Peters' Lily
You know, I don't think I've ever heard a laugh quite like hers.
I don't think I've ever seen a girl quite like her.
You see, Lily is a very strange creature.
She's kind, helpful, sweet, smart, beautiful and everything else you'd ask for in a girl. And then there's her hot temper, her sarcasm, and her tendency to hit really hard. But she's still the perfect balance of angelic goodness and pure evil. She's like the perfect person. A perfect friend.
And yet I have tried for so long to hate her.
I used to tell myself that she was just a girl.
Just a nuisance.
That James and Sirius and Remus didn't really like her better than me.
But I gave up on that a long time ago.
I hate everything about Lily Evans, especially her caring nature.
It was not too long ago; when she had just started dating James.
It had been a cold week and it hadn't stopped snowing for at least 3 days. The grounds were covered in the stuff.
And, as usual, James and Sirius left me alone.
They always pulled pranks without me unless they needed a rat.
They never took me with them when they snuck into Hogsmeade.
And they never bothered setting me up with any girls like they always did to Remus.
Now I suppose you're thinking I could have hung out with good old Moony, right?
Wrong.
Remus was way too busy studying, and he's very crabby when people disturb him.
That and he usually went with them to Hogsmeade too.
Without telling me.
So I was left to myself.
I don't know why, but I decided on impulse to go outside.
I nearly froze after being out there for ten minutes, but I still didn't come in.
Instead, I sat down in the snow and cried.
Yeah, I cried. Get over it.
Now I would have done just fine alone, but it just so happens that a certain redhead finds me there.
"Peter? Aren't you cold? Oh- Peter, are you alright? You're crying!" she had said, oozing sympathy.
I don't even know why someone as smart as her was outside on a day like that, but she was. And now I had to explain everything to her.
So, I did.
All the while she watched me with this horrible look of pity on her face.
As if my pain was hers.
Pfft. She knew nothing.
She knows nothing of how it feels to be alone and unwanted.
Someone's always wanted her.
When I was finished with my sob-story, she did the thing I least of all wanted her to do.
She hugged me.
I was shocked to say the least.
I remember mentally kicking myself because at the moment, her arms felt so good.
I don't recall anyone ever hugging me before.
And yet here she was, the most beautiful girl in school perhaps, hugging me.
I didn't hug her back, but when she pulled away I instantly felt the cold- stronger than before.
I hated to admit it, but I liked that hug.
"Oh Peter, darling, I'm so sorry. I can't believe they'd do that to you!" I remember her saying angrily.
"It's fine Ev-er...Lily." I muttered.
"No- I'll be sure to talk to them about it. They won't ever leave you alone again."
She smiled at me.
That same awful smile she's smiling now.
The smile that makes it so impossible for anyone to hate her.
But I have to.
I have to.
"Um...guys? Is something wrong?" The Lily in the now asks us.
Damn. I kind of liked the silence.
Hating her is so much easier when she doesn't say anything.
"What? Oh, sorry Lily, just thinking." says James.
"Yeah..." agrees Sirius.
Hmph. James was probably thinking about his Lily darling.
No clue as to what Padfoot was thinking about.
"What about?" Lily asks, smiling again.
God, is it impossible for the girl to stop smiling!
It would make my life so much easier.
"Oh, just old times." Remus answers, and I nod in agreement.
She laughs now.
Which is something worse than her smile.
"Oh you silly boys..."
"That's us!" Sirius says, grinning. "Forever silly and immature."
"Speak for yourself, Padfoot." Remus says, snorting.
He'll never admit it, but at times he's just as immature as James and Sirius.
Lily laughs again and I'm mentally slapping myself.
"Well, you're all my silly boys." she says, putting her head on Prongs' shoulder.
Lucky- I mean...poor man.
"And you're my beautiful Lily." James says.
It's sickening.
"Hey, what about us?" Sirius says.
"Oh alright, alright!" James says, pretending to be annoyed.
At least, I think. He's so unpredictable when it comes to her.
"So she's our Lily." Remus says.
"For immature idiots, you all sure are sweet." Lily comments.
"Aw, thanks Lils." Sirius says.
"And just so you know, I love you all very much." she adds.
Yeah, that's Lily.
She loves us all unconditionally.
Even if we don't want her love.
I never have.
"But you love me most! Right?" Sirius asks her.
"I'm sorry Siri, I'm afraid James holds that title." Lily says and gives James a kiss on the cheek.
"Aww..."
Sirius pouts way too much. We all laugh anyway.
"Well it is getting late, I'm off to bed. Goodnight!"
Lily leaves us.
"Goodnight Lily!" we chant in reply.
I glare angrily at the carpet until I hear her footsteps go up the stairs and her door close.
I hate myself for ever liking her.
Because it's wrong.
"Night guys, I'm going to sleep." James says.
"Goodnight."
This time our reply is a low mumble.
"We all should get to bed. Long day tomorrow. So, goodnight." Remus puts in.
"Yeah...night Moony, Wormtail." Sirius says.
"Goodnight Padfoot."
We stand to leave, and Remus walks past Sirius and I.
Hmm. He seems to be in a hurry.
I wonder if Lily is bothering him as much as she's bothering me...
Sirius and I walk in silence.
Like always.
It's like I'm not even there.
Well, I don't have a chance to ask Remus if Lily was bugging him because he's asleep when Sirius and I get to the dorm.
Oh well.
I collapse onto my bed and rub my eyes.
I really need to get this 'hatred' thing down.
I have to, if I'm going to do ... what I'm going to do.
What I need to do.
People like me can't afford to like mudbloods like her.
Because that's all she is.
A filthy mudblood who isn't worthy of James' time.
If I close my eyes I can pretend that I don't see what he sees in her.
But closing your eyes is a lot harder than just shutting your eyelids.
Goodnight Lily.
