a/ n: ok, so apparently there were some errors & "bad grammar" issues within the first version of this chapter. hope this is much better.
Chapter 26
They stood and stared at the castle. A few more students snuck out the side door, probably for a snogging session, which, in the absence of Snape, would go undisturbed.
There was already a blanket of snow coating the vast, sloping lawns, and now it had started to snow again; big, gentle, fluffy flakes drifted down gently. A gust of wind whipped up and the powdery snow swirled up on the wind and danced past them like a tiny cyclone. As it brushed Lexie's bare shoulders she shivered and hugged herself, rubbing her arms with her hands gently to create enough friction to warm her.
His eyes were on her, as they so often were these days. He noted her shiver. No wonder she was cold, he thought to himself; this was the second time they'd found themselves together in a situation where she had no cloak where it had been cold and snowy. He wondered if this was pure coincidence, or if she'd plotted it this way to test his chivalry; would he lend her his cloak? Or would he selfishly keep it to himself and let her suffer?
His fingers drifted to the shining silver clasp at the base of his neck, holding the cloak together. Metal scraped as he unfastened it, drawing Lexie's attention. She smiled softly as he swung it over her shoulders.
"You didn't have to do that." She said, yet let him wrap her tightly in it. She loved the feeling of the inside of his cloak. It was some sort of black, silky material, with, very appropriately, green and silver stitching. How very Slytherin of him.
He rubbed the backs of her arms for a second before pulling his arms back and crossing them over his chest. He was in his everyday attire, with just a formal looking white collar sticking out of his robes, dressing it up just a bit…
"Leave it to Snape to not overdress for this sort of occasion." She thought to herself.
They were silent for some time. It was the strangest thing; the way they could just be together like this, neither speaking, only looking at each other occasionally. There was no need for words to break up an uncomfortable pause. Silence, as they say, is golden. Lexie found herself enjoying those quiet times more and more. They often occurred during Lexie's lessons as well. She'd sit, her legs pulled up underneath her in a high-backed chair in Snape's office reading something he'd assigned, while he sat, relaxed behind his desk reading a selection for leisure or grading papers. She liked to watch him in those hours they spent that way.
Snape was the first to speak and break the silence. "I know that you are getting tired of my relentless asking, but, are you quite certain that you want to go through with this?"
Lexie raised her eyebrows. "Go through with…" she said, prompting him to finish his sentence.
"You know." He said, sounding a bit irritated.
"Why do you keep asking me if I want to change my mind Professor?" she questioned, wrapping the cloak tighter around her and balling it up in her fists.
It looked as though he was chewing his tongue while he considered his answer. "I do not want to see you make a mistake." He said solemnly.
"You think joining the Death Eaters is a mistake?" she asked, surprised. This was certainly a contrast to her previous findings about his affiliation. She tried to keep her surprise to a minimum and arranged her face into what she hoped was a purely curious look.
"I did not say that." Snape corrected her.
"Then what exactly are you saying?" she asked, thoroughly confused now.
"I am merely saying that I do not wish for you to regret this decision… it's not all parties, champagne, and ballroom dancing, Miss Bane." He said, tilting his head slightly.
"I know that." She replied instantly.
"There are… things… about your initiation which I have not told you… things that could likely affect your decision." He said, watching her intently, gauging her reaction.
"What kind of things?" she asked nervously.
Snape sighed. He didn't feel like discussing this. But then, he'd brought it up.
"Before you are… marked," he said, referring to the burning of the Dark Mark into her arm, "You will be asked to complete three tasks."
Lexie nearly blurted out, "What kind of tasks!", but she clamped her mouth shut, allowing him to continue, uninterrupted.
"You must use all three unforgivable curses during your first kill. You will use the Imperius to lure your victim into your chosen location, the Cruatius to torture him, and finally… the killing curse… to finish the job." He said, staring at her with narrowed eyes, wanting desperately to know what her reaction to this news would be.
"What!" Lexie spat.
Snape nodded. "You… don't want to kill?" he asked, not sounding at all surprised. He would have liked very much to look into her mind to see what she really feared about having blood on her hands; but out of respect for her, he refrained.
"Um… no!" she said stupidly. That the best she could do, she was so taken aback.
"What exactly did you plan on doing for our organization if you did not plan on taking a life?" he asked.
"I don't know… what do you do?"
"I would have thought you would have figured that out by now. I am their Potionsmaster. I brew select Potions, poisons and antidotes for them."
Lexie noted the use of the word 'them' rather than 'us', not for the first time.
"Well, maybe I could do something like that…" she muttered.
"Perhaps… though, I cannot promise what they will see fit to assign you for your duties." He said.
"So… you've killed before?" she asked timidly.
"You saw the mark. I must have, mustn't I?" he answered.
They were quiet again for some time. Lexie's stomach felt sick. She hadn't really thought about whether or not Snape had actually killed or otherwise harmed anyone. But now that it was on the table… she didn't even know if she could look at him the same. She had to keep her eye on the ball though… she was here to investigate him… and investigate him she would.
Finally Lexie asked, "What did it feel like?"
"What did what feel like?" he replied.
"Your first kill…"
He sighed. Lexie could almost see his eyes becoming distant as he drifted back to the past.
"Was it exhilarating?" she asked now.
He sniffed. It was almost a laugh, but not the good kind of laugh, the cynical, sardonic laugh he was so well known for. "Not in the least."
Lexie looked at him questioningly.
"This is one of the things I am trying to tell you Miss Bane. Being a Death Eater is not all what it is cracked up to be. Some members enjoy their first kill immensely. I, did not. I see that girl's face behind my eyelids, every time I close my eyes. She haunts my hours… day and night, sleeping and waking. She was innocent. And I took her life for no reason other than 'I was told to.' She was simply in the wrong place, at the wrong time…" he was staring out over her shoulder, somewhere in the distance.
It was then, in that moment, that Lexie realized just how tormented this man really was. That said something about him. He didn't enjoy killing… how could he be a Death Eater and not enjoy killing?
She took a step closer to him so that they were close enough to feel the heat radiating off one another. He wouldn't look at her.
"Do you regret joining them Professor?" she asked.
"Every – day – of – my – life." He said jerkily. "I do not want you to make the same needless mistake that I did. I believe that you could have a respectable profession and a real life. Believe me, I am not just saying this to get rid of you because I would rather not be bothered with you. I am telling you what I believe is in your best interest." He said, and Lexie could sense that he was being truthful.
"If you say the word… it can all be forgotten. I can make it go away – all of it. You will not even remember wanting to become a Death Eater. You could go back to the way things were a few months ago." He said with new vigor, taking her by the arms again.
She leaned into him. "What do you mean?" she asked, letting their bodies come together. But he wasn't paying attention to it. He was focused on her face, her eyes.
"One wave of my wand… and a simple 'Obliviate'… it will all have been just a bad dream." He said, and she could tell he was silently begging her with his eyes to take him up on his offer.
Lexie looked deep into his eyes before saying, "No."
"No!" he repeated, seeming relatively shocked.
"Professor… I don't want to lose the last four months of my life." She said, becoming lost in those black, inky pools. "My decision stands."
He looked as though he wanted to argue. But he didn't. "Very well then…" he said, abandoning his attempts.
They were quiet again.
She heard Snape sigh. "We should get back." He resigned.
She was so close she could smell his scent; that chemical, freshly showered, musky smell. It intoxicated her.
"I don't want to go back… not yet." She told him.
He looked down at her, coming back to the here and now. "What do you want Miss Bane?" he asked, his voice deepening.
"You know what I want." She said, her voice turning smoky.
The corner of his mouth twitched. He looked around, seeing no one around, he bent his head toward her. Lexie stood on her tiptoes and inclined her head to meet him. She closed her eyes. And then… his lips brushed over hers, gently at first, then more forcefully. Just like the first time, she opened her lips and she felt his tongue massaging hers. She emitted a soft, almost inaudible moan into his mouth as she leaned closer to him, trying to bridge the nonexistent distance between them. The kiss lasted no more than a minute. She groaned in frustration when, at last, he broke away. He laughed at her reaction.
He put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a little push, "Let's go." He said, guiding her by her shoulders back to the castle. When they reached the door, Lexie started fidgeting with the clasp of his cloak, intending to give it back to him.
"Keep it. I'll see you later in the week. You can return it then." He said, opening the side door to the castle and allowing her to enter before him.
She smiled gratefully at him and stepped back inside.
He watched her go. She did not return to the dance, instead, she started back to her dungeon common room. He, unfortunately, still had duties to perform. Aside from having to chaperone the end of the dance, he also had bed checks tonight. An unhappy task which consisted of checking with each of the portraits that hid the dormitory entrances. The portraits would tell them how many of the students within were not yet in bed and what they were up to. If someone in, for instance, Gryffindor house was indeed out of bed and up to something then he was to alert the head of their house, Professor McGonagall.
The dance eventually wound down and students dispersed. Dumbledore, sensing his great desire to leave, finally dismissed him. Snape left, thankful to be done with this unhappy job. On to bed checks…
Lexie returned to her dormitory to find her roommates waiting up for her. Natasha looked livid. Lexie shut the door cautiously, eyeing them and wondering what they were thinking.
Snape, meanwhile was stalking through the halls. He'd left Slytherin until last, for they gave him the least trouble. He was surprised to see the man in the portrait pacing back and forth nervously.
When he spotted Snape, he sprung into action, "Oh! Professor Snape! I'm glad you're here!" he said looking relieved.
"What's going on?" Snape asked. It was then that he heard a commotion coming from somewhere within.
"You've gotta see for yourself," he said, swinging open and allowing Snape access. He climbed in the portrait hole and followed the noise. It was coming from the girls dormitory. His eyebrows snapped together as he noted it was one of the seventh year rooms which many students had crowded around.
The crowd parted and he entered the dormitory. Two of his students were rolling around on the floor, pulling each other's hair and one was screeching with pain in an all out Muggle-style brawl.
