S/N: Yeah so this is to make up for that really short prologue.

DISCLAIMER: Don't own FAKE, not now, net ever.

I tired to kill the pain,

But only bled more.

So much more.

I lay dying and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal.

-Evanesance, Tourniquet

New Beginnings, Same Old Story

I felt like shit, my arms were really sore and I was pretty sure something was shoved down my throat that wasn't at all tasty. I blinked a couple of times, all the white was blinding. Am I dead? I thought, I thought suicide was an immortal sin… wouldn't that mean that I was thrown into Hell's eternal flame? The sound of sniveling shook me away from the laws of heaven and hell. I opened my eyes to their fullest and waited for the room to settle down into a state where it wasn't so hazy and in disarray. When I could finally focus, my eyes fell onto the form of a crying man with a crown of light brown hair. I knew him, his hair wasn't normally disheveled and the last time I saw him cry was 11 years ago when he got rejected by the idiot girl he thought he was in love. Ryo, I tired to say his name but the tubes were running down my throat and all I got out was a bit of saliva and what sounded like "glriyoo."

I watched his head perk up and relief washed over him. I could see the tired bruising around his deep black eyes and to be frank it nearly broke my heart. He stood up and yelled for a doctor, then leaned over me, a hand on my cheek, tears drying up instantly. "I swear to you Dee, you are safe now." His words were flooded by loud sobs, but each word echoed in my head, the memory of what I had done contaminated me and guilt captured all of my being. The image of a blood covered knife falling from my hands and the ocean of crimson terrorized my visions, I blinked them away.

Tears began to unsheathe themselves from my eyes and I began to choke on the tubing down my throat. A man with short, cropped blonde hair entered. He was a shrimp and to top it off he was fat. I didn't like him, but I didn't have much time to criticize him, so I reluctantly awaited instructions. I was choking on tears and tubes. His smile was false, but I listened to his nasally voice anyways. "All you need to do is breath out Mr. Laytner and the tubes will slide right on out." I would have risen an eyebrow. But the look on Ryo's face demanded my seriousness. I took a deep breath and when I exhaled, the tubing came up too. I coughed and sputtered, I began to gasp, my chest hurt with each breath, I wasn't sure if it was from lack of use or the guilt that was weighing me down. A smile touched the doctor's falsely pleasant features. "Now Mr. Laytner, I am Dr. Fitzgerald. I have been the doctor assigned to treat you since the moment of your admittance." His smile faltered a moment after the thought of my 'admittance' resurfaced in his dull memory. "You are not to try to speak for a few hours. You were unconscious for one week and four days. This young man has been with you everyday." The doctor waved a hand to Ryo who was sitting in his chair, head on his knees, a small smile strung up to his lips. "You brother must really love you Mr. Laytner because he nearly had him self thrown out by security the first day he was here.".

I smiled at the lie he used to stay with me. I was adopted, my family hated me. They didn't adopt another child for fear he would turn out like me. I would have laughed, but my throat was sore, ok, it hurt like a bitch, but I still could offer a weak grin. When the doctor left, silence was deafening, all I could do was stair at him. He looked tired and worn. His eyes were full of hope even though they were puffy and bruised from sleep deprivation. His skin was pale, but his face was as warm as ever.

His soothing eyes were laced in tears as he flung himself at me, grabbing me around my neck, and pressing kisses to any part of me he could reach in his position. I smiled a bit, but the guilt still washed over me. "Dee, I was so scared that I had lost you!" He murmured between kisses. I wrapped my arms around him and keep a grip on reality, to not get swept away into the images of my own blood. All I could think was what have I done? Holding him there was making the guilt worse, tears began to cloud my eyes and blur the vision of his honey hair. I could smell the rose shampoo that I was so fond of. I loved that scent; it was what kept me alive for so long. I didn't realize he was still crying until the dampness of my shirt became apparent. I just held him close to me, his heart beat sounded with my own, the music our hearts produced synchronized. Ryo was my heart. I had just then realized it would not have only been my life I was ending, but his. I would have killed him if I had succeeded in my suicide. I tightened my grip on him and sobbed into his silky hair. We laid like that for what seemed like an eternity.

"Ryo," I croaked, my voice was course from not being used. His head lifted and his eyes were wide. I nearly lost my self in the oceans of green his eyes claimed for their color. "I'm sorry." I croaked again, I was pissed because I sounded like a toad and was crying harder from my admission of guilt.

He kissed me hard on the lips, I could taste the salt of his tears on his lips, my tears flooded me once more while he kissed me. When he pulled away from me, I felt like my body was being ripped apart. He straddled me, I knew it wasn't appropriate timing, but I felt the sudden urge to take him right there and scream out his name, surrender my self to him completely for my crime. I loved him and the guilt was destroying me. He cupped my face in his hands, his tears had dried up and seriousness was capturing his features. It scared me a bit. "Why?" his words stung so deeply, I could feel the knife piercing my heart. "Why, my love. You could have come to me with all of your problems. I love you more than life it's self, you are my life, so why? Why would you try this?" He gestured at my wrists. "Why?"

My cold green eyes met his. He deserved an answer; I knew if I didn't poor my heart and soul into him, I would lose him. I leaned back onto the bed, it wasn't comfortable at all, but it was all I could do to distance my self from his body, the embodiment of my guilt. He grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. All the warmth of any world was there, I was sinking into it. "Don't you dare try to exclude me anymore. Suicide is permanent Dee, I know you are better than that. Please. Tell me. I need to know." His voice was strong, a rare thing for my gentle Ryo. I put my bandaged arms around him, not caring about the pain. It was time.

"Ryo," I whispered, not trusting my own strength. "He raped me…again"

S/N: I know horrible place to stop, I hope this makes up for a really short prologue. Reviews will help the story go one! Please review! I beg!