He saw the flash whenever he closed his eyes, smelt the odor of burning concrete and flesh, could taste the smell in the air, heard the booming and the screams, he dreamt of it every night. The Shelter Massacre would haunt him to his dying day, the sight, the smell, and sounds would dog his footsteps, as would the ghosts.
Almost everyone was dead, a dozen civilians, himself, and Ahmya the only survivors. Even two weeks after the event, they all bore the signs and wounds from that survival. All the civilians bore scars and disabilities that would stay with them forever. Only Ahmya and himself came out the cleanest being at the edge of the blast. Ahmya had to have her left eye removed and was suffering from memory loss and mood swings. Izuku himself was having trouble using his right hand and had developed faint cataracts which were affecting his ability to read.
At the moment he was sitting on the floor of the living room of his home, back to the sofa. Yet that word no longer felt right, this apartment he had grown up in with his mother was no longer his home.
It was a tomb.
He had taken to sleeping on the couch, he could no longer stay in his room. He hadn't been able to get any sleep there. He had locked his mother's room and his own. He felt empty, hollowed out, and had been steadily losing energy. He hadn't eaten in days, only drinking water.
It all felt meaningless, his mother had been everything to him. He had become a police officer originally because he wanted to get as close to his dream of being a hero as possible. But that dream had died with All Might. He had discovered the harsh reality of the world and had joined the QSU to try and protect it. Yet he had failed, his mother was gone, and only when she was gone did he realize what she had truly meant to him. She had been his reason for fighting, protecting her had been the objective he had held in his heart. Yet he had failed.
He was powerless.
Bakugo had been right all along, without a quirk, without power, he could do nothing and was nothing, and now he didn't have anything either.
The sound of the clock ticking echoed through the room, the only light came from the windows where curtains only obscured portions of the light. Gloom seeped into every corner of the room and cloaked Izuku like a shroud.
Hours later, he stirred, a source of energy emerging within him and propelling forward. He left the apartment. He walked, aimlessly for hours, everything passing by in a blur of color and sound.
Eventually, he stopped as he vaguely understood where he had come. The same abandoned building where he had met All Might all that time ago. More than a year had passed, but it felt like a lifetime now. He entered the building and slowly made his way to the roof. When he got to the roof he just stood there for a long while. He saw All Might and felt the hopelessness of that moment as All Might shattered his dream, seep into him.
Then he was back in the shelter, reliving the day again, as the blast, the searing pain, the smell and taste of the air assaulted him once more. He swayed on his feet, shaking all over, feeling emptier than he ever had before. The world spun, images, sounds, and thoughts came and went in a blur. Then he was at the edge, the edge of everything.
In a burst of insane clarity, he knew what the answer was. He had seen it over and over again. He looked down, down to the ground far below him.
"Ahhh... it would be so easy." he thought.
"I could see mom again, and I wouldn't lose anything ever again."
He thought he heard something, distant and faint, like a whisper on the wind. He swayed, the wind blew around him. Then there was a jerk and he fell.
His back hit the roof, and the sudden impact jolted him back into the present. He blinked. He was staring into the face of Ahmya. He slowly sat up, and blinked several times, he stared blankly at Ahmya. His mind not really understanding anything at the moment.
Ahmya's face was contorted into an expression he had never seen before. Then it resolved itself into anger.
She grabbed the front of his shirt then straddled him, then she started shaking him. "YOU GOD DAMMED IDIOT!" She screamed at him.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?!" She continued to scream.
"I... I Don't have anything else," he said calmly.
She shook him again.
"BULLSHIT! YOU DO HAVE SOMETHING LEFT!" She screamed, shaking all over.
Being shook so much and all the yelling had stirred Izuku's own anger.
"I don't! She was all I had! She was my reason for everything! What point would there be in continuing! All I have left is pain!" He yelled.
"YOU HAVE ME!" She screamed, and tears began to roll down her right cheek.
"You'll always have me..." she said, much quieter.
There was a brief pause, as the words slowly started to sink into Izuku.
"I won't leave you. I won't die or disappear. I'll always be here for you... So... You have to be here for me too. I don't know if I could survive your disappearance. You're the only one who can understand. Only we survived, at Deika City, at the shelter... only we survived. Everyone can say that they understand, that they know what it's like... But they weren't there. Only you were. So... So don't you dare leave me too. Knowing you were here, knowing that there was someone else who could fully understand, that's what kept me together. I'm sick of watching people die, I'm sick of watching people get killed, but I know this won't be the end. But I'll be damned if anyone else I know dies while I still draw breath. So you have to live, if not for yourself or others, then for something else. A cause you can believe in, anything." she said, wiping her face.
"Besides, you think they'd be proud of you? Do you think your mom would want you to jump to your death just because she wasn't here anymore? Do you think All Might would approve? He died, sacrificing himself for others. Do you think he lived a pain-free life? He lost everyone too. No one could find any living relatives for his funeral. Yet he kept going, despite having no one, he kept moving forward. What you were about to do was nothing less than cowardice, and All Might would never, ever, turn his back on others, or himself." she said, getting up from her spot.
She held a hand out to him.
He stared at her, wide-eyed, his eyes flicked to her hand, and he slowly extended his own shaking hand. He wavered when his hand got close, but her hand didn't, and eventually, he grasped her hand.
She helped pull him to his feet. Then she embraced him. And he broke. Shame and guilt overwhelmed him and in a tidal wave of emotions, everything he had been pushing down for the past week and a half burst out of him.
They both stood on the roof, crying into each other's shoulders until the sun finally set.
When they finally broke apart, Ahmya wiped her face with her sleeve and turned away, his hand in hers.
"C'mon, let's get you home," she said starting to move forward.
Izuku resisted though and shook his head.
"No. It isn't my home. Not anymore. I'll stay at a hotel." he said.
She looked at him for a while before nodding.
"Okay, let's get you to a hotel then, but first we're getting you something to eat," she said and guided him back through the building and to a restaurant.
Izuku stared at himself in the mirror. The bags under his eyes were clear, he still looked a bit gaunt from his stint of going an extended period without food. But he was much better now than he had been then. He still didn't eat as much as he knew he should, but it was progress nonetheless.
Now he was taking another step on that path. The funeral was today, he'd finally arranged it at a cemetery on the city outskirts. He had the urn in the hotel room, on a table. He'd conducted the proper ceremony yesterday, and now was the day of the burial. The list of people to invite had been almost nonexistent. He had no grandparents that he was aware of, his mother had always been very cagey about her family. All he had been able to do was invite people he knew his mother knew. Which had been just the Bakugo's, he would have invited Ahmya, but she had been called to the hospital concerning her injuries.
He checked his phone, and it was nearly time. He had to leave now if he didn't want to be late. He left the bathroom, put on the rest of his appropriate funeral attire, and left the hotel, urn held in his left arm.
He took a cab to the city outskirts where he walked to the cemetery. As we walked he remembered so many moments he had with his mother. She'd had always been there for him, and when he had gone to the police, she had been so proud. When he'd joined the QSU, she had been concerned but trusted that he knew what he was doing.
He hadn't really understood, he'd just been blinded by his desire to do more, to do something lasting. The police just hadn't seemed good enough to him then, and still didn't. He thought then what Ahmya had told him, "if not for yourself or others, then for something else. A cause you can believe in, anything." she had said.
He'd given that a lot of thought, but he still hadn't come to an answer.
And then he had arrived. He saw the Bakugo's already there, all in black, Mitsuki looking like she had been crying. Her eyes were red, but she was putting up a brave face. He also saw Bakugo, off to one side, looking across the cemetery.
Izuku stood there for a moment, simply taking the scene in. Then he stepped forward and before long Mitsuki caught sight of him.
She walked to meet him, "Izuku... I'm so sorry."
"Thank you for coming Mitsuki," Izuku said, giving her a small bow. He kept his voice neutral, and expression unchanging.
"Of course. Izuku, if you need anything please ask. Inko would want you to stay healthy, and we'll always be here to help if you need it." Mitsuki said.
Izuku knew she meant every word.
"I appreciate that, but I'll be fine," Izuku said.
Just then an elderly man shuffled up to them.
"If you're all ready, then let us go," he said, gesturing towards a path leading into the cemetery.
The small group walked through the cemetery, Izuku in the lead with Bakugo in the rear.
A few minutes later they were gathered around the spot where the urn would go.
Izuku knelt down and deposited the urn into the hole. He filled it in, packing it down as best he could then stood up. The only thing missing was the shrine, but that would be installed the day after by professionals. For now, Izuku looked down at the final resting place of his mother.
He felt Mitsuki put a hand on his shoulder, and for a time they all stood there gazing at the spot. Izuku remembered all the days he had with his mother, and he realized a pang that he knew so little about her. She never talked about herself, and avoided the subject of her family whenever Izuku had asked. What had her life been like? How had she met Izuku's father, and why did they split?
He would never know the answers to some of those questions, not unless he bothered to track down his father. Which he had no intention of doing. Maybe one day he would talk to Mitsuki about his mother, but not now.
Eventually, the time wore on, and it was time to leave. He made a small effort to talk to the Bakugos (except Katsuki). Eventually, Mitsuki and her husband started to leave.
Bakugo Katsuki looked at the grave, and a wave of anger boiled to life inside of him.
First, Iida now Inko Midoriya. Neither deserved to die like this, they deserved better. It only served to highlight his own weakness. He recalled vividly the sight of the massive bolt of lighting falling to the earth and obliterating everything. He would never forget it, and it fueled the rage inside him, he would kill every last member of the league, and he would personally end Zeus.
So wrapped up in his own thoughts was he, that he spoke aloud, a whispered promise that he hadn't even realized he put into words.
"I promise you, Zeus, you'll pay. I'll kill you and the league, I swear it."
Then he turned and left, following his parents.
Izuku stalked through the halls, towards his destination. A sheet of papers in one hand, and in proper formal attire for the QSU.
He approached the door and knocked. There was a pause then a "Come in," came from within and Izuku entered.
Sōchō Arinobu sat behind his desk, filling out paperwork. He looked up when Izuku entered and paused.
"What can I help you with," he said, setting his pen down.
Izuku bit his lower lip but straightened and held out the papers.
Arinobu took them and looked them over. His eyebrows came together in a frown and looked up at Izuku.
"You're resigning?" he asked.
"Yes sir, I gave it a lot of thought, but I don't have a reason to be here anymore. I think it would be best if I moved on." Izuku said, still straight-backed.
Arinobu looked the young man over, before taking a deep breath and signing the papers.
"You have a week to hand over all official equipment. You'll be issued special documents surrounding this that allow you to own military-grade firearms, you will also be expected to return to duty if a general summons is issued in the event of a national emergency. Though that is exceedingly unlikely, unless we are invaded by foreign powers then you'll never need to worry about that. If you so choose you may also purchase some of the basic gear you had from us directly if you'd rather not part with it. There is more to it of course, but that's the basics." Arinobu said, going back to his paperwork.
Izuku bowed then left the office.
A week later, Izuku was walking out of QSU headquarters, a duffel bag slung over one shoulder. He was leaving Mufustafu, he was leaving to see the rest of the country. He knew what he wanted, knew what he had to live for, and staying in the city wouldn't help with that.
He had only gotten a little bit away from the building when Ahmya stormed out of the building. She walked past him, then spun on her heel. Blocking his way forward.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she asked, arms crossed, a dark shadow cast on her face from the setting sun behind her.
"I'm leaving the QSU and I'm leaving Mufustafu," he said.
"That's it? You're just leaving? Why?! Why would you leave?!" She said, starting to yell by the end.
"I know what I want to live for," he said.
"What is it then! Whatever it is I want to help!" She said, her anger mixed with pleading.
Izuku said nothing.
Ahmya's anger leapt back into focus.
"Fine! You don't want to tell me, you don't want me to help? Fine! You're just running away, you're just a fucking coward! Go then! Go if that's what you want!" She yelled, tears forming in her right eye.
Then she stormed off past Izuku, back towards the headquarters building.
Izuku stood there unmoving for a time, but eventually, he stirred himself and he continued on.
Ahmya sat in her room, head in her hands, as she silently wept. Izuku had gone, he had left, abandoning her. She tried to console herself with the knowledge that he was still alive, that she wasn't truly alone. But she didn't feel it, all she felt was crushing sadness and anger at his betrayal.
