previously...

"And for the record, this conversation isn't over." Edward warned.

"Yeah, I know." I muttered as I stood up, and I did know. Because the topic of where I did or didn't live was the conversation that never really ended.

CHAPTER 10

I didn't run, but I didn't talk to Edward for three days after we got dinner on Monday. He texted me once on Tuesday and called on Wednesday but left me alone after that. Apparently, he could take a hint.

I knew I couldn't really avoid him. He knew where to find me, and it's not like he would never go to the bar again. I just needed time to clear my head. I knew I was being immature. I knew I should've told him to just give me a little space.

It was dumb. Did I expect him to welcome me back with open arms after I ghosted him for three days? Not really. I was self-sabotaging for the sake of self-preservation. At least that's what I had told myself.

"What do you mean you haven't talked to him since Monday?!" Alice screeched. "Are you serious?"

I rubbed my temples as we sat at the bar after my shift on Thursday afternoon. "I just need to think."

"Did you tell him that?" Her voice was softer.

"No." I whispered.

She huffed but remained silent.

"I know, Ali."

"Bella… this is my brother. Not one of your roadies. You can't do this to him."

I felt the anger rise from my chest and I snapped my head in her direction. "You're fucking kidding me, right? You wanted us together. You can't be mad if it doesn't work out. That's just how relationships go sometimes."

She shook her head. "I don't care if you don't work out. I care that you're not a bitch to him."

I finished my beer and slammed the bottle on the bar before standing up from my stool. "Ya know, I'm really fucking tired of everyone around here trying to fix me. I'm appreciative of everything y'all have done for me, really, I am. But that doesn't give anyone the excuse to keep treating me like I'm a five-year-old child incapable of taking care of herself. And then you wonder why I never stay in Fort Worth. This. This is why, Alice. Shit, if this is what it means to have a loving support system..." I shrugged, "then fuck it." As I turned on my heel, I saw Edward in the doorway, staring wide eyed as I ranted to his sister. "Of course." I muttered, shaking my head and pushing past him to get to the stairs to my apartment.

I heard heavy footsteps on the creaky wooden stairs behind me. I didn't need to turn around. It was him. It was always him.

"Not now, Edward." I snapped as I unlocked my door.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Do I seem okay to you?" I got the door open and grabbed the duffel bag sitting in the corner of the room.

"Where are you going?" He asked from the doorway.

"I don't know. I'll crash at one of the band guys' houses until I figure it out. I hear Alec's wife makes a real good pot-roast."

"Bella, just stop for a second."

I halted in my steps and spun around to face him. "No. I'm done doing what everybody else wants me to do. Rosalie told me to stay here for a month. She said, 'Live in my brother's bar, and you can work for him, too.' And I did it because I owed that much to her and my brother. But then your sister comes along and plays fucking matchmaker and then gets pissed off at me when it blows up in her face. And her husband tells me I can pay rock bottom rent as long as I agree to stay for at least six months? You wanna talk about how that's a little fucked up and scheme-y? At least I haven't heard from Emmett in a while. I guess that means I'm behaving well enough for him. I'm just over it. I can't do it anymore, Edward." I ranted before walking over to my clothes to start packing. "No, I prefer to live by my lonesome on the road if it means being able to make my own fucking decisions. I'm not a science experiment. I'm not a Barbie doll. And I'd really appreciate it if—" I stopped talking when I saw Edward was no longer by himself in the doorway. I huffed. "You couldn't talk me out of it before, and you're not gonna do it now, Emmett. You just love popping up right when shit hits the fan, don't you?"

"Whoa, whoa. I just came to see you on my way home from work. Now I don't know what your fucking problem is, but you better cut the bratty attitude and tell me what's going on."

"I'm leaving." I said plainly, picking up my packed duffel and walking over to my guitar case.

Emmett's eyes widened. "Why? What happened?" His eyes moved from me to Edward warily.

"It's not him, Emmett." I snipped and picked up my guitar case.

"Then what is it?"

I sighed and shook my head. "Because I can't be around this. I mean, I'm never going to be good enough. You're always going to look at me and see her."

"Bella, that's not at all true."

"Isn't it? You and dad haven't even looked me in the eyes since I left Baton Rouge. I left, and that makes me like her, and you hate me for it. And it's not just you and dad on this train anymore. It's your wife, and her brother, and his wife, and her brother. Can't you see that this is getting a little out of hand?"

"You're nothing like her." Emmett spat. "You remember her as our mom, but you were so young that you don't remember seeing her as Dad's wife. She wasn't a good person, Bella. She was selfish, and she hurt him on purpose just to get a rise out of him. She was conniving and manipulative. And it's not that we think you're like her. We just don't want you to end up like her. Dead. Alone. On a hotel floor. You're not invincible, sis. One day this wild and reckless shit is going to catch up with you."

"You told me that she…" I trailed off. They had said she had died in a car wreck.

"Yeah, I know what we told you. But that's not what happened. She got tangled up with a bad guy, and he beat her until she stopped breathing. Now can you understand a little better our reservations about Jacob and his pack of losers toting you around the country for rodeos? And why we don't want you going out to play bars without the guys? It's not safe, Bella."

I dropped my bag and guitar and walked over to sit on the bed. I was speechless, mentally and physically exhausted, and could go for a shot of something strong. "Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered, looking up to see Emmett and Edward still near the doorway.

Emmett looked the same way I felt, and Edward seemed to be fighting the urge to come over to me. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets, and his eyes were set intently on me, seeming to silently ask me if I was alright.

I wasn't.

"I wanted to. Dad wouldn't let me. The only good parts of Renee were the memories you had of her. You'd get those damn postcards and act like you had just won the lottery. Dad didn't want to tarnish that." Emmett replied. "Dumb fucking reason, if you ask me." He muttered.

I sat and stared blankly at the floor, gripping my comforter in my hands. It was eerily silent for several moments before I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me, locked it, and climbed into my empty bathtub. I sat there for a few minutes, fully clothed with my head between my knees before a sob escaped and tears started falling.

I was confused and conflicted. My head hurt, and my throat ached. My mind was racing. I wanted to leave, but I also wanted to stay. I wanted to apologize to everyone, but I also never wanted to see any of them ever again. I felt smothered, but I also felt so alone. I was just lost.

When my crying had subsided, I slowly pushed myself up and creeped to the door. I prayed I was alone. I knew it had to be at least a half an hour that I was in there. I peeked outside and saw that my front door was closed, and no one was in the apartment. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked over to lock my door.

I grabbed some clothes from my duffel bag and went back into the bathroom to shower. I let the hot water run over me for a couple of minutes as I vacantly stared at the shower curtain. I had run out of tears and things to think about, and I was completely empty. After I finally got through my normal shower routine, I pulled on some shorts and a hoodie before going outside on my steps to smoke a cigarette.

I watched as people from the bar walked from the front patio to their cars. A few people were outside smoking and laughing. It was just another day for them. For me, it was a bit of a disaster, but then again, that was pretty much a normal day for me, too.

Overdramatic much, Isabella? I sighed to myself and threw my finished cigarette over the ledge.

Every once in a while, I'd get bored of people watching and take out my phone to scroll through my socials for a minute. I stayed outside on the steps for a couple of hours, enjoying the cool late January night. At around nine, I saw a familiar figure walk off the side steps of the front patio. It didn't seem like he planned on coming this way, but his head turned to quickly glance at my door as he passed by, and he did a double take, stopping in his place when he registered that I was sitting on the top step.

Edward looked conflicted on if he should come up or not, so I nodded him over to let him know that it was okay if he wanted to. Slowly, he stepped towards me and started making his way over. He picked up his pace a little on the stairs and then sat on one a few below me, turning his body sideways to look at me.

I spoke as soon as I saw he was comfortable. "You're attracted to very odd brands of crazy, Edward Cullen."

He smirked a little. "Yeah, I know." He studied me for a moment. "Are you doing okay?"

"What is okay, really?"

"On a scale of frat boy country to Johnny Cash, where are we?"

I thought for a minute. "Evanescence."

He made a face. "That bad, huh?"

I shrugged and looked down at my feet. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

He reached up and put a hand on my knee, and his thumb started to rub small circles on my skin. "It's fine… you were right. We've all been pushing you too hard to stay lately. It was only a matter of time before it backfired."

"Yeah, but… I shouldn't have just cut you off. Or caught a temper tantrum with your sister. I've just been… so confused lately. And I feel like I can't do anything right, and I'm always fucking something up. I know how I got here… but I don't know how it ever got to this point. I mean I feel like I should be waking up any minute in my dorm in Baton Rouge. I barely remember what happened to make me follow Jacob in the first place. Why did I ever think that was a good idea? And then after all of it ended… I spent two years just wasting time. Why did I do that? Emmett was right. I could've stayed at LSU and still played music. There's plenty of venues there. I could've taken crazy spring breaks and studied abroad and still traveled. I'd be looking for jobs in Dallas by now. I just—"

Edward got up, sat next to me, and wrapped his arms around me. I hid my face in his chest. "You can't think about that, baby. You're just going to drive yourself crazy." He said and kissed the top of my head.

"What've I done, E?" I murmured into his shirt.

"Don't worry about what you've done. If that's not what you want to do tomorrow, then go to bed, wake up, and do something else. I told you on Monday night. You have plenty of time to figure it out." He held me for a minute longer before sighing. "I have to go." He said.

I hugged him tighter.

I felt him chuckle softly. "Bella, I have to. I have work early tomorrow, and Winnie needs to be let out."

I looked up at him pitifully.

He lifted his hand to my cheek. "Why don't you come with me?"

"What?"

"Well, you don't want me to leave, but I have to. So just come with me. Your bag is already packed, isn't it?"

I nodded.

"Then go grab it, and let's go."

"Really?"

He nodded.

I untangled myself from him and stood up to go inside and gather my things.

I tried not to think about the implications of Edward telling me to grab my completely packed bag. It had everything. The few pairs of shoes I owned were lined up next to the door, and my hat was hanging on the rack, just like they always were. I kept them there to keep my exit strategy quick and efficient. Shoes, bag, hat, guitar, gone.

I must have been taking longer than he expected because Edward peeked his head inside and saw me staring at my shoes. "Change your mind?"

I shook my head and grabbed my duffel bag, left my guitar where it was, and then slipped on my duck boots from the line of shoes. I needed a reason to come back. Alice was right, and I couldn't fall into playing house with him like any random guy from any random town. "I'm ready."

He smiled and walked over to take my bag from me. "Then let's go."

A/N *sips husband's fancy bourbon* Some of y'all are just too good at predicting what's coming, but I guess that's the price of writing edgy Hallmark. Until the next one, bebs.