previously...

I leaned back in the patio chair and closed my eyes, still smiling.

I was glad I stayed.

CHAPTER 9

I took a deep breath and knocked on Jasper's open office door.

When I got back from Edward's apartment that morning, I took a long shower, thinking for a while about my next move. There were two distinct options, and by the time I was finished getting dressed, I was already on my way towards the bar to see if I could catch Jasper before he got too busy that day.

Jasper looked up from his paperwork and smiled at me. "Hey, Bella, what's up?"

"So… um, if I were to stay upstairs for a while… how much would rent be?"

He smirked. "If you were to stay, I'd say that with the family and friends discount… I'd be okay with five hundred a month."

"Are you sure?" That was probably only half of what he normally would charge someone.

He nodded and narrowed his eyes at me, trying to gauge my expression. "But that rate also comes with a long term lease."

Of course, it does. He's no more subtle than his wife.

"How long term?"

He thought for a moment. "Six months?"

My eyes widened. I hadn't stayed in one place for six months since I'd lived in Baton Rouge. "Well, um, thanks. I'll let you know." I said and slowly turned to walk out before I remembered something. "Oh, and Jasper?"

He looked back up at me.

"Can you not tell anyone we talked about this?"

He made a face, and I knew he was thinking about Alice. Thankfully, to my surprise, he finally nodded. "It stays between us."

"Thanks." I replied and walked out of his office.

As I walked through the bar back to my apartment, my phone rang, and I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face when I saw that it was Edward.

"Hey, how's work?" I answered.

"Oh, you know, just a long, hard day of being the best there ever was."

"You're not going to be able to walk through any doorways pretty soon if you keep it up." I teased.

He chuckled. "How's your day been, my girl?"

"Uneventful." I replied, opening the door to my apartment.

"Well maybe I can swing by the bar later and bring some excitement into your life."

I laughed. "Today is actually my day off. I'm going to go practice with the band for a while later this afternoon."

"Yeah? Do y'all have anything coming up?" I could hear a slight edge in his voice.

"No, not at the moment."

"Why don't we get dinner after you finish?"

I pursed my lips and thought for a minute. I was usually pretty tipsy at practice. It helped me open up and get in the right headspace. And Marcus' pothead ass would damn near hotbox all of us in his tiny garage. I didn't know if post-practice Bella was the most flattering of lights for Edward to see me in, but I was just going to have to make sure I got home in enough time to sober up and wash up.

"Bella? You still there?"

"Yeah... um, dinner sounds good. Is six o'clock alright?"

"Six works. I'll pick you up at your place."

We said our goodbyes, and I hung up the phone.

~ Coffee and Bourbon ~

My bad luck reared its head and practice ran late, and before I could tell Edward to hold off on coming to my house, he had already let me know he was on his way. I cursed and hoped he'd stop in the bar first instead of waiting for me by the steps. Again, my luck ran dry, and he was sitting on the steps when Alec dropped me off.

"Fuck." I muttered and grabbed my guitar case from the backseat. Not only was I slightly drunk and reeked of weed, but I was wearing leggings, duck boots caked in dry mud, a ratty old hoodie, and a beanie over my dirty hair.

Edward smiled at me as I walked towards him. His eyes widened when I stepped within a couple feet of him. "Holy crap, Willie Nelson."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not high. It's our bassist. He smokes when we practice."

He raised an eyebrow at me as I walked past him up the stairs.

"It's true. Believe me, if I was high, you'd know." I got uncontrollable, obnoxious giggles and very cuddly. He'd know. "Just let me shower and change and we can get some dinner."

It took me a few tries to get the door unlocked, but eventually, I got it open and let Edward in.

He sat down at the kitchen table as I put my guitar case down on the bed and walked over to my pile of clean clothes still in the hamper. I really needed to get my shit together if I was going to keep up whatever this was with him.

I went into the bathroom and scrubbed at my skin and scalp as hard as I could, soaping up and shampooing twice. I wanted no traces of the past three hours on me. When I finally felt clean, I stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around me, brushed my teeth, and dried my hair. I pulled on some faded jeans and a cropped olive green sweatshirt before walking out of the bathroom, still slightly dreading facing Edward and how much of a mess I must have looked to him.

I was wordlessly putting on my shoes when I felt Edward standing at my side. He guided me to stand up straight.

"You okay?" He asked, while at the same time, I blurted out an "I'm sorry."

He chuckled a little. "Sorry for what? Being friends with a stoner? Believe me, I'm not one to judge other people's extra-curricular activities. I've had my fair share of them."

"I just feel like such a mess when I'm around you." I admitted softly, slightly surprised and a little proud of myself at my honesty.

"Why?" He asked softly, holding my face in his hands.

I took a deep breath. "I don't know if you've noticed this yet, E, but you're a little out of my league. More than a little, actually."

"Bella, no I'm not. I'm just old." He said sincerely.

I smiled a little. "You're not even thirty." I repeated his words from the other day. "What does that have to do with anything anyway?"

"Because when I was twenty-one, I slept on a mattress on the floor, drank Jack Daniel's like spring water, and smoked a pack a day. Baby, I was a mess, too. Getting it together takes time. And you have plenty of it." He laughed and pulled me into a hug.

"But you went to law school. You own part of a business. Your apartment has a shower separate from the bathtub." I said into his chest.

I felt him smile in my hair. "Who's to say you can't do or have any of those things, huh?"

I pulled back to look at him. "Have you forgotten that I'm a college drop out?"

"Credits and transcripts stay with you, Bella. Go back. Go to law school if you want to. I'll sell you my textbooks." He joked and pulled me back close to him. "Elle Woods was fashion major, wasn't she?" He laughed.

I looked up at him, my head resting on his shoulder. "You know Legally Blonde?"

"You know my sister?"

"Right."

He kissed my nose. "Darlin', I promise I'm the last person you need to worry about having your shit together in front of."

I studied him for a moment and narrowed my eyes. "You had a motorcycle, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah, did you think I was going to have the entire bad boy persona on lock and not have a motorcycle? Honestly, Bella, I'm nothing if not thorough."

I giggled.

"You hungry?" He smiled.

"Quite."

He released me from his arms and pulled me towards the front door by the hand. "Good because I'm starving. Let's go."

Before we could get to the door, his phone started ringing. He checked it and sighed before answering. "Hey, Dad." He mouthed 'sorry' to me as he listened to what his dad was telling him. "Yes, I know… Well, Da..." He listened for a couple of minutes, and I could see him start to get a little agitated. "Why?" It was a simple word, but it came out in a tone that I had never expected from him.

It progressed slightly more as the conversation continued, and I stood in shock at what I was hearing. Ever since the first time I talked to him, I never heard the slightest resemblance of a southern drawl escape his mouth, and it never occurred to me that it was probably only due to years of living and working in large cities. It honestly sounded kind of cute.

When he hung up, I smirked at him.

"What?" His voice was still slightly different.

"You have an accent."

He cleared his throat. "No, I don't." His voice was back to what I was used to, and it made me a little sad.

"Why do you try to hide it?"

He sighed. "I don't try. It just got watered down. For the most part, it only comes out when I talk to my parents or friends from back home."

"Interesting."

"Why?" It sounded better with the accent.

"I don't know… it makes you more believable, ya know?"

"What?"

"Like… you're this perfect, successful lawyer in the city, but you always talk about this crazy rowdy past. I don't know. I just had a hard time believing it. But the accent made you seem more…" I trailed off, trying to find the word.

"More?" He urged me to continue.

"Genuine. Like everything finally matched. Like the guy you are and the guy you were weren't two sperate people anymore. And I could see you really are a kid from South Arkansas that just got his shit together."

"North Louisiana." He corrected.

"Isn't that what I said?" I joked.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna let that slide this time because I know how Baton Rouge folk are about anything north of I-10, and they've obviously corrupted you… but it's only this once." He warned playfully.

"Noted."

We left for dinner shortly after, and we ended up at a burger joint not far from the bar. It was busy, and we managed to find a spot in a long line of booths after we ordered at the counter.

Edward shook his head at me with a smile as I sipped on my mint chocolate chip shake. "Good?"

"Very." I smiled.

"Good." He chuckled.

I looked around the room to people watch, and my eyes fell on a girl at the bar that looked vaguely familiar. I felt bad for staring, but I had no idea how I knew her. Eventually, I decided she was just someone I might have seen at the bar at one point, so I looked back towards Edward as he watched the football game playing on one of the televisions above the bar.

He grimaced at a play that he saw and took a sip of his beer, still watching intently. It must have switched to a replay because his eyes shifted back to me. "Sorry." He said apologetically.

"It's fine." I laughed. "Who's playing?"

His eyes looked back at the screen. "Saints and the…" He trailed off. "Son of a bitch. I can't watch anymore." He muttered and looked back at me. "Saints and the Eagles."

"Not going well?"

"No. Not at all." He grumbled.

I hid my giggle by taking a sip of my shake.

From the corner of my eye, I saw the girl from the bar walking past our booth towards the exit. She made eye contact with me and waved.

Fuck. Who is this?

"You have no idea who I am, do you?" She laughed when she got in front of me.

"I'm so sorry, girl, but you look so familiar." I admitted.

"We were in the same rush class. And we had Intro to Textiles together." She explained.

My mouth dropped as the realization dawned on me. "Oh my gosh, Heidi! I am so sorry." I said and stood up to give her a hug.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I know it's been a while. I'm just good with faces." She waved me off as I sat back down. "I don't want to keep you long, but how've you been? You kinda just disappeared on us, girl."

I laughed nervously. "I've been good. Staying busy." It was my go to answer when I ran into people from the past. "What about you? Why are you in Texas?" I remembered her being from a town near Baton Rouge.

She sighed heavily. "Job interviews."

"Dallas market?"

She nodded. "And a few boutiques out this way."

"How'd the interviews go?"

She made a face like not to ask.

"That bad?"

"Okay, so first of all, I grew up in a town of 500 people. The city is scary." She said matter-of-factly, and I giggled. "Like why does the interstate need that many lanes? It's excessive. Secondly, these fashion girls are intense, dude. I knew it'd be competitive, but geez. I'm not sure this was the right path for me."

"Well, maybe you can find something back in Baton Rouge or New Orleans? Less competitive and closer to home."

She shook her head sadly and held up her left hand, a huge diamond flashing in the light on her ring finger. "He graduates from A&M this May. Already has a job lined up in Arlington."

And that's why I had commitment issues. Living your life according to a guy? I had been there and done that, and I was over it. She didn't want to hear what I'd have to say on the topic.

Heidi must have read the look on my face because she only nodded sadly. "Well anyway, I'm sorry for interrupting y'all's night. I just wanted to stop and tell you hi."

"Of course! And hey, if you do end up somewhere in the area, let me know. We can meet up for coffee. Or whiskey." I laughed.

"I will definitely take you up on that. See you around, B." She said and walked away.

I took a deep breath and then looked at Edward. He was giving me the same look he always did when it seemed like he was trying to figure me out.

"What?"

"It's nothing." He said and took a sip of his beer.

It most definitely was not nothing.

"Tell me." I said softly.

"I don't wanna scare you."

"Scare me?"

He sighed. "She showed you that ring, and you looked horrified. Like someone had just murdered a puppy in front of you."

I pursed my lips and looked down. He probably wasn't wrong.

"I know we've only been on a couple of dates, but just humor me… hypothetically, me or any other guy in the world, two or twenty years from now, do you ever think there will come a time when that isn't your reaction to an engagement ring?"

Fuck, I should've ordered booze.

"Honestly? I don't know, E. You were here for that conversation just now. She's going to have to take a job she doesn't like in a city she doesn't like just for her future husband to be satisfied? Seems like a whole lot of give and not a lot of take. I don't want a life like that."

"That's only their relationship, though."

"That's the only type of relationship I've ever known." I blurted out.

His eyes softened. "Do you remember what I told you last night?"

I nodded.

"And the night you punched your ex in the face?"

I nodded again.

"What did I say about those guys?"

I thought for a moment. "Um, you called them dumbass cowboys… and wannabe outlaws."

He smirked for a moment before he was serious again. "Now are you really surprised that you haven't had a healthy relationship in the past? You're biased, Bella, and you haven't even tried to meet anyone that could prove you wrong. And if you did, you left before they could show you."

And there he went again. Breaking down walls and calling me out on my bullshit. Part of me wanted to slap him. Another bigger part of me wanted to kiss him.

Before I could even think of a reply, the buzzer for our food went off and I breathed a sigh of relief as Edward walked over to get it.

We ate quietly after he came back. Edward would look from the game to me, still seeming wary. My mind was racing the entire time, and as excited as I had been about my burger and fries, I had a hard time even finishing half.

He looked over at me as I mindlessly ate one of my French fries and traced the woodgrain pattern on the table with my eyes. "I scared you, didn't I?" He asked.

I looked up and shook my head softly, still slightly in a daze. It took a moment, but the words finally formed and though it made me sick to my stomach, I forced them out. "What are we doing here, E? You could have your pick of girls with established lives and careers just waiting for Mr. Right to come along but instead you choose a twenty-one year old college drop out with commitment issues and nothing to her name except for a beat up guitar. Like is this just some type of quarter-life crisis, rebound thing because—"

He cut me off. "I'm going to stop you there. No." He said sternly.

I sighed and narrowed my eyes at him.

"No." He repeated with the same forceful tone as before, and if I hadn't been so overwhelmed with the conversation we were having, it would've been attractive.

Alice was right. Arrogant and rigid was definitely my type.

"You sure?" I pressed.

He rolled his eyes, unamused and then looked back at me glaring. "I'm not going into details, but you already had an idea of that relationship being more about convenience than anything else. It was over a long time ago. I was just stubborn about it."

"So, I'm… inconvenient?"

I saw him try to fight a smirk. "Exceptionally."

"So, we're back to square one then. Why are you here?"

"I already told you. You're a good person. A bit of a smartass, but it's kind of cute now that I know that's not your actual personality." He chuckled. "And I know you joke about being amazing, but I don't think you really believe that you are. You have a humbleness that keeps you grounded, but I think it also makes you forget to see your good traits. That's why I'm here, Bella. For the person you don't acknowledge that you are. Smart. Passionate. Strong willed. Compassionate."

Swoon.

Run.

I shook my head to clear it.

Fuck.

Say something to him.

He spoke again before I could. "What are you doing here, Bella? You already know my endgame. What's yours?"

I swallowed.

Is he asking if I'm going to leave him soon? Did he just admit he's dating me with marriage on the mind?

Geez, I need a cigarette.

"I-I don't know." I whispered.

I didn't know. I knew I liked him. I was attracted to him. He challenged me and made me feel beautiful. I loved spending time with him. I really loved kissing him. And being with him had me thinking about staying. I wouldn't have talked to Jasper about rent if I wasn't considering being in Fort Worth for a while. But I never had things planned out for more than a couple months ahead of time. I had never thought about being with him six months from now. Or a year. And definitely not any longer than that. I just knew I wanted to be with him now.

"I mean… I like this. What we have right now, but I also don't know anything passed right now." I continued.

"What about two weeks from now?"

My eyes widened and I fell back against the back of the booth.

He knew about the deal with Emmett and Rosalie. I didn't purposely keep it a secret, but I also didn't willingly just divulge the information to him. It wasn't exactly a nice dinner date topic, but now his rushing to get to know me better started to make more sense. It was bad timing after his breakup, but it was the only time he had.

"Emmett told you?" I asked meekly.

He nodded.

"I don't know if I'm leaving yet."

"Yeah, Jasper told me you asked about rent."

I glared down at the table. "Fucking hell, Jasper." I muttered. It hadn't even been twenty four hours.

"Why didn't you want him to tell anyone?"

"Because I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up. Emmett and Rosalie have been on this train for nearly three years. And now your sister is in on it with her crazy scheme, and…" I trailed off, realizing I had said too much.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it." I said and nervously shoved a few fries in my mouth. If I just kept eating, I couldn't talk, and then I couldn't tell him what she did.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "What is Alice up to? Tell me, or I'll just find out myself."

"Go for it, law school. In fact, ask Jasper. I hear he has all of the juicy gossip."

"I know you're being sarcastic, but you're also not wrong." He chuckled and finished his beer. "Are you done eating?"

I nodded and started to slide out of the booth.

"And for the record, this conversation isn't over." Edward warned.

"Yeah, I know." I muttered as I stood up, and I did know. Because the topic of where I did or didn't live was the conversation that never really ended.

A/N Y'all ever seen an overdramatic commitment phob go through a quarter life crisis after meeting the one guy that can put her in her place? It's coming, and speaking from personal experience, it's a straight up shitshow. But some men are just into an odd brand crazy. God love 'em.

So let me know what you think, bebs. See ya at the next one.