A/N: Argh. So, I finally find a computer that doesn't have system errors, and it turns out it can't handle too many pictures uploading at a time. My computer crashed 5 times when I was trying to find a piture someone told me on Deviantart yesterday, and even after that, I still never did find it. (That website is weird...I always feel out of place with myself being a writer unable to draw for beans amungst all these talented artists. Even more so that it made me join just so I could view a friend's picture.) So, that and the fact that I have to rush to finish my AP Government work (which is due online today), I am not in a good mood.

(For those that bore with me during my troubles with AP classes last year, I'm proud to announce that in US History, I got a 5! on the exam...On English I got a 3, but I didn't expect much once they asked me to write an essay about plastic flamingos...Who the hell comes up with those essays, anyway?)

Also, I'm going to visit family all next week, and where they live there is no such thing as wireless internet, so I won't be able to update...I might write a few chapters in advance, but there is no way to upload them. And because of my exam results, a few days after I get back, I'll be going to Vegas, my hometown, for a few days to visit my friends, meaning I'll have to leave the laptop at home since airport scans can ruin the system.

Anyway, sorry about this guys, but the day I get back from each trip, I'll upload a chapter. I don't think I'm doing anything in August besides Otakon, so I don't think there will be anymore delays.


Chapter 17: Wanting More

So we had both finally done the thing that we had never expected to do. We both had almost admitted our love for each other. He told me that he wanted us to be together, and I told him that no matter what he looked like, I loved him for who he was. Yet, we still had to remember that because of our circumstances in the Sengoku Jidai, we were not quite free to live happily ever after.

Inuyasha was right, of course, Naraku was a big thing that threatened our lives, and our relationship. If he saw us and knew we were happily in love, he would probably devise a trap in order to kill us both, manipulating our feelings to do the same, or worse, to us than what he had done fifty years ago.

Sango and Miroku knew what a risk this was, and that was why they had promised that after Naraku was defeated, they would be married. They didn't dare risk their lives for a few stolen moments of happiness.

But Inuyasha and I…the thought of being able to give in was sorely tempting. Just to giving in for us to be together was all we wanted, and yet we know we had to resist…to be able to live a little bit longer. Giving in would mean facing a horror of a trap that Naraku had procured, to endanger us all.

You probably guessed that we did eventually give in, not able to sacrifice our love anymore. And as we predicted, Naraku did set a trap, using Inuyasha's feelings for me against him. Nearly destroying all remnants of our love as a result…

But we didn't give in right away. We had told ourselves we would resist, and resist we did…for a time, at least.


It was a new Inuyasha that came back through the well that day, with Kagome at his side. After their talk the night before, he now knew that he was no longer a lonely hanyou with no one to care about him in his life…he was loved.

And, only better, he was loved by her. The one woman he would have never suspected in his wildest dreams to have feelings for him. But she did. Inuyasha was never very religious, always choosing to believe that if there was a divine power in the universe, it wouldn't have been so cruel as to give him such a life. If there was such a power, then he thanked it ten times over for bringing this beautiful, wonderful woman that had saved him in so many ways into his life.

Kagome noticed that Inuyasha was unable to keep a rather dorky smile off his face every so often when he looked at her. She knew the cause of it, and it brought a warm smile to her face as well. She had done what she always wanted to do; she had made him happy. And she had her happiness as well. Inuyasha loved her. The thought alone caused her heart to melt again, as it had several times when she caught him looking at her.

As they climbed out of the well, not a word was spoken, but their meanings were not to be misunderstood. When they stepped out, onto the fresh green grass of the Sengoku Jidai, it felt as if they had come back home again. Glancing into the distance, Kagome could see Goshinboku, where one year ago, she had met him.

He must have noticed her gaze and been thinking along the same lines, as they both turned to each other, their eyes meeting, unable to pull away. Smiles came on both of their faces as their eyes softened, looking at each other with an undeniable look of love.

The moment seemed to last for an eternity, until blushes grew on their faces, and they turned away once more, only this time, the warm smiles remained. Despite the fact that they both had definitely wanted to be wrapped in each other's arms at that moment, Naraku was still in their minds, and it was not something to be questioned.

Take care of Naraku first, and then…

Well, Kagome thought with a smirk as they both walked towards the village, I guess that's what daydreams are for. And she knew quite a few that would be fun to think about until Naraku was defeated.

She stiffened up as an arm suddenly came around her shoulders, pulling her to the hanyou's side, before gazing up at him. His warm smile returned, and she leaned her head against his chest as they walked, enjoying this moment of closeness.

But it couldn't last forever. As soon as they got closer to the village, Inuyasha removed his arm, leaving both of them feeling disappointed. Kagome knew several reasons for his sudden retreat, but she had no doubt that it was mainly because he wanted to avoid any questions about their relationship in front of their friends who, at times, were very nosy. And on this one, she wholeheartedly agreed with his decision.

Even though they weren't together, Kagome had a feeling that Inuyasha would want to keep all of this secret. She didn't particularly like it, but she knew how uncomfortable he would be, so she said nothing, but had a feeling that this secret would have to be kept for a long time.


And how right I was in my assumption. I didn't like to keep this secret, despite that at the moment, we weren't really anything, but I went along with it nonetheless. Little did I know that our love would be kept secret for the longest time as well, to protect us from Naraku…not letting anyone, not even our friends, know how far we had gone.

They eventually found out, of course, much later than I thought they would have, because Inuyasha and I held an "If they ask, we'll tell them" rule, but we got so good at hiding that they never asked…specifically. When they found out, it was like a great burden had been lifted from my shoulders, once and for all. Inuyasha wasn't happy about it, but what could he do? He was unhappy about the inconvenience of it, instead of them specifically knowing.

But back to what I was saying, neither of us knew what we were getting into the day we confessed that we wanted to be together in my time. We didn't know that soon, we would be unable to keep ourselves to our promise to wait until Naraku was defeated, knowing that it would be too much to bear on our hearts. Even then, rebellious thoughts were in my mind, telling me that I shouldn't care about Naraku, seeing as he was ruining my relationship with Inuyasha!

As we greeted our friends, and pretended nothing had happened, I couldn't help but remember everything that had gone on recently, Inuyasha admitting that he couldn't stop thinking about me in my bedroom, him kissing me in the cave when we went to go exterminate youkai, Inuyasha and I admitting our feelings in the alleyway behind the club in modern Tokyo…and I knew I would never be able to last if we intended to wait.

I couldn't help it, I was sixteen, in love, and I wanted him bad. My heart thumped faster in my chest whenever his beautiful amber eyes turned towards me…my line of sight drawn to those lips which had only met mine once before, through an accident, and I wondered what it would be like to kiss them again, under different circumstances.

I remember visualizing quite clearly several times the image of Inuyasha suddenly grabbing in me in his arms once more and kissing me passionately, but this time, I would respond in full. I could almost feel his strong arms around my waist, while mine wrapped around him, pulling him ever closer…I wanted to be so close to him, that nothing, not even the barriers of clothing, separated us…to be as one, to melt together until we shared one soul.

Well, despite my curiosity on what it would be like to experience that with Inuyasha, I wanted nothing more than to share my life with him, both of us bound together by our love. Without sorrow, without pain, and nothing but our happiness.

Unfortunately, it was not to be. Life cannot exist without pain or sorrow, and eternal happiness was not granted to us. I am happy in my son, I am happy in my memories, I am happy in my love for Inuyasha, but I am not happy at the repercussions of the mistakes we made in the past. Mistakes that all started by me being frustrated in being forced to wait until after Naraku was defeated to be with him…


They left soon after going back to the village, besides Inuyasha's almost inability to stay in one place at a time, Kaede had heard of some suspicious youkai attacks that sounded an awful lot like Naraku. People had said things about a "monkey looking youkai" and "tentacles". It left no doubt in Inuyasha's mind that it was Naraku, even though he knew it was probably another puppet.

Sango and Miroku were slightly happier, knowing that youkai puppets meant more shards, and even though one Shikon shard was insignificant when compared to the entire Shikon no Tama, it was something, at least, that gave them a small sense of victory.

It was a short trip to the west, that would only take a week at most. It was funny how though it was a week, nothing on a year or ten years, it would be within this week that Kagome and Inuyasha would be faced with one of the greatest decisions of their relationship.

The first couple of nights and days passed without incident, no youkai attacks or villages in their way, just open land and themselves, hardly spotting wildlife around them. In these lands, one could feel very much isolated, like there was no world around them, just themselves. While that seemed like a scary thought to some, to others, such as Inuyasha and Kagome, it made it seem like the whole world melted away, leaving them as the only thing that mattered.

They didn't do anything that would break their promise; but sometimes, when it was late and no one was looking, Inuyasha would talk to Kagome alone. It wasn't a heartfelt talk, but being able to be alone was a blessing. And when they looked each other in the eyes, and they smiled loving smiles, there was no Naraku or anyone else to come between them. They had each other, all that they needed.

These talks were usually at night, and while speaking to each other, sometimes even going so bold as to hug slightly more passionate than a pair of friends would, they completely missed the fact that the moon was barely a sliver each night.

But Inuyasha knew the morning after waking up, dreaming a beautiful dream of the woman he loved, that the moon wouldn't be shining overhead tonight.

Kagome knew something was wrong when the hanyou wasn't his usual "Keh"-ing self that day. Instead of keeping to their moderate pace, he pushed them to get as far as they could before nightfall. She could sense the tension he felt, and she knew that she could help.

Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder as they walked, causing him to stiffen from the surprise contact, she asked in a soft voice, "Inuyasha, are you all right? Something's bothering you."

He didn't look her in the eye, solidifying her belief that there was something he couldn't get off his mind. "What makes you say that?"

"Inuyasha…" whispered Kagome softly, making him turn back to her slightly. "I just know."

The hanyou sighed in defeat before telling her, "Kagome do you know what tonight is?"

"Tonight?" For a second she stared, before it hit her. The new moon! She should have remembered, they went through this every month, him feeling moody about his one night he turned human. "That's what's bothering you?"

"Yes, Kagome. I…I don't like being human." Inuyasha glanced down at his claws, which would disappear in a couple of hours. "I feel weak…I don't have any powers and…I feel like I can't protect you."

Kagome leaned closer to him, her scent washing over him, making him feel calmer, without letting on to the others what she was purposely doing. "That's what we have friends for, Inuyasha. They help protect me when you can't. And no matter what form you're in, you, Inuyasha, are not weak. You're protected me before on human nights."

"Kagome…" It was like every time she spoke, she was able to make him feel better. Every time reminding him of his love for her. "I also…feel more emotional on my human nights…I can't always control what I say…I might say something that I didn't intend to…you…" he trailed off, but she got his meaning well enough.

Lowering her voice so no one else would hear, she whispered, "I thought we already had this talk before, Inuyasha."

She was right about that. He had already admitted to her that he wanted the two of them to be together, the only other thing he could say was that he wanted her in ways that were impossible of him even contemplating on how to ask her some day…but he doubted even his more emotional human form would blurt that out.

"Yeah, I suppose," he muttered, turning back to the others and reminding them once again they needed to be under the cover of trees by nightfall.

Thankfully, they reached tree cover just as the sun set. Their camp was already set up and a fire going by the time the invisible wind blew around Inuyasha, turning his hair midnight black and his features to that of a human.

Sango and Shippou looked a bit surprised—apparently, they had forgotten too. But Miroku looked as if he had almost expected it, he had probably noticed the waning moon.

They sat around the fire, no one speaking as they ate their dinner of stored food and ramen. Most of them looked tired out from the day's exertions, but Kagome kept her eyes on the now-human Inuyasha, remembering what he had said to her during the day. He was more emotional in his human form…she remembered the first new moon night she had experienced with him, when he admitted he liked her scent.

Should she go and talk to him as before? Kagome knew he liked it when she was near on his human night, and she liked being near him as well. Wasn't that what love was, after all? Wanting to be with someone, despite everything?

Once dinner was finished, the black-haired Inuyasha stood up, marching away from their camp. "I'm going to go think," he muttered, walking into the forest.

"Don't stray too far from the camp, Inuyasha," Miroku called back after him. "We need to have you nearby in case something should happen."

As he retreated, he waved his hand back at the monk, a sign that he had heard him. After Inuyasha had disappeared from sight, Kagome stood up as well. "I'll go with him." She found him sitting by a small stream, surrounded by the orange leaves on the forest floor.

Sitting down next to him, she asked, "Are you feeling all right, Inuyasha?"

He gave a small snort, glancing at his hands. "I've got no claws, no fangs, I can't see or hear very well…How do you think, woman?"

"You don't have to be so mean about it, you know," she replied in a huff. "I'm human too, after all."

"And I can't smell you either," he finished, his annoyed blush fully evident on his now human face.

Rather than blushing at that, Kagome grinned back at him. "You know, Inuyasha, that's the first time you've mentioned that in a long time."

His eyebrows raised over his deep brown eyes. "How long?"

"You haven't said a thing about my scent since that first night you turned human, remember? At the temple?"

Inuyasha's eyes misted over in memory as he replied, "How could I forget? If you hadn't been so stupid as to leave the shards in the temple, I might not have gotten poisoned by that bastard monk."

Playfully punching him in the arm, Kagome muttered, "It was your fault for not telling me about your human night in the first place, Inuyasha."

"Well, you were the one who wanted to go stay at the temple in the first place!"

"You were the one that brought us to the temple when we were tired!"

"It's because you insisted on me taking that girl back there!"

"You saved her!"

"You would have sat me if I didn't!"

Poking playfully at his chest, Kagome muttered, "I'm about to s-i-t you right now if you don't keep saying it was my fault."

Folding his arms and grinning confidently, Inuyasha muttered, "Keh, it doesn't work when I'm human."

"Do you want to test that theory?"

He was about to reply when he remembered he did not know if the command worked when he was human. It didn't really hurt when his hanyou form was slammed to the ground in submission, but in his human form…he'd rather not find out.He just looked away and muttered, "Keh."

Kagome giggled, and after he felt as if he had endured enough humiliation, Inuyasha asked, "Hey, did that wound that stupid bear gave you ever heal up?"

"Yeah," she lifted her shirt slightly (causing Inuyasha to enjoy the view of her midriff), showing a white bandage over her abdomen. "But it's still a scab."

He turned to look at it. "Keh. Pathetic human."

Grabbing and pulling slightly on his human ears, Kagome shot back, "You're not one to talk right now, Inuyasha."

"Whatever." He ran his fingers over the bandage, causing Kagome to wiggle under his touch. He instantly looked alarmed. "What? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

She shook her head. "No I'm just…" his fingers touched her there again, causing her to giggle unintentionally. "Ticklish."

Bad idea. A mischievous grin broke out on the hanyou's face. "Oh, really?"

A look of horror came on her face. "Inuyasha, no—" she was cut off in a torrent of giggles as he attacked her ferociously, his hands running over her stomach, making her slightly thankful that he didn't have his claws, knowing how much they would add to her sensitivity.

She fell to the ground as he loomed over her, chuckling like a predator over his prey as she continued to laugh and shriek as he tickled her. Her palms were pushing up on to his chest, begging him to stop.

And suddenly he did. His hands—still strong despite his human form—pinned her arms at her sides, her legs already pinned down by his own, as he grinned down at her. "Do you surrender?"

Even without their amber glow, his eyes still managed to capture hers. "Never, Inuyasha," she said with a slight, nervous giggle, letting him know what he was doing to her in this position.

They couldn't tear away from the spell of their eyes, the laughter fading while they became more serious…filled with a need. A slight pinkish hue returned to their cheeks, as Inuyasha's black hair fell like a curtain around them, encasing them from the world beyond. All they could see was each other…all they could feel was their bodies around each other, hearts racing, and every place they touched on fire.

Kagome's hands that had been trying to push him away wrapped around him, one tracing his human ear and running down his cheek, her thumb grazing his lips. The sensation of touch drew them closer as his hand removed itself from one of her arms, touching her face as well.

Their breaths were mixed as they leaned closer to each other, unsure of what to do next. They knew of what they wanted, but would it be allowed?

Like the day in the cave, they were drawing closer without knowing how it happened. Nothing could be heard except their hearts and their breaths as they drew centimeters away from each other. Eyelids began to slowly shut, hands pulling the other closer, with no intention but to feel what they had both wanted too for so long.

He was only a centimeter away when Kagome gave a gasp, his breath letting him know he was so close from her lips, "Inuyasha…"

"Kagome! Inuyasha!" came the cry of Shippou, running it all.

With a slight yelp of surprise, Inuyasha darted away from her, both of their faces as red as Inuyasha's haori as they rose to their feet as the kitsune came to meet them. "Miroku says he needs the both of you back at camp since its time to sleep, and he wants us all together because it's the new moon."

Inuyasha felt the powerful urge to bodily throw the kitsune out of there and tell him exactly where he should put that order. Damn it, he was so close! He could only imagine where they could have gone if Shippou had waited a little bit longer.

"Tell Miroku-sama we're coming, Shippou-chan," Kagome told him, not daring to glance back at Inuyasha until the kitsune was safely out of their sight.

Inuyasha spoke first after their rather…heated embrace. He didn't look back at her, a clear sign that he was embarrassed and regretted it. "Kagome…I…"

"Me too," she replied. Gods, she was still shaking in anticipation! Just for once, could Shippou-chan have waited?

"Kagome, you know we can't…It's not that I don't want to, it's just that…"

"I know," She gave a weak smile. "Not until we defeat Naraku, right?"

Inuyasha's brown human eyes met hers. "Yeah."

She nodded, knowing he was feeling the exact thing she was, upset that Naraku was the one ruining their love life. "Well…goodnight, Inuyasha." she turned away immediately and walked back to camp, while he waited a bit, and went back as soon as he thought she was asleep.

He couldn't tell if she was awake because of his ears, but he had the distinct feeling that she wasn't. And as he sighed, prepared to stay up all night because he never slept as a human, he knew that waiting until Naraku was defeated was going to be harder than it looked.

Late into the night, while glancing back at Kagome, he dared to contemplate the forbidden, But…what if we don't wait?