"Why is it an international house of pancakes? Why not a non-international hose of pancakes?" Tobi asked Deidara. It was strange, usually Deidara was the annoying one, but now with Tobi in the group….that had all changed because Tobi drove Deidara insane and Tobi worshipped Deidara.
"I don't know Tobi, yeah."
"Well, If it's a house of pancakes, why are there chicken tenders on the menu?" Tobi asked innocently.
"Tobi, I don't fucking know, yeah. Just read the damn menu, yeah!" Deidara insisted.
"Kakuzu! You dumb ass! You know what poison ivy looks like! God! You're such a retard!" Hidan and Kakuzu were arguing about the day in the woods. Sasori was telling Sadine about his baking class, Zetsu and Kisame were discussing Sasori's date, Tobi was still flipping out over the menu and Itachi and Deidara were trying to figure out whether or not IHOP sold alcohol."
"Hi! I'm Mindy are you all ready to order?" she was overly bubbly spite the dysfunctional group.
"Yeah, I would like the chicken club sandwich, no fries unsweetened iced tea." Sasori said.
"I'll have the spinach salad and water." Sadine told the waitress. Hidan and Kakuzu quit fighting long enough to order the extreme breakfast with like 3 eggs, meat and other crap.
"I'll take a cup of coffee, an order of oatmeal, and a side of bacon." Zetsu ordered.
"Um…uuuuh….I'll have….no..no….I would like…..umm…..the French toast breakfast!" Tobi had made a decision.
"I'll take the steak dinner and a soda." Kisame said.
"Okay, we're going to split the multigrain pancakes with the fruit bowl and the wheat toast, and we would like the low calorie sugar, free syrup, and margarine. Oh and we both would like the hot tea." Itachi had ordered for both him and Deidara, which was kind of strange because he didn't even ask Deidara about it.
"Oh you know it's so nice to know that gay couples feel welcome here." Cheerful Mindy said…well she really shouldn't have said that.
"Look BITCH….we are not GAY! Just because we're the two hottest people in here and probably the only ones who can afford nice clothes does not make us GAY! I could make you scream things you never thought you'd scream if you spent one night with me but because I have a GIRLFRIEND not a BOYFRIEND you'll never know! He and I have to fit into the same size clothes, okay! It's not easy having a fucking 28 inch waist! But if you talk to any of the women we've slept with…they'll tell you it's worth the trouble! Now…we'll need an extra plate with that because we're not going to fucking eat off the same one!" Itachi was truly less than thrilled. And now Mindy was about to cry. But, Deidara applauded Itachi's speech.
"Do you serve alcohol here, yeah?" Deidara wanted to know.
"No." Mindy answered wiping tears from her eyes. "I'll be back with your orders shortly." She was much less bubbly now and Itachi liked it that way.
The dinner at IHOP was actually quite nice, mainly because it was camper free and none of them had any obligations to any of the campers. After they were done Sasori and Sadine quickly left the crowd and headed into the city where the Piano/Martini Bar would be hopping.
"Where are you two going?" Kisame asked.
"To see if there's a carry-out or any place at all that sells liquor." Itachi said.
"I'm coming with you." He insisted.
"Did I hear you say that you three are going on a liquor run? I'm coming too." Zetsu said, getting away from Hidan, Kakuzu and Tobi as quickly as he could. And so, Deidara, Itachi, Kisame and Zetsu headed off on their journey for liquor.
"You know it's really Sasori has a date with that girl tonight, I mean she is really a lot like him, she's really intelligent and they like the same things." Kisame said. Itachi laughed.
"Kisame, that girl had to have a tutoring session before this date, so she's obviously not that smart." Itachi said.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Zetsu asked.
"Oh, I'm sure Deidara will tell you all about it." Itachi said.
20 minutes and one story later that should have taken 10 minutes to tell.
"And that's why I let Sadine go down on me before her date tonight, yeah."
"How the hell did you ever get into Akatsuki?" Zetsu asked, mostly to himself. The remainder of the evening ended up with Itachi, Deidara, Zetsu and Kisame at a local pub taking advantage of happy hour, it was strange that the bar tender didn't question the fact that a guy who looked like a shark and a guy who could pass for a plant were at his bar having a rum and coke.
The week at camp was coming to a close. Today was Zetsu's activity of basic car maintenance and Tobi's activity of CPR training. I'm sure they would do a great job at their activities. Zetsu panicked when he saw the 1999 Buick LaSabre sitting there with a ton of tools beside it and 10 eager campers ready to learn about car stuff.
"Hi there kids…I'm Zetsu, yes I have a plant-like head, and today we're going to learn about car maintenance. Uuuuhhh….let's see, first we're going to change the tires." The kids all cheered in delight as they began handing Zetsu tools. Zetsu used the car jack thing to hoist the front end of the car up, now it was time to start changing the front wheels.
Meanwhile, in Tobi's CPR class he was trying to explain to his campers what CPR was….he wasn't doing well.
"Alright campers, CPR is a way of breathing to save lives, but it's not you that breathes, instead you're getting someone else to breathe in order to save their life, because usually when you're giving CPR you're dying…well not you because you're the one giving the CPR but the person receiving CPR is usually dying….does everybody understand?" Tobi looked around at all the blank stares. It was apparent to him that no one understood the concept of CPR.
"Okay, okay now if one of you….will hand me that wheel we'll put it on." Zetsu was struggling with the wheel as he tried to pull it off the car. It finally came off, of course Zetsu went flying backwards because he was pulling so hard on it and of course the car fell off the jack, hit the ground and the car alarm began honking like crazy.
"Hey Zetsu! I think you did it wrong!" One of the campers yelled over the wailing horn.
Back in CPR training, the campers were all looking blankly at the CPR practice dummy, finally one kid punched the dummy in the stomach, everyone else thought that was cool so they did the same.
"Wait kids, that's not CPR! We're supposed to do CPR!" Tobi wasn't very convincing. The kids started shaking the dummy back and forth, they were having a blast.
After Zetsu's car had rolled backwards down a hill, he decided that basic car maintenance was over for the day. Tobi had given up on the CPR clinic as well, they decided it was more fun to play crash test dummy with the CPR dummy. It was a good thing everyone would be going home the next day…
