A/N: Well, in the newest manga chapter, Kikyou STILL isn't dead yet. Despite the fact that she's pretty much unable to move, or speak, or do anything but move her eyes around, she still manages to kick Naraku's butt without lifting a finger. Yes, she's cool, but besides that, she has been dying for about 12 chapters. They need to just let her rest in peace now and move on.
Also, that chapter had such a big OMG! ending where anything can happen, I suppose. (There was this really funny "HOLY CRAP WE ARE SCREWED!" look on everybody's face too.) If Naraku manages to overcome Kikyou's purification power, then he'll be really, REALLY close to completing the jewel. If Kikyou's power prevails, then Naraku is dead.
I'm betting the first one. I don't think Takahashi-sama would kill him off so easily. She said it would be 500 chapters and knowing her previous trends, it's not going to end until the 500th chapter.
Chapter 10: Lost Love
Inuyasha, having feelings for me? At the time, I was so sure it wasn't what Sango-chan kept telling me. I had believed for so long that he loved Kikyou, that it seemed impossible that he could ever turn his affections towards me.
But things all seemed to be adding up into one direction, one direction I was excited and scared to go to at the exact same time…
I was slightly worried about what would happen once we were both officially together. What then? I knew of the danger of Naraku, and if he found out about us. He could repeat what had happened fifty years ago with us. I didn't want to go through that, and I certainly didn't want to put any pressure on Inuyasha to let us have a relationship despite the dangers.
After all, Sango-chan and Miroku-sama knew what was at stake—despite how they had pledged themselves to another, they put off their relationship until Naraku was defeated. Inuyasha and I had to do so also, because there could be no risking ourselves just because were in love.
But as I have said before, love makes us foolish…and what a bunch of fools we turned out to be when it came down to it. But I was so head over heels in love that I did not recognize it then…
Once again, I am getting ahead of myself. At that time, my only worry was that Inuyasha didn't love me…and Kikyou's sudden and unexpected visit only seemed to prove it.
When they were back and settled in the village once more, Kagome told their friends about the vision she had gotten when using Kouga's shards to contact Midoriko. As she had thought, they were all surprised and concerned at this, knowing that whatever it was that she saw, it could not be good.
Inuyasha, to her surprise, did seem a bit more concerned. After gathering some evidence, it appeared that he did care more than he told her he had previously. He no longer scoffed at the idea of a curse, and seemed to be slightly worried as well.
At first, Kagome thought that he had actually turned around to believe that they weren't as safe as she thought, but it soon appeared to be no more than he wanted to avoid the argument.
He still hadn't talked to her much ever since that night in the cave, and she was worried in case she had done something wrong. Was he angry with her? But how could he be? She had done nothing wrong, as it seemed, and before he was happy that she had watched over him. Why would he be so upset now?
Maybe he doesn't like the idea of himself being weak, she wondered, her eyes on him while they conferred in Kaede's hut that night. She wasn't listening to the conversation, and it appeared the neither was Inuyasha. Every so often, she caught his eyes darting over to her, making her turn away quickly before he noticed she was gazing at him.
He's thinking about me, realized Kagome, her eyes widening slightly. But what is he thinking about?
Though they were in the middle of a serious discussion about Naraku, it finally became too much for Inuyasha to handle. He didn't care that everyone else was worried about the Curse of the Shikon no Tama, he only cared about the fact that he was unable to get thoughts of Kagome out of his head…that his nose seemed to only pick up her beautiful scent out of the rest of them…that he was in danger of falling deeper for her without wanting to…
Unable to stand it any longer, Inuyasha suddenly stood up, an angry expression on his face, surprising the rest of his companions. Miroku glanced up at the hanyou, who was currently gripping his hands into tight fists. "Inuyasha?"
"I'm going for a walk," he muttered in a low growl before storming out of the hut, all eyes on him.
After a small silence caused by this disturbance, the kitsune piped up, "What's gotten into Inuyasha?"
Sighing, the monk replied, "Who knows, Shippou. With him, it's always one thing or another."
But Kagome had watched as Inuyasha had suddenly stormed out of the hut, and she had noticed that his amber eyes had flickered in her direction right before he left. That confirmed it. He was thinking about her. What puzzled her was what about her seemed to be bothering him so much that he could barely stand it?
"Damn it!" the hanyou roared, letting out his frustration by shouting an obscenity into the air while punching a tree with a rage induced fist. Splinters went flying as the tree promptly broke in half from the force of his blow, catching on his clothes and hair, but Inuyasha didn't care.
Growling, he leaned against the back of another tree glancing up at the sky while folding his hands in his haori. Destroying that one tree had only softened his mood for a bit before his anger came back full force.
He couldn't help but be angry at everything, himself, the world, perhaps even Kagome—she, after all, had started this problem. "Kagome…" he muttered, that word causing him to slowly calm down.
Inuyasha didn't understand it. For one year, he had avoided this because he knew Naraku came first on his priorities, and now, in such a short time, he found himself thinking about her every second. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He knew he had Naraku to fight. He knew he had to solve everything between him and Kikyou. He knew that she probably would not even care for him in the way he was beginning to care for her.
So why was this happening?
Even after her birthday, she didn't haunt his mind this much. Did it have to do with the night when he was poisoned and Kagome promised to always watch over him? Was that it? When he realized he wanted to always be in her care…and let her keep him safe?
Inuyasha growled at the thought. That made him feel weak. That he felt he needed her to keep him safe…that he wanted to just lie his head back down in her lap and let it stay there forever…He wanted her laughter and smiled always in his life. All those years he had been scorned and condemned as a hanyou…Kagome was erasing those painful scars, filling the gaps in his heart with laughter…And Inuyasha knew, she would protect him and keep him safe from those who hated him for being a hanyou…just like his mother.
Only, she was so much more. He had realized, after he had woken up that morning with his head in her lap, that he wanted, no, needed her in his life, in order to go on.
"But she wouldn't want to…" the hanyou muttered to himself, looking up through the leaves of the tree towards the clear blue sky. "She has her own life…she doesn't want to be here, with me…" And I'm only a hanyou…no matter what she feels, she won't love a hanyou, he silently added, his eyes filling with sadness once more.
While he was lost in his thoughts, Inuyasha failed to register the shinidama chuu that had just floated past him. He only realized someone else was there when the scent of earth and bones wafted past him.
"You seem to be deep in thought, Inuyasha," a voice that he recognized said, causing him to suddenly stiffen in recognition.
Slowly, Inuyasha turned, from his place behind the tree, to see her, standing there, her shinidama chuu encircling her before departing so they could speak in peace. "Kikyou," he whispered, his eyes remembering her form, looking exactly like she did fifty years ago.
Her hair was not bound up in the style it usually was, but it flowed freely around her, swaying slightly in the breeze. She held her bow in one hand, while her deadly arrows were slung on a quiver on her back, not that she made any movement to use them. Her clothes were the same as they had always been,she lookingthe same as ever.
The only physical difference Inuyasha could see were her eyes. They had always carried a tragic beauty, it was one of the reasons he had first been drawn to her. But ever since her death, her eyes always carried that tragic glint, showing everyone that she seemed to have a lifetimes of sorrow; that happiness was virtually unachievable for her now.
Finally breaking the silence between them, Inuyasha asked, "What are you doing here, Kikyou?"
"I've had the feeling that you've wanted to talk to me." The deceased miko's voice was soft, almost hesitant. Inuyasha caught the trace of sadness in her eyes at her words.
Sighing while folding his arms again in an impatient manner, he asked, "Talk about what?"
She didn't take one step closer as she replied, "I heard you, a minute ago, Inuyasha. You seemed troubled by something."
The hanyou was forced to look away from her, remembering that it had been Kagome he had been thinking about. The fact that he was beginning to want something he could not have, and all the complications that came with it. "It was nothing, Kikyou."
Inuyasha's silver ear twitched as he heard her expel a small breath she had been keeping in. "I see. You have your own problems." She turned away also, knowing well what it was that had him so troubled. She had seen ever since she came back from the dead what her reincarnation was doing to him, the thoughts Kagome caused him to think. And though she had thought Inuyasha would always come running back to her, it appeared that he would run to her no longer.
He had found someone else, someone who was everything she was not, and who could show him how happy life could be, instead of a life of comforting each other in their own sorrow. Kikyou knew it would come to this someday, though she had not expected it so soon.
"Kikyou…"
"I understand, Inuyasha," Kikyou cut him off, looking back at him, her tragic eyes seeming to look deep within his soul. "I did not come to ask you about that. We have not spoken in a while, and I want to know if there is anything about Naraku that you wish to discuss."
Absorbed within his own problems, Inuyasha had temporarily forgotten about Naraku, and the new force the threatened them with. "Yes, Kikyou, there was something I wanted to ask you," he remembered.
"What was it?"
"Have you ever heard of something called 'The Curse of the Shikon no Tama'?" he asked, hoping for some recognition on her face, instead of the puzzled expression she now bore.
She stepped closer, only to speak with him about this urgent matter. "And where did you hear about this?"
His self-conscious barriers he had before slowly melted as the tone became serious. "A few weeks ago, we fought one of Naraku's puppets. Before it was destroyed, it mentioned something called 'The Curse of the Shikon no Tama'. Ever since then we have been trying to figure out what it was."
While Kikyou calculated this information, Inuyasha continued, "We figured out that Naraku must be using Necromancy to learn of this from Midoriko's soul, and we also learned that there is a way to commune with Midoriko through the Shikon shards, though they cannot be pure to do so."
"I have never heard of such a thing," Kikyou told him, making his heart sink slightly in hopes of learning what this threat was. "Did you learn anything from the shards?"
"Nothing more than this curse is something to be reckoned with," he replied, glancing away knowing that if they did not learn what this curse was soon, it could threaten everyone…threaten Kagome…
Kikyou interrupted his thoughts when she said, "I hope you can learn more in time, then. This curse in the hands of Naraku can be nothing but deadly." With that, the miko turned to leave him behind, knowing he would not want to be bothered anymore from his important thoughts.
Inuyasha was about to let her go, but he couldn't…not until he had spoke to her of what had been plaguing his mind for the past several days. "Kikyou!"
Turning back to him, she asked, "Yes, Inuyasha?"
Feeling slightly nervous, Inuyasha told her, "There's something…I have to say."
Kikyou had a feeling she knew what it was about as she turned back to him, his amber eyes avoiding her gaze. "What is it that you want to say, Inuyasha?"
With a sigh, his eyes determinedly left her, the woman who he loved before, who was now becoming a hindrance in his relationship with Kagome. "Kikyou…I can't…I can't keep my promise to you any more."
"Promise?"
"Yes, Kikyou," he drove on, unable to stop now. "I can kill Naraku to avenge your death, but after that…"
Her hands clenched her bow tighter. She knew it would be this way. "I see. You do not wish to go to Hell with me."
His eyes darted back to her, with a look of sincerity. "No Kikyou, I don't. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but it is one promise I cannot keep."
After another pause, the miko glanced back at him, the hanyou she had loved in her former life before replying, "And, may I ask why you cannot keep this promise?"
Looking uncomfortable, he answered, "There are other promises I have made, Kikyou…and now they have become more important to me."
Her tragic eyes fixed upon him, and once again he had the feeling that she was looking deep within his soul for answers she was desperate to find. "You cannot keep your promise to me because of my reincarnation, isn't that right, Inuyasha?" He kept silent, refusing to look back at her. "You are in love with Kagome, aren't you?"
That caused him to snap back, "Now, I never said—"
"Do not protest, Inuyasha. The answer is written all over your face."
With her statement, he looked away again, this time not bothering to protest. He didn't deny it for Kikyou's sake; he protested as he did because to acknowledge that fact was to start down a path he couldn't afford to go—not until Naraku was defeated, at least.
Kikyou held herself proud once more, fearing that her jealousy of her reincarnation she had always had would slip though if she did not keep up the façade. "I will leave you now, Inuyasha, and I free you from our promise." Before she left, she gave him one last look. "But I hope, that your decision is the right one."
And then she left, her shinidama chuu floating to catch up behind her. Inuyasha watched her go, through sad amber eyes, but he made no move to go after her. There would be no more chasing after her from now on. After all, he knew he could not anymore, not when he found himself chasing after another woman.
Without looking back Inuyasha turned to walk back to Kaede's hut, his anger he had before spent. But as he neared the end of the forest, he came across another woman, one whom he didn't want to face just yet.
"Kagome…"
