

I was exhausted after the ordeal and slumped back into the pillow.

"They're gonna keep you here for a while…" Ranger said thoughtfully, as if there was more, something he wasn't telling me.

"And?"

"…and I would understand if that would be the end of your trial period at RangeMan…"

I couldn't figure out whether he was happy or upset with that prospect. I hadn't really thought about the future.

"You firing me?"

His eyebrow rose up. "No! No, I'd like you to stay. But I'd understand if you could never trust us again."

What now? Where had that come from? My head started hurting in an effort to concentrate.

"Ranger, I trust you with my life!" I blurted out. It was true, I realized.

He looked relieved.

I figured this was as good a time as any and took a deep breath.

"But if I'm going to continue working for you, there's something I have to tell you…"

He stood up and took my hand. "I already know." He said simply.

"You do?" I asked, my voice sounding shrill.

"I know you're not a hotshot bounty hunter from Boston." He was the picture of calm.

"How long have you known?"

"Ever since RangeMan Boston told me they couldn't find a trace of you anywhere."

"And you hired me anyway?"

"I hired you anyway. I saw potential." He winked at me again and I may have blushed.

"But there's more…" I couldn't bear to look into his eyes anymore, determined to come clean.

"Yes?" He encouraged.

"My name isn't Lindsay Taylor. I'm Sandra Cline, systems administrator at Harvard University, school of law." There. I had said it. The truth was out.

"Harvard, huh?" Ranger smiled.

He didn't look the least bit surprised.

"And I'd…I'd understand if that was grounds for terminating my employment…"

He took my hand, still smiling.

"You haven't filled out any paperwork yet, so you didn't lie. I'd have to reason to fire you."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Whenever I'd imagined telling Ranger my big secret, I'd visualized him becoming stone-faced and showing me the door.

I let out a whoosh of air. There was something to the saying, the truth had definitely set me free to some extend; I felt a huge burden lifted.

"You're not mad?" I asked, studying his face, once again able to make eye contact.

"No, I'm not mad." He chuckled "I'm proud of you, Babe!'

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "Just concentrate on getting better now, there'll be a desk job waiting for you when you get out!"

He left shortly after my big confession and I wondered if it had been my timing that had helped me out. Maybe Ranger had felt so guilty over having me get hurt that my lie seemed trite in comparison? In any case, I had no more secrets. Well, maybe tiny ones that were mostly unshared thoughts about him.

I was determined to tell Joe next.

If I wanted a fresh start in Trenton, I couldn't have the baggage of keeping a fake persona alive.

I realized with a start that my mind was made up, I wasn't going to return to Boston. And I was excited about my new life!

Eating, getting dressed and confessing had worn me out, and I fell asleep feeling content.

It was over. My life was no longer in danger.

And Lindsay Taylor was dead.