The Fortune Cookie's Always Right 2: All It's Cracked Up to Be


Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination.

Author's Note: Thanks for all the great feedback. Just so everyone's aware, I have a forum about this story. You can find a link on my profile, or you can simply look for it under the Gilmore Girls category. In said forum, feel free to post about this fic. In particular, I have a thread about Rory and Logan in Europe where you can basically nominate certain locations for them to visit, and if I can work it (realistically) into the plot, they'll go there! Oh yes, and I've re-instated Gilmore-isms on my profile. So enough of my shameless self-promoting. On with the fic! It's time to learn Logan's plan…


CHAPTER 3: IT WORKED FOR GOLDIE AND KURT


"So what do you think?" Logan said, reclining in the backseat and putting his hands behind his head. He glanced out the window, seeing the buildings fly by as the cabbie navigated the streets of Rome.

"Seriously?" Rory said. "I mean, seriously, that's your plan?" She folded her arms across her chest.

"Yup," Logan said simply.

"No. Uh-uh. No way," Rory said vehemently, shaking her head.

"Why not?" Logan said easily. "It would solve everything."

"Ok, first of all, she would demand proof. Emily Gilmore is not the sort of woman to accept a hearsay elopement."

"So we'll do it for real," Logan shrugged.

"Are you kidding me?" Rory said incredulously.

"Why not? Colin and Finn are within a train ride's distance. We fend off your grandparents for a day, they come be our witnesses, and it will be for real."

"Logan, this is not something to be taken lightly," Rory said, beginning to get angry. Didn't he understand what a big deal this was?

"Who says I'm taking it lightly? I'm completely serious. I mean, let's take a historical survey here," he said, leaning forward and switching to business mode. "I tried dating you casually, but I wanted to be with you more, which freaked me out, as I have zero track record with commitment," he said. She simply listened as he continued. "I didn't think I could do it so I broke up with you, but I ended up wishing I was still with you."

Rory nodded and looked down. She definitely remembered. That was a sucky feeling.

"So, I get back together with you and I still love being with you. We break up again – your doing, this time – and I can't get over you." He said all this in a carefully detached manner, but his eyes gave away his feelings. "We get back together, go off together for the summer, and I see you every day. And we spend pretty much all day every day together, all night too. Moments when we're not together are few and far between."

Rory interrupted. "Well I'm sorry, but peeing is a solitary activity and that's all there is to it."

Logan smirked. "I agree. But don't you see what I mean? Rory, after weeks of coexisting, it's been nothing but great. So, really, at this point, how hard could living together be? We're already living together in the here and now. So getting married wouldn't change anything. Might as well elope," he finished.

"Logan," Rory said, trying to talk some sense into him, "we can't just elope. Marriage…" She struggled to find the right words. Marriage was forever, and she loved Logan and knew he loved her, but they were really too young to comprehend forever. "It's something big, something neither of us is ready for. For heaven's sake, I'm only about to be a junior in college, and you've still got one year until you graduate."

"Ok fine, but I don't see what the big deal is," Logan said, staring out the window and dropping it.

Rory rolled her eyes. If he didn't understand now, she couldn't make him understand. And if this was really how he viewed marriage, a solution to a problem or a simple coexisting of two people, he most definitely wasn't ready for it.

"So… you got any ideas?" Logan said, finally looking at her.

Rory frowned, because as a matter of fact… she didn't.


Rory looked through the open door that separated her room from Logan's. She grinned as she put in her earrings, watching Logan pace back and forth in his suit coat and tie with the phone to his ear.

"I hear what you're saying and I appreciate it, I really do, but I don't think that would help," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Why ever not?"

"Because, Finn, Jedi mind tricks are not real. And even if they were real, they would only work on the weak of mind. You've met Richard Gilmore, have you not?"

"Oh bloody hell. We're dealing with Richard and Emily?"

"Yes, Finn."

"Well, shit. I forgot that's who her grandparents were. Um…I don't think I can help you, mate. Let me put Colin on the phone."

Logan rolled his eyes.

"No luck?" Rory called through the door.

Logan made a face at her and she tried not to laugh.

"Colin, buddy, whatcha got for me?"

"Well, I say you bite the bullet and tell them that you and Rory have been living in sin and if it works for Goldie and Kurt then it will work for you."

"Yeah, I don't think that would go over so well."

"Or you could just give them the graphic version of the things you do to their granddaughter. Like, for example, when you -"

"Colin," Logan said, his voice low. "You are dangerously close to picturing my girlfriend naked. And that would be over the line. And right now you are so close to the line that four countries' distance will not be enough to save you if you cross that line, do you get me?"

"Jeez. So touchy. Ok, then, how 'bout this: you tell them you're gay. That your drag name is Princess Buttercup and you have an insatiable taste for Dread Pirates."

Logan rolled his eyes. "I'm not telling them I'm gay, Colin." He heard a burst of laughter from the other room and looked over to see Rory shaking silently and mouthing 'I'm sorry!'

"Ok, well, I've either run out of ideas or I've stopped caring. Either way, when are you guys coming to Amsterdam?"

"We're working on that, ok?" Logan said. "Look, we just gotta deal with this first. I'll call you when we know something."

"Fine, but frankly I got a little creeped out visiting a sex museum with Finn. You don't watch porn with your bros, and you don't go to sex museums with them, either. It's just not right. So you need to get your ass up here before he decides we ought to share any more experiences."

"Ok, fine. I'll call you when we're on the way."

"Thanks, Princess. And until then, 'keep it happy, keep it snappy, keep it gay…'" he sang.

"Bye," Logan said, hanging up the phone. "Him and his Carmen Ghia," he muttered to himself. He walked through the open doorway and sat in a chair in Rory's room. "Well, Colin doesn't have any ideas. You come up with anything?"

"No," Rory said, leaning into the mirror as she put the finishing touches on her lipstick. She stepped back and capped the lipstick. "I guess we'll just see if they leave of their own accord. I mean, you don't think they'd really follow us around Europe indefinitely, do you?"

Logan shrugged. "I don't know. You know them better than I do."

Rory thought about it… and decided she'd rather not think about it. "Time for dinner," she said, tapping her watch.

"Fine," Logan said, rising from the chair and pulling down his jacket. "Let's go to the firing squad with our heads held high."

"I don't know why you're being so morose. You're the one who used that famously wily mind of yours to twist them 'round your little finger earlier today," she said, stepping forward to straighten his tie.

"True, but now they've had time to formulate a counterattack," Logan said.

"Good point," Rory agreed. At that moment, the phone rang, making her jump backwards.

"Skittish much?" Logan said, raising an eyebrow.

"Quiet, you. This is supposed to be my room, and I don't think I'm allowed any gentleman visitors," she cooed in a Southern accent. She walked over to the phone. "Hello?"

"Ok, this thing with you being literally across an ocean is killing me. Killing me, do you hear me? I mean, it's worse than that time that I stood on one side of old man Walker's creek and you stood on the other and we pretended there was an ocean between us and we pretended to do Morse code by tapping our fingernails on our teeth only we didn't know anything other than S.O.S. so I stepped across the creek to join you and then we went to lunch."

"Wow, Mom. I don't even want to think about how much that trip down memory lane just cost you in air time."

"Money is no object. Which, isn't that a funny saying? I mean, money can be an object. Money as an abstract is really more of an idea or a system, but money sure can be an object. What did they think Scrooge McDuck was counting on those cold, cold fictional London nights in Mickey's Christmas Carol? What do they think is in those suitcases on Deal or No Deal? Because if those suitcases don't contain or at least represent money, what the hell are they playing for?"

"Mom, did you seriously call me to talk about Deal or No Deal? We don't even watch that show."

"That's so not the point. The point is you are there and I am here and I can't talk to you whenever I want to tell you something, especially now, when I am having a problem. Some might call it a crisis."

"Well you've got me right now. What do you want to tell me? Wait – before you start, let me just say that I have a ginormous problem with Grandma and Grandpa being here, a problem which I think you might have exacerbated by telling them the exact location of my hotel, but we'll discuss my legal emancipation later."

"Oh, honey, I thought Yale would make you smarter. You're over 18, you don't need to be emancipated anymore. You can just kick yourself out of the house like every other rebellious kid in America. Anyway, about my problem."

"Yes, your problem."

"So I was watching the Style network and some haughty woman – it's always the haughty ones, you know – said that the new fashion in hair is to have soft flowing waves, and if you're going to have bangs, they need to be side-swept, not cut straight across. My problem is this: which should I do? And can you combine them or just do one or the other? Because I'm confused."

"Mom, come on, I have an actual problem here."

"What, you don't think this is a problem? What if I combine my bangs and my waves and I end up looking like Alice Cooper? Luke won't love me if I look like Alice Cooper. Could you see Luke kissing Alice Cooper?"

Rory sighed and rubbed her forehead. "No, I couldn't."

"Neither can I. There's not a single solitary rocker on the list that I can see Luke kissing. Wait – I take that back. I had that dream once where Luke was kissing Gene Simmons and I didn't know if that meant he was gay or secretly had a really long tongue."

"This was before you started dating him, right?"

"Of course! I know all about his tongue now."

"Dirty!"

Lorelai gasped. "How can you turn a conversation about my hair into something dirty?"

"Ok, can we get to my problem now?"

"Yes. Is it Logan? Every time he comes around, does your London Bridge wanna go down?"

"Mom! That really was dirty!"

"Sorry. You started it."

"Ok, can we get serious now? I'm gonna be late for dinner with Grandma and Grandpa."

"Oh, that's right. What happened?"

"Well after you got off the phone with Logan, he did some quick thinking and arranged for us to have separate rooms with Grandma and Grandpa in a room down the hall. And before you ask, I can't even begin to remember how it all went down, because everything was moving so fast that the last thing I remember is agreeing to have dinner tonight."

"I see. So the problem is that they're there?"

"Yes! I mean, what are they doing here? Checking up on me? I'm in college! The days of checking up on me are long gone! And what are they gonna do, have Logan beat up for sleeping with me?" Rory said in frustration.

"Ok, well, Mommy will pretend that last part wasn't out loud. Are you wanting to get rid of them? Because that seems like Logan's area of expertise."

"We're not really having any success in that arena. Nothing polite springs to mind."

"Who needs to be polite? We're talking about my parents here. The word 'subtle' is not in their vocabulary. You have to ram your life choices down their throats until they resent you for breathing their air."

"Thanks, Mom, that's really helpful," Rory said, rolling her eyes. She heard Lorelai sigh.

"Well, kid, in all seriousness, I think you just need to tell them to back off, or to confront them about their summer plans. You're practically an adult now, and they can't push you around like this. Paying for Yale does not give them the right to tell you what to do in between semesters."

"I guess," Rory said reluctantly.

"Sorry I'm not more help. There are no easy solutions when it comes to the Gilmores."

"I know. Thanks anyway, Mom," Rory said. "I think we should probably go now; making Grandma wait will only exacerbate the situation."

"Ok, sweets. Give Logan a very formal handshake for me, and call me after you resolve the grandparent situation."

"Will do. Bye, Mom." Rory hung up. She turned to face Logan and took a deep breath. "Let's go," she said with an air of finality. Logan raised his eyebrows and followed her out the door.


Rory looked around the restaurant as Richard and Logan traded golfing stories. She picked at her food, feeling a general sense of unease about the whole situation. Logan was being great; he was carrying on with her grandparents just as if they casually met at a party, or as if this type of thing happened all the time. Part of her knew that he was doing it for her, but another part of her wondered if he and her grandparents really did live in the same world. Was it a world she wanted to live in too? She was also bothered by her grandmother's silence. Emily Gilmore was never quiet for long. If she was, that only meant that something was severely wrong.

"Richard, do save your sport stories for another time, you're boring us to death," she suddenly interrupted in her society voice. And here it comes. "Let's make plans. Last year Rory and I had such a lovely time, and perhaps this summer we could revisit some of our favorite destinations. Now let's see, how about…"

Rory let her grandmother's words fade into background noise as she began to envision the summer. Her mother was right. They were going to follow her and Logan around. At first, she wondered if they would simply try to make her come home, but this was far worse. She could simply refuse to come home, but a whole summer of this would be intolerable. It would be a summer full of separate rooms, of clandestine trysts. Though it was mildly thrilling to sneak around, she didn't want to have to spend Logan's last summer that way.

"Grandma," Rory said softly. The words came out of her mouth before she even realized it. "I don't think this is such a good idea."

Emily looked shocked. "Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, I am shocked. You know it's rude to interrupt me when I'm speaking."

Rory's face turned red and something inside her snapped. "Rude? Rude! You want to talk about rude? How about just showing up out of the blue and crashing our vacation, huh? You think that's rude?"

Richard set his fork down. "Rory, you shouldn't talk to your grandmother that way."

"I'm sorry, Grandpa," she said automatically. "Wait – no, I'm not sorry! I mean, this is too ridiculous for words!"

Emily snorted. "I don't know what you're talking about, young lady. All we did was happen to join you on your summer vacation. You know we summer in Europe every year, surely you're not surprised."

Rory's eyes grew wide. "You're kidding, right? You mean you actually want me to believe that this whole thing is a big coincidence? That you didn't come here on purpose?"

Richard raised a hand. "Emily, if I may. Rory, you seem to know why we are here, and let's not pretend otherwise. If you are going to travel in Europe with your boyfriend, that's fine, but you will do so with a chaperone."

Logan looked at Rory. He knew this was her battle, and he would wait for her signal before trying to smooth things over. Rory met his glance long enough to shake her head ever so slightly. "Grandma, Grandpa, I appreciate your concern, but I'm a grown woman and I can make my own decisions, and if I decide to spend the summer with Logan, then that is my decision to make."

"Rory, you've got to understand," Emily said, exasperated but slightly pleading. "We just don't want you to lose your most precious gift. We don't want you to waste it on a boyfriend." She said the last word as if it were some awful disease. Logan looked back and forth across the table. They knew he was still there, right?

Rory sighed. "I know the ideal you have in your head is for me to wait until I'm married, but I hate to break it to you, Grandma, that gift has already been given," she said significantly. All eyes turned to Logan. Yep, they definitely knew he was still there.

Emily gasped. "Logan Huntzberger! I heard the rumors about you, you womanizing cad, but I never thought - "

"Grandma!" Rory interrupted. "It wasn't Logan." Logan was looking rather ill at this point.

"Not Logan?" Emily spluttered.

Rory cringed at her imminent confession. "It was Dean, Grandma. Remember him?" At this point, everybody at the table was staring at her. It had to go down on record as the most awkward of all awkward moments.

Emily finally broke the silence. "Are you at least the pill? Because heaven knows we don't want you following in your mother's footsteps."

"Emily!" Richard said.

Rory looked as if she'd been slapped. "I'm still a responsible person, Grandma," she said coldly. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Emily realized how her comment came across. "Rory, you know that's not what I meant," she said, frustrated. "I love you, and I'm glad you're on this earth, but I don't want you to have to make any unnecessary sacrifices. I want you to have a wonderful life."

"I am having a wonderful life. And if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go back to it." Rory scooted her chair back and threw her napkin on the table before storming out of the restaurant.

Logan was frozen to his seat, unsure of what to do. He was used to being the kid in the family fights – he wasn't sure what to do in somebody else's. "Um, this should cover ours," he said, pulling out his wallet and tossing some money on the table. "I'd better go after her. I – I'm sure we'll see you back home. Goodbye." He hurried after Rory.


"Oh my God, can you believe them?" Rory said, pacing back and forth in her room.

"I know. They're almost as bad as my family," Logan joked, shutting the door behind them.

Rory ignored him. "I mean, why can't people just leave us the hell alone? Why create such drama on what was supposed to be a carefree vacation?" she said.

Logan strode over to her, grasping her shoulders and stalling her in her pacing. "Hey, hey, slow down. Listen, I promise, from this moment on, it's going to be a carefree vacation. We'll do whatever we want, whenever we want, wherever we want, and everyone else be damned!"

Rory calmed down, and he dropped his arms. "We can't just leave Colin and Finn in Amsterdam," she pointed out.

"Fuck Colin and Finn, we're ignoring people, remember?" Logan said playfully. His grin was catching.

"Yeah, right on, brother!" Rory said. she paused thoughtfully. "Though I really should still call my mom every time we go to a new city. You know, so we have at least one emergency contact."

"Ok," Logan agreed. There was another pause. "And, y'know, it really wouldn't be very responsible of us to just leave Colin and Finn in Amsterdam."

"Yeah," Rory said.

Logan sighed. "So much for paving our own way."

"I don't know about that," Rory said.

"What?" Logan said.

"Well, I say we go live it up in Amsterdam for the weekend, party like it's 1999 and then go have a fabulous summer. Forget my grandparents, forget all of this relationship angst. They can take our trust funds, but they can never take our freedom!"

Logan laughed out loud. "Aye, and a bonnie time we'll have too," he said, doing his best William Wallace. "To Amsterdam?" he queried in his normal voice.

"To Amsterdam!"


Next time, on All It's Cracked Up to Be: Rory and Logan meet the boys in Amsterdam, and somebody winds up in jail…