A/N: Well it is a sad day for Kikyou fans. In the newest chapter of the manga, it has been confirmed that she is going to die...for good...next chapter. Even though I knew it was going to happen, it still seemed to be a bit of a shock. As usual, Kagome felt guilty and Inuyasha went all angsty on everyone...but I think the next chapter is going to be a real tear jerker. I really want to know what she's going to say for her last words though...I smell a oneshot coming!
Also, I have been nominated for the second quarter by the IY Fanguild! Lie to Me was nominated for Best Serial Fic! Thank you guys, you make me feel so loved!
Chapter 13: A Half-Breed's Pain
"Mama, why was the Hanyou so afraid to tell the Miko he liked her?" Inuko asked, thoroughly interested despite his earlier protests against the subject.
Smiling warmly at her child, Kagome explained, "You have to understand, Inuko, the Hanyou was afraid that the Miko wouldn't love him back. He thought she deserved someone better."
"But the Miko loved him anyway," Inuko pointed out. "They ended up getting mated, Mama. So why was he so worried?"
"That's just the way the Hanyou was, Inuko. The Miko did love him, very much, but she had never told him before, so he didn't know. Though he seemed not to be afraid of anything, he was afraid; he was afraid of her rejecting him."
After pausing to think this over, Inuko turned back to his mother. "So what happened after the Miko went back from her world?"
Kagome began, "Well, she didn't see the Hanyou at first, because he was afraid to meet her, but once she met up with him, it was clear that he was very nervous about something—"
"Kagome-chan?" a voice came from the main room of the hut. Turning back towards the voice, Kagome recognized it instantly.
"Excuse me for a minute, Inuko.," she told her son while walking into the main room. Standing there was Sango, a few years older than when the story took place, with her hands around her swelling five months pregnant belly.
"Sango-chan?" Kagome asked. "What are you doing here? I thought you just left?"
"I'm sorry, Kagome-chan," the exterminator apologized. "But I think I must have left one of Sakura's toys here when I brought her over to play, and now she won't sleep without it."
Kagome could only imagine the kinds of wails that Sakura was probably giving now, being two years old and very feisty. She happened to remember when Inuko used to be like that, but thankfully now at the age of three, he had calmed down considerably. "It's okay, Sango-chan. It's probably mixed in with Inuko's toys."
They both walked into the back room and Inuko's eyes lit up with glee. "Aunt Sango-san!" he said in his cute, high pitched, babishvoice.
Kneeling down and ruffling his silver hair, Sango asked, "How are you doing, Inuko?"
Smiling, the small hanyou replied, "Mama's telling me a story!"
"Oh really?" Sango asked, "What story would that be?"
"The Tale of the Hanyou and the Miko!"
Sango's eyes slid over to Kagome, who had just handed her daughter's doll to her, and a smirk came on her face. "The Tale of the Hanyou and the Miko?"
Kagome blushed, and turned away, answering, "That's what he wanted to hear."
Glancing back at Inuko, the exterminator asked, "What part is she at, Inuko?"
"Where the Miko and the Hanyou get back from spending time in her world, and the Hanyou is upset about something."
Sango chuckled to herself. "I remember this, keep going Kagome, I want to find out what happens after they set out to fight the youkai attacking the other village."
It was one thing to tell the story to her son. It was quite another to tell it to her friend who had actually lived through the events. "Shouldn't you be getting home though, Sango-chan? After all, you said Sakura wouldn't stop crying—"
"Serves Miroku right for calling me fat the other day," Sango replied in a huff. "But I want to hear about this part. I always wondered what went on between yo—um, the Hanyou and the Miko." she caught herself, glancing back at Inuko.
Sighing, Kagome sat down next to her friend and began, "Alright, but don't you dare laugh, Sango-chan…After the Hanyou and Miko got back, they heard that there was a youkai attacking a village to the west. Since they were close enough, they decided that they should go and help…"
They set out the day after the wounded man from another village asked them for their help in exterminating a fierce bear youkai that had attacked their village. Eager to do something, Inuyasha had agreed, despite the fact that he had told Kagome earlier he didn't like helping humans without any profit.
Ever since that time in Kagome's room, he had acted strangely, and she was determined to find out why. She knew what she wanted the reason to be, but many disappointments over the year had led her to believe that it just wasn't possible. How could it be?
Despite her doubts, the way he was acting—how she saw him turn away and refuse to look at her most of the time, but then sneak glances at her later, with longing in his eyes—was making the situation seem more and more possible.
Can it really be true? she wondered, staring at the hanyou that was leading them on. She remembered his words in her bedroom once more. "Every time I'm around you, I'm beginning to think that I—"
No…it just can't be…can it? Could Inuyasha really…?
Her thoughts were interrupted when the object of her affections suddenly started sniffing the air, drawing her curiosity. "There's a village nearby," Inyasha replied, turning back to his companions, though, she noticed, determinedly keeping his gaze off her.
"Is it the village with the bear youkai?" Sango asked, giving a knowing glance back at Miroku.
One more whiff confirmed it. "No."
Kagome glanced up at the darkening sky, knowing it would soon be night. "We should probably hurry and get there before it's too late. We could stay at the inn, I suppose."
Now it was the hanyou's turn to glance back at her. "Why not just camp out? It's not like we have any money anyway."
"I'm tired of sleeping on the ground!" Kagome retorted. "We haven't slept indoors on our travels in ages? Can't we go to an inn this once? And get real food?"
"What do you mean by that, woman? Are you saying that I don't provide for you?"
Sighing, she tried to explain, "Yes, Inuyasha. You can catch food for us, but it gets tiring eating the same thing, day after day when we run out of ramen. I just think that we can treat ourselves this once, okay?"
"I agree with Kagome," Sango piped up. "Sleeping in two separate rooms instead of all cramped together would be a nice change—" She glanced in the monk's direction, "Especially since I don't feel completely safe with him trying to cop a feel in my sleep."
Looking abashed, Miroku gasped, "My dear Sango, how can you think such a thing?"
"I woke up yesterday with your hand inches from my chest!"
"But Sango…your sleeping body was so beautiful at the moment…I just had to touch it and make sure I was not looking at an image from heaven…"
"Don't give me that you pervert!"
As Sango and Miroku continued their squabble, the three remaining members of the group rolled their eyes and continued on towards the village, not wanting to break up the interesting fight going on between their companions.
They reached the village at dusk, and Inuyasha noticed the cold glares the villagers gave him as soon as they came in sight. Sighing and pretending not to notice, Inuyasha prepared himself for what he went through in almost every village they traveled through.
While the rest of them seemed to be relieved that they would be able to sleep indoors and not on the ground for once, they didn't seem to notice the way the villager's icy looks, and how they would constantly glance at him and whisper to each other, "Do you see that youkai?" "He looks evil. Do you think he will attack us?" "Should we tell them they are not welcome here?" "The others look like they won't harm us, but that youkai…"
Inuyasha's ears lowered on his head to block out the sounds as he kept walking forward, not looking at them. When he did cast once glance to the side, the other humans turned away, not even bothering to whisper, "Did you see that? That youkai looked over here." "I wonder why he looked at us. We're not going to help him." "I don't see why a youkai should be traveling with them. Especially with a holy monk! He must have put some spell over them." "Should we try and get them to safety away from that monster?"
Flattening his ears lower, completely hidden by his wealth of silver hair, he clenched his fists in inner frustration. He was strong. He would not show that it was bothering him. He would stand and take it, like he had done all the years of his life…
Right before they stopped in front of the inn, only Kagome seeming to notice that he kept his eyes determinedly away from anyone in the village. Leaning over towards Sango, she asked, "Do we even have any money? It's been a while since we exorcised a youkai and got paid for it."
Miroku grinned back at both of the girls. "Who knows? There might even be a mysterious aura around the inn that is in urgency of exorcism so they might let us stay for free."
Glares were all sent in his direction. "And you call yourself a holy monk," Sango muttered, turning away from him.
Taking her hand and caressing it gently, he asked, "My dear, lovely Sango, do you really think so low of me?"
She didn't reply but only snatched her hand back, giving him yet another glare.
After giving her another flirtatious grin, the monk stepped up to the owner of the inn, sitting outside of the door. "Excuse me, my good sir," he began, putting on his servant of Buddhafaçade. "I am a holy monk, sworn to serve the needs of the people, and I have noticed that there is an evil presence surrounding this village, particularly, your inn."
Raising an eyebrow, the innkeeper said, "Really? I didn't notice anything unusual."
Quickly correcting himself, Miroku continued, "Of course you wouldn't. When an evil aura is early in its beginning stages, it cannot be seen or felt by ordinary humans. If you would let me," he reached into his robes and pulled out a few sutras for protection against evil forces, "I would like to exterminate this presence from your home."
"If you would like to exterminate anything here, why not exterminate him?" the innkeeper pointed directly at Inuyasha, the hanyou's fists clenching while glaring back. "He is a youkai."
Kagome jumped in, trying to help, "He is not a youkai! He is a hanyou, and he wouldn't harm any of you."
Just after she said that, she heard more whispers behind her. "A hanyou? A half-breed huh?" "Why is that girl defending him? She must be under a spell." "That creature doesn't deserve to be alive…" "Poor thing, to be a hanyou's whore…" "She claims he wouldn't hurt us, but I bet he would?"
A small growl came from Inuyasha. They were insulting Kagome! Kagome on the other hand, felt a small fire burn in her belly at hearing what they were saying about him.
"He is a part of our group; hehelps us while we exterminate the youkai harming so many in our world," Miroku tried to explain, but that only prompted more whispers from behind them.
"He helps, they say? What profit would a hanyou get from helping humans?" "I bet he doesn't do any work, he only travels with them because it's the only place he can find." "Pitiful hanyou…something that should not exist"
It took all of Inuyasha's self control to just stand there and take the abuse. He had lived like this all his life, yet he hadn't been to many villages like this in a while. Something must have happened to make them distrust youkai.
A second later, his suspicions were confirmed. "We don't like dangerous youkai here," the innkeeper told them, glaring at Inuyasha. "Five years ago, a pack of youkai came by here and killed many of the villagers."
Sighing, Miroku continued, "We understand that and are sorry for your loss. But we swear, he will not harm you. Now, may we exorcise the evil presence and perhaps get lodgings for the night?"
After a moment of thinking the old innkeeper replied, "You all may, but not him." The human's eyes gave a fierce glare Inuyasha. "He's not welcome here."
Glancing back at Inuyasha, it broke Kagome's heart to see the pain in his eyes. He hid it well under a mask of not caring, but those eyes were the window to his soul, and she seemed to readthem better than anyone else.
"Huh? What about me? I'm a youkai too," Shippou asked, looking almost upset that the innkeeper hadn't noticed.
"Those two," He pointed to Shippou and Kirara. "They can stay because their kind never harms humans. But I have heard some bad things about inu youkai."
Unable to take being treated like an animal any longer, Inuyasha snarled, "You have, eh? Keh. I see my reputation precedes me. Just be glad I'm not in the mood for slaughtering anyone tonight, human." He held up his claws in a warning gesture, and then stormed off out of the village, hearing more whispers and stinging insults behind him.
Kagome glanced back at her friends, all looking surprised at the hanyou's sudden outburst. "You guys stay here, you deserve a good rest indoors," she said with a smile to them.
"Kagome-chan, where are you going to sleep?" Sango asked, looking concerned.
"I'm going with Inuyasha, Sango-chan…I think I need to be with him now." With out wasting another moment, Kagome followed Inuyasha, night falling fast, to where he waited in the field outside the village. He was seated doggie style once more, with his head down and his ears flat on his head.
Kagome slowly approached him, his ears perking up, hearing her approach. She didn't know what to say to him. She had heard what the villagers had said, and also heard some rude comments made about her as well, but nothing she hadn't heard before when traveling with Inuyasha. Usually he was able to handle it without erupting like that, but apparently, he couldn't that day.
She sat slowly next to him, noticing he wasn't looking at her. After a small silence, he said, "You didn't need to come all the way out here for my sake."
"But I wanted to, Inuyasha," she replied softly, hoping she could make him feel better. "I don't like seeing you like this…I'm sorry."
Though he didn't look back at her, she could feel him start to ease up with her presence. "Don't be. I hear it all the time. I'm used to it."
When he did glance back at her, with hardened golden eyes, so much like the ones he had before Kagome had slowly made her way into his heart, he saw that hers held pity…for him. Somehow, that made him feel worse. That instantly faded as he felt her hand on his shoulder, comforting him. "But Inuyasha…no one should be used to it. No one should be treated that way."
His fists were clenching again as he tried to keep from shouting once more. "I am a half-breed, Kagome," Inuyasha said spitefully. "I was born to be treated that way." He vaguely remembered back to his childhood, in the village where he and his mother lived, how he would be called things like that over and over, and how people would sometimes kick him out of their way for no apparent reason, and the time where they had forcefully thrown him out of the village, beating him so he would remember he would be killed if he came back.
"You are a hanyou, Inuyasha," Kagome corrected, hearing his pain in his words. "But that doesn't make you different from anybody else."
That made him turn sharply back at her, unable to control his temper any longer. "Not different from anybody else? Look at me, Kagome! I am a half-breed! A monster! Not worth to live! I'm not human, or youkai, I am both! An abomination! An animal! And every day I live, it's a torture, knowing that because of what I am, I don't deserve—!"
He was spared from finishing when Kagome suddenly wrapped her arms around his chest, holding him close. Inuyasha actually didn't know how he was going to finish that sentence, and he was glad he was spared from accidentally blurting out that he knew he didn't deserve her. Sucking in a breath, he could smell her tears. She was crying for him. Again.
"Inuyasha, please don't say that," she whispered, burying her head into his chest. "Yes, you are a hanyou, but you could no more choose what you are than chose the weather. But being different isn't a bad thing. You have a human heart, but you also have the strength to protect those things your human heart holds dear." Knowing he would need to hear her response, she continued, "I don't see you as a hanyou, youkai, or human at all, Inuyasha. I only see you as you."
His temper was calmed somewhat, but he didn't hug her back as he growled, "That's only what people say after they know me. Even those I count as friends first thought of me as a monster!"
Kagome's arms hugged him tighter as a tear landed on his red haori. "I never thought that at all, Inuyasha. In fact when I first saw you…asleep and sealed to the tree…" she glanced up at him, a small smile on her face despite her tears. "I thought how beautiful you looked, and then I just had to tweak your ears."
That stopped any anger in his head. She thought I was…beautiful?
Knowing by the look on his face, she giggled a bit. "You just don't know how handsome you are, Inuyasha. You don't know how many girls would be fawning over you if I brought you to my time."
Also remembering their first meeting, Inuyasha muttered, "Keh. You didn't seem to like me much the way I remember it, woman."
Giving another laugh that made his heart flutter, Kagome replied, "If I recall it, you didn't like me much either. In fact," she poked him in the chest, pretending to be angry. "You tried to kill me!"
Keh-ing again in mock annoyance, Inuyasha turned away and folded his arms. "I did not try to kill you. Do you think I miss that many times by accident? I was just trying to scare you so you would give up the jewel. If I had really tried to kill you, then you wouldn't be here right now."
"Sure, Inuyasha, sure," she replied, rolling her eyes. They continued talking for a while, before she decided to sleep.
He watched over her as she slept, making sure no harm would come to her. Though before he had been upset with what the villagers had said, his heart felt lighter because Kagome had helped him through it. He had lost his doubts a long time ago about needing Kagome in his life, and this only proved to be an example for him.
Though she told him she accepted him as a hanyou, Inuyasha was still insecure. She told him she liked him as a friend as a hanyou, but as for deeper feelings…
Loving her was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because he had never felt happier than the time when he was around her, his heart felt lighter than it had in years, and he could easily forget the harsh world when he was around her.
It was a curse in that he was always worried of how she saw him, and her feelings for him. He could not deny that he didn't deserve such a pure, beautiful woman, and he could neither deny that he wanted her to love him more than anything else in his life.
I love her so much, Inuyasha's eyes softened on her form as she slept. Yet she is the one causing me so much pain.
